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Thai Wife Pawns Wedding Ring

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Jai yen yen, Colabamumbai. You're here asking for what interpretations might explain her behaviour and you're receiving possible reasons spread out from one end of the spectrum to the other. None of us knows for sure what her true motivations are. Apparently neither do you, else you wouldn't be asking. I'd suggest approaching her perhaps directly before possibly prematurely, and wrongly?, concluding for certain.

Even if the worst case scenario happened to be the true reality of it Patsy is correct in questioning your love for her were you to dump her on the street. I'd prefer to exit as a gentleman and at least keep my love intact. You'd be a much more peaceful man for it. Granted, though, that route is always easier said than done. ;)

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I have saved her from the street once why should I do it again, I don't like to be used, maybe she should learn the lesson, if you don't pay your bills nothing good will come of it. You cannot live on other peoples money whether it is the banks/mortgage or asking friends to help you. If I asked you for $56,000 bhat and another few thousand to fix up the house etc and then you throw it in my face by selling an item for 2,000 bhat you demean me. I am worth a lot more than that to my self or any other person. I have self pride and don't like to feel that I have been taken for a ride. She can find another foreigner and go thru the same thing with him, after all a retirement visa is easier to apply for than a marriage visa. And if I will not sign the divorce papers she will have a hard time to find another foreigner to con. When she asks for her passport and Tambien baan I will just tell her that I pawned it.

Colabamumbai, wish to suggest that you take time to review everything. Take on board what patsy has written. My head isnt quite screwed on at this time because im not feeling very well..so I typed a general mish-mash of thoughts. Please think it all through very carefully. Take care.

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Jai yen yen, Colabamumbai. You're here asking for what interpretations might explain her behaviour and you're receiving possible reasons spread out from one end of the spectrum to the other. None of us knows for sure what her true motivations are. Apparently neither do you, else you wouldn't be asking. I'd suggest approaching her perhaps directly before possibly prematurely, and wrongly?, concluding for certain.

Even if the worst case scenario happened to be the true reality of it Patsy is correct in questioning your love for her were you to dump her on the street. I'd prefer to exit as a gentleman and at least keep my love intact. You'd be a much more peaceful man for it. Granted, though, that route is always easier said than done. ;)

I like your comments and as always I am a gentleman.

  • Author

Colabamumbai, wish to suggest that you take time to review everything. Take on board what patsy has written. My head isnt quite screwed on at this time because im not feeling very well..so I typed a general mish-mash of thoughts. Please think it all through very carefully. Take care.

I do look at all of this with a sense of humour after all I have nothing to loose and probably more to gain. When one door closes another always opens. I just had to express my thoughts and feelings because I am a hardworking honest man and do my best to support her and the family. I could very easily tell them to f.... ... as there are many women who would be interested in me. But when I make a commitment I am honest and work hard to fulfill it. Although sometimes there is no point in banging my head against the wall. She went to work today for the first time since we married so that is a positive step on her behalf.

  • Author

Colabamumbai, wish to suggest that you take time to review everything. Take on board what patsy has written. My head isnt quite screwed on at this time because im not feeling very well..so I typed a general mish-mash of thoughts. Please think it all through very carefully. Take care.

I do look at all of this with a sense of humour after all I have nothing to loose and probably more to gain. When one door closes another always opens. I just had to express my thoughts and feelings because I am a hardworking honest man and do my best to support her and the family. I could very easily tell them to f.... ... as there are many women who would be interested in me. But when I make a commitment I am honest and work hard to fulfill it. Although sometimes there is no point in banging my head against the wall. She went to work today for the first time since we married so that is a positive step on her behalf.

When she wants to she pretends that she cannot understand English, but when she wants to talk she has no problem speaking English and I do speak sufficient Thai.

I am a positive person and strive to help others in whatever situation they may be in. I have spent ten years in India, Pakistan, Afghanistan Thailand Laos etc and am familiar with cultures and customs. I am a giver not a taker, and as a result sometimes feel that I give too much and it can be interpreted that I am an easy mark, but that is not the case.

Ok..i may get strung up for this..but <snip> In general, many of things men write in this forum leaves me agog. <snip>

A bit OT, but the above forces my manhood to comment. <_<

Yes, if you haven't noticed yet men are quite different than women. <Humph!> Is this really a shocker? Not only are their attitudes not nearly the same as a woman's there are even greater striking dissimilarities in the physical sense. Come now. Place a man standing next to a woman. Look very, very closely. Do you see it yet? No? :whistling: Geesh, the woman is missing the Adam's apple. Must I point out everything? :rolleyes:

:P

Hope you're feeling better, eek. A bit of laughter goes a long way. Kinda helps loosen the phlegm and . . . oh, never mind. :D

Bina has it right, the ring has more sentimentality to you than it does to her. My husband never wears his wedding ring and has, in fact, exchanged it more than once as it gets beaten up and bent.

