A Real Dilemma With My Thai Wife.

[yabaaaa]

The best bet is to sell the daughters and kill the wife while she sleeps.....that's what I am planning!

isn't it a waste not selling the wife too?

Some things have no value...............and I dont mean "priceless" although there;s always the "organs"?

Edited March 17, 2010 by yabaaaa

[a2396]

I haven't been following the posts so excuse me if this has been covered.

It sounds as though you might be making more demands on the woman than she can give. You have given the security which she needs and she thinks that she has given what you needed; unpaid housekeeper, companion for life. Ask her if she really loves you, the answer should be something like; 'I am here arn't I'. Then ask yourself is this enough for you, if the answer is 'no' then what more do you want? if you want fawning over, to be loved, to be the center of her life, you will have to work at it. and then you might find that it isn't what you wanted is not likely to happen, lower your 'sights' on that front.

The answer, if you fit this situation, is to get out of her pocket. You need interests outside the home, make yourself admirable, independant of her, someone whom she is able to look up to, is willing to serve. You will probably find that what your life becomes is what you wanted in the first place.

Can you do that? and if not, why not?

What "demands" is he making on her????

[a2396]

To the OP: Has she told you exactly what her complaints are? If your language skills are not good between you, if will be difficult to get to the bottom of things, without someone to do translation. Such a person is also not easy to find.

[ableguy]

Seems to me your wife is set up financially, almost quarter of a mill in gold 50% of two houses, daughters grown up, why does she need you? sorry not meaning to be harsh but this is Thailand the UK home office statistics show that 80% of Thai UK marriages end in divorce.She could probably live for several years on her assets. The point is my friend you are not alone. Have been in a similar position myself and did what what many people on this forum are advising you to do I got the hel_l out. Now retired I moved to Thailand have a good pension and live with a lovely young lady half my age life is sweet, but I do not kid myself I doubt she will be around when I pop my clogs am I being realistic or just pessimistic hard to differentiate between the two but this is Thailand. Nobody should have to live in the sad situation you find yourself in, cut your losses man and run, lots of ladies out there and am sure you would have no problem finding one just do not fall head over heels in love and marry again. Life is harsh and that is a fact even harsher when tied up with a partner from a different culture coupled with the poverty. The point is you can find happiness albeit not on a permanent basis. Many readers may not agree and am sure lots will reply saying they have a wonderful marriage but that is now, question is will it last.

Good luck and bear in mind your pain will ease time will heal you.

[tgeezer]

I haven't been following the posts so excuse me if this has been covered.

It sounds as though you might be making more demands on the woman than she can give. You have given the security which she needs and she thinks that she has given what you needed; unpaid housekeeper, companion for life. Ask her if she really loves you, the answer should be something like; 'I am here arn't I'. Then ask yourself is this enough for you, if the answer is 'no' then what more do you want? if you want fawning over, to be loved, to be the center of her life, you will have to work at it. and then you might find that it isn't what you wanted is not likely to happen, lower your 'sights' on that front.

The answer, if you fit this situation, is to get out of her pocket. You need interests outside the home, make yourself admirable, independant of her, someone whom she is able to look up to, is willing to serve. You will probably find that what your life becomes is what you wanted in the first place.

Can you do that? and if not, why not?

What "demands" is he making on her????

He wants her to be as they were before and in the first years after marriage, when the relationship was better.

[a2396]

Seems to me your wife is set up financially, almost quarter of a mill in gold 50% of two houses, daughters grown up, why does she need you? sorry not meaning to be harsh but this is Thailand the UK home office statistics show that 80% of Thai UK marriages end in divorce.She could probably live for several years on her assets. The point is my friend you are not alone. Have been in a similar position myself and did what what many people on this forum are advising you to do I got the hel_l out. Now retired I moved to Thailand have a good pension and live with a lovely young lady half my age life is sweet, but I do not kid myself I doubt she will be around when I pop my clogs am I being realistic or just pessimistic hard to differentiate between the two but this is Thailand. Nobody should have to live in the sad situation you find yourself in, cut your losses man and run, lots of ladies out there and am sure you would have no problem finding one just do not fall head over heels in love and marry again. Life is harsh and that is a fact even harsher when tied up with a partner from a different culture coupled with the poverty. The point is you can find happiness albeit not on a permanent basis. Many readers may not agree and am sure lots will reply saying they have a wonderful marriage but that is now, question is will it last.

