Current Sinsod Rates

[jomtienbob]

I approached this issue a couple year's back different than most.

I convinced the father that marrying his daughter was a financial burden off him and onto me. In less than romantic terms, I was gaining a liability not an asset.

To go this route you must however give them a way out to save face. Therefore I provided the 'show money' on the day that I collected in full at the end of it.

I did paid for everything, wedding, reception, you name it - but I refused to pay for his daughter directly.

My wife's parents were quite understanding of the situation, that in the UK the bride's family pay for the wedding. So we met in the middle, their family didn't pay for the UK wedding and my family didn't pay a Sin Sod. My wife and I paid for the wedding in Thai and the one in UK.

That sounds like a nice face-saving compromise.

I guess if they are not prepared to be reasonable there will be no result. That would crush my GF and I am guessing that she'll blame me, but better to confront them now and let them know they aren't dealing with a buffalo here. My GF is no dummie in most things (a mid level Financial controller for this country's biggest food corporation) but she is oh so very gullible when it comes to the obvious ploys from her family. I'll certainly offer them something, but that's what I've learned is the key point. Traditionally it is my 1st offer. This did not happen that way, my GF just told me last weekend that the family have already set a price. Bloody poor form eh.

Thanks a lot

[eurasianthai]

Contrary to Brit, I would not mind paying a Sin Sod actually.

This is part of the Thai customs.

If in the meantime, my Thai bride follows my customs, the girl parents pay for the marriage ceremony.

At the end, we decided that both of us should forget our customs...

[Rimmer]

Reply to a deleted post removed

[jomtienbob]

The test of the farang's self esteem and commonsense is how he responds to the demand for payment. If one is confident of his self worth and not a sucker, he will point out the economic facts: That if the subject of the transaction is to be treated like chattel, then it is only fair that there be an appraisal of value. None of these objects up for sale are worth the asking prize of the sinsod. Would you overpay for a car, a washing machine or a garden hoe? No. So why do it here? Pying the sinsod is the first step to a marriage that will end with a man's crushed dreams, empty bank account and broken heart.

The reality is that the women that are worth paying a sinsod for, don't make unreasonable demands or even expect one, and those that demand a bloated sinsod payment are never worth it. Be a smart shopper.

Maybe it's time for Tesco to offer a sinsod department where silly farangs can go and buy a fresh bride off the shelf.

Thanks for the thoughts, and yes how one responds in any negotiation usually sets your course in the early stages. I have mostly associated with better educated here in Thailand and my friends both Thai and foreign here reflect that, my GF does also, but i was as shocked as you wouldn't believe when after knowing her for 6 months I found out she was from a poor farming family. But I gave it a go anyhow as she is certainly no dummie and is well educated with excellent values and character and she'd got straight into a top corporation in BKK straight out of college and has worked there 7-8 years. I guess I am now finding out that she probably didn't get all that integrity from her family, so I am trying to find some real facts, as I don't mind to pay for the ceremonies etc etc but it just goes against my culture and standards to pay this sinsod unless it is purely ceremonial, which was the case with friends of mine. However yes it is very different with the poor uneducated farmers, so to have any case to be argued with my GF (First) I'll need real and current facts. As for the bank account it won't empty it, but I can imagine if one lets them get away with exorbitant stuff like this it will be continuously under siege I think.

[jomtienbob]

The test of the farang's self esteem and commonsense is how he responds to the demand for payment. If one is confident of his self worth and not a sucker, he will point out the economic facts: That if the subject of the transaction is to be treated like chattel, then it is only fair that there be an appraisal of value. None of these objects up for sale are worth the asking prize of the sinsod. Would you overpay for a car, a washing machine or a garden hoe? No. So why do it here? Pying the sinsod is the first step to a marriage that will end with a man's crushed dreams, empty bank account and broken heart.

The reality is that the women that are worth paying a sinsod for, don't make unreasonable demands or even expect one, and those that demand a bloated sinsod payment are never worth it. Be a smart shopper.

Maybe it's time for Tesco to offer a sinsod department where silly farangs can go and buy a fresh bride off the shelf.

