Girl Girl Relationships On The Increase...?

[wamberal]

A few years ago, I worked at a large Thai corporation. They employed a sprinkling of well educated young ladies, mostly Chula grads, as interpreters/personal assistants. One of them was really attractive (well, most of them were, actually), she was from a very good family, was more or less engaged to be married, and was in a quite public lesbian relationship. Her girlfriend was older, and very butch - and the really amazing thing was that it was widely known that the Chula grad had initiated the relationship. They both played for the company netball team.

I gained the impression that this sort of fling was not all that unusual amongst this class of young lady. As far as I know, she got married eventually and lived happily ever after.

Perhaps a lesbian relationship before marriage is a preemptive strike against open promiscuity by the husband. "If you play around, so will I".

[nocturn]

You shouldn't be looking at young underaged girls anyway.

I find it highly offensive how foreigners look and think about thai girls.

Mate, you brought under-aged to the table yourself. All the OP said was young.

So who is it with the real issues?

[nocturn]

Anyone remember Mia Farrow when she starred in the American soap, Peyton Place? Or Doris Day in Calamity Jane? And Shirley MacLaine in her younger days.

These days the term Tomboy has been manipulated as a description of lesbians, which is not correct.

it has nothing to do with when you grew up, but more where you grew up, as Tomboy has retained its meaning in the "other world". "Tom" is a Thai appropriation of an English term, and a fairly suitable one at that. it dotes not simply mean lesbian, it means the boyish or masculine partner. It makes perfect sense to me.

Whence I hail we would have called her "butch", and I think in the Thai context, "tom" is a better fit.

[nocturn]

Looks like the op made his research based on 2 or 3 window shoppings through Paragon while enjoying a sandwich.

aint nothing wrong with that, i like sandwiches. Sandwiches are good.

[Berkshire]

Simple explanations, really, and some have already touched on it.

1. There are no more lesbians in Thailand than anywhere else. Scientifically impossible--unless you believe that the environment can change your sexual orientation (I don't believe that it can). If you see more lesbian or gay couples in Thailand, it's because the Thais are much more tolerant and less bigoted than in the west. In fact, there was a hugely popular Thai movie that came out last year (called "Yes or No") that was about this very topic. I think every Tom in Thailand took their GFs to go see. There's also been other Thai movies (e.g., "Suckseed") that discussed this topic briefly, if only to say it was quite normal and that in fact, the Tom's seem to get all the hot Thai girls.

2. The Tom's are lesbians, but the Dees, not necessarily so. It's mostly a teenage fad for the dee's and most will inevitably get married later in life to a guy. Has nothing to do with the pool of available guys, so some of you are way off on this one.

3. Absolutely no correlation between social classes. How the OP can come to the conclusion that it's a hi-so thing is baffling.

4. Fanta Rood may have offended some of you, but she (or he) has got a point. Nearly all of the Tom/Dee couples that I see (something like 95%) are teens. So if you spend a good part of your day staring at and mentally undressing said couples, then you're fixated on teenagers. But hey, there are some attractive teenagers...not that I would be hitting on one.

[random]

It is confusing, if you are a lesbian then you are attracted to women, so why be with a woman that looks like a guy?

it is a question I have asked of lesbian friends and none seem to give an answer, just that they prefer the touch of a woman as it is softer, but still don't explain why that woman has to look like Jimmy Crankie

[IMA_FARANG]

Just because you see a young Thai woman with another woman, even if they hold hands or hug each other when they meet, don't make the assumption that there is something sexual there. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't, but quite a few young Thai females form close fiendships with other Thai female friends, even hugging and emracing eath other when they meet...but to them that doesn't imply anything sexual...it is just that they are good friends.

Often these friendships start in school. The female students join together in small groups, 4 or 5 close friends, who talk about their problems and what to do about them. For many young female Thai students the big concern is BOYS and how to handle relationships with them. That makes these female-female relationships very intense...and often they last after graduation from school and even into work. But usually they are not sexual.

What you are assuming is from your previous cultural preconceptions based on your experience in the U.K. and those preconceptions don't necessarily apply here in Thaiand...standards of behaviour are different here.

Thailad is a very male oriented society...and young Thai women often have other close women friends of their age...basically as a form of protection from men.

That's a quick cram course in Behavioural Psychology 101.

Edited September 15, 2011 by IMA_FARANG

[Dag]

There are 2 bars in Pattaya catering for the tomboy types.

Must say,i havent seen an upperclass lesbian in an estate bar lol

Location of said bars ?

WHY,do you fancy a night out there lol

huh.....I have it on google maps....if they are the same and not 2 extra ones..