His father gave me an intricate 2 baht gold necklace when we got married years ago and yes, I still have it, because it does have sentimental value to me, but then I am not Thai. My MIL exchanges her gold fairly regularly as she wears it all the time and it gets old and beaten up.

Your wife probably didn't want to ask you for the money knowing she'd have to put up with the third degree as to what she needed the money for. Seems to me, since you are posting in the ladies and want a woman's opinion, that you have your wife on a pretty tight leash and this may be her way of trying to have a modicum of independence.

You might try asking. Sometimes, communication works.

This is strange, in my opinion.

As you go about things here, whenever you think you have worked something out, think again as not everything is as it often seems.....but you have probably already worked that out.

Let me ask you this, Is there something your wife has given you that you have not thrown out/pawned or whatever, even though it may be completely worthless (in $$$ value)? Does your wife have possessions she has kept for a long time & seems rather fond of OR is she the type of woman that really doesnt care about possessions?

Good luck colabamumbai, you always come accross as a decent person here, I hope good things come your way. .

Bina has it right, the ring has more sentimentality to you than it does to her. My husband never wears his wedding ring and has, in fact, exchanged it more than once as it gets beaten up and bent.

His father gave me an intricate 2 baht gold necklace when we got married years ago and yes, I still have it, because it does have sentimental value to me, but then I am not Thai. My MIL exchanges her gold fairly regularly as she wears it all the time and it gets old and beaten up.

Your wife probably didn't want to ask you for the money knowing she'd have to put up with the third degree as to what she needed the money for. Seems to me, since you are posting in the ladies and want a woman's opinion, that you have your wife on a pretty tight leash and this may be her way of trying to have a modicum of independence.

You might try asking. Sometimes, communication works.

Very good points, sbk. :thumbsup: In fact, it brought to mind similar experiences with a former girlfriend of mine.

I, too, had saved her from the streets (not really but I think men like to think we do). She was poor all her life and never had access to "unlimited" (to her) funds. When I first came to Thailand on a transfer for an international company I was still being paid in my native currency. Therefore I gave her funds in cash weekly. After 6 months or so I was formally put on the payroll of our Thai facility. Though I was still paid the bulk of my wages back home I was also given a token Thai salary of 35,000 baht. This was meted out as a direct deposit, hence I had to open a Thai Bank account. I was given an ATM card by the bank.

I gave my girlfriend the ATM card and let her know that she had carte blanche access to it. And it was not to place a limit on her, either. But it did relieve me from having to pull money out of ATMs on a regular basis.

A week or two had gone by and I had come home one evening to see her rather distraught. I enquired as to what was weighing on her. She began to sob heavily and replied that she had to hock some of the jewelry I bought her because she ran out of money and I was no longer giving her any. I had an Oh My God :o response and gently explained again that the ATM was to replace the cash and no, she was not therefore limited, either.

All was well for quite some time but the issue surfaced once more in a few years. This time she was set on leaving me and could not even bring herself to broach the reason as to why. It became very clear to me then that she could never allow herself to accept that my money was her money, too, no matter how many times I would point blank explain it in undeniable (to me, at least) terms. For whatever reason I think she still viewed herself as not having money of her own (she didn't work) and obviously felt a bit of a beggar having to ask me for cash regularly.

People can leave you quite shocked as to the way they reason things out. You think to yourself, "Well, I woulda never thunk." Perhaps your mate has similar attitudes? In which case, treat her lovingly and appreciate the road she must have traveled on thus far.

BTW, she did eventually pawn a diamond ring I had given her very early on. I was surprised that she actually did get a very good baht for it considering what I had originally paid. :P And yes, it hurt. But there again, sentimentality may be more of western cultural aspect than a Thai one. I have noticed that Thais don't keep treasure chests of memorabilia as we tend to do.

Cheers, mate, and again, choke dee.

  • Author

This is strange, in my opinion.

As you go about things here, whenever you think you have worked something out, think again as not everything is as it often seems.....but you have probably already worked that out.

Let me ask you this, Is there something your wife has given you that you have not thrown out/pawned or whatever, even though it may be completely worthless (in $$ value)? Does your wife have possessions she has kept for a long time & seems rather fond of OR is she the type of woman that really doesnt care about possessions?

