Glitterman Speaks About [N] Glitterman Becomes A Balloon Chaser And Saves The World.

[glitterman]

Thankyou for choosing this Glitterman product. Should you not be entirely satisfied with this Glitterman product, then please send the contents in its original box back to Glitterman productions, along with your original receipt......What?.....No receipt......TOO BAD.

The almighty and Powerful Wizard is back yet again, and gives you;

PARABLE 8574509534i58889865895568978746594205870507267856915649875628795617845689475748568664657545775745 The parable of 'The cheese from the Moon'....yet again.

..........And so, slowly cycling along Beach Road one day, the Great Golden One did happen to see that the sea tide was unusually high,

"My, my, that tide looks high." Said the surprised Golden One.

Just then, four men in long white coats, glasses and clipboards did happen to come running towards the Golden One.

"Oh!...They have come for me yet again." Thought the Golden One, "Where can I hide, such is fame."

"Save us O Great Golden One," Cried the four men in the long white coats, "For we are scientists and the Moon is on a collision coarse with our world, aiming straight for Pattaya. Although the Moon is much smaller that the Earth, size is irrelevant. We are all doomed. Consider relativity, mass and energy are equivalent, also that mass, dimension and time changes with increased velocity, we are ALL DOOOOOMED, you are Earths only hope." Then they held up a face mirror for the Golden One to look into and kiss repeatedly.

"Fear not." said the Golden One, "for i am the Great Golden Glitterman, righter of wrongs and wronger of rights, superhero of Pattaya.[KISS....KISS......KISS]...and I will save the Earth for you, as I have an idea......[KISS...KISS...KISS]"

......So the Golden One cycled away, and still kissing a face mirror thought,

"That is why the sea tide was high, the moon pulls the sea tide level up towards the Moon, now what can I do to save the world?...Ah yes!,I know...[KISS...KISS....KISS]"

....And so the Golden One went to buy some balloons,

"Oh my gosh, Oh my golly," Swore the Golden One, "Time is running out and all the shops have sold out of balloons, but i think I know where they have all gone.

.........And so the Golden One became a 'Balloon chaser.'

"Ah!, here is a beer bar about to have a party." said the Golden One, "Oh hello girls, your beautiful balloons are about to save the world."

"Hellooo, welcaaaam hansum man. sit down please, one dliiink." said a smiling bar girl, "Oh...its....its....G...G....G...Golden Man, I love you, please sign your name on my....." Suddenly thirty screaming bar girls did happen to jump upon the Golden One, creating a human pile.

Slowly out from underneath this pile emerged a hand holding a crumpled feathered hat. Then slowly the Golden one crawled out from under the pile, and with a rather smug grin, angrily said,

"No, no, I have not touched alcohol for over twenty years, horrible stuff, tastes absolutely disgusting, and often looks just like urine. just look at my crumpled hat now. It is a known fact that monkeys up in the trees deliberately eat over ripe, partly fermented fruit for that same effect. then after the monkeys swing from branch to branch in a dangerous, carefree way, not feeling the bruises after falling. Likewise 65% of all you beer bar girls will have motorbike accident scars."

The bar girls looked puzzled and said,

"me love you, me go wiv yoooou."

The Golden One put his crumpled hat back on to his head and said,

"No, I dont think so, and I can see in your eyes many, many, many guys."

Upon hearing this all the bar girls did once again pile upon the golden one, only this time with a bottle of Thai Whisky and a funnel.

After this, the golden One stood up, dusted himself off and said,

"Well now that I have had a drink, I think i will sample some of your free food. that pig on a spit looks good......mmmmm!....Yum!, yum!"

............And so eight hours later, after having visited every beer bar in the city holding a party the Golden One collected thousands of balloons and a huge five foot belly of pork and Whisky. Then attaching all the balloons to his beautiful bicycle he painfully cycled to the top of the Buddha hill. He then rested all the balloons on the highest part of the hill and then lying on his back the Golden One said.

"My belly is full, I think I will have a bit of a snooze.......zzzzzzzzzzzz."

So the Golden One fell into a lovely sleep and dreamed....."I the Mayor of Pattaya congratulate you for your idea O Great Golden One. Your balloons have bounced the Moon back to where it used to be, well done."

........................After one hour the Golden One woke up and said,

"Ah! Here comes the moon now, only ten seconds left to impact and bounce....AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!......Where have all my balloons gone?"

"F##k you bullshit, dis not for you, dis balloons for da beer bar," Shouted an angry bar girl half way down the hill, carrying away all the balloons, "Anyway size is illelevant, consider eelevtivity,"

Suddenly the Moon hit the Golden Ones huge five foot belly, 'BOIINNG!!!!' and bounced back up into the sky, causing the Golden One to spew out a fountain of pork and Whisky all over Pattaya city,

"Ah!, That is better," said the Golden one, "No more fat belly."

The Golden One then got on to his beautiful bicycle to claim his praise. But the Moon had bounced too far up and so hit Mars. The cheese on the Moon acted like a rubber cushion, bouncing the Moon back off Mars again. The nuts all over the surface of Mars sticking to the Moons moon cheese.

"Oh no!" Said the Golden One, "Here comes the Moon again, I have an idea."

