Love......Or "Like"

[Loz]

It's come to light and indeed garnered some support in other conversations that farnag men taking thai wives often considerably younger than themelves are mistaken sometimes about the strength of feeling towards themselves.

When the idea came up that while the motives might initially be more "commercial" to the western way of thinking, over time the lady might come to "like" her spouse. The idea that "Love" should be taken for granted seemed somewhat "frivolous".

I stress that these conversations were with farang men married to Thais for at least several years, or co-habiting for quite some time.

So what is the opinion of the forum?

Is it realistic to think that your 20/30 something playboy bunny is charmed by you extensive pill consumption and ability to drool your tom yum out of your half smiling (post stroke) mouth across the table at her?

or must one be ever vigilant about the potentially ruinous alterior motives that "MAY" be haboured by your charming teerak?

One poster showed us how after ten years of what seemed to be normally family life, the wheels just came off! to the tune of his last million quid. In the face of this, ought we to take a more conservative view of "love", "like" and "tollerate" in relation to committing to someone here?

Civil discussion preferred but all view points welcome. :jap:

Edited September 14, 2010 by Loz

[StreetCowboy]

I think if you'd wanted civil discussion you would have not phrased your question in such prejorative terms, nor taken such extreme examples.

For such a well-establised member of the forum to initiate a troll topic like this is quite surprising and disappointing.

Anyway, light blue touch paper and retire to a safe distance.

SC

[bermondburi]

Had no money when I met my wife, now years later with two kids and I' VE STILL GOT NO F!@#ING MONEY !!

There must be something there or why would she stay with me?

[Loz]

Street Cowboy,

Sorry you feel that way. I thought based on recent conversations, that this could be discussed reasonably to the benefit of some members still having their eyes opened to some aspects of 'thai culture'.

Bermo,

thanks for sharing. I'm sure there are loads of cases of happily ever after. I was just hoping to explore just how things really were pecieved and how they worked. I was pleasantly suprised at the frankness of folk. Thought we might help a few newbies here if the same frankness could be achieved.

[WarpSpeed]

Had no money when I met my wife, now years later with two kids and I' VE STILL GOT NO F!@#ING MONEY !!

There must be something there or why would she stay with me?

Same same exactly though not even married to a Thai lady, and she very easily initiates telling me very often with obvious emotion...

JFYI I'm very far from the scenario posed though in terms of age and disability so maybe that DQ's me..

Edited September 14, 2010 by WarpSpeed

[onnut]

Had no money when I met my wife, now years later with two kids and I' VE STILL GOT NO F!@#ING MONEY !!

There must be something there or why would she stay with me?

LOL, the same here mate. im in the same boat and we seem to be getting on fine. my wife is great and I love her and I know she loves me. we are the same age, not that it has anything to do with it but I am sure it helps.

[bobbin]

Hey Loz

Your posts have been popping up up with increased frequency of late.

All of a like.

You claim you wouldn't even have sex with a Thai woman as they bore you or are unattractive to you. So you don't have a dog in the fight.

You want to get back to jolly ol' so you can experience the thrill of the hunt. Best of luck in that endeavor but you better be quick because your best before date is rapidly approaching. And you aren't going to be happy with the pickings.

Seems to me you are marking time 'til your return to Blighty. And your recent posts are, to me, the equivalent of turning around as you go leave, and yelling out "You're all wanke_rs!"

[sillyman99]

From my experience, 20 years in Thailand,

Nearly every Farang I know who is married to a Thai woman or who has a long term Girlfriend, cheats on them or has cheated on them at some stage, now this is not all, but the vast majority.

And I know a lot of long term Farangs.

Did you ask these Frank talking, totally honest, unbiased Folk how often they cheated on their wives, did they love or only like their wives ?

Or are these people just a figment of your imagination ?

For what it's worth, I have known countless Farang/Thai couples over the years, and in the vast majority of cases where there is a breakup, it was the Farang who left the woman for a younger or sexier model. Most of the Thai women seemed to want to make a go of it, but, Farangs being Farangs in Thailand, most can't keep their dick in their underpants, this is from my experience.

I have lost count of the times I have seen Farang/Thai couples arguing and the Farang tries to pull the financial card, threatening to leave her with nothing, telling her to get back to the rice field etc etc, it's certainly not all one way traffic folks. I actually feel sorry for a lot of the Thai women who falsely assume that by meeting a Farang it's the end of poverty for her and her family, and many Farang men will lie about their financial status to take advantage of this.