Good luck colabamumbai, you always come accross as a decent person here, I hope good things come your way. .

Thanks the wife has never given me anything, but did tell me she has sold all the gold that she received in her past life, she does not seem to care about posessions as such, but saw that I made improvements to the home, garden and septic system, everday I am putting money into the house for something. This morning I asked her how much money she gave her mother after pawning the ring, as the excuse was her mother needed money, she said 1,000 Bhat. She new very well that If she asked me I would have given it to her, today it is her mothers birthday and I had planned to take mother out for a massage and give her some money also, but that is off now. The wife is going to work now for the second day. what a surpirse.

  • Author

Bina has it right, the ring has more sentimentality to you than it does to her. My husband never wears his wedding ring and has, in fact, exchanged it more than once as it gets beaten up and bent.

His father gave me an intricate 2 baht gold necklace when we got married years ago and yes, I still have it, because it does have sentimental value to me, but then I am not Thai. My MIL exchanges her gold fairly regularly as she wears it all the time and it gets old and beaten up.

Your wife probably didn't want to ask you for the money knowing she'd have to put up with the third degree as to what she needed the money for. Seems to me, since you are posting in the ladies and want a woman's opinion, that you have your wife on a pretty tight leash and this may be her way of trying to have a modicum of independence.

You might try asking. Sometimes, communication works.

It is her who has me on the leash she will not let me take the motorcycle into Korat, we live 10 miles out, she uses the excuse that it is too dangerous. I owned a Yamaha 1,000 cc motorcycle for years in Canada, I know that Thai drivers are different but I am an experienced motorcycle driver without accidents, so I am forced to take a songtow, to get into the city. She is afraid that some woman may take a fancy to me if I go alone into town. She rushed the marriage I wanted to wait for 6 months, without my prior knowledge, dressed in shorts and and a t-shirt she took me to the Amphur to get us married the day after I had returned from a visa run to Laos. I did not realize what was happening until we were there. Yet when I asked her to add me to the house book she said she was too tired to do it. But she was not too tired to apply to have her last name changed to mine, since she has bad credit in her name.I have always told her open communication is necessary in any relationship, and if she needed more money just to ask. The only arguments if you want to call it that is where to put what flowers, where in the garden. Before I moved in with her no one took her dog for a walk and and a pee it was allowed to shit and piss wherever around the house, it is me who takes the dog out 3x a day.

Edited by Colabamumbai

Did she understand what the ring signified to you? Did you explain what a wedding ring means in your culture? I'm asking this because my girlfriend was unaware of the whole exchange of rings tradition. She asked me why we have 18 carat gold rings 'not real gold like in Thailand' I told her it's because it's mixed with other metal it lasts longer, you wear it every day and keep it forever to remind you of your wedding day, if it was pure gold it would wear down too much as it's too soft. She has some gold but she changes it when she feels like having something different, and will pawn it for a month if she needs to get some money quickly, she doesn't have the sentimental attachment to it that some people might have.

I told her that if we get married she will have a wedding ring but it's not to be pawned, or exchanged and it might not be 'real gold' but it's not to show how much money we have it's to remember our wedding day and shows that she's married. Now she understands. I told her "if you marry me you need to understand that some things will be Thai and some will be English ha sip ha sip", we discuss the differences in our cultures and countries quite regularly and the compromises we will need to make to make it work. I just wonder if you've had or have conversations like that with your wife.

To be honest with you, it seems like you're both have different understandings about your relationship, it seems as though you are a decent man and have done a lot to help her but any relationship, and marriage especially, is about communication and understanding, which, from your posts in this thread, seem to be fairly limited. Money is, of course, a factor but it's not the most important one. I mean you're telling us here about things you're not happy about (quite why you're 'not allowed' on your own motorbike I'm not sure!). Have you told her?

I don't mean to be personal and I don't know enough about you and your wife to be sure but that's what I'm picking up from this thread.

I hope you can find some way of talking this through, it seems as though this has upset you as you are talking about leaving her. Make sure she knows how much this has upset you before you decide.

I think there may be more than just the ring that you're not happy about.

  • Author

Did she understand what the ring signified to you? Did you explain what a wedding ring means in your culture? I'm asking this because my girlfriend was unaware of the whole exchange of rings tradition. She asked me why we have 18 carat gold rings 'not real gold like in Thailand' I told her it's because it's mixed with other metal it lasts longer, you wear it every day and keep it forever to remind you of your wedding day, if it was pure gold it would wear down too much as it's too soft. She has some gold but she changes it when she feels like having something different, and will pawn it for a month if she needs to get some money quickly, she doesn't have the sentimental attachment to it that some people might have.