So the Golden One quickly removed his beautiful hat. Turned his hat upside down, and captured the Moon inside his hat saying,

"The size of the Moon in the sky is STILL the same size when the Moon is on the Earths surface. Actual size does not change. Size is irrelevant, consider relativity."

The Golden One then scraped off the cheese and nuts, and slung the Baht sized Moon back up into the sky.....AMEN.

MORAL OF THE PARABLE IS; There is nothing real outside our perception of reality.....is there.

Coming in a week; 'Glittermans Halloween special.'

The Royal Glitterman hath Spoken.

.

[metisdead]

Oh no! Yet another worthless post from the G-man!

I think he's got a problem. Where's the mental health help line?

[basjke]

Shame that I don't have a golden sample.

[basjke]

[Goshawk]

another wise tale told very well...

I think he's got a problem.

i think he's got a problem...

.

as for the Golden Wonder.. he needs to sign that deal with a cartoonist & comic book publisher immediately.. ..(the last 'parable' was better though GM - dont rush the Halloween Special eh ?.. )

[therealmrbrightside]

Does GM work in Thailand?

Surely riding around on a kids bike doesn't earn a living here?

[chops]

Some cool movies The Glitter has made of himself... Must see!

[thaimate]

Seen the gliterman a few times lately ,just a shadow of his former self ,get all the gear on boy.

[Rimmer]

One abusive post and quoted reply removed from view

[Boater]

so the glitter man is drinking now ?

[Michaelaway]

And, the moral of the story is:

"...Don't drink, 'cause it makes you act disgusting (and, if you wanna catch a celestial cheeseball, make sure you have a golden hat)..." (words to live by)

[Jaso]

Would it be wrong if I put a broom handle in his front wheel , whilst he s riding past ????????

[gmac]

Would it be wrong if I put a broom handle in his front wheel , whilst he s riding past ????????

Can you imagine how much more time that would give him to write his masterpieces(???), confined to a hospital bed, rather than out and about riding his golden wonderbike? Sometimes actions with the best of intentions can have the direst consequences!!

[Jaso]

Would it be wrong if I put a broom handle in his front wheel , whilst he s riding past ????????

Can you imagine how much more time that would give him to write his masterpieces(???), confined to a hospital bed, rather than out and about riding his golden wonderbike? Sometimes actions with the best of intentions can have the direst consequences!!

Well ur prob correct , but with sore hands from goin ova the bars ? hard to type ? , but may give us a rest for a while ??

[soihok]

Great story from 007.

Thats probably the best one up to now.

Set my day off with a smile. When I encounter some difficult situation today with difficult people ,I,ll just think of The Golden One playing pool with the planets and his belly.

No one would believe what I will be thinking .

If they were to say " This is a serious matter, why are you smiling?"

I could reply " Its just the thought of the Nuts from Mars sticking to the Moon Cheese".

Funny old game.

"Anyway size is illelevant, consider eelevtivity,"

[basjke]

Great story from 007.

Thats probably the best one up to now.

Set my day off with a smile. When I encounter some difficult situation today with difficult people ,I,ll just think of The Golden One playing pool with the planets and his belly.

No one would believe what I will be thinking .

If they were to say " This is a serious matter, why are you smiling?"

I could reply " Its just the thought of the Nuts from Mars sticking to the Moon Cheese".

Funny old game.

"Anyway size is illelevant, consider eelevtivity,"

Is that nuts as in nutter?

[473geo]

Does GM work in Thailand?

Surely riding around on a kids bike doesn't earn a living here?

I'm sure he is turning down offers to advertise local business on his rounds..........obviously a man of means.........but the time might come...........one offer might just be too good to refuse.

[monkfish]

Can you even prove you are glitterman?

Show some pics to prove it!

Edit: I mean pics that a fanatic like jingy wouldn't take

I assume TV has already verified this to avoid any defam problems??

[flyingfox]

Me thinks GM gets some fringe benefits of doing his show. No wonder he rides past all the bars. It's cleverly not balloons he's chasing...

[Goshawk]

...obviously a man of means.......

... and some

i'll never give away his true identity ('cos i know who he is), but i will say this... that his family, in particular his cousin, is one of the most famous & wealthiest people in the UK..

i see it as this; GM is the 'wayward son' doing his own pseudo frugal thing away from his priveliged dynasty, but with their full financial support if & when its required..

or to put it another way.. he's not short of a few bob (nor marbles)

[therealmrbrightside]

...obviously a man of means.......

... and some

i'll never give away his true identity ('cos i know who he is), but i will say this... that his family, in particular his cousin, is one of the most famous & wealthiest people in the UK..

i see it as this; GM is the 'wayward son' doing his own pseudo frugal thing away from his priveliged dynasty, but with their full financial support if & when its required..

or to put it another way.. he's not short of a few bob (nor marbles)

Aahh so basically he's a spoilt little monkey who has chosen to be eccentric in a dream world with fairies and glitter and bicycles.........

Hmmmmmm.

[Boater]

...obviously a man of means.......

... and some

i'll never give away his true identity ('cos i know who he is), but i will say this... that his family, in particular his cousin, is one of the most famous & wealthiest people in the UK..

i see it as this; GM is the 'wayward son' doing his own pseudo frugal thing away from his priveliged dynasty, but with their full financial support if & when its required..

or to put it another way.. he's not short of a few bob (nor marbles)

Aahh