At Last A Reason To Stop

[newstart2010]

I have been here for about 4 yrs now, and during that time my life has pretty much revolved around drinking. I never drank like this in the UK.

Although I am not yet even 40, I was lucky to have made enough money, legally, to live here for a long time, albeit on a fair / average budget.

I guess that during my time here, I have blown close to a million baht on drink alone. I have never really been into spirits, just beer, and recently probably drank at least 5-6 times a week.

I have put on over 20kg in weight since coming here, and am definitely a different person to when I arrived, and my family and friends noticed that on a recent trip back to the UK.

First it was the usual social Thai bar scene, then out with people who became friends, and more recently, when I didnt have an excuse to meet up, I just sat on my own, in a bar, getting drunk.

I have become more aggressive when drinking, and have even got into unneccessary heated disputes and even fights. Pathetic really.

I am married to a fantastic Thai woman, who does just about do everything for me and more, and I know she deserves better.

Recently, we found out that she was expecting our first child, and although she was only a very light drinker, she immediately stopped. This was one month ago. I have now followed suit, and after thinking long and hard, I finished my last beer on Friday, 3 days ago. My father was a drunk, and regularly took his frustrations out on my mum and me, and although he has long since stopped and regrets what he'd done, there is no way I even want to start down that road. There are many other reasons, including health, money, peace of mind, and just wanting to be a good dad, and person, and many many more.

I have never posted before, just looking for ideas, because I know certain friends I have met since being here will give me a hard time, and eventually, they probably wont want to know me anymore. I can be sure of that, because like me before their lives revolve around the booze. I dont want to be judgemental, I just want to stop, and now at last I have the perfect reason . I've already started to become more physically active again, and have lots of different ideas to keep doing so.

I look forward to any suggestions, and will keep you posted. Thanks for reading.

[gotlost]

Congratulations you have taken the first step. For further help contact....

http://www.aathailand.org/

[Genericnic]

Congratulations on the new start, newstart2010. Having grown up with an alcoholic father, I can assure you that your child will appreciate the effort you make.

As for the drinking buds, if the only thing that held you together with them was drinking, they were just sharing space with you. You can find folks to do that at the gym and at the end of the day you will be in better shape for it.

Best of luck to you and your family.

David

[binnsy]

Admitting it and realizing it are the first couple of steps but know doing something about it is a VERY BIG step.

Good Luck:jap:

[InSiSongkram]

Having a new child in your life will change your perspective a lot I know it did for me anyway.

Best of luck.

[StreetCowboy]

It will not be easy. Don't give in to pressure, and try to avoid hanging around with your drinking friends.

Don;t get cocky after your first couple of nights on soft drinks... mind, if all you're doing is hanging around while they get drunk, then you'll find them pretty boring anyway; and remember that if you join them in a drink, you'll get boring too - its just that you might not notice...

Very best wishes

SC

[domprz]

I'm new in Thailand - only two months, but I've been wary of getting into the ex-pat drinking crowd. I think the better alternative is to try get involved with the real Thais socially, culturally, personally. Of course that is easier said than done. Does anyone have advice on how to do it?

[StreetCowboy]

I'm new in Thailand - only two months, but I've been wary of getting into the ex-pat drinking crowd. I think the better alternative is to try get involved with the real Thais socially, culturally, personally. Of course that is easier said than done. Does anyone have advice on how to do it?

Drink Mai Khong whisky in karaoke bars

Or beer chang in food courts

SC

[domprz]

I'm new in Thailand - only two months, but I've been wary of getting into the ex-pat drinking crowd. I think the better alternative is to try get involved with the real Thais socially, culturally, personally. Of course that is easier said than done. Does anyone have advice on how to do it?

Drink Mai Khong whisky in karaoke bars

Or beer chang in food courts

SC

Touché

[bob4you]

Well done mate, first you have to admit you have a problem, second you must want to quit. (you have done both) If that new bambino means anything to you that is what will keep you on the right track. You have a wife that puts the baby first, can you?

[ThaiPauly]

I was just like you when I first came to Thailand.

I think I blew about 6m in my first year in BK on booze and women.

I moved to CM to get away from that scene when I got married.

So glad I did....the path to recovery has already been mentioned here.

There IS a better life to be had without alcohol, its not an easy one to follow and I have fallen from it many times, but keep getting up and starting again.