Thanks for the thoughts, and yes how one responds in any negotiation usually sets your course in the early stages. I have mostly associated with better educated here in Thailand and my friends both Thai and foreign here reflect that, my GF does also, but i was as shocked as you wouldn't believe when after knowing her for 6 months I found out she was from a poor farming family. But I gave it a go anyhow as she is certainly no dummie and is well educated with excellent values and character and she'd got straight into a top corporation in BKK straight out of college and has worked there 7-8 years. I guess I am now finding out that she probably didn't get all that integrity from her family, so I am trying to find some real facts, as I don't mind to pay for the ceremonies etc etc but it just goes against my culture and standards to pay this sinsod unless it is purely ceremonial, which was the case with friends of mine. However yes it is very different with the poor uneducated farmers, so to have any case to be argued with my GF (First) I'll need real and current facts. As for the bank account it won't empty it, but I can imagine if one lets them get away with exorbitant stuff like this it will be continuously under siege I think.

[thaitot]

Something to factor in .

What is her monthly pay with this great job and education.

What are yours and her expectations of supporting her family after marriage.

Be sure to discuss this. She is from a poor family

If she was from a rich family the sin sod would be for show and your continual support would be unlikely.

You now may be paying as she was rich with the disadvantage of her family being poor.

The 1 million would be gone is less than a year then back to the Farang for more.

If you pay the full amount you will be tapped for ever.

Good luck. The longer you put this off the lower it will go.

If this is small money to you move forward and pay.

If this is big money to you things will play out themselves.

[jomtienbob]

Get a life! You want to pay for a used fanny you deserve what ever you want to be screwed for. How many of these 'Sin Sot' topics do we have to put up with.

Jeezus H Criste You are not compelled to read the postings let alone compelled to be so crass rude and obnoxious about them. You don't have to put up with any of the postings here at all, go somewhere else!

I agree with your response above "jomtienbob" and no one should be flaming you here. Although there is plenty of info on the sinsod issue, I can understand how tedious it can be to sift through to find the answers you are looking for.

It is obvious that you care very much for your wife to be. You may want to think about setting up a meeting with her family. NOT uncles aunts cousins, etc, but mom and dad ONLY!! If you agree to a sinsod then you need to TELL them what is realistically feasible for you. After all you are starting a life with their daughter and her problems become yours and visa versa, financially and otherwise.

I was married here in Issan with a full Issan wedding and writing a check (although bogus) was totally accepable to my inlaws and the 200+ people at our wedding. After all, the sinsod is a face saving issue. If you feel like you are being extorted then this is a seperate issue.

Good luck. Hopefully you will have more constructive posts to help guide you.

Thanks a lot

a few moments here and there on this forum is a lot more current and often informative than most searches. BTW most google searches on this bring up old forum posts here and some of the nightlife columns which really don't apply to my case.

Thanks again

[alien139]

The test of the farang's self esteem and commonsense is how he responds to the demand for payment.

From what I see in Thailand many of the Farangs there would be alone in their own countries, they go to Thailand, meet a person whom they like and settle down.

They cannot have it all ways, the fact of the matter is that very rare will you see a 60 year old Farang with a 60 year old Thai woman, why ?

Because they want a woman much younger than themselves, in their own countries they would pay a premium for that, so why would it be any different in Thailand ?

People have to be realistic, if you are an old man or a fat man or a fat bald old man, you will attract no pretty young girls or boys in your home countries, yet if you are willing to splash some cash in poorer countries, you WILL attract the people you seek.

You would be alone in USA, yet you can find a partner in SE Asia, so why not ?

Live and let live.

Some people here are so cynical, yet they probably fall into the same catagory of the majority of Farangs that go to Thailand in the first place.

ie. What was the attraction ?

If you tell me visiting temples, I will scream !!!!!!!!!!!

[britmaveric]

^Elephants?

[wintermute]

Whenever the words "sin sod" and your future "wife" to be is eager to see it through then perhaps that is a divine sign of sorts that maybe just maybe it might not work out after all. Too bad most farang are just way too stupid to get it.

[jomtienbob]

Something to factor in .

What is her monthly pay with this great job and education.

What are yours and her expectations of supporting her family after marriage.