I told her that if we get married she will have a wedding ring but it's not to be pawned, or exchanged and it might not be 'real gold' but it's not to show how much money we have it's to remember our wedding day and shows that she's married. Now she understands. I told her "if you marry me you need to understand that some things will be Thai and some will be English ha sip ha sip", we discuss the differences in our cultures and countries quite regularly and the compromises we will need to make to make it work. I just wonder if you've had or have conversations like that with your wife.

To be honest with you, it seems like you're both have different understandings about your relationship, it seems as though you are a decent man and have done a lot to help her but any relationship, and marriage especially, is about communication and understanding, which, from your posts in this thread, seem to be fairly limited. Money is, of course, a factor but it's not the most important one. I mean you're telling us here about things you're not happy about (quite why you're 'not allowed' on your own motorbike I'm not sure!). Have you told her?

I don't mean to be personal and I don't know enough about you and your wife to be sure but that's what I'm picking up from this thread.

I hope you can find some way of talking this through, it seems as though this has upset you as you are talking about leaving her. Make sure she knows how much this has upset you before you decide.

I think there may be more than just the ring that you're not happy about.

Yes I explained all of this to her and we did buy 18 karat as we both know it will last longer, she picked the one she wanted.I have had 24k rings and they dent. It is her motorbike not mine. I explained that the ring is not to be pawned and if she needed extra money just to ask. Her excuse was that she needed money for her mother. It is mothers birthday today I was going to take mother for a massage, some shopping and out for dinner and give her some money Today she told me she gave her mother 1,000 bhat and that is why she pawned the ring, she new fully well my plans for her mothers birthday. So the plans are off now. Her story changes day to day first she has bills to pay (I pay all the household bills) then she says it is for her mother.

It is only the ring I am unhappy about because she knew the value of it between us, not the monetary value but the commitment. The monetary value was not the point. It has become my lack of trust with her as I have noticed a number of lies, she may think that I am stupid or will not remember what she said. I explained to her that open communication was the key to any relationship and or marriage and honesty between partners. Pawning the ring made me think that there is no real commitment on her behalf. The only problem we have ever had was where to put what flowers in the garden and she understands that it is nice to ask me where I may like the flowers to go, so now she asks here or there.

Thanks for your positive input.

Edited by sbk

  • Author

Did she understand what the ring signified to you? Did you explain what a wedding ring means in your culture? I'm asking this because my girlfriend was unaware of the whole exchange of rings tradition. She asked me why we have 18 carat gold rings 'not real gold like in Thailand' I told her it's because it's mixed with other metal it lasts longer, you wear it every day and keep it forever to remind you of your wedding day, if it was pure gold it would wear down too much as it's too soft. She has some gold but she changes it when she feels like having something different, and will pawn it for a month if she needs to get some money quickly, she doesn't have the sentimental attachment to it that some people might have.

I told her that if we get married she will have a wedding ring but it's not to be pawned, or exchanged and it might not be 'real gold' but it's not to show how much money we have it's to remember our wedding day and shows that she's married. Now she understands. I told her "if you marry me you need to understand that some things will be Thai and some will be English ha sip ha sip", we discuss the differences in our cultures and countries quite regularly and the compromises we will need to make to make it work. I just wonder if you've had or have conversations like that with your wife.

To be honest with you, it seems like you're both have different understandings about your relationship, it seems as though you are a decent man and have done a lot to help her but any relationship, and marriage especially, is about communication and understanding, which, from your posts in this thread, seem to be fairly limited. Money is, of course, a factor but it's not the most important one. I mean you're telling us here about things you're not happy about (quite why you're 'not allowed' on your own motorbike I'm not sure!). Have you told her?

I don't mean to be personal and I don't know enough about you and your wife to be sure but that's what I'm picking up from this thread.

I hope you can find some way of talking this through, it seems as though this has upset you as you are talking about leaving her. Make sure she knows how much this has upset you before you decide.

I think there may be more than just the ring that you're not happy about.

And it is more that coincidence that you mentioned ha sip ha sip 50/50 this has always been in my conversations with her, whether in regards to making decisions small or large, it takes 2 to make things work with equal input. I put my wife before myself, there is nothing I need as far as material goods go.