When they meet it's all " Don't worry Noi, I'll take care of you, you and your Family " lol.

There are 2 sides to everything, it's not all ----- Thai = Bad, Farang = Good, not by a long shot.

And yes I already know, ThaiVisa members are different.

Edited September 14, 2010 by sillyman99

[sillyman99]

Seems to me you are marking time 'til your return to Blighty. And your recent posts are, to me, the equivalent of turning around as you go leave, and yelling out "You're all wanke_rs!"

Seems to me he's skint and has no choice but to leave. Hence the bitterness towards Thailand and Thai people.

Iv'e met so many Farangs with bad attitudes towards Thailand and Thai people, Farangs that can't stop telling other people how bad Thailand and Thai people are, in most cases these people have been on the bones of their azz and know they have no future in Thailand, their dream is over, so they'll do their best to put as many other people off as they can.

.

Funny thing is, out of all those people, the ones that all of a sudden came into money again, you know what the first thing they did was ?

Yep you got it, they came straight back to Thailand.

Edited September 14, 2010 by sillyman99

[bermondburi]

Had no money when I met my wife, now years later with two kids and I' VE STILL GOT NO F!@#ING MONEY !!

There must be something there or why would she stay with me?

LOL, the same here mate. im in the same boat and we seem to be getting on fine. my wife is great and I love her and I know she loves me. we are the same age, not that it has anything to do with it but I am sure it helps.

Agree about the age thing. It does make a difference because physically you're going to be able to do the same kind of stuff and mentally you'll "hopefully" be at the same stage as well as in wanting similar things from life at that time in your life.

[sillyman99]

we are the same age, not that it has anything to do with it but I am sure it helps.

So if you were a 60 year old expat in Thailand, you'd be seeking out 60 year old women ?

[onnut]

we are the same age, not that it has anything to do with it but I am sure it helps.

So if you were a 60 year old expat in Thailand, you'd be seeking out 60 year old women ?

no sillyman99, if I were a 60 year old guy living in Thailand I would hope that I would still be with my first wife who married me when I was 30 years old. I didnt marry so I could go off and get a divorvce and loose my money. I married for life and I hope thats what we do.

however, if I did find myself in Thailand with no wife at the age of 60 I would marry the one that I felt was the right one to marry. if she was 30 so be it.

If you re-read my first post, I never said that there was anything bad about a large age gap, just I thought it might help that the gap is not so big. like I said, I am sure it helps that we are the same age.

[Loz]

Bobbin,

Thanks for your frank and considered post.

I have a great deal of love for Thailand and the parts it that I have been involved with (mainly teaching and studying).

While I shall leave, I have not decided what I shall leave behind (for when I return). And while I have by no means run out of money, I am leaving partly to make more.

I truly regret it sounds like I am calling anyone names. I can see you point though. I thought it was very positive to find that people married here had a very open mind about the range of motives and hoped that if people shared those here it might reduce some of the horror stories.

just because I don't care to induldge in the romance offered by Thailand, doesn't mean I don't enjoy living here.

As for the Sillyman,

The men in question share the opinion that what they have invested here is no more than can be walked away from. In some cases, it might shock you, how much people would walk away from, but thats a personal choice. I have great respect for people who make informed decisions and don't just jump in blindly to shark infested waters because they can see some hula girls in grass skirts calling them from a nearby island.

Like the murphy's, I'm not bitter.

[IanForbes]

Good, frank discussion so far. I've been around so long that I've seen just about every part of every type of relationship. Frankly, I'm too dam_n old to bother getting married again. And, it's not for the want of being with a lovely woman. I can have that any time I want. What I DON'T want is for some lovely woman in the prime of her life to have to look after me when I can no longer perform like a man should in all aspects of a relationship. When the time comes when I'm an old invalid then I'll just hire some nurse to look after me... and pay her well to do so. Hopefully I'll go suddenly enough so as not to be a burden on anyone.

I've had one or two true loves in my life, but I've been in lust many times. I like many women and the ones I like the most I keep on a strictly platonic relationship. Any sort of romance would change the parameters and probably ruin it. I enjoy my freedom too much to give it up, but knowing full well that I will miss out on the more intimate parts of a loving relationship. Right now I'm enjoying myself too much to change my life style, but I know the time is coming soon when it won't always be that way. What I DO know is that how people feel about life in general in their thirties and fourties is most often far different than how they feel in their sixties and seventies. I know I've changed 180 degrees in some things I was dead certain about when I was 30.

