Dad Can't Speak Thai, The Kids Can't Speak English

[ComicBum]

WOW BOO,

Now thats a sweeping statement,maybe its as simple as he cant grasp the thai language due to his age.You have based that statement on no fact whatsoever.

Its based on option,not on fact...as sweeping as the statement is no doubt there's a pattern here to see and soon it will be clear to me

[CrossBones]

Typical of Farangs in Thailand.

So many of the farangs I meet... they are so selfish. They cant seem to see the value in anything that doesnt suit THEM. They seem to see the world in the way that suits them, if something doesnt suit them then it is no good... they choose their opinions in the way that suits them.

[billd766]

I have about 80% hearing in my left ear and 70% in the right ear. Often I have to turn to look at someone who is speaking to me from behind.

I no this is harsh and some people won't like it, but.... perhaps five years ago wasn't such a good time to have a kid then. At your age, you will not be able to be a good, all round parent, as far as I'm concerned. The stuff you can do, you may do very well, but not being able to be the complete package, I think is slightly selfish to say the least.

Hmmm, ok and it's because he's English that there should be low expectations of him?

I've only spent four weeks with my girlfriends two lovely daughters who are 9 and 6.

Does that mean you have only been with her for four weeks? If that's the case, those children shouldn't be calling you Pappa, in my opinion. You seem like a nice bloke who's doing right by them, but being a father figure to kids you have known for four weeks is not good, lets face the facts there is a chance things could go belly up any time. Where does that leave the kids? Without a Pappa, AGAIN!

No, we've been together for almost a year. We wanted to be as sure as possible that we had something that was going to last, well as sure as anyone can be, before involving the kids. I take this very seriously and have not entered into it lightly at all. I fully understand, and share, the concerns you have expressed. The kids, until October last year, lived with her sister, now their Mother has joined them and I visit when I can.

As with any relationship there is always a chance for it to go belly up, and we are both aware of the difficulties but with love, communication and hard work I think we'll be OK.

In which case I beg your pardon. Good luck to you.

I suppose then that my Dad was wrong as he was 55 and my Mum 40 when I was born.

My brother is 78 this year.

Barring accidents I hope to be around another 20 years so does that make me selfish?

I was 32 when I married the first time and my son from that marriage is now 32.

[lioness]

This is fatherhood by remote control, sounds like he doesn't care which is a shame for the children.

[sbk]

WOW BOO,

Now thats a sweeping statement,maybe its as simple as he cant grasp the thai language due to his age.You have based that statement on no fact whatsoever.

Its based on option,not on fact...as sweeping as the statement is no doubt there's a pattern here to see and soon it will be clear to me

I am seeing maybes and perhapses and suggestion as to possible reasons. So, perhaps instead of assuming that someone is stating something as fact we actually read what they say and take it as face value before leaping to conclusions and making insulting comments. cheers.

[bangkoklight]

Just speak to them in English all the time. Tell them to do things (in English) or do things yourself (and as you are doing them tell them what you are doing (in English)) until they understand).

For example: "Can you pass me the remote, please?" or "I'm going to wash up now." (and then get up and wash the dishes). Repeat your sentence two, three or four times every time you ask them to do or you do something yourself. Within a few months, they'll be saying things to you and asking you questions, and within a year, they'll be quite fluent.

[meadish_sweetball]

Just speak to them in English all the time. Tell them to do things (in English) or do things yourself (and as you are doing them tell them what you are doing (in English)) until they understand).

Exactly.

Given enough exposure and time it will not fail, it's a natural process and being bilingual is in fact not that big a deal... but very convenient for the children.

[WOOHOO]

I suppose then that my Dad was wrong as he was 55 and my Mum 40 when I was born.

My brother is 78 this year.

Barring accidents I hope to be around another 20 years so does that make me selfish?

I was 32 when I married the first time and my son from that marriage is now 32.

This is always a touchy one, which I'm sure would be best left alone, but this is a public forum and we're all adults here, so I don't see why I should hold back.

I can't possibly comment on your personal situation. If you say you had a normal upbringing with a dad who was 70 when you were 15 (if he was still alive) then I'm happy for you. I personally wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I hate to tell you this, but what we hope for and what happens are two different things. You may want to be around for 20 more years, but as a gambling man, I would happily wager a few quid you won't be. Even if you are, what level of physical and mental input will you be able to put in between now and then? It will get less and less fairly rapidly I assure you. And even if you do make it that much longer, it still leaves your son fatherless, in his early twenties!! I'm sure he'll be thrilled!