Yes I explained all of this to her and we did buy 18 karat as we both know it will last longer, she picked the one she wanted.I have had 24k rings and they dent. It is her motorbike not mine. I explained that the ring is not to be pawned and if she needed extra money just to ask. Her excuse was that she needed money for her mother. It is mothers birthday today I was going to take mother for a massage, some shopping and out for dinner and give her some money Today she told me she gave her mother 1,000 bhat and that is why she pawned the ring, she new fully well my plans for her mothers birthday. So the plans are off now. Her story changes day to day first she has bills to pay (I pay all the household bills) then she says it is for her mother.

It is only the ring I am unhappy about because she knew the value of it between us, not the monetary value but the commitment. The monetary value was not the point. It has become my lack of trust with her as I have noticed a number of lies, she may think that I am stupid or will not remember what she said. I explained to her that open communication was the key to any relationship and or marriage and honesty between partners. Pawning the ring made me think that there is no real commitment on her behalf. The only problem we have ever had was where to put what flowers in the garden and she understands that it is nice to ask me where I may like the flowers to go, so now she asks here or there.

Thanks for your positive input.

You seem like you understand a great many things and how a relationship is supposed to work, and yet you are completely blind to so much else. Do you really want to have to teach a child how to behave like a human being for the rest of your life? And you just dont seem to accept that the lies and deception and pawning of important meaningful symbols is all a bright neon sign that she does not love you. And if you are catching small lies she is telling BIG lies that she is getting away with. Anyway, I feel bad for you, having discovered last year my partner lied about so much and deceived me for years (no not even a Thai woman), I had to cut her loose no matter how much it hurt because I would never trust her again, the lies were too constant and I cant spend the rest of my life chasing after the truth, I shouldnt have to.

This is strange, in my opinion.

As you go about things here, whenever you think you have worked something out, think again as not everything is as it often seems.....but you have probably already worked that out.

Let me ask you this, Is there something your wife has given you that you have not thrown out/pawned or whatever, even though it may be completely worthless (in $$ value)? Does your wife have possessions she has kept for a long time & seems rather fond of OR is she the type of woman that really doesnt care about possessions?

Good luck colabamumbai, you always come accross as a decent person here, I hope good things come your way. .

Thanks the wife has never given me anything, but did tell me she has sold all the gold that she received in her past life, she does not seem to care about posessions as such, but saw that I made improvements to the home, garden and septic system, everday I am putting money into the house for something. This morning I asked her how much money she gave her mother after pawning the ring, as the excuse was her mother needed money, she said 1,000 Bhat. She new very well that If she asked me I would have given it to her, today it is her mothers birthday and I had planned to take mother out for a massage and give her some money also, but that is off now. The wife is going to work now for the second day. what a surpirse.

Okay Colabamumbai, no worries, you probably also realise that it is not really the mothers birthday today (Im taking a gambling chance of 1 in 365 here) but today is in fact 'Mothers Day' as it is the Queens birthday, so there is a little difference. Perhaps I am wrong & it is also the mothers birthday.

You seem to have given so much to the wife but its a point of notice that she didnt pawn something else or spend the remaining 1,000 baht (after sale of the ring) to buy you something.

I understand how these things may make you feel but perhaps, like another poster has suggested, perhaps she didnt realise what sentimental value you placed on it, as opposed to her (who seems to place little or none).

Take yourself out, buy yourself something nice, treat yourself to something, make sure you take the time to look around and smell the roses.

Have to say, I dont reaIIy quite see what insight the Iadies here can offer you. Im sure most of us have absoIuteIy no idea why your wife pawned her wedding ring. I imagine we have Iess experience of this kind of thing than the men in the forum have. So they are the ones to ask. Even if we specuIated it is IikeIy no different than the specuIation men can offer. So..for me personaIIy this thread is mispIaced in the Iadies forum. My onIy advice is why not just ask her..??

Says her mother needed money, mother lives with us, I slip mother $500 bhat ocassionally.

She pawned the ring and not sold the ring, with the thought that she can get it back when cashflow eases.

I suspect her family is in need of some emergency cash. Very common in farming communities of Issarn, leading to lending from loan sharks and other bad consequences.

Did you not choose the type of girl to be your wife, and her type of family to be your in-laws? So why the puzzlement now?

  • Author

Have to say, I dont reaIIy quite see what insight the Iadies here can offer you. Im sure most of us have absoIuteIy no idea why your wife pawned her wedding ring. I imagine we have Iess experience of this kind of thing than the men in the forum have. So they are the ones to ask. Even if we specuIated it is IikeIy no different than the specuIation men can offer. So..for me personaIIy this thread is mispIaced in the Iadies forum. My onIy advice is why not just ask her..??

Says her mother needed money, mother lives with us, I slip mother $500 bhat ocassionally.