Good luck and bear in mind your pain will ease time will heal you.

Sad, but true. This website is littered with stories similar to yours and the OP. Yet, these guys "keep on commin" here with houses, cars, gold, hefty monthly allowances, etc. Much of it things they would never do with a women from their home country.

[tgeezer]

Yep tough place to be, been there finally I felt nothing I could do would please her.................

................................................................................

.................take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else.

Good luck to you stay out of the games.

That is an excellent story. Totally pragmatic and in the best Bhudist tradition.

[a2396]

I haven't been following the posts so excuse me if this has been covered.

It sounds as though you might be making more demands on the woman than she can give. You have given the security which she needs and she thinks that she has given what you needed; unpaid housekeeper, companion for life. Ask her if she really loves you, the answer should be something like; 'I am here arn't I'. Then ask yourself is this enough for you, if the answer is 'no' then what more do you want? if you want fawning over, to be loved, to be the center of her life, you will have to work at it. and then you might find that it isn't what you wanted is not likely to happen, lower your 'sights' on that front.

The answer, if you fit this situation, is to get out of her pocket. You need interests outside the home, make yourself admirable, independant of her, someone whom she is able to look up to, is willing to serve. You will probably find that what your life becomes is what you wanted in the first place.

Can you do that? and if not, why not?

What "demands" is he making on her????

He wants her to be as they were before and in the first years after marriage, when the relationship was better.

I don't think that is an unreasonable demand. If she had any interest in the relationship, I would think she would want the same. However, that sounds like it is not the case.

[Thongkorn]

^ ...but emotionally insecure?

I for one spent 57 Years alone, Because of my fathers lieing deceitful Infidelity.So I can be called the same, What I find About this post is that There are Some people Who care, I am Surprised by some of the posotive Replys, All these years I have kept my feelings inside afraid to speak, because real men do not cry or have feelings. So we Are taught while we are growing up. I can see where the poster is coming from. Some times you get better answers from strangers, sometimes not what you want to hear, but the truth, Its up to the individual what he does with the truth, we all have freewill. Have strength and good luck with your decision.

[jayjayjayjay]

^ ...but emotionally insecure?

I for one spent 57 Years alone, Because of my fathers lieing deceitful Infidelity.So I can be called the same, What I find About this post is that There are Some people Who care, I am Surprised by some of the posotive Replys, All these years I have kept my feelings inside afraid to speak, because real men do not cry or have feelings. So we Are taught while we are growing up. I can see where the poster is coming from. Some times you get better answers from strangers, sometimes not what you want to hear, but the truth, Its up to the individual what he does with the truth, we all have freewill. Have strength and good luck with your decision.

"I for one spent 57 Years alone, Because of my fathers lieing deceitful Infidelity" ~snip~ "Its up to the individual what he does with the truth, we all have freewill. Have strength and good luck with your decision."

aren't you being a little hypocritical here! Is it your claim to blame your father for your following 57 years loneliness without a partner. Free will is an individual thing. It seams like you got lost there somewhere. Sorry but I can't understand that! It only takes a minute to move on! Just do it! Don't blame your own path on anyone or someone else. Get over it!!!!!!!!!

[ray23]

Well you have had lots of advice here in both directions. Nothing has changed still up to you. Pick your path and go with it, you will pay prices or reap benefits. Just like most things in life.

Edited March 18, 2010 by ray23

[whistleblower]

Can't believe this is still dragging on! You answered your own questions in your original post. Your wife only talks to you when she wants something! Which can't be much now as you've bought her 2 houses etc.

She used to be lovey dovey and run around after you because you hadn't yet built the houses etc. Now shes got what she wants for a comfortable life you are surplus to requirements. Move on for gods sake or you will continue to get hurt.

Posting your relationship details on an open forum gives me the impression that you are looking for a person who has similarly been used by a thai women and you want comfort/sympathy.

Grow some balls, divorce her and move on with life. Or failing that write to dear Deidre in the sun!

[whistleblower]

Can't believe this is still dragging on! You answered your own questions in your original post. Your wife only talks to you when she wants something! Which can't be much now as you've bought her 2 houses etc.

