How Thai Girls And Thai's In General Think?

[myrealprofit]

I am back again since the Thai girl games have been stepped up a notch and now with the Protesters, I am really wondering if the Thai's actually think ahead, or just worry about the moment? (don't get me wrong, I am not bashing the Thai's, I love Thailand and Thai people but I am just trying to figure out how to adapt to them) It seems like they are always trying to win the battle, but lose the War, and actually have no chance of winning the Battle either in the meantime!

It seems like all goes well with a Thai girl for a few weeks, then the games begin, they call me when I can't answer the phone because I am at work, but when I call back they don't answer, so in turn I just figure I need to move on, then they call back and are angry because I don't call and talk to them??? What??? I tell them I don't like their behavior, in addition to other rediculous things they do, and now they are angry with me for calling them on their BS or lies or their rediculous stories that don't make sense to anyone from places other than Thailand!! Then, they don't answer their phone for a few days like they are punishing ME, and then act like nothing funny was going on? But for the most part, it just seems like Thai girls would rather just be alone, poor and single, rather than change, do what is normally expected in a relationship, and some of the girls want a guy who puts up with their childish ways, lies, doesn't ask where they go and what they do, and the guy has to be rich, young, handome, buy the family a new home, SUV, buy her a car and on and on, and if they can't have that, they will just stay alone and live a lonely life alone.

Anyway, I guess I could go on and on, but you all know the story, so what is a guy to do? It seems like you have to go through tons of bad apples to find a good one!! I just don't understand why they are the way they are and why they do and act the way they do?

Actually I think becoming a Monk may be the best option!!

[wallhigh]

they learn alot of their behaviour and situational responses from brain dead soaps on t.v.

they can be changed, but it takes a lot of work, and the girl has to be worth the investment.

yes, you have to choose wisely and carefully, in my experience, i suggest starting with a girl

who doesnt smoke or drink or have tattoos, that will point you very far in the right direction.

[clinique]

they learn alot of their behaviour and situational responses from brain dead soaps on t.v.

they can be changed, but it takes a lot of work, and the girl has to be worth the investment.

yes, you have to choose wisely and carefully, in my experience, i suggest starting with a girl

who doesnt smoke or drink or have tattoos, that will point you very far in the right direction.

absolutelytrue, a lot of 'family' time is spent with the family watching these moronic soap s on TV.........and thye think its real life...

[IanForbes]

The OP is obviously young or he wouldn't be asking those questions. Thais think (or DON'T think) a lot differently than westerners... but they still have the same wants and needs.

Girls talk to their girl friends. Most of their friends don't have any more information than those asking the questions. But, in the normal Thai manner, they feel required to give an answer... usually an incorrect one. Women traditionally act or react on emotions. Young women act irrationally on a regular basis. Young Thai men are no different, and for an example, look how they ride dangerously on motor scooters. Young Thai women seem married to their cel phones. They live and breath with phones stuck to their ears. It doesn't dawn on them that some people might be otherwise occupied and not be able to answer the phone 24/7.

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated. Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face. Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

[elkangorito]

My comments in blue.

they learn alot of their behaviour and situational responses from brain dead soaps on t.v.

If foreigners know this, there is no need for an explanation as this is true for any dullard in any country.

they can be changed, but it takes a lot of work, and the girl has to be worth the investment.

So, choose someone who can be 'changed' into what you want them to be? Not only this but the 'girl has to be worth the investment'. This is nothing short of 'SLAVERY' & racism.

yes, you have to choose wisely and carefully, in my experience, i suggest starting with a girl

who doesnt smoke or drink or have tattoos, that will point you very far in the right direction.

Geez!!! How you do love to put people in boxes. I'm glad I don't personally know you.

[myrealprofit]

The OP is obviously young or he wouldn't be asking those questions. Thais think (or DON'T think) a lot differently than westerners... but they still have the same wants and needs.

Girls talk to their girl friends. Most of their friends don't have any more information than those asking the questions. But, in the normal Thai manner, they feel required to give an answer... usually an incorrect one. Women traditionally act or react on emotions. Young women act irrationally on a regular basis. Young Thai men are no different, and for an example, look how they ride dangerously on motor scooters. Young Thai women seem married to their cel phones. They live and breath with phones stuck to their ears. It doesn't dawn on them that some people might be otherwise occupied and not be able to answer the phone 24/7.