She pawned the ring and not sold the ring, with the thought that she can get it back when cashflow eases.

I suspect her family is in need of some emergency cash. Very common in farming communities of Issarn, leading to lending from loan sharks and other bad consequences.

Did you not choose the type of girl to be your wife, and her type of family to be your in-laws? So why the puzzlement now?

She refused to show me the pawn receipt so I am now assuming maybe incorrectly that she sold it.

  • Author

This is strange, in my opinion.

As you go about things here, whenever you think you have worked something out, think again as not everything is as it often seems.....but you have probably already worked that out.

Let me ask you this, Is there something your wife has given you that you have not thrown out/pawned or whatever, even though it may be completely worthless (in $ value)? Does your wife have possessions she has kept for a long time & seems rather fond of OR is she the type of woman that really doesnt care about possessions?

Good luck colabamumbai, you always come accross as a decent person here, I hope good things come your way. .

Thanks the wife has never given me anything, but did tell me she has sold all the gold that she received in her past life, she does not seem to care about posessions as such, but saw that I made improvements to the home, garden and septic system, everday I am putting money into the house for something. This morning I asked her how much money she gave her mother after pawning the ring, as the excuse was her mother needed money, she said 1,000 Bhat. She new very well that If she asked me I would have given it to her, today it is her mothers birthday and I had planned to take mother out for a massage and give her some money also, but that is off now. The wife is going to work now for the second day. what a surpirse.

Okay Colabamumbai, no worries, you probably also realise that it is not really the mothers birthday today (Im taking a gambling chance of 1 in 365 here) but today is in fact 'Mothers Day' as it is the Queens birthday, so there is a little difference. Perhaps I am wrong & it is also the mothers birthday.

You seem to have given so much to the wife but its a point of notice that she didnt pawn something else or spend the remaining 1,000 baht (after sale of the ring) to buy you something.

I understand how these things may make you feel but perhaps, like another poster has suggested, perhaps she didnt realise what sentimental value you placed on it, as opposed to her (who seems to place little or none).

Take yourself out, buy yourself something nice, treat yourself to something, make sure you take the time to look around and smell the roses.

Yes you are probably right about the mothers day. She has never bought me anything, other than food some nights in the market to bring home if I was not there to pay for it. I don't really expect her to, but she does point out clothes and suggest that I buy them.

Thanks now already did when into town and bought myself a book and some oatmeal raisin cookies and just by chance had a married

American man introduce me to his Thai wife and his wifes' niece who is a charming lady and would like to see me even though I explained my current situation.

When one door closes another one always opens.

...and his wifes' niece who is a charming lady and would like to see me even though I explained my current situation.

When one door closes another one always opens.

Hope you are not jumping from a frying pan and into the fire...

  • Author

...and his wifes' niece who is a charming lady and would like to see me even though I explained my current situation.

When one door closes another one always opens.

Hope you are not jumping from a frying pan and into the fire...

No I will stay put. The wife has started working so hopefully things will improve. We have never argued or fought about anything, I have always been happy both before while dating and after marrying the wife, although she did rush the marriage. I have work only 2 days a week and would prefer 5 since I am not a layabout. I also go and help around in the tambon to keep busy and to make a contribution, without remuneration, unclogging drains and removing fallen trees off the roads etc, where ever I see an opportunity to contribute in some small way, helping neighbours etc. I have seen that the Thai people have respect for this.

Did she understand what the ring signified to you? Did you explain what a wedding ring means in your culture? I'm asking this because my girlfriend was unaware of the whole exchange of rings tradition. She asked me why we have 18 carat gold rings 'not real gold like in Thailand' I told her it's because it's mixed with other metal it lasts longer, you wear it every day and keep it forever to remind you of your wedding day, if it was pure gold it would wear down too much as it's too soft. She has some gold but she changes it when she feels like having something different, and will pawn it for a month if she needs to get some money quickly, she doesn't have the sentimental attachment to it that some people might have.

I told her that if we get married she will have a wedding ring but it's not to be pawned, or exchanged and it might not be 'real gold' but it's not to show how much money we have it's to remember our wedding day and shows that she's married. Now she understands. I told her "if you marry me you need to understand that some things will be Thai and some will be English ha sip ha sip", we discuss the differences in our cultures and countries quite regularly and the compromises we will need to make to make it work. I just wonder if you've had or have conversations like that with your wife.

To be honest with you, it seems like you're both have different understandings about your relationship, it seems as though you are a decent man and have done a lot to help her but any relationship, and marriage especially, is about communication and understanding, which, from your posts in this thread, seem to be fairly limited. Money is, of course, a factor but it's not the most important one. I mean you're telling us here about things you're not happy about (quite why you're 'not allowed' on your own motorbike I'm not sure!). Have you told her?