I can only speak for myself and as a man. I have no clue about how women feel about the same things. All I can do is make assumptions.

[StreetCowboy]

I think if you'd wanted civil discussion you would have not phrased your question in such prejorative terms, nor taken such extreme examples.

For such a well-establised member of the forum to initiate a troll topic like this is quite surprising and disappointing.

Anyway, light blue touch paper and retire to a safe distance.

SC

I'm a little bit disappointed that my post was expurgated without even a perfunctory "offensive and inflammatory obscenities deleted" or equivalent. Anyway, by way of retribution I will offer the remainder of the joke, bar the deleted punch line (now that is spite for you)

Once upon a time, the brother of the Master of Quick Wit and Ready Repartee went to the circus. A clown, as part of his act, approached said brother, and said "Ah, sir, Are you the Back End of an Ass?"

"No. I am not"

"So then, are you the front end of an Ass"

"No. I am not"

"So then you are No End of an Ass" and the crowd guffawed.

'Oh if only my brother was here', thought the brother of the Master of Quick Wit and Ready Repartee. 'He has just the quip for any occasion'.

And that evening he explained what had happened. The Master of Quick Wit and Ready Repartee empathised with his brother, and resolved to sort out the impudent clown. The next day, he sat in exactly the same seat.

'Oho', thought the clown 'a glutton for punishment'

"Ah, sir, Are you the Back End of an Ass?"

"No. I am not"

"So then, are you the front end of an Ass"

"No. I am not"

"So then you are No End of an Ass"

And the Master replied ...

and sadly, the punch line has been deleted from the earlier post.

A turn of phrase suitable for any occasion, no matter how provocative or incendiary.

SC

[wintermute]

Seems to me you are marking time 'til your return to Blighty. And your recent posts are, to me, the equivalent of turning around as you go leave, and yelling out "You're all wanke_rs!"

Seems to me he's skint and has no choice but to leave. Hence the bitterness towards Thailand and Thai people.

Iv'e met so many Farangs with bad attitudes towards Thailand and Thai people, Farangs that can't stop telling other people how bad Thailand and Thai people are, in most cases these people have been on the bones of their azz and know they have no future in Thailand, their dream is over, so they'll do their best to put as many other people off as they can.

.

Funny thing is, out of all those people, the ones that all of a sudden came into money again, you know what the first thing they did was ?

Yep you got it, they came straight back to Thailand.

It's kind of like what chronic gamblers and drug addicts do. They moan about their lot in life and how much money they blew on their habit but as soon as they get some cash they head right back to the slots/needle.

It's the same thing here in Thailand..the comparatively easy lifestyle and availability of sleaze has melted the brains of some expats. They can't reconcile that perhaps they are the dirtbags here making everyone around them miserable.

Btw Sillyman is that Hunter S. Thompson in your avatar?

Edited September 14, 2010 by wintermute

[sillyman99]

Btw Sillyman is that Hunter S. Thompson in your avatar?

No, It's Jim Lahey ( Mr Lahey ) the Trailer Park Supervisor, Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

From the Canadian series " The Trailer park Boys " absolutely recommend you watch it, I never knew Canadians had such a great sense of humor.

It's so good, it should be British !

[Fookhaht]

This is one of the most jaded, pessimistic, and sweeping-unfounded-generalization threads I've read in years on TV. Yes, it borders on trollish and inflammatory. Surprised it's allowed to stay open for some gawd-awful voyeuristic reason.

Nevertheless, I'm glad Thailand is big enough that some of us can still keep our distance from the money girls and white trash you apparently must be disgustedly observing on a daily basis. I suggest a change of scenery for the OP, as well. It'll do him good.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Fookhaht

[travelmann]

Ive known a few folk who tell me their wives love them whilst I know some of them are seeing sometimes 1-2 other guys whilst "husband" is away.

Love or like? theyll tell you what they want you to think.

Edited September 14, 2010 by travelmann

[sillyman99]

Ive known a few folk who tell me their wives love them whilst I know some of them are seeing sometimes 1-2 other guys whilst "husband" is away.

Love or like? theyll tell you what they want you to think.