She used to be lovey dovey and run around after you because you hadn't yet built the houses etc. Now shes got what she wants for a comfortable life you are surplus to requirements. Move on for gods sake or you will continue to get hurt.

Posting your relationship details on an open forum gives me the impression that you are looking for a person who has similarly been used by a thai women and you want comfort/sympathy.

Grow some balls, divorce her and move on with life. Or failing that write to dear Deidre in the sun!

A little harsh eh, if he had the same mind set as you, he would not have asked for advice in the first place. We are all different beings, please remember that, and we are not all ex SAS as you seem to be.

ex SAS?? where the hel_l did you get that from????

[needforspeed]

Spoiled, doing nothing and wait for the money.

When was the last time she had a job and maked her own money?

But you need to be very carrefull as you are going to loose your houses, make a plan and stick to it, no emotions involved, good luck.

[barky]

She's bored.

Take her on a cruise, or something.

Maybe she is bored but she won't take a holiday unless I take along her entourage, of course I'd be footing the bill, that's fine but at this stage I don't feel like using good money to chase bad. Even when we do go on family holidays they sit in a huddle talking of course and I'm left to sit by myself, really I'd rather stay home. I don't expect her family and friends to speak to me in English but at least they try, my wife speaks quite good English, taught to her by me but whilst she with Thais that's the only language she want's to speak.

If you are not exaggerating when you say she can speak English well, but chooses to only talk in Thai around you then I'm sorry this may hurt a little, but it's plainly obvious that your missus is a rude ignorant SOB.

If she will not change her ways then time to cut and run, but don't warn her. Just prepare first and then go.

[whistleblower]

I didn't think it was a tough guy reply, just a no nonsense sensible one.

[scorecard]

Spoiled, doing nothing and wait for the money.

When was the last time she had a job and maked her own money?

But you need to be very carrefull as you are going to loose your houses, make a plan and stick to it, no emotions involved, good luck.

Suggest you get some balanced legal advice about your houses. Can u get a court settlement for 50%? Can u get a court order then you can use one of the houses until you die? etc etc.

But talk to a lawyer, don't take heresay advice about these matters.

Yes it will cost, see it as investment rather than a cost.

You also mentioned ealier that you are somewhat attached to her daughters and a child. That's going to be really tough, bumpy, and emotional and I'm sure you realize that.

But please see your long term welfare and your own long-term mental health as more important.

Maybe it's possible later to make a new arrangement to see the child regularly and to contribute in many ways to the childs welfare and development. Perhaps make that a sepearte goal and also realize that it will take time and maybe needs to be not so up front until the right time.

Good luck.

[Briggsy]

You have spoilt her by giving her wealth that was otherwise unimaginable for her. 2 houses, a car, gold, etc. How many centuries of farm or factory work would that take?

Thais like money and like rich people but chuck your money around wastefully and they will just think you are a bloody fool, you bloody fool.

[ray23]

Spoiled, doing nothing and wait for the money.

When was the last time she had a job and maked her own money?

But you need to be very carrefull as you are going to loose your houses, make a plan and stick to it, no emotions involved, good luck.

Suggest you get some balanced legal advice about your houses. Can u get a court settlement for 50%? Can u get a court order then you can use one of the houses until you die? etc etc.

But talk to a lawyer, don't take heresay advice about these matters.

Yes it will cost, see it as investment rather than a cost.

You also mentioned ealier that you are somewhat attached to her daughters and a child. That's going to be really tough, bumpy, and emotional and I'm sure you realize that.

But please see your long term welfare and your own long-term mental health as more important.

Maybe it's possible later to make a new arrangement to see the child regularly and to contribute in many ways to the childs welfare and development. Perhaps make that a sepearte goal and also realize that it will take time and maybe needs to be not so up front until the right time.

Good luck.

Easy enough the laws are written in English as well. Family law starts about section 1400 or so. Not recommending anything up to you. Fact is if you give it away rather then standing up for yourself, you will loose everything doesn't have to be that way.

http://www.samuiforsale.com/Civil_Code_text_English_I.html

[reallyok]

Maybe this story will help you understand:

A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, The Lord said.

'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to New Zealand so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said; 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought hard about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy'.

The Lord replied; 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

thanks for that mate..gotta send that on the inet rounds....

Hi David, hope you got your visa from oz. Dave L.