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated. Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face. Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

Thanks for backing up what I already know, but sometimes, it just helps to vent to an audience that understands. That statement about the urban legend/bigfoot sighting (is really what it seems to be) of the "1" Thai girl who supposedly roped a foreign guy that gave in to every wish and wim of a young Thai girl, but you never hear them talk about all the vacant, half finished houses scattered all over Isaan, that are the result of it not lasting too long etc!

Also, I had to laugh about the motor scooter, something I seem to grumble about every day! When the guy is walking, he walks 5 times slower than he should, but on the motorbike, rides 5 times faster than what any rational person would ride. I love it when they miss me by an inch at 40kph when they swerve around the speed bump because that is too much of an inconvenience and my life seems to have no value at the time??

OK, time to go have a few beers, return to studying my "How to become an monk for Idiots" book and forget about it because it will never change!!

[sokal]

The OP is obviously young or he wouldn't be asking those questions. Thais think (or DON'T think) a lot differently than westerners... but they still have the same wants and needs.

Girls talk to their girl friends. Most of their friends don't have any more information than those asking the questions. But, in the normal Thai manner, they feel required to give an answer... usually an incorrect one. Women traditionally act or react on emotions. Young women act irrationally on a regular basis. Young Thai men are no different, and for an example, look how they ride dangerously on motor scooters. Young Thai women seem married to their cel phones. They live and breath with phones stuck to their ears. It doesn't dawn on them that some people might be otherwise occupied and not be able to answer the phone 24/7.

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated. Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face. Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

Thanks for backing up what I already know, but sometimes, it just helps to vent to an audience that understands. That statement about the urban legend/bigfoot sighting (is really what it seems to be) of the "1" Thai girl who supposedly roped a foreign guy that gave in to every wish and wim of a young Thai girl, but you never hear them talk about all the vacant, half finished houses scattered all over Isaan, that are the result of it not lasting too long etc!

Also, I had to laugh about the motor scooter, something I seem to grumble about every day! When the guy is walking, he walks 5 times slower than he should, but on the motorbike, rides 5 times faster than what any rational person would ride. I love it when they miss me by an inch at 40kph when they swerve around the speed bump because that is too much of an inconvenience and my life seems to have no value at the time??

OK, time to go have a few beers, return to studying my "How to become an monk for Idiots" book and forget about it because it will never change!!

I think you are saying this of Thai girls because Thailand is the only place where you have the luxury of meeting and having experiences with multiple girls.

[thaibeachlovers]

This is my OPINION, so no need to get worked up if disagree, but sometimes I think Thai's never progress mentally from their teenage years.

Certainly a lot of the ones I have met act like teenagers ( me, me, me ) with no thought for the consequences of what they do. But then, for me that's part of the charm of Thai women.

[kurnell]

Are we referring to bar girls here?

[sokal]

This is my OPINION, so no need to get worked up if disagree, but sometimes I think Thai's never progress mentally from their teenage years.

Certainly a lot of the ones I have met act like teenagers ( me, me, me ) with no thought for the consequences of what they do. But then, for me that's part of the charm of Thai women.

I don`t know if you where referring to me but I am not saying you are wrong but do you have the same exposure to western girls as you do to Thai girls ? If you don't then how can you make the comparison ?

[thaibeachlovers]

This is my OPINION, so no need to get worked up if disagree, but sometimes I think Thai's never progress mentally from their teenage years.

Certainly a lot of the ones I have met act like teenagers ( me, me, me ) with no thought for the consequences of what they do. But then, for me that's part of the charm of Thai women.

I don`t know if you where referring to me but I am not saying you are wrong but do you have the same exposure to western girls as you do to Thai girls ? If you don't then how can you make the comparison ?

Is 28 years in a female dominated occupation ( in western countries ) sufficient? I have worked with hundreds of western, African and Phillipino women, enough to know the difference between a western woman and a Thai woman. Prefer Thai ( or Phillipino ) women any day. Much more sanuk.

[geriatrickid]

*sigh* Here we go again.

It's not the soaps that have influenced the girls many of us associate with, but it us the foreign male. We poison and taint all that we come in contact with, creating unreal expectations, reinforcing the worst aspects of human behaviour and of course behaving like selfish boors.

I have spent enough time talking with the older bar girls. Not the silly bar chit chat, but the heart to heart stuff and I usually come away with the impression that alot of the older girls that have lasted all these years are remarkably intelligent and down to earth. Often they have children and they do try to do the right thing. They still disgust me at times, but I don't have to live their lives with the raging insecurities and fears. Maybe it's different, because they know I am not allowed to have sex with them so they open up, I don't know, but perhaps it's the golden rule; to do unto others as you would have done unto yourself. Women's health & social issues isn't in my realm, yet I have developed a profound respect for the ladies that work with these women. The stories of abuse, rape and poverty are hard to take.