It does get better believe me, and sobriety is well worth having, I'm 10k lighter than I was 18 months ago, and my internal physical ailments that I had when drinking to excess have improved dramatically, but changing your social circle is very important....you need to be around "people like you", not drinkers, they will try to convince you that you don't have a problem, normally because they realise they have a problem themselves but don't like facing up to it.

There are many good websites that can help you as well, just google sober recovery, there are a lot of people in the same position as you all over the world.

Good luck with your new life and your new family, wouldn't it be amazing if your new born never ever sees you drunk?

I have a friend in the States who is in this position, he was a mess 4 years ago, but now he has a 3 year old daughter who has never see him touch a drop and he is a great father...this is REALLY what you want to aim for IMHO.

TP

[newstart2010]

Thanks for all the replies and advice .

Now starting day 5 without a drop. I did pop into a former local bar last night for 10 minutes, had a bottle of water and left. It was pretty early in the evening, and I just wanted to say a sober hello and goodbye to the staff, who have been pretty tolerable of me in the past. I've been keeping busy, and have to admit that I havent yet had a craving for a beer, although sleeping is really difficult at the moment. Yesterday I was up at 7am, and went to bed at 11pm last night. I woke up at 2am for about an hour, then woke again at 5am. This has been pretty much the norm for 3 nights now. Anyone else suffer with this and have advice of how to get a better nights sleep ? I've been exercising trying to knacker myself out, but no luck yet. My head feels like its spinning when I try to sleep.

Thanks again.

[angiud]

Congratulations!

Sleep will come back soon.

Happen to me when I quit smoking, and now are 9 months, and I sleep good.

[ThaiPauly]

Congratulations!

Sleep will come back soon.

Happen to me when I quit smoking, and now are 9 months, and I sleep good.

What he said...your sleeping pattern will return to normal , it just takes some folks longer than others, but it will happen, can be anything from 2 weeks -2 months.

For me after quitting booze it was about a month, remember nobody ever dies fom lack of sleep, many people die from alcoholism

[gerryBScot]

Well done mate on putting your head above the parapet and asking for ideas. It's a tough call breaking out of the scene you have found yourself in. Well done on having a few days off it. The real difficulty with the drink in my experience is that it is easy to find a reason to have a drink, and stop being stopped. Most of us drunks drink for any reason. Drunk because we had a bad day, drunk because we had a good day, drunk because we had a so so day. You'll certainly enjoy being a father if you are sober but being a father will not necessarily keep you sober. I have a 14 month old boy, he's a dream, but you know he woke me up at 2.30 am this morning by biting my finger and it was sore! I reckon I would have gone berserk had I been drunk or on the piss. I gave him some water and a cuddle and had a laugh to myself at this amazing little bundle of love. Only you can decide where you want to go with this, but come back and seek advice here if you find yourself back on it and unhappy on it and doing stuff you didn't want to do. I am of the AA variety and it has kept me in good order and sober for 6+ years. I am saying so this so you know where I am coming from. Good luck

[besth]

Your body will get back to a normal sleep pattern, as other posts have already mentioned. Exercise is obviously good, but try not to do it too close to bed time. The adrenaline released during exercise will help to keep you awake for a while, even if you are tired.

Good luck and keep going... one day at a time!

[StreetCowboy]

Thanks for all the replies and advice .

Now starting day 5 without a drop. I did pop into a former local bar last night for 10 minutes, had a bottle of water and left. It was pretty early in the evening, and I just wanted to say a sober hello and goodbye to the staff, who have been pretty tolerable of me in the past. I've been keeping busy, and have to admit that I havent yet had a craving for a beer, although sleeping is really difficult at the moment. Yesterday I was up at 7am, and went to bed at 11pm last night. I woke up at 2am for about an hour, then woke again at 5am. This has been pretty much the norm for 3 nights now. Anyone else suffer with this and have advice of how to get a better nights sleep ? I've been exercising trying to knacker myself out, but no luck yet. My head feels like its spinning when I try to sleep.

Thanks again.

I guess that's your first week done now, then.

The first week is not as hard as the last week, so you're as well putting that off for as long as possible...