Be sure to discuss this. She is from a poor family

If she was from a rich family the sin sod would be for show and your continual support would be unlikely.

You now may be paying as she was rich with the disadvantage of her family being poor.

The 1 million would be gone is less than a year then back to the Farang for more.

If you pay the full amount you will be tapped for ever.

Good luck. The longer you put this off the lower it will go.

If this is small money to you move forward and pay.

If this is big money to you things will play out themselves.

Thanks for the advice. Yes my GF gets 35k/mth currently which is reasonably good for a 29YO here in Thailand, and I understand she sends money back home regularly but not every month. I am not sure how much she sends but she has 1 sister who also does that and she is a nurse in a Major hospital catering to foreigners. So I guess Mum and Dad are better off than most of their peers.

To be quite honest I was impressed with her parents in that they had sacrificed to get their 2 girls through reasonably good universities and into credible careers and that they have succeeded in admirably, so the whole SS thing just surprised the hel_l out of me as I never imagined they'd stoop to the good ol' greed is good philosophy.

I have a good business here but it's only just now underway with production, after a few years of major investment and set up, but I am no about to start feeding the greed-pigeons if they start down that track with me as you are exactly right, I'd be in for it for ever more afterward. They got their daughters out of the rat race through hard work and sacrifice and I got my business up and running the same way. It's just sad to see that some people never really understand what it's all about. Anyhow I think we'll go for the "give it to them for show" strategy and if they don't like that I'll rethink the whole "why this lot" as I have in the past.

Jeez it's hard to find a good one with a good family.

[TheLaughingMan]

It's hard to find a good one with a good family? Here's the deal, just refuse the ties to the family. I don't see a reason to negotiate with them at all. Tell the future wife the way it will be and that is the end of it, obviously if she doesn't accept its over, but good riddance. I refuse to believe you have to marry a family when you marry a Thai, maybe a jungle family but why would you do that?

Edited February 9, 2010 by TheLaughingMan

[torrenova]

The first thing I say to western guys getting hit up for this "tradition" is to get their partner and prospective outlaws to look at his face and tell him whether he is Thai or not. If yes, then they can try it on. If not, then drop the subject as it does not exist in western cultures. If they want to pursue this scam part of Thai "culture" then he should be allowed to pursue all the desirable items from his culture, starting with the FIL paying out for around a couple of million worth of stuff.

HiSo can play this crap for all they want and talk about Bt15m worth of land in Bangkok would see me happily hand over Bt1.4m in sinsot and wedding bills.

If you want to marry her, then do not enter into negotiations with them but tell your GF that you will not entertain such nonsense.

[473geo]

I guess she can survive in monetary terms ok without you.......so she is not dependant on you.......she might be in no rush...after all 29 years old not married before.......so if you can meet the parents demands....she may or maybe not....take you on.....

Better check just who is in the driving seat......

[MAJIC]

Been with my missus since Feb 08, she came from a Bar and is now 22, no kids and never married (that i know of).

This marriage thing has reared its ugly head, for shitsNgiggles i ask how much for sinsod, she rang her mum and whilst still on the phone told me 300,000B, I fell outta me chair laughing.

A few weeks later the subject came up again, I said not a chance in hel_l will i pay 300k so onto the phone she went, within 5 minutes the $$$$ was down to 40k !!!!

I reckon I can get the figure down to zero... will need some more time though.

Had a mate of mine a real tight a** bar-steward,who also refused to pay the Sin Sod.

After almost a year of aggravation,threats,and poisoning the mind of his wife from her Mother and family,they finally gave up and realised he was not going to pay.

Now 5 years down the line the Mother in law is respectful and friendly to my friend.

Its all about money for them Bob, but to us we need to know that we are wanted for ourselves,after all would we give that kind of money to our future inlaws in our own country????

Claiming a Million Bahts Sin Sod is pure greed and also testing the water to see if you are stupid enough to pay it. Pay these people and it will be only a down payment for more demands for the rest of your married life!

If you are hel_l bent on paying something then I would agree with the other Posters here 100,000 Baht is more than enough.