As ye sow, so shall ye reap. So very true for the male in Thailand.

Edited April 16, 2010 by geriatrickid

[Ulysses G.]

Another excellent post from the kid!

Edited April 16, 2010 by Ulysses G.

[a2396]

Your story is exactly what I have seen here for 6 years. I have found a couple of good ones, but it does get tiresome. I fooled around on Thai Lovelinks for about 6 months and got over 200 phone numbers in that time. 99% amounted to nothing - spoke no English, wanted money before I even met them, interested in a quick marriage, etc, etc. Keep at it. I've no interest in becoming a monk. How old are you, by the way?

[Sisaketmike]

The OP is obviously young or he wouldn't be asking those questions. Thais think (or DON'T think) a lot differently than westerners... but they still have the same wants and needs.

Girls talk to their girl friends. Most of their friends don't have any more information than those asking the questions. But, in the normal Thai manner, they feel required to give an answer... usually an incorrect one. Women traditionally act or react on emotions. Young women act irrationally on a regular basis. Young Thai men are no different, and for an example, look how they ride dangerously on motor scooters. Young Thai women seem married to their cel phones. They live and breath with phones stuck to their ears. It doesn't dawn on them that some people might be otherwise occupied and not be able to answer the phone 24/7.

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated. Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face. Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

Thanks, a nice view.

The biggest problem is the language barrier. The best English speaking girls/women in Thailand are bar girls. (Based on a Thai research, made about 10 years ago).

What’s actually happening is that foreigners come to the LOS, fall in love with a bar girl, and some are getting married as soon as possible.

The chances to meet an educated Thai woman with good English skills are only possible if you’re well respected in the community. And that could take years.

The way many poor Thais are thinking is a kind of strange; a woman in my wife’s village was asking me a few years ago if I couldn’t get a foreigner for her pretty daughter. She offered me 10,000 baht, I smiled, said yes, and it was already forgotten. At this time she might have been a very good wife, but only for those who’re speaking Thai very well. And I mean very well.

Two weeks later, she received a Buddha around her neck and took off to Krung Thep, I think you know what kind of job an uneducated Isan girl can get there, right? I’ve seen her two years later, gold expensive clothes and this bitchy behavior. The family is okay with it, when they’re sending money.

Lots of people think if you can order Kao Patt Gung, and the waitress understood them, they can speak Thai. What I’m trying to say is that a relationship is only working if you’re able to communicate together.

I’ve met my wife when my Thai was very poor and she couldn’t speak English, or any other language than Laos. But there was something called love, she was next to me even without money. That’s my point now: You can’t buy love, or friends!!!!!

But starting a relationship if you can’t communicate, plus investing lots of money for house, car, motorbikes and lies could easily destroy you. I’ve heard girls talking about their ’tirac’ in such a bad manner that I wanted to puke. But should I go to somebody and tell him what his wife said about him?

The answer is NO, lots of them get together, because the foreigner already told everybody in his country what a nice wife he’s got and often people already sold all they had in their home country to live a dream.

The age gap is another problem. It won’t work in any other country that a 19 year old loves an old man, right? So people are paying for their dream to show something around what they never had and will never really have. Okay, it’s understood, we all want to have a very nice looking girl next to us, but some might have forgotten that brainless people are not really interesting to have a conversation with.

I’ve met a German teacher, already retired, who was waiting for his marriage visa, and his very young gf had to study German at the pool every day. You could see that she disliked him. But all were playing this game like it would be ‘normal’. She might still be in Germany, but I guess with a much younger guy.

So many girls are using HI 5 or facebook to get in touch with foreigners, lots of them for financial reasons. In the end many marriages end up in a paid sex relationship. And they keep their Thai friends to enjoy sex, should you be a little older, some are even feeding their boy friend with the walking ATM card from farlangland.

Indeed, I’d like to know what young Thais would do without cell phones. Young girls are selling their body to purchase the new Nokia bla, bla,bla or something else. They don’t even understand 10% of the functions they could use, like calculator and wake up alert. Does it matter? Not really.

There’s an easy way to find out what gender the driver of a scooter is. Let’s say there’re lots of parked scooters, just look at the mirrors, are they straight up its girl’s bike.