Keep busy, enjoy life

SC

[newstart2010]

You'll certainly enjoy being a father if you are sober but being a father will not necessarily keep you sober. I have a 14 month old boy, he's a dream, but you know he woke me up at 2.30 am this morning by biting my finger and it was sore! I reckon I would have gone berserk had I been drunk or on the piss.

This was certainly one of the main reasons for stopping. Before when I was hungover I could barely be bothered to look after myself , and I know with the states I got myself into, a new baby would have been impossible.

Now day 9. Although Ive been trying to avoid social gatherings, I actually fancied a beer for the first time yesterday when I was at dinner. The feeling only lasted a few minutes, before we headed back home.

Still having problems sleeping, awake again this morning at 230am, for an hour. I'm not sure if my wifes condition is mentally playing a part in my insomnia, or its because of the nights without the drink, or maybe a bit of both. I dont really want to start taking medication to help me sleep, because I'm actually now enjoying the mornings for the first time in years, and dont want to turn into a zombie.

Off for a day of swimming and reading. Hopefully I'll be out like a light tonight.

[Ahinkel1]

You'll certainly enjoy being a father if you are sober but being a father will not necessarily keep you sober. I have a 14 month old boy, he's a dream, but you know he woke me up at 2.30 am this morning by biting my finger and it was sore! I reckon I would have gone berserk had I been drunk or on the piss.

This was certainly one of the main reasons for stopping. Before when I was hungover I could barely be bothered to look after myself , and I know with the states I got myself into, a new baby would have been impossible.

Now day 9. Although Ive been trying to avoid social gatherings, I actually fancied a beer for the first time yesterday when I was at dinner. The feeling only lasted a few minutes, before we headed back home.

Still having problems sleeping, awake again this morning at 230am, for an hour. I'm not sure if my wifes condition is mentally playing a part in my insomnia, or its because of the nights without the drink, or maybe a bit of both. I dont really want to start taking medication to help me sleep, because I'm actually now enjoying the mornings for the first time in years, and dont want to turn into a zombie.

Off for a day of swimming and reading. Hopefully I'll be out like a light tonight.

Well done Newstart on your days of soberiety, and more power to you. The fact you are enjoying the mornings now in my opinion is one of the main objectives. A great feeling i had today , coming back from the beach at 7.00am and having a peacefull relaxing breakfast . Taking stock of my lot , and planning the week ahead. This time last year i would cleaning puke and claret out my clothes at 7am on a sunday and going through the lists of apologies i would need to make to people id pissed off the nights before. I had to avoid social gatherings too and i found this was a must in my quest to stay away from the old barleycorn.

Having the urge for a beer will arise from time to time , i tend to put it out my mind and it passes in an hour. The fact it only lasted a few minutes with yourself tells me you are making progress already.

All the best

Ahinkel

[473geo]

Good for you, you have picked up on 3 very important reasons, health, more appreciation of 'clear' mornings without the haze, and the most important your soon to be family.

The last one was the clincher for me, I had already cut down because my wife did not drink, but to be consistent and loving to your children I feel it is really important to be sober at all times.

You appear to have resolve, and exercising is a great alternative to drinking. The sitting in a bar alone getting drunk line says it all......who can honestly say they enjoy that lifestyle.

Remember the hangovers, it will help you stay on the right path.

Good luck to you.

[newstart2010]

Now 2 weeks 2 days, and feel better than I have done in years. I have noticed that it wasn't just when I was drinking that I was a different person, but in-between p1ss ups too. Now i feel so much more relaxed and carefree. Before I used to let the most innocuous situation wind me up, sober or drunk. Now I just go with the flow.

Yesterday, after an afternoon out, I went with a group of friends to a bar. Just had a couple of bottles of water, bought a round for them, then headed home. I Actually didn't even want a beer and was looking forward to going home to have a cup of tea and watch the football. Not so long ago, I would have been the last one in the bar, eventually making an arse of myself ! I'm Still not sleeping great , but definitely improving.

From reading through other peoples problems, I really don't know if I was an alcoholic, or was becoming an alcoholic. But I was most certainly a problem drinker. An angry drinker. And a pain in the arse.

Still early days, but feeling more positive every minute.

[sweeex]

Now 2 weeks 2 days, and feel better than I have done in years. I have noticed that it wasn't just when I was drinking that I was a different person, but in-between p1ss ups too. Now i feel so much more relaxed and carefree. Before I used to let the most innocuous situation wind me up, sober or drunk. Now I just go with the flow.