I don't mean to be personal and I don't know enough about you and your wife to be sure but that's what I'm picking up from this thread.

I hope you can find some way of talking this through, it seems as though this has upset you as you are talking about leaving her. Make sure she knows how much this has upset you before you decide.

I think there may be more than just the ring that you're not happy about.

Yes I explained all of this to her and we did buy 18 karat as we both know it will last longer, she picked the one she wanted.I have had 24k rings and they dent. It is her motorbike not mine. I explained that the ring is not to be pawned and if she needed extra money just to ask. Her excuse was that she needed money for her mother. It is mothers birthday today I was going to take mother for a massage, some shopping and out for dinner and give her some money Today she told me she gave her mother 1,000 bhat and that is why she pawned the ring, she new fully well my plans for her mothers birthday. So the plans are off now. Her story changes day to day first she has bills to pay (I pay all the household bills) then she says it is for her mother.

It is only the ring I am unhappy about because she knew the value of it between us, not the monetary value but the commitment. The monetary value was not the point. It has become my lack of trust with her as I have noticed a number of lies, she may think that I am stupid or will not remember what she said. I explained to her that open communication was the key to any relationship and or marriage and honesty between partners. Pawning the ring made me think that there is no real commitment on her behalf. The only problem we have ever had was where to put what flowers in the garden and she understands that it is nice to ask me where I may like the flowers to go, so now she asks here or there.

Thanks for your positive input.

It does seem as thought this has opened up a rift between the two of you and it will need some time and some talking to get the trust back. It may be that something happened that she is embarrassed about or doesn't want to tell you about. I note your comment about 'has si ha sip' and it seems as though you have quite a good level of communication. As a slight aside, but it may be of some help, I happened across this article about people's concepts of right and wrong within relationships, it may appear to a little on the 'self help; side of things but i found it interesting and thought provoking.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/thewrongstuff/archive/2010/08/09/those-three-little-words-honey-you-re-right-harville-hendrix-on-being-wrong.aspx

I think you need to allow yourself to be upset about what's happened but that in itself doesn't need to be a threat to your relationship. Another thread threw up something else which made me think of you and your troubles, it was in the language forum and was a translation of this note post-86914-040070400 1281672550_thumb.pn

Here's a link to the thread http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/390497-could-you-please-help-to-translate/

I hope you can work things out :)

  • Author

Did she understand what the ring signified to you? Did you explain what a wedding ring means in your culture? I'm asking this because my girlfriend was unaware of the whole exchange of rings tradition. She asked me why we have 18 carat gold rings 'not real gold like in Thailand' I told her it's because it's mixed with other metal it lasts longer, you wear it every day and keep it forever to remind you of your wedding day, if it was pure gold it would wear down too much as it's too soft. She has some gold but she changes it when she feels like having something different, and will pawn it for a month if she needs to get some money quickly, she doesn't have the sentimental attachment to it that some people might have.

I told her that if we get married she will have a wedding ring but it's not to be pawned, or exchanged and it might not be 'real gold' but it's not to show how much money we have it's to remember our wedding day and shows that she's married. Now she understands. I told her "if you marry me you need to understand that some things will be Thai and some will be English ha sip ha sip", we discuss the differences in our cultures and countries quite regularly and the compromises we will need to make to make it work. I just wonder if you've had or have conversations like that with your wife.

To be honest with you, it seems like you're both have different understandings about your relationship, it seems as though you are a decent man and have done a lot to help her but any relationship, and marriage especially, is about communication and understanding, which, from your posts in this thread, seem to be fairly limited. Money is, of course, a factor but it's not the most important one. I mean you're telling us here about things you're not happy about (quite why you're 'not allowed' on your own motorbike I'm not sure!). Have you told her?

I don't mean to be personal and I don't know enough about you and your wife to be sure but that's what I'm picking up from this thread.

I hope you can find some way of talking this through, it seems as though this has upset you as you are talking about leaving her. Make sure she knows how much this has upset you before you decide.

I think there may be more than just the ring that you're not happy about.

Yes I explained all of this to her and we did buy 18 karat as we both know it will last longer, she picked the one she wanted.I have had 24k rings and they dent. It is her motorbike not mine. I explained that the ring is not to be pawned and if she needed extra money just to ask. Her excuse was that she needed money for her mother. It is mothers birthday today I was going to take mother for a massage, some shopping and out for dinner and give her some money Today she told me she gave her mother 1,000 bhat and that is why she pawned the ring, she new fully well my plans for her mothers birthday. So the plans are off now. Her story changes day to day first she has bills to pay (I pay all the household bills) then she says it is for her mother.

It is only the ring I am unhappy about because she knew the value of it between us, not the monetary value but the commitment. The monetary value was not the point. It has become my lack of trust with her as I have noticed a number of lies, she may think that I am stupid or will not remember what she said. I explained to her that open communication was the key to any relationship and or marriage and honesty between partners. Pawning the ring made me think that there is no real commitment on her behalf. The only problem we have ever had was where to put what flowers in the garden and she understands that it is nice to ask me where I may like the flowers to go, so now she asks here or there.

Thanks for your positive input.

It does seem as thought this has opened up a rift between the two of you and it will need some time and some talking to get the trust back. It may be that something happened that she is embarrassed about or doesn't want to tell you about. I note your comment about 'has si ha sip' and it seems as though you have quite a good level of communication. As a slight aside, but it may be of some help, I happened across this article about people's concepts of right and wrong within relationships, it may appear to a little on the 'self help; side of things but i found it interesting and thought provoking.

http://www.slate.com...eing-wrong.aspx

I think you need to allow yourself to be upset about what's happened but that in itself doesn't need to be a threat to your relationship. Another thread threw up something else which made me think of you and your troubles, it was in the language forum and was a translation of this note post-86914-040070400 1281672550_thumb.pn

Here's a link to the thread http://www.thaivisa....p-to-translate/

I hope you can work things out :)

You are a real positive guy, thank you for taking the time and interest and for your input. I dont have the Thai words handy but there is a Thai proverb "Life is too short to be angry," I try to adhere to it. We had what I thought was an excellent conversation last night about the recent problem, it actually brought her to tears. But she tells me that she is not good for me, makes me wonder where we are headed. I gave her some more money today, it seems to make her happy at least. Whenever I have asked her if I could buy her a dress or something she always says no. We found some nice perfume "beautiful" sprayed some on her, when she found out that it cost $3,000 bhat she told me that it was too much to spend on perfume for her, so I appreciate her honesty in most respects. I have not spent a penny on myself, but today I see that my shoes have to be replaced, she knows I work for her and not for material goods for myself, as I know happiness comes from within. I just want her to be happy with me and not the thought of money.

I am sure she has her untold problems. Learn to forgive her.

  • Author

I am sure she has her untold problems. Learn to forgive her.

Untold problems? Like I just paid the bank $56,000 bhat so they would not reposses her house and throw her family out. Maybe she owes money to moneylenders, or maybe just too lazy to work. In her own words "The neighbours ask me why I should have to work now that I am married to a ferang." She seems to think that it is now beneath her to take a full time job. I work to support her and her family, lets see her, mother, son, daughter. Just 4 of them. I have no problem forgiving her, but to regain my trust is going to take some doing.

  • Author

I am sure she has her untold problems. Learn to forgive her.

She will have untold problems if I stop paying the bank the mortgage payments, it can be wet living on the street in the rainy season.

If my wife was to pawn her wedding ring for 2k I would leave. That show me she has no feelings for you. Get out before it gets worse.

  • Author

If my wife was to pawn her wedding ring for 2k I would leave. That show me she has no feelings for you. Get out before it gets worse.

I do love her just looking at my options now. May sound selfish but after paying $56,000 to the bank to save her house, I figure Im due a few months living here, also will need time to decide what is best for me and where I will go to live. I could have choosed between a dozen women, but thought I loved this woman and still do. But as you say if it is going to be a one way street I will be on the way out.

Appreciate your reply and what you would do and how you would feel. I could leave today and not make the next months mortgage payment, I guess the bank would give her a few months more before throwing her out. What goes around comes around.

Hey friend -

Did I not read you just got married? I think you should be planning a quick and quiet exit.

Evaluate your situation. You sort of answered your own question by posting.

You may be entitled to the whole house - but my advice is get out because being around her the mood will only become more sour and anything can happen. TiT anything!

Leave with your head high, she in the wrong. She played a very short game. She may actually want you to go. More signs to come?

PS: This why she have to work, she married to falang is BS(!!!). Almost as much as the give money to my family nonsense. She is not a princess. I told my gf in no uncertain terms that she will work at least until she is 40 - I had to...and if that isnt good for her, Im not her man.

Maybe the problem is that the work she is capable of low paying and very unrewarding? Maybe she is totally lazy. Maybe she is taking you for a sucker?

Edited by bangkokburning

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