[NALAK]

for a price she will probably leave the kids with you. 12 baht of gold is 12 baht to much. if the houses are in her name then its damage limitation time. you gave her way to much, i dont understand why guys come over here and give the ladies everything yet back at home would never dream of doing it. watch your back time.

[britmaveric]

Solution - Condo and pay for the expenses. If she wants some extra dosh let her work for it.

[thaibeachlovers]

My 5 cents worth.

Firstly, in all my years ( and they are many ), the only thing I have learned about women is that a man will never understand them.

Another thing I have learned, is that if someone gets "everything" handed to them without effort, they will not appreciate it. So thinking that because you give her houses etc she will be grateful is, IMO, a fallacy.

It might be just me, but I'd only rent, rather than buy something that a woman can take away at any time, remembering that a farang can't own land in LOS, and it's all in her name.

It's not just Thai women that can abuse a good man, and in 1985 I walked away from my western relationship rather than continue to be used and abused by the bitch from he_l that I'd the misfortune to think loved me. Lost everything, but was the best thing to do, and don't regret it an iota.

Next month I go back to LOS to begin a relationship with a Thai woman, and hopefully marry, but I won't be buying her houses or giving her money for nothing. In fact I told her if she wants money for her family, etc, to go and earn it herself. So if she starts treating me as an ATM, it's bye bye, and she knows it.

If I have any advice, it's decide if you really want to save the relationship for reasons other than her, ie the children, and accept whatever happens, or leave. It's not as though a man with money can't find friendship in LOS. Just don't get sucked in again!

[Bagwan]

I haven't been following the posts so excuse me if this has been covered.

It sounds as though you might be making more demands on the woman than she can give. You have given the security which she needs and she thinks that she has given what you needed; unpaid housekeeper, companion for life. Ask her if she really loves you, the answer should be something like; 'I am here arn't I'. Then ask yourself is this enough for you, if the answer is 'no' then what more do you want? if you want fawning over, to be loved, to be the center of her life, you will have to work at it. and then you might find that it isn't what you wanted is not likely to happen, lower your 'sights' on that front.

The answer, if you fit this situation, is to get out of her pocket. You need interests outside the home, make yourself admirable, independant of her, someone whom she is able to look up to, is willing to serve. You will probably find that what your life becomes is what you wanted in the first place.

Can you do that? and if not, why not?

What "demands" is he making on her????

He wants her to be as they were before and in the first years after marriage, when the relationship was better.

When a couple marry it is often the case that she vows to change him while he hopes that she will will never change.

Many hold that negotiation and compromise are not Thai traits. e.g. the current political situation.

[Bagwan]

I haven't been following the posts so excuse me if this has been covered.

It sounds as though you might be making more demands on the woman than she can give. You have given the security which she needs and she thinks that she has given what you needed; unpaid housekeeper, companion for life. Ask her if she really loves you, the answer should be something like; 'I am here arn't I'. Then ask yourself is this enough for you, if the answer is 'no' then what more do you want? if you want fawning over, to be loved, to be the center of her life, you will have to work at it. and then you might find that it isn't what you wanted is not likely to happen, lower your 'sights' on that front.

The answer, if you fit this situation, is to get out of her pocket. You need interests outside the home, make yourself admirable, independant of her, someone whom she is able to look up to, is willing to serve. You will probably find that what your life becomes is what you wanted in the first place.

Can you do that? and if not, why not?

What "demands" is he making on her????

He wants her to be as they were before and in the first years after marriage, when the relationship was better.

When a couple marry it is often the case that she vows to change him while he hopes that she will will never change.

Many hold that negotiation and compromise are not Thai traits. e.g. the current political situation.

[Naam]

My 5 cents worth.

Firstly, in all my years ( and they are many ), the only thing I have learned about women is that a man will never understand them.

why should something we all know be 5 cents worth?

[bkklife]

Just carry on as if nothing is wrong, sell both houses using a cover story that you want to build an apartment or buy land etc.... Her and the family will go for it if they think there is money to be made, thats if the houses are in her name (Probably) Once you got your assests back....

Pack your bags and run like F......

No way would I put up with that kind of disrespect after all you done.

Edited March 19, 2010 by bkklife

[samuibeachcomber]

check out reply no.62 from kikkoman,very good reply and different from most,has made a good point about being with this guy for 7 years and would have long gone if it was just about money.