Finally dont mistake a good education (by Thai standards) as a pointer to honesty and integrity. I once had a Teacher G/F her and her teacher friends were up with the best of the scammers,and her other friends who were upper middle class,were the same.

Good Luck and im sure you will come to the right decision.

[BlackArtemis]

My Father and Mother in Law expected no sinsod from me. However I/we were expected to pay for the wedding. So the wedding was paid for and everything is great. Haha despite my wife working here in the U.S. her dad still asks her if she wants him to send money to her, daddy's girl to the end.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I never paid Sin Sod but did sit in on a sin sod discussion relating to the marriage of my sister in law. It was preposterous (in-law side) and in the end my family's take was that it wasn't worthy of discussion. So similar outcome as in my own wedding, though I had the good sense to not even debate it. Paying any kind of Sin Sod very much looks like you're buying a wife; that just doesn't sync with my culture.

Needs to be handled with some tact though, it can be a real face-killer for either side.

[MAJIC]

name='alien139' date='2010-02-09 23:17:25' post='3330215']

name='geriatrickid' date='2010-02-09 20:31:28' post='3329827']

The test of the farang's self esteem and commonsense is how he responds to the demand for payment.

From what I see in Thailand many of the Farangs there would be alone in their own countries, they go to Thailand, meet a person whom they like and settle down.

They cannot have it all ways, the fact of the matter is that very rare will you see a 60 year old Farang with a 60 year old Thai woman, why ?

Because they want a woman much younger than themselves, in their own countries they would pay a premium for that, so why would it be any different in Thailand ?

People have to be realistic, if you are an old man or a fat man or a fat bald old man, you will attract no pretty young girls or boys in your home countries, yet if you are willing to splash some cash in poorer countries, you WILL attract the people you seek.

You would be alone in USA, yet you can find a partner in SE Asia, so why not ?

Live and let live.

Some people here are so cynical, yet they probably fall into the same catagory of the majority of Farangs that go to Thailand in the first place.

ie. What was the attraction ?

If you tell me visiting temples, I will scream !!!!!!!!!!!

Ahh the tender green shoots of youthful morality!

With all that life will throw at you,its a lucky man who reaches the age of 60,so dont be surprised if you change your mind

[MAJIC]

My Father and Mother in Law expected no sinsod from me. However I/we were expected to pay for the wedding. So the wedding was paid for and everything is great. Haha despite my wife working here in the U.S. her dad still asks her if she wants him to send money to her, daddy's girl to the end.

You're a very lucky man,a rare occurance in Thai/Farang marriages.

[a2396]

A reasonable amount is zero, in my opinion. The whole business is an obsolete and disgusting practice. It reduces the relationship to issues of money, even before you are married. People here need to wake up to the fact that it is the 21st century now. If I were you, I would ask yourself why you are even considering marriage, unless you are intending to take you lady back to your country to live with you. I would also ask them what other contributions will be expected from you later - house, car, monthly support for family? I will say that 1 million seems to be the standard asking price, when a Farang is on the hook. I have heard some ask as high as 7 million. I can't believe they are serious, but I didn't see them laughing.

[bkkjames]

If it's any consolation this is not only a farang+thai scenario.

A previous Thai male work colleague was given a sum of 3 million baht to marry his GF.

He walked.

[BlackArtemis]

If it's any consolation this is not only a farang+thai scenario.

A previous Thai male work colleague was given a sum of 3 million baht to marry his GF.

He walked.

Sometimes this is the intent. I had friends (both Thai) and the girls parent's hated her BF, so they put a huge price on the sin sod to discourage him.

[bkkjames]

If it's any consolation this is not only a farang+thai scenario.

A previous Thai male work colleague was given a sum of 3 million baht to marry his GF.

He walked.

Sometimes this is the intent. I had friends (both Thai) and the girls parent's hated her BF, so they put a huge price on the sin sod to discourage him.

I think you may be giving them too much credit - but either way it worked (and probably much better in the end for him).

[camerata]

Thanks, I wouldn't blink at that and if anything reasonable under 200k was mentioned I'd not be discussing it here.

I'm not sure if I care if I offend them anymore, but I wouldn't want to do so to my GF, but I suppose that is inexorably linked.