Yesterday, after an afternoon out, I went with a group of friends to a bar. Just had a couple of bottles of water, bought a round for them, then headed home. I Actually didn't even want a beer and was looking forward to going home to have a cup of tea and watch the football. Not so long ago, I would have been the last one in the bar, eventually making an arse of myself ! I'm Still not sleeping great , but definitely improving.

From reading through other peoples problems, I really don't know if I was an alcoholic, or was becoming an alcoholic. But I was most certainly a problem drinker. An angry drinker. And a pain in the arse.

Still early days, but feeling more positive every minute.

I want to gratulate you for your decition to stop drinking. and thruly hope that you´ll keep it up!

I my self have been down this road several times, I dont want to set you off ,, just tell my story, ok?

when I was becoming a father the first time, I also thought tis is the time for me to ,if not stop? then ,, really cut down on my drinking. witch it this time period had become rather extence. my wife and friends aroud me were worried and told me so, I just shock it of and did not want to be around these people any more,

so,, at home I started to drink on my own, in the shade, behind the back of famely and in the dark.

also trying to find every possible reason to drink when it was socially accepteble.

when baby came and I was a proud father,, i would never do anything that would harm or make famely suffer on my behalf. needless to say this promisse did not last!

I more and more frekvently slipped back in to sneek drinking periods, divorse came 2 years later.

now I was alone with caring for my son (half time, 2 weeks at the time) now was the time to stop drinking! again!! ?

but when my son were with ex wife,, I was alone ,, and able to drink ,, who would it hurt?

to make a long story short,, I on and off during 10-12 years tryed to stop and decrease my alcohole consumption,, mainly cause other people wanted me to. and here we have a the crusual point!! other people wanted me to!!

the turning point for me came when I was about to loose my second famely (including a daughter asvell) I needed to wakeup.

I got myself in to treatment, with great support from friends and famely, did not need to cut drinking friends of because I had been drinking alone for so long.

In my case and I know many more,, even with the wery best intention and the most stubburn mind it is wery difficoult to stay of the drink if you are as I am a alcoholist.I needed to have wery servere concecveces from my drinking before I was able to get my mind back in order.

Alcoholist or not is up to you to find out, but when you post here you have taken a important step in the right dirction.

I hope you´ll have a nice life ahead.

I am by the way 44 yars old now, and sober for over 2 years ! and greatful of not waking up with a terrible hangover every morning!

Take care.

[StreetCowboy]

I sometimes have trouble remembering why I stopped, and if others don't remind me, I need to remind myself...

Writing it down helps...

SC

[mikecwm]

That's wonderful to hear that you have stopped drinking.

Lots of good advice from many members for you here.

If you're into reading and think there may be more to life than you have found so far (don't worry I'm not selling religion) - years of drinking may be a pointer there. Then I have a great book that may open more doors to a new world than you ever thought possible. More on the title in a minute.

I'm speaking from experience here as when I began to drink I could not stop until I was horizontal. With my life in a total mess I was seriously considering suicide, and practising it, by climbing mountains by difficult routes solo - I figured that if I did it that way at least my climbing friends would not think I had done it on purpose - little did they know).

I was almost 40 when I discovered a book called "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck.

I have given away several copies and seen the positive results it has bought to everyone who has read it.

Having a caring partner and a child to take care of is great for bringing purpose to ones life.

Topping it off with a mind expanding pschological experience can only make it even better.

Good luck and best wishes for a wonderful life.

[BlueSmurf]

Well done...Just a tip really if you fancy a beer which you will drink 2 bottles of water quickly.This quenches the thirst which most of the time was all you wanted a drink not a beer....Up early is always good for a healthy life and early to bed..If you get up early then you will normally be tired at night and sleep better.

Now you are looking after yourself take a interest in your diet, eat well, cook yourself. A good idea is to excercise everyday or say 6 days a week but do different things, swim, gym, cycle , walk , run, stretch, golf etc....Do not do too much or you will think no not today...It helps me. go and have Thai lessons one hour a week anymore than that is too much to remember. Make your family the most important thing....You will now save money as well....The guys you used to drink with if they do other things other than drink stay in contact if they don't then don't bother.....Read if you can and use the internet....Get interested in exploring your family tree on the net, finding old school friends and keep busy..Its early days yet but you have the fear of the devil now which we all need when we drink..Ie Alcohol...Thats a joke by the way but true....