Of course, it’s more important to check your Make- Up, hair and <deleted> else than checking the traffic behind you. People who’re driving behind them should be very careful, some girls are even so smart that they are able to make phone calls, checking Make Up and playing with their hair while driving! Amazing Thailand.

[Sisaketmike]

This is my OPINION, so no need to get worked up if disagree, but sometimes I think Thai's never progress mentally from their teenage years.

Certainly a lot of the ones I have met act like teenagers ( me, me, me ) with no thought for the consequences of what they do. But then, for me that's part of the charm of Thai women.

I don`t know if you where referring to me but I am not saying you are wrong but do you have the same exposure to western girls as you do to Thai girls ? If you don't then how can you make the comparison ?

Is 28 years in a female dominated occupation ( in western countries ) sufficient? I have worked with hundreds of western, African and Phillipino women, enough to know the difference between a western woman and a Thai woman. Prefer Thai ( or Phillipino ) women any day. Much more sanuk.

Easy to understand. A woman from another country wouldn't even look at you. What's the difference between a western and a Thai woman? The Thai you're talking about is poor, easy to manipulate.

[Sisaketmike]

The OP is obviously young or he wouldn't be asking those questions. Thais think (or DON'T think) a lot differently than westerners... but they still have the same wants and needs.

Girls talk to their girl friends. Most of their friends don't have any more information than those asking the questions. But, in the normal Thai manner, they feel required to give an answer... usually an incorrect one. Women traditionally act or react on emotions. Young women act irrationally on a regular basis. Young Thai men are no different, and for an example, look how they ride dangerously on motor scooters. Young Thai women seem married to their cel phones. They live and breath with phones stuck to their ears. It doesn't dawn on them that some people might be otherwise occupied and not be able to answer the phone 24/7.

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated. Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face. Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

Thanks for backing up what I already know, but sometimes, it just helps to vent to an audience that understands. That statement about the urban legend/bigfoot sighting (is really what it seems to be) of the "1" Thai girl who supposedly roped a foreign guy that gave in to every wish and wim of a young Thai girl, but you never hear them talk about all the vacant, half finished houses scattered all over Isaan, that are the result of it not lasting too long etc!

Also, I had to laugh about the motor scooter, something I seem to grumble about every day! When the guy is walking, he walks 5 times slower than he should, but on the motorbike, rides 5 times faster than what any rational person would ride. I love it when they miss me by an inch at 40kph when they swerve around the speed bump because that is too much of an inconvenience and my life seems to have no value at the time??

OK, time to go have a few beers, return to studying my "How to become an monk for Idiots" book and forget about it because it will never change!!

Well said...

[kurnell]

Ah, we are talking abut bar girls. There are available, non bar girls out there you know?

[sarahsbloke]

so what is a guy to do?

Nice dinner, dancing, 1000bht for the taxi home in the morning.

Seems to work for most of the girls ........ don't think too much.

Phone games

...... Sorry can't hear the phone ring when driving my m/c

..... sorry my phone is broken, keeps swithching itself off.

(my wife taught me that one but added, buy me new phone)

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated.

I think you need to learn to lie as easily and as much as they do, telling the truth over here becomes a little dull.

Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face.

JUst smile and walk away is much more effective, no need to waste your breath on explanations to which they don't listen

Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

Spot on!

And finally

Please don't pick on bar girls, they behave in exactly the same way as most other girls, the girls working in bars are just a little more 'up front' about what they are after. Those that differentiate often lose their shirts.

Edited April 16, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[richard_smith237]

Op, it appears as though you already have a good 'Filter'... The first sign of trouble, lies or games - walk away.

I don't think people really change, or its incredibly difficult for them to change. Immature behavior from women in Thailand is quite common.

There are however many who are smart enough to see beyond the now and posses an increased level of consciousness beyond immediate wants and gratification.

I've never dated a bar girl, but have had the same experiences with 'normal girls' (flight attendants, lawyers, designers), every person at some point plays games, be it for attention, to get what they want etc.. most of us do it without consciousness. What I find irritating in Thailand is that many of the girls play these games over very childish issues (i.e. the passive aggressive ignoring phone call game).

IMO the best thing to do is... If she doesn't suit you, then you probably don't suit her, move along and don't get caught in a trap of being addicted to their manipulation and games, some of them are experts, but if you don't play their game you are far better off alone than with someone who's going to mess with your head.

[canuckamuck]

What the OP really seems to be asking is; why he can’t find a normal relationship in Thailand. Well for one thing his concept of normal is not the same as then one held here. So what he is actually looking for is an unusual relationship in Thailand. He is looking for someone he can relate to, someone who will get him, and not keep doing things opposite to what makes sense to him.