[Berkshire]

It is confusing, if you are a lesbian then you are attracted to women, so why be with a woman that looks like a guy?

it is a question I have asked of lesbian friends and none seem to give an answer, just that they prefer the touch of a woman as it is softer, but still don't explain why that woman has to look like Jimmy Crankie

In America, most lesbian couples that I see are as you described. Basically two Tom's. I think it's just a matter of women preferring women and that's all that's available most of the time. If they could get a woman who was more feminine, I'd imagine that they would. But in Thailand, there's that option, although clearly, not every straight Thai girl opts to be with a Tom, even if just temporarily.

By the way, I've talked to many American women who've told me that when they were teenagers, they had desires to "experiment" with other girls. But it was so taboo that even if they pursued it, it was a secret that they'd keep to their graves. Can you imagine what America would be like if this was more acceptable? Short answer: it'd be like Thailand is at the moment.

[Heng]

2. The Tom's are lesbians, but the Dees, not necessarily so. It's mostly a teenage fad for the dee's and most will inevitably get married later in life to a guy. Has nothing to do with the pool of available guys, so some of you are way off on this one.

Part of it is there is little or no stigma for a girl to have been in a tom-dee relationship in the eyes of society (and more importantly a future husband... remember that this place is heavily patriarchal). Girls know or at least sense this, so they opt for this type of relationship to hold them over until the guys finish screwing around and finally get 'serious.' (and only screw around on the weekends or after work)

[Berkshire]

Just because you see a young Thai woman with another woman, even if they hold hands or hug each other when they meet, don't make the assumption that there is something sexual there.

That's actually another good point. Yes, Thai women do hold hands and act as if they're a couple when in fact they're not. But with Tom's and Dee's, it's a little more apparent. I suppose a newbie farang would have a difficult time discerning between the two.

[IanForbes]

Just because you see a young Thai woman with another woman, even if they hold hands or hug each other when they meet, don't make the assumption that there is something sexual there.

That's actually another good point. Yes, Thai women do hold hands and act as if they're a couple when in fact they're not. But with Tom's and Dee's, it's a little more apparent. I suppose a newbie farang would have a difficult time discerning between the two.

Agreed, just as some newbies can't tell a ladyboy from a woman. I enjoy the freedom of Thailand where nobody gives a dam_n about what other people do... at least not in their own home village they don't. I have a friend whose straight Thai daughter has a circle of friends of which one is katoi. Nobody thinks anything of it. Nor do they worry about the Toms and dees. I have a good Thai friend who I THINK is a Tom (because she always dresses like a boy), but she is a lot of fun to be with and her employer says she is very responsible and honest. I just accept things as they are and don't make any judgements.

[WebBangkok]

wow, gay people in Thailand, you learn something new everyday in here lol

[Semper]

It is confusing, if you are a lesbian then you are attracted to women, so why be with a woman that looks like a guy?

it is a question I have asked of lesbian friends and none seem to give an answer, just that they prefer the touch of a woman as it is softer, but still don't explain why that woman has to look like Jimmy Crankie

It is confusing, if you are a lesbian then you are attracted to women, so why be with a woman that looks like a guy?

Or why would a man be attracted to a ladyboy who looks like a lady, but is a man?

[WebBangkok]

Or why would a man be attracted to a ladyboy who looks like a lady, but is a man?

Because you are getting both...... Sort of.

Hey I am no expert, just a guess on my part.

[random]

It is confusing, if you are a lesbian then you are attracted to women, so why be with a woman that looks like a guy?

it is a question I have asked of lesbian friends and none seem to give an answer, just that they prefer the touch of a woman as it is softer, but still don't explain why that woman has to look like Jimmy Crankie

It is confusing, if you are a lesbian then you are attracted to women, so why be with a woman that looks like a guy?

Or why would a man be attracted to a ladyboy who looks like a lady, but is a man?

Do you know why?

any takers??

[tink2mutt]

I know a British lesbian who manages a bar in Dubai. Last year she went for a holiday to Thailand (first visit).

During the 2 week holiday she met and fell in love with a Thai lady.

She now sends the Thai lady money each month and she is starting to talk about buying a house on Koh Samui and letting the lady live there.

Sound familiar?

What's that noise? Train wreck approaching!!

[WebBangkok]

I know a British lesbian who manages a bar in Dubai. Last year she went for a holiday to Thailand (first visit).

During the 2 week holiday she met and fell in love with a Thai lady.

She now sends the Thai lady money each month and she is starting to talk about buying a house on Koh Samui and letting the lady live there.

Sound familiar?

What's that noise? Train wreck approaching!!

Funny,

What is it with people coming here and throwing money around like they don't give a crap if they lose it.

I am convinced Thai girls have some sort of magical powers or something.

I have a mate from Australia here in Thailand, in his early 30's, was a player back home, treated girls like crap and never got tied down.

Came to Thailand, fell in love and she bosses him around like he lost all his balls or something. It's like she changed him from a mucho bloke to a little pussy.

[Beetlejuice]

Beetlejuice

It's only my personal opinion, but that photo really is not appropriate. It is taken at a school !!!