I have two sons here and four altogether...they keep me off the bottle so to say as they need protecting/looking after and are much more interesting than a beer...I still drink but have cut down..Waste of money and time...Money is tight now and we need to have enough to last so as to help our new borns..

All the best and great to hear your story which will help others to take a rain check on their lives including me. So thanks

dave

[newstart2010]

Thanks to everyone for your replies and advice.

Now starting week number 4. I'm now sleeping a lot better, albeit not perfect, but for the first time in a long time , I'm tired and want to go to bed before 11pm.

In this short time I have also noticed a difference with money . Living on a budget before, I was always scraping around near the end of the month. Now with just a couple of days before my money is transferred here, I'm already around 15,000 baht better off. Lots of ideas already for the saved cash. Monthly deposit savings account for our first borns future being one.

My social life has nosedived, but I'm enjoying nights in with my wife, sober. We go out to eat sometimes, but bars just don't have the same appeal now. I've already heard gossip of some horror stories of mates I used to drink with and what they've done in the last month. I know this would have been me too, which makes me embarrassed and feel a bit sad for them. I know when we used to drink together, we would be topping up the next day, reminiscing the previous nights antics. I do miss the banter with them but I'm so glad to be feeling guilt free and in control. Two people I know in particular, are in a real mess at the moment, but I've decided not to contact them. The last thing i want to be is patronising and start lecturing about what they already know.

I'm reading so much now, so thanks for the advice on the book. I'll try and order that online. Anything else along these lines would be welcome.

Thanks again all, and good luck to you too.

[StreetCowboy]

selective deletion to focus on topics for reply...

Thanks to everyone for your replies and advice.

...

My social life has nosedived, but I'm enjoying nights in with my wife, sober. We go out to eat sometimes, but bars just don't have the same appeal now. I've already heard gossip of some horror stories of mates I used to drink with and what they've done in the last month.. ..

...I do miss the banter with them but I'm so glad to be feeling guilt free and in control. Two people I know in particular, are in a real mess at the moment, but I've decided not to contact them. The last thing i want to be is patronising and start lecturing about what they already know.

...

Thanks again all, and good luck to you too.

Very sensible.

My suggestions - If you do go out with your drinking friends - find reasons to break the night up. Arrive late or leave early. Try not to talk about not drinking with them.

I like to think that my example will stand a friend of mine in good stead in a few years' time, if or when his drinking becomes a problem. At first, he joked and tempted me - successfully, on most occasions... but after I actually achieved putting the drink down for a few weeks, he was quite supportive, and never asked more than once. And he appreciated the difference in behaviour - "like a dog on a beetroot" was his turn of phrase.

SC

[mommysboy]

Sorry to be the lone voice of dissent, but I think moderation is the key really.

What you are doing now is probably important if you've really been going at it for a while. BUt sooner or later will poer will not be enough! And after all drinking is a big enjoyment.

A question I have to ask myself too: what's stopping you from just enjoying a couple of/ few beers three or four times a week? I think that's the key.

[ThaiPauly]

A question I have to ask myself too: what's stopping you from just enjoying a couple of/ few beers three or four times a week? I think that's the key.

It's known as the "phenomenon of craving" once you have one drink you find yourself unable to stop at that unfortunately.

However if you abstain completely the problem does not arise

[StreetCowboy]

Sorry to be the lone voice of dissent, but I think moderation is the key really.

What you are doing now is probably important if you've really been going at it for a while. BUt sooner or later will poer will not be enough! And after all drinking is a big enjoyment.

A question I have to ask myself too: what's stopping you from just enjoying a couple of/ few beers three or four times a week? I think that's the key.

As someone once said - "If I could drink sensibly, I'd be out there every night!

You're right, though, will power is not enough, and when that will power is weakened by the intoxicating effect of even one or two beers, you're off on the ski jump again.

Ther problem, mentioned by TP, is the irresistable thirst that a couple of pints gives you...

One solution is a programme of recovery that addresses the underlying reasons that we drink - either helps us find what we were looking for without drinking, or focusses our life on something more satisfying and, hopefully, less damaging. SUch as, in the OP's case, his child.

SC