And I know many Farangs that cheat on their Thai wives, yet these Farangs tell their wives what they want their wives to think !

Any difference ?

[jpez]

i think its fairly obvious. are u attracted to a woman twice your age? probably not.

my gf is similar age and earns more than me, so i can confidently say that she does love me.

[sillyman99]

i think its fairly obvious. are u attracted to a woman twice your age? probably not.

my gf is similar age and earns more than me, so i can confidently say that she does love me.

So what do you do for a job, and what does she do ?

Listen mate, I'm not knocking you, I've known girls earning 150,000 Baht a month, which can be 5 times more than a Farang English Teacher earns.

I knew a girl that worked in sabairoom in pattaya 19 years ago and she earnt lots of money, she kept her German boyfriend in Thailand when he had no money of his own. She used to give him 1000 Baht per day spending money, and that was back in 1991, he had a great time. She was a big earner....

Yet he really loved her, and she loved him. To her, it was just a job.

[oldmajor]

I have been working in Thailand for the last 5 years with a good job, nice company house etc etc. I 've been with my TGF for 2 years and she has definitely got used to the house, pool , maid, driver stuff but never really taken the piss. I have mentioned to her on several occaisions that I may decide to take a much less stressful job with more time off. This means moving into a house that I will be paying for; ergo no pool, maid, not in town etc. She has been brilliant. looking at the best ways to save money and seems very happy that I will be around a little more without the phone ringing all the time.

[Valdezugar]

Had no money when I met my wife, now years later with two kids and I' VE STILL GOT NO F!@#ING MONEY !!

There must be something there or why would she stay with me?

One day I asked what happens if I I lose my job or I cannot source work from my home country while living in LOS . . . . she simply said then you can go work my dad's farm. Dad concurred when I visited . . . .

I'm worried . . .

[Loz]

Well, I am very pleased to see that some people can benefit in a thread like this. It takes all sorts to make a world.

I'm only shocked by the people saying I'm on the wind up because it's like they haven't seen any of the threads where people have found out they are not loved the way they thought they were. In some cases this has brought sadness, in others sadness has found the company of financial hardship. Seems they make good bedfellows the world over where relationships are concerned, But here in Thailand I thought there was some merit in letting the newbies know that all that glitters is not gold. That BY NO MEANS is to say you can't find love here. Simply that what looks like love to the untrained eye might be something else.

If some members are so insecure that they can't bare to even entertain the notion (which is widely documented and not from the machinations of my imagination) then they can of course feel free to read another thread more suited to their disposition.

No hard feelings.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Loz

[sillyman99]

I'm only shocked by the people saying I'm on the wind up because it's like they haven't seen any of the threads where people have found out they are not loved the way they thought they were.

So, relationships in Thailand can be summed up by anonymous posters on an anonymous internet forum ?

Jesus H Christ mate, get a grip !!!!!!!

[Loz]

No, Sillyman, but one can get an idea of some of the things to watch out for. I'm not saying if you drop the soap in a prison shower you'll get one up the bum, but that if you are careful not to drop the soap you will reduce the chances significantly of said unwanted attentions.

[MAJIC]

Ive known a few folk who tell me their wives love them whilst I know some of them are seeing sometimes 1-2 other guys whilst "husband" is away.

Love or like? theyll tell you what they want you to think.

And I know many Farangs that cheat on their Thai wives, yet these Farangs tell their wives what they want their wives to think !

Any difference ?

Have you by any chance got Thai Citizenship yet?

[sillyman99]

No, Sillyman, but one can get an idea of some of the things to watch out for. I'm not saying if you drop the soap in a prison shower you'll get one up the bum, but that if you are careful not to drop the soap you will reduce the chances significantly of said unwanted attentions.

100/1, you've never been in prison.

[sillyman99]

Ive known a few folk who tell me their wives love them whilst I know some of them are seeing sometimes 1-2 other guys whilst "husband" is away.

Love or like? theyll tell you what they want you to think.

And I know many Farangs that cheat on their Thai wives, yet these Farangs tell their wives what they want their wives to think !

Any difference ?

Have you by any chance got Thai Citizenship yet?

So you think I'm wrong ?

Obviously you haven't been here too long.

With you its Farang Good, Thai Bad Yes ?

Jeez mate, wait a few years, the biggest scam artists and con men in Thailand are certainly not Thai.