That photo is not meant to be visual titillation for perverts, nor is it underage porn, as these girls are Uni students over 18. Even if they are under 18, I still do not see how this photo is offensive. This image signifies what is actually going on around us.

How one perceives this image is in the eyes of the beholder. I personally view the photo as displaying a girl, girl relationship and would only appear obscene to a homophobic.

Welcome to the real world.

[random]

Beetlejuice

It's only my personal opinion, but that photo really is not appropriate. It is taken at a school !!!

That photo is not meant to be visual titillation for perverts, nor is it underage porn, as these girls are Uni students over 18. Even if they are under 18, I still do not see how this photo is offensive. This image signifies what is actually going on around us.

How one perceives this image is in the eyes of the beholder. I personally view the photo as displaying a girl, girl relationship and would only appear obscene to a homophobic.

Welcome to the real world.

I am not a prude and not arsed by the picture to be fair, but they are not university girls, they are school girls, that is school uniform, you can see that by the sleeves, the name on the blouse etc (shit I sound like an expert )

Edited September 15, 2011 by random

[IanForbes]

I am not a prude and not arsed by the picture to be fair, but they are not university girls, they are school girls, that is school uniform, you can see that by the sleeves, the name on the blouse etc (shit I sound like an expert )

Agreed. None of the girls have long hair, and short length of hair is a requirement in most highschools. It's at university that they have the option of growing their hair long. But, I don't think the photo is offensive. It's just two school kids fooling around. Boys do it all the time by clutching at each other's crotch as a form of rough housing. That doesn't mean they are gay.

[IanForbes]

Sorry for double post.

I like the fact that Thai society is more accepting of different sexual behaviour. In the west we are just barely coming out of our prudish, Christian attitudes. It's only been a short while since male gays were able to come out of the closet. In North America, Female gays were never really treated with distain so much as were gay men.

Edited September 15, 2011 by IanForbes

[evanson]

I'm not sure how you know these people you see are "upper class"

The clothes they wear is a good indication they are above the poverty line, and in Thailand that is upper class. As I reiterate in my earlier statement you do not see two young female lovers clearly showing affection for each other who are from the north east catch my drift... general rule of thumb if it walks like a duck.........

One of my (female) lawyers was given two things NOT to do by her parents whilst at uni. DON'T do drugs and DON'T get pregnant. She had a 4 year affair with another female student. She's now married. To a guy.

Edited September 15, 2011 by evanson

[Kilgore Trout]

Everywhere you look there are toms,katoys and gay thai guys,even up country.Someone suggested it was the water,contaminated with the female pill.

Finaly!! There’s something really bad in the water!!!

Ok, I can see estrogen turning the guys gay, but wouldn't the women need testosterone? Maybe its all the pee from people who take steroids

[geronimo]

It may have something to do with the way Thai men treat their women (generally), also ... who better to know what a girl likes than a girl?

BTW .... If I were a girl I'd be a lesbian

[Beetlejuice]

It may have something to do with the way Thai men treat their women (generally), also ... who better to know what a girl likes than a girl?

BTW .... If I were a girl I'd be a lesbian

I am a lesbian trapped in a man`s body.

Unfortunately the girls never believe me.

[Jebhead]

There are 2 bars in Pattaya catering for the tomboy types.

Must say,i havent seen an upperclass lesbian in an estate bar lol

2?? you crazy? there's a lot more than that.....

JH

[kerryk]

There are 2 bars in Pattaya catering for the tomboy types.

Must say,i havent seen an upperclass lesbian in an estate bar lol

2?? you crazy? there's a lot more than that.....

JH

Not saying I disagree but where are they Jeb?

[Jebhead]

There are 2 bars in Pattaya catering for the tomboy types.

Must say,i havent seen an upperclass lesbian in an estate bar lol

2?? you crazy? there's a lot more than that.....

JH

Not saying I disagree but where are they Jeb?

There's quite a few round the back of Carefour ( Big C extra ) I had a friend that lived above one for a month there, it's quite the scene.....

There is also a couple on some of the smaller soi's of soi bukhao and some of the smaller sois of 3rd rd between Pattaya Tai and Pattaya Klang.

It's the same as anything in Pattaya in the entertainment scene, an abundance of everything if you look......... i'm not even a lesbian - lol

JH

[zzaa09]

It may have something to do with the way Thai men treat their women (generally).

And we wonder why there is such a growing fashion and options to take Farang mates, less the desire - even disdain - to hook up with there own. It's a given, these days, that more and more young women refuse to take a Thai husband from the broad generational selection. I know many [quite eligible] Thai heterosexual women well into their 20's and 30's that would prefer to remain single if their only options were to marry the "new" predictable Thai guy......

The alternatives today are different and available in multitude, as they seek something else.

I can almost guarantee that the general character of Thai men was much different and more appealing some decades ago, compared to the contemporary pool of Thai men available.