People come to Thailand to start second families, with women much younger than themselves, at an age, at which quite frankly they should no better. Why? Because they want to, and because they can.

So I'm sorry to say it, but in answer to your question. Yes, I consider you selfish for having a child at your age.

[billd766]

I suppose then that my Dad was wrong as he was 55 and my Mum 40 when I was born.

My brother is 78 this year.

Barring accidents I hope to be around another 20 years so does that make me selfish?

I was 32 when I married the first time and my son from that marriage is now 32.

This is always a touchy one, which I'm sure would be best left alone, but this is a public forum and we're all adults here, so I don't see why I should hold back.

I can't possibly comment on your personal situation. If you say you had a normal upbringing with a dad who was 70 when you were 15 (if he was still alive) then I'm happy for you. I personally wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I hate to tell you this, but what we hope for and what happens are two different things. You may want to be around for 20 more years, but as a gambling man, I would happily wager a few quid you won't be. Even if you are, what level of physical and mental input will you be able to put in between now and then? It will get less and less fairly rapidly I assure you. And even if you do make it that much longer, it still leaves your son fatherless, in his early twenties!! I'm sure he'll be thrilled!

People come to Thailand to start second families, with women much younger than themselves, at an age, at which quite frankly they should no better. Why? Because they want to, and because they can.

So I'm sorry to say it, but in answer to your question. Yes, I consider you selfish for having a child at your age.

If that makes me selfish in your eyes then so be it.

But in my eyes and my wife and sons eyes I am nt.

I didn't come to Thailand to start a second family as I was married in the UK at that time.

I knew my Thai wife for 7 years before I divorced and remarried and it was 3 years later that we decided to try.

Actually if I was was that selfish and thought only of myself I would have told my wife that I had decided that WE would not have a child.

However as I loved my wife that much at the time we had a son, a joint decision because we also thought about the future.

I love him more than my wife but not much because I am the past, my wife is the present and he is the future.

Incidentally my Dad died of a heart attack 4 months before his 70th birthday and my Mum died of lung cancer at the age of 69 some 15 years later.

One advantage I have over many younger fathers is that I can spend all my time with my son as I have done all the 60 and 70 hour weeks and the stress that comes with it.

I do what I can do and what I can't we figure a work around.

Edited April 20, 2010 by billd766

[wolf5370]

<snip quotes as wouldn't allow post otherwise>

No need to take her out of school - but you can practice English ABC with her using your native accent.

You don't need to tell her that the Thai accent is 'wrong' - she will notice by herself that you don't sound the same and if she keeps getting exposed to your native way of speaking, and to English language media of various kinds, she will soon put two and two together and become aware that the Thai accent when speaking English is not ideal - except perhaps when speaking English with other Thais... which may become a necessity in her professional life. My wife speaks passable English with me but if she uses that more proper English accent with her colleagues they get the deer-in-headlights look, so when speaking to them she 'thai-ifies'.

A problem your daughter may well be facing is that her Thai classmates might make fun of her native English accent, so it's possible she is consciously 'thai-ifying' her accent not to stick out too much.

If she keeps getting exposed to proper English though, she will have the last laugh when her mates still speak in staccato with a Thai tone on each syllable, can't produce more than half a consonant sound at the end of a syllable, build their sentences from Thai grammar and their pronunciation of 'peanuts' sounds suspiciously like another word.

This is quite interesting Mead. My girls (10 and 8) speak in Thai accents when they speak Thai (especially the younger), good English to me (they were privately educated in England for much of their early life so their vocab and diction is quite good), but when they speak to a Thai in English (like at school or in our cafe), they use a fairly strong Tinglish accent. I find myself doing it sometimes (much to my own chagrin) but with some people its really the only way they understand. I often meet Thais with basic English that want to chat in English, I try to use good English diction and grade my language, but with some thy just want to feel pleased with themselves that they have "chatted" with the farang, so for expedience and to save their face, I use that horrible mono-English that seems to help (although I never utter "Do you like to eat peanuts?" in it )

[earthpig]

With respect to this man who cant communicate with his children, i think all that can be said is that not every foreigner living in thailand is of the highest caliber. If he cant communicate with his kids, he's no father. Pity the children.