I am sure she has her untold problems. Learn to forgive her.

I realize that Thai's often do not get/give rings. But in the west - even losing a ring. Being careless and dropping it down a drain - is a huge loss of face. I could never forgive my wife for pawning a ring, esp if she didnot come to me and ask for 2k Baht. Sheesh! Forgive more like forget.

Sorry - I just saw this thread from the forum and said WOW. I will leave you ladies and never post here again.

Hey friend -

Did I not read you just got married? I think you should be planning a quick and quiet exit.

Evaluate your situation. You sort of answered your own question by posting.

You may be entitled to the whole house - but my advice is get out because being around her the mood will only become more sour and anything can happen. TiT anything!

Leave with your head high, she in the wrong. She played a very short game. She may actually want you to go. More signs to come?

PS: This why she have to work, she married to falang is BS(!!!). Almost as much as the give money to my family nonsense. She is not a princess. I told my gf in no uncertain terms that she will work at least until she is 40 - I had to...and if that isnt good for her, Im not her man.

Maybe the problem is that the work she is capable of low paying and very unrewarding? Maybe she is totally lazy. Maybe she is taking you for a sucker?

Well she sees that I earn a Hundred bucks for 8 hours work and she has to work for 14 days, 12 hours a day to make the same money. Although I only have 8 hours work a week. She knows that I am not rich and do not get a pension for another 5 years. I understand why many posters here say that it is easier to get a retirement visa than a marriage visa, it is the marriage that can be the problem, not just the excessive paperwork. Written with a sense of humour. Tonight she asks me if I really lover her. I told her what do you will think, that I will pay the bank $2000. on your house and make mortgage payments if I am just looking for a good time. I still have women calling me veryday even though they are aware that I am living with someone.

OK, so, lets see, you are unhappy she is so concerned with money but then offer her money to make her happy.

Did she understand what the ring signified to you? Did you explain what a wedding ring means in your culture? I'm asking this because my girlfriend was unaware of the whole exchange of rings tradition. She asked me why we have 18 carat gold rings 'not real gold like in Thailand' I told her it's because it's mixed with other metal it lasts longer, you wear it every day and keep it forever to remind you of your wedding day, if it was pure gold it would wear down too much as it's too soft. She has some gold but she changes it when she feels like having something different, and will pawn it for a month if she needs to get some money quickly, she doesn't have the sentimental attachment to it that some people might have.

I told her that if we get married she will have a wedding ring but it's not to be pawned, or exchanged and it might not be 'real gold' but it's not to show how much money we have it's to remember our wedding day and shows that she's married. Now she understands. I told her "if you marry me you need to understand that some things will be Thai and some will be English ha sip ha sip", we discuss the differences in our cultures and countries quite regularly and the compromises we will need to make to make it work. I just wonder if you've had or have conversations like that with your wife.

To be honest with you, it seems like you're both have different understandings about your relationship, it seems as though you are a decent man and have done a lot to help her but any relationship, and marriage especially, is about communication and understanding, which, from your posts in this thread, seem to be fairly limited. Money is, of course, a factor but it's not the most important one. I mean you're telling us here about things you're not happy about (quite why you're 'not allowed' on your own motorbike I'm not sure!). Have you told her?

I don't mean to be personal and I don't know enough about you and your wife to be sure but that's what I'm picking up from this thread.

I hope you can find some way of talking this through, it seems as though this has upset you as you are talking about leaving her. Make sure she knows how much this has upset you before you decide.

I think there may be more than just the ring that you're not happy about.

Yes I explained all of this to her and we did buy 18 karat as we both know it will last longer, she picked the one she wanted.I have had 24k rings and they dent. It is her motorbike not mine. I explained that the ring is not to be pawned and if she needed extra money just to ask. Her excuse was that she needed money for her mother. It is mothers birthday today I was going to take mother for a massage, some shopping and out for dinner and give her some money Today she told me she gave her mother 1,000 bhat and that is why she pawned the ring, she new fully well my plans for her mothers birthday. So the plans are off now. Her story changes day to day first she has bills to pay (I pay all the household bills) then she says it is for her mother.

It is only the ring I am unhappy about because she knew the value of it between us, not the monetary value but the commitment. The monetary value was not the point. It has become my lack of trust with her as I have noticed a number of lies, she may think that I am stupid or will not remember what she said. I explained to her that open communication was the key to any relationship and or marriage and honesty between partners. Pawning the ring made me think that there is no real commitment on her behalf. The only problem we have ever had was where to put what flowers in the garden and she understands that it is nice to ask me where I may like the flowers to go, so now she asks here or there.