The entire process here is warped by the difference in how westerners think, feel, decide, and act, compared to how Thais think, feel, decide, and act. And of course these things also vary person to person.

A major barrier to westerners finding simpatico relationships here is that in the west people meet others through interaction in their own social and work environments. This gives an opportunity to make reasonable judgments about what kind of person someone is before the potential relationship stress moves in and ups the ante. Westerners also share similar decision making abilities and most are are used to making independent choices.

In an east west situation this sort of thing just doesn’t happen very often. In Thailand the westerner is always the outsider, the exotic, the atm, the sugar daddy, or some other possibly unfair stereotype. And even if your lady doesn’t really see you that way herself and the two of you have developed some understanding; her friends will continually pour advice into her based on their own stereotypes and perception. This is the minefield, Thais and the advice of peers is major source of frustration to the westerner.

I won’t pretend I fully understand this problem but what I have seen is Thais are very uncomfortable with saying I don’t know. Because of this, discussions about life’s little problems are usually driven by the first suggestion that comes up, no matter how ridiculous it may be. Apparently it is not proper to discard anyone’s suggestion (among peers) so whatever advice comes up first is usually just supported and accepted as the best way to go. So instead of carefully thought out advice you get knee jerk reactions being accepted as wisdom so no one loses face. This problem is magnified when the person giving advice is a superior. A boss, a parent, an older sibling, or an official, has tremendous power over the decision making of individuals here. This leads to the situation where the advice or commands being given may not even logical, in fact they might even be contrary to what the individual believes, but will still be carried out without hesitation.

So if you want to have a relationship with a Thai, remember that you are entering into a complex situation and you have to leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. It is like dating someone with split personalities, you never know how any situation will be processed. If you have no patience, you should quit now.

[sokal]

This is my OPINION, so no need to get worked up if disagree, but sometimes I think Thai's never progress mentally from their teenage years.

Certainly a lot of the ones I have met act like teenagers ( me, me, me ) with no thought for the consequences of what they do. But then, for me that's part of the charm of Thai women.

I don`t know if you where referring to me but I am not saying you are wrong but do you have the same exposure to western girls as you do to Thai girls ? If you don't then how can you make the comparison ?

Is 28 years in a female dominated occupation ( in western countries ) sufficient? I have worked with hundreds of western, African and Phillipino women, enough to know the difference between a western woman and a Thai woman. Prefer Thai ( or Phillipino ) women any day. Much more sanuk.

Easy to understand. A woman from another country wouldn't even look at you. What's the difference between a western and a Thai woman? The Thai you're talking about is poor, easy to manipulate.

Not really. I have been to many poor eastern European countries, the girls act the same as American girls. Thai women will take a free ride if you offer it.

[somchee]

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

thai girls milking farangs is fact not fiction. go to a intenet shop near sex area you see girls working their bfs for money over the computer . they wouldnt do it if it didnt work!

[sbk]

Since it seems this thread could easily degenerate further into the usual Thai woman bashing let me please remind you all of the rules

7) Not to post slurs or degrading comments directed towards any group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

8) Not to post extremely negative views of Thailand or derogatory comments directed towards all Thais.

[a2396]

This is my OPINION, so no need to get worked up if disagree, but sometimes I think Thai's never progress mentally from their teenage years.

Certainly a lot of the ones I have met act like teenagers ( me, me, me ) with no thought for the consequences of what they do. But then, for me that's part of the charm of Thai women.

I don`t know if you where referring to me but I am not saying you are wrong but do you have the same exposure to western girls as you do to Thai girls ? If you don't then how can you make the comparison ?

Is 28 years in a female dominated occupation ( in western countries ) sufficient? I have worked with hundreds of western, African and Phillipino women, enough to know the difference between a western woman and a Thai woman. Prefer Thai ( or Phillipino ) women any day. Much more sanuk.

Easy to understand. A woman from another country wouldn't even look at you. What's the difference between a western and a Thai woman? The Thai you're talking about is poor, easy to manipulate.

Easy to manipulate? Hardly. They may be poor, but they are usually quite skilled at at manipulation, emotional and financial. It is usually the Farang man on the receiving end. The women ARE manipulated by their Thai BF's & husbands.

[ozzieovaseas]

Well said Canuckamuck

Absolutely flawless post!!

