Internet Forums

[pepsi666]

Are you a member of any Internet Forums?

Which Category do you fall into ??

The Alpha Male -

So called because he believes he is always right, his opinions are those that matter the most, and woe betide anyone that disagrees with any of those views. You will be shot down in a ball of flames and then ignored for the rest of your time on a message board by the hareem of female followers Mr Alpha Male has picked up during his time here. We all know Mr A has no life thus he has to be the king of his own domain, and a message board gives him that role. Pity him. Someone has to.

The Alpha Female -

She knows everyone and everything. Enough said.

The Lurker -

Lurkers are unavoidable. They register, never post a thing.

They look and read and observe. They can often been seen lurking in parks on hot days with sunglasses and a rainmac on, easily spotted and easily dealt with if found to be plagiarising any board content. If this is you. POST GOD DAMMIT.

The Flamer -

The person that makes those little comments that suddenly turn the whole community into a village of pitchfork wielding mobhunters,threatening to chop off any and allextremities, and can be found huddledin MSN and corners, whispering, HOW DARE THEY COME HERE. Of course, the flamer is sat behind his/her desk, smirking away that their job is done for the day. A sad existance, examples of these creatures can be found running countries.

The Manic Poster -

Easily spotted, they usually have the highest post count. No further explanation needed.

The Shy Poster -

Makes a few posts here and there, apologises for everything they say or do or post. Can been seen hanging around the general area, mooching in the leftovers of the flame war, trying to find a backbone.

The Bad Speller -

There is always one. These creatures will either be loved by everyone or bullied because of their lack of grammar and punctuation, newbies who spell badly can sometimes be targeted by the Alpha Female. Just call her a batch. It will confuse her for a while and keep her from cybering Mr A for 15 minutes.

The Stupid One -

All forums have a user that is thicker than the thighs on a russian female shotputter from Leningrad. Can be found posting in the help section, or making posts such as:- "I dont get it". These

creatures often end up as lurkers, mainly because they can't understand what the hel_l anyone is talking about.

The Know-It-All -

Yes, those people, who despite being raised by dwarves in a cave, because of course they have lived in a cave and know dwarves, can be seen posting about every experience, saying "oh I had that happen" or " I have a friend who did this" etc. For someone so knowledgable, it never fails to baffle as to why they cannot find the off-switch on their PC and discover the real world.

The Newbie/Oldie -

As with some communities, old members who havemade a total ass of themselves in previous posts, go away, re-invent their whole persona, and re-register. They can be easily spotted as these poor delusional creatures will slip up and make reference to something they shouldn't know anything about, but miracles of miracles. They do.

The Newbie -

Depending on the person, a newbie will make a few posts here and there. It also depends on the age of your forum, the older the forum, the harder it is to fit in with the "crowd!" no doubt you will be vetted by the alpha male and female, and once deemed cool and sexy, you will fit in just fine.

The Oldie -

Here from the beginning of the boards, a stalwart member, never goes anywhere else, will defend the forum until they are gasping their last consonant and vowel. These people will remember everything, find posts referencing these events, and point out how it used to be "different" in their day. To find these creatures, just make a post on how boring it is, and you will bring them out and everyone else for that matter. Not advisable to newbies, do not make your first post and say how boring it is. You may well find yourself tipped upside down and disposed of in the delete can.

The Bullet Loader -

These are creatures that don't have the balls to say something about someone, so they plant the bullet in others minds, usually via PM or MSN and sit back and watch as the gun is shot by someone else.

The Letch -

Easily noticable hanging around users pictures and drooling on them. Purchasing a mop and bucket while setting up a forum is advisable.

The GoodLooking One -

Just go to the picture forum and find the thread with the most posts and most views. This is generally where you will find the picture of the said Goodlooking one.

The Helper -

Easily spotted clinging to a new users undercarriage, offering what help and assistance they can, and often giving out advice.

These creatures are not staff as a rule. But can be mistaken for one, just double-check the staffing list, and thank the helper, and then go out and buy some pile cream. That will ease the problem in no time.

The Staff -

All message boards have staff. Depending on the owner of the board, these can be true members who show professionlism at all times, or are best buddies of the Site Owner and can get away with whatever they like. It is easy to distinguish between the two different types. Always stay calm and never allow yourself to be wound up by Staff. This is a sure-fire way to being warned or removed completely. A good rule of thumb is if you are warned, the staff are doing a good job.

Most forum owners do not like banning.

The Owner -

Last but not least. A good site owner will have a sense of humour, get involved with the community, control the above examples of users in such a way that some may not recognise that flaming and bullet loading go on. Most site owners can be identified by the bags under the eyes, the constant white foaming at the mouth, the unsociable hours posts. Keeping and running a community is hard work and requires a great deal of patience and effort. Remember to thank your community leader

often. They carry toffees in their pockets and are usually called Dave.

Edited July 18, 2010 by pepsi666

[Jingthing]

OK, I'm a manic poster clearly, but is that all? It all feels so cold.

[eek]

Moving to pub.

In doing so remember to "Always stay calm and never allow yourself to be wound up by Staff. This is a sure-fire way to being warned or removed completely"

[sulasno]

I am a forum junkie lol

[thrilled]

I wonder why thailand forums wern't mentioned?

[pepsi666]

I wonder why thailand forums wern't mentioned?

Are you a member of any Internet Forums?

I reckon ANY internet forums cover this place as well

[joe552]

Why does Dave carry toffee in his pocket? Sounds very suspicious to me!!

[zzaa09]

As a member of a sorted forum or three....I might be classified as an old hand.

[Patsycat]

You forgot the fat, female feminazis.

[StreetCowboy]

You forgot the fat, female feminazis.

They were not forgotten, but like the fat balding sexpats with singlets and bad breath, and Gary Lineker having sex, there are some images we have to try very hard to erase

SC