Thanks for your positive input.

It does seem as thought this has opened up a rift between the two of you and it will need some time and some talking to get the trust back. It may be that something happened that she is embarrassed about or doesn't want to tell you about. I note your comment about 'has si ha sip' and it seems as though you have quite a good level of communication. As a slight aside, but it may be of some help, I happened across this article about people's concepts of right and wrong within relationships, it may appear to a little on the 'self help; side of things but i found it interesting and thought provoking.

http://www.slate.com...eing-wrong.aspx

I think you need to allow yourself to be upset about what's happened but that in itself doesn't need to be a threat to your relationship. Another thread threw up something else which made me think of you and your troubles, it was in the language forum and was a translation of this note

Here's a link to the thread http://www.thaivisa....p-to-translate/

I hope you can work things out

You are a real positive guy, thank you for taking the time and interest and for your input. I dont have the Thai words handy but there is a Thai proverb "Life is too short to be angry," I try to adhere to it. We had what I thought was an excellent conversation last night about the recent problem, it actually brought her to tears. But she tells me that she is not good for me, makes me wonder where we are headed. I gave her some more money today, it seems to make her happy at least. Whenever I have asked her if I could buy her a dress or something she always says no. We found some nice perfume "beautiful" sprayed some on her, when she found out that it cost $3,000 bhat she told me that it was too much to spend on perfume for her, so I appreciate her honesty in most respects. I have not spent a penny on myself, but today I see that my shoes have to be replaced, she knows I work for her and not for material goods for myself, as I know happiness comes from within. I just want her to be happy with me and not the thought of money.

I thought the same, when my g/f used to say that to me, then I spoke to my other Thai friends and they said "no no, means she loves you for real! 100%" I still don't get it but it's self-deprecating and seems to be some kind of reverse compliment. For someone who says it's not the thought of money, you do seem to mention money quite a lot!

You seem to focus on the money side of things, mortgage payments, etc. Perhaps you both need to try and put aside the day to day money issues and get back to what got you together in the first place, assuming it wasn't money!

Oh and the village gossips? "why she need to work? she have husband falang"... don't listen to them, even a bit, ever. In my g/f's village the gossip is either '"she have boyfriend falang, why she not have new home? He not have much money, mai dee" or "if you need money ask she, she have boyfriend falang, have too much money!" (this was from the mouth of the same person on the same day)

What's important is how your relationship with your wife works, if you both decide it's better for the health of your marriage for her to work, and you both feel better because of it, then do it and let them talk. They'll talk anyway, what ever you do or don't do they'll pick holes in it, they do it to make themselves feel better.

Edited August 13, 201015 yr by bifftastic

In general I have found Thais to be very practical, in the vein that they view pawning personal items as no big deal. I have also personally met Thais that are as sentimental as any westerner.

In any case, good luck to you. Marriage and relationships boil down to what you can accept and - what you can't.

In general I have found Thais to be very practical, in the vein that they view pawning personal items as no big deal. I have also personally met Thais that are as sentimental as any westerner.

In any case, good luck to you. Marriage and relationships boil down to what you can accept and - what you can't.

I'm obviously missing something here. The OP discovered that his wife had pawned her wedding ring as she decided that money was more important than the symbol of her marriage.

He wanted advice from the 'Ladies' forum as to whether this was acceptable or not, and the women on the forum were far too polite (generally) to point out the obvious, but made subtle comments that perhaps it wasn't ideal.

The latest comments are all by men.

Why is this topic still going? Its not a question that interests woman at all (other than out of morbid curiosity, to show just how stupid some men can be).

Edited August 20, 201015 yr by F1fanatic

ACTUALLY I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS MODS (haven't figured out how to send out PM's in the new system yet). WHY IS THIS TOPIC STILL GOING???

You simply click the little envelope under the name. Or use the report button. But if you can come up with some really good reason to close it, I see no reason to not just let it slide down the list of topics.

You simply click the little envelope under the name. Or use the report button. But if you can come up with some really good reason to close it, I see no reason to not just let it slide down the list of topics.

Not sure how to but moderators can close the topic. Can see the envelope under my name. Thanks for everyones input I have learned a lot reading the replies and other peoples experiences and hopefully others have learned something about living in Thailand also. Thanks TVF.

Edited August 21, 201015 yr by Colabamumbai

Click the envelope to PM a member, sorry for not being clearer colabamumbai.

Just curious if you have tried having a serious heart to heart about this with your wife?

Click the envelope to PM a member, sorry for not being clearer colabamumbai.