Yes the point is that just the receptions and honeymoon etc will run well past the 1m I guess, so I am also guessing I can see they are very greedy and care not about much else than the money. So common here.

A general comment here. The whole sin sod thing has a lot to do with status in the community. But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai. But in Thailand urban middle-class Thai guys don't marry a rice farmer's daughter! So the rules and norms go out the window. You can't ask a rice farmer's son what he'd pay because you aren't at his level. You can't ask a middle-class urbanite what he'd pay, because he wouldn't get into that situation.

This leaves open the door for "opportunistic" (to put it politely) parents to ask for ridiculous sums, particularly if they've heard that other farang have paid millions for a bar girl. Normally, you or an appointed intermediary would negotiate over this, but the single farang is at a disadvantage here. From what I know, the middle-class in Bangkok might put up a lot of money for show, but all or most is given back. Perhaps you could point out that you are from the urban middle-class and that's how they do it in Bangkok. You could also point out that a Thai guy could perhaps depend on his family to stump up some money for the happy occasion but that you are here alone and don't have that kind of support.

[Naam]

If it's any consolation this is not only a farang+thai scenario.

A previous Thai male work colleague was given a sum of 3 million baht to marry his GF. He walked.

he did not accept the money?

[Jimmyd]

Yes the point is that just the receptions and honeymoon etc will run well past the 1m I guess, so I am also guessing I can see they are very greedy and care not about much else than the money. So common here.

I was reading along happily, and this remark struck me.

The family is getting by on 10,000 baht a month, and you are going to spend more than a million on the wedding.

If I were in this situation, I would forgo the expensive wedding and find a way use the money to better the lives of my betrothed's family, perhaps helping them start a business.

To be so well off and to have your wife's family so poor--there's something wrong there.

I realize I'm reading a lot into this and there are many details I am not aware of, but if your wife's family took care of her and brought her up well, she will be forever grateful to you if you help them improve their lot in life.

In my opinion, giving them sin sot is not the way to do it, however. There's too much chance they will squander it.

[bkkjames]

If it's any consolation this is not only a farang+thai scenario.

A previous Thai male work colleague was given a sum of 3 million baht to marry his GF. He walked.

he did not accept the money?

Sorry Nam, for those out there that require full sentences to comprehend fully I will add in the words "to pay" after the word baht.

[Mosha]

We went to a local wedding about 18 months ago. They were about 40. The story my wife told me was that the ladies parents wanted more than he could afford over 20 years ago. So they stopped them marrying, all other suitable matches her parents found were rejected by their daughter. Then about 3 years ago her dad died, she was still dating the original guy. He didn't want anyone else either. Eventually the mother relented, and just asked him to pay for the proceedings. I think she realised the daughter had waited all this time and was ready to wait her mother out too.

[phutoie2]

Personally I like these sinsod topics and there should be at least one per week.

The OP certainly is facing a tricky situation, a million Baht for a girl from a poor farming family despite her good education seems pricy.

In my own situation I never paid any money or bought gold but my wife wanted me to build a new house for her elderly parents. Well 3 years later I built a two bedroom Thai style bungalow (modern materiels, no wriggly tin etc) for them at a cost of just over 400k Baht.

So at least on our visits we have somewhere decent to stay.

In our Soi, a young German guy has just whisked the local beauty back to the Fatherland.

She is quite well educated- B Tech/Petchabun Uni, the news in the Moo is that Herman paid off all the family debts, over 300k.

So sinsot can come in different forms, one of my wife's favourite sayings -"nothing free Thailand"

[a2396]

We went to a local wedding about 18 months ago. They were about 40. The story my wife told me was that the ladies parents wanted more than he could afford over 20 years ago. So they stopped them marrying, all other suitable matches her parents found were rejected by their daughter. Then about 3 years ago her dad died, she was still dating the original guy. He didn't want anyone else either. Eventually the mother relented, and just asked him to pay for the proceedings. I think she realised the daughter had waited all this time and was ready to wait her mother out too.

This stuff is the height of stupidity. Led around by the nose by her parents demands for 20 years. Unbelievable!!! I hope the couple did enjoy each others company during the long wait.