[Boo]

one irrelevant & nonesense post deleted that was "chain mail" & the relies to it deleted too.

[RussellHantz]

Let me put this another way - Thai people and Thai girls especially are a superstitious lot. They are prone to believe any old nonsense involving ghosts, black magicians etc.

The mobile phone number of death is a recent example.

Edited April 16, 2010 by RussellHantz

[bf2002]

A lot of what you dislike with the Thai girls you are dealing with does exists with younger or less mature Western women too. It even exists with older women with a "give me" or princess mentality, and will definitely exist with someone with a more selfish view of what a boyfriend or husband represents.

I've seen it with white women in the states and in thailand.

However, a lot of it also has to do with you and how much you are willing or not willing to change or find a middle ground.

First, I'd say you need to find someone that has some sincere interest beyond having a fun time and a short term view of a relationship. Second, I'd think you can't make it work with someone that has too many bad traits or is too different from what you want and what you are looking for. Third is that it won't work anyways, if you are not ready to do your own part in being unselfish.

I'm saying this as someone that was young and met a younger white woman and later a younger thai girl. I was less mature when I knew the white girl but she was more educated and more able to handle relationships in a Western concept of maturity. We had a better chance but I left.

I was probably still just the same in my maturity when I met the thai girl, but she was even less mature than me and much less educated. We both adjusted to each other to some degree but we also both were pretty stubborn in other important areas...and as you say, when you are too into winning today's battle you often garuntee the loss of the war.

I can say with the thai girl that first, she was driven too much by the present and short term. She said and did whatever she had to in order to keep me around since she was "in love". When someeone does this, it might as well be as bad as them wanting you for your money. Either things are not grounds for a solid relationship in the long term. Second, I chose someone too different than me and who had too many bad habits. Third, I wasn't willing to do what I needed to on my part either, even if she didn't have her problems, since I was also immature and selfish.

And of coarse comes the obvious caution applies when dealing with bargirls. Many are driven by money and many are poorly educated and many have problems from family and past relationships. I'll avoid the usual arguments with those that say they can be terrific or good or bad or terrible, since it's best to approach bargirls and "relationships" with caution and common sense...and to take advice from men involved with them with a grain of salt as many are emotionally driven to believe they are good or bad based on their own relationships current and past with a bargirl/bargirls.

[IanForbes]

What the OP really seems to be asking is; why he can't find a normal relationship in Thailand. Well for one thing his concept of normal is not the same as then one held here. So what he is actually looking for is an unusual relationship in Thailand. He is looking for someone he can relate to, someone who will get him, and not keep doing things opposite to what makes sense to him.

The entire process here is warped by the difference in how westerners think, feel, decide, and act, compared to how Thais think, feel, decide, and act. And of course these things also vary person to person.

A major barrier to westerners finding simpatico relationships here is that in the west people meet others through interaction in their own social and work environments. This gives an opportunity to make reasonable judgments about what kind of person someone is before the potential relationship stress moves in and ups the ante. Westerners also share similar decision making abilities and most are are used to making independent choices.

In an east west situation this sort of thing just doesn't happen very often. In Thailand the westerner is always the outsider, the exotic, the atm, the sugar daddy, or some other possibly unfair stereotype. And even if your lady doesn't really see you that way herself and the two of you have developed some understanding; her friends will continually pour advice into her based on their own stereotypes and perception. This is the minefield, Thais and the advice of peers is major source of frustration to the westerner.

I won't pretend I fully understand this problem but what I have seen is Thais are very uncomfortable with saying I don't know. Because of this, discussions about life's little problems are usually driven by the first suggestion that comes up, no matter how ridiculous it may be. Apparently it is not proper to discard anyone's suggestion (among peers) so whatever advice comes up first is usually just supported and accepted as the best way to go. So instead of carefully thought out advice you get knee jerk reactions being accepted as wisdom so no one loses face. This problem is magnified when the person giving advice is a superior. A boss, a parent, an older sibling, or an official, has tremendous power over the decision making of individuals here. This leads to the situation where the advice or commands being given may not even logical, in fact they might even be contrary to what the individual believes, but will still be carried out without hesitation.

So if you want to have a relationship with a Thai, remember that you are entering into a complex situation and you have to leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. It is like dating someone with split personalities, you never know how any situation will be processed. If you have no patience, you should quit now.

Very good post, canuckamuck. I concure entirely. I have so many examples to back this up that I could bore you all night with the stories.

And THAT is another reason why I choose to stay single. But we all like to dig our own grave before we climb into it.