Just curious if you have tried having a serious heart to heart about this with your wife?

Yes we are talking everyday, communication seems to be good, seems to be, I told her just a little lack of trust now.

sure thais do use gold as a means of money in hard times but tbh, you aren't thai are you, soif she doesn't know you well enough to get you would be bothered by her pawning the wedding ring & that she never thought to even check with you before doing so then I would suggest you need to address these problems first.

But imo, I wouldn't go getting the ring out of hock for her, go get it & keep it to yourself if you want it back but it obviously has no value of an emotional kind to her.

As for the rest of the money troubles she seems to be in, my only advice would be to think very carefully about how much you are prepared to sink into this person who obviously can't cope with her financial responsibilities.

Click the envelope to PM a member, sorry for not being clearer colabamumbai.

Just curious if you have tried having a serious heart to heart about this with your wife?

We had an argument last night. I asked for the motorcycle keys, she refused to give them to me I took them from her hands, she hit me 3 times. I later locked myself in the bedroom. Her ex husbands comes in the midddle of the night, uses a kitchen knife to open the bedroom door and threatens to throw me out. I tell him not to worry I will leave in the morning, and I did, this morning. Do I have any rights here in Thailand? Not that I would want to continue living with her, but possibly charging her with assault for punching me.?

Click the envelope to PM a member, sorry for not being clearer colabamumbai.

Just curious if you have tried having a serious heart to heart about this with your wife?

We had an argument last night. I asked for the motorcycle keys, she refused to give them to me I took them from her hands, she hit me 3 times. I later locked myself in the bedroom. Her ex husbands comes in the midddle of the night, uses a kitchen knife to open the bedroom door and threatens to throw me out. I tell him not to worry I will leave in the morning, and I did, this morning. Do I have any rights here in Thailand? Not that I would want to continue living with her, but possibly charging her with assault for punching me.?

I'd like to think you were joking, but somehow I think you're not.....

Get away with whatever you can, the rest is just a lesson learned the hard way.

But, anything in your name, i.e.land, car etc. - you can go to court to get 50%.

Count yourself v lucky you didn't have children to make the whole thing a lot worse....

Edited August 24, 201015 yr by F1fanatic

Click the envelope to PM a member, sorry for not being clearer colabamumbai.

Just curious if you have tried having a serious heart to heart about this with your wife?

We had an argument last night. I asked for the motorcycle keys, she refused to give them to me I took them from her hands, she hit me 3 times. I later locked myself in the bedroom. Her ex husbands comes in the midddle of the night, uses a kitchen knife to open the bedroom door and threatens to throw me out. I tell him not to worry I will leave in the morning, and I did, this morning. Do I have any rights here in Thailand? Not that I would want to continue living with her, but possibly charging her with assault for punching me.?

She might well still be involved with her 'ex husband' and they are in cahoots to strip you of every baht they can, otherwise why should this Thai man show an interest in a woman he is no longer involved with. Move away and stay away or you could wind up on the barbecue as did the Englishman a few years ago and whose remains were fed to the pigs and tigers. You are wasting your time getting police to arrest her for assault.

Are you sure he is the ex husband???

Sorry mate - run and don't look back. Cancel that ban k card she has and change your pin numbers and credit cards etc. It all looks like a cultural issue until ex-husband (new BF 'wolf' in ex-husband 'sheep's' clothing perhaps). Move on man, the old adage about fish and the large expanse of briny is truer here than most other places - and a change is ten times better than a rest.

Oh well, having complained about the thread, its turning more and more into a male 'warning' thread - to which I've contributed .

I still think its not a thread that belongs in the 'Ladies' section. Its typical General Forum stuff where somebody tries to find an excuse for his wife/girlfriend, and other posters either tell him its quite all right, or others tell him he's about to face the normal scenario in Thai/Western relationships.

Well, given the latest twists and turns, yes I agree with you.

You've gotten your original question answered so I will move it.

and yes, I agree with all of the above. Get out now. If you are legally married get a divorce you are legally entitled to half the assets. If its not much then don't bother, but leave.

Sorry mate - run and don't look back. Cancel that ban k card she has and change your pin numbers and credit cards etc. It all looks like a cultural issue until ex-husband (new BF 'wolf' in ex-husband 'sheep's' clothing perhaps). Move on man, the old adage about fish and the large expanse of briny is truer here than most other places - and a change is ten times better than a rest.

I wasen't stupid enough to give her bank card or pin numbers. Thanks

Since the OP is no longer with his wife, and no longer needs ladies advice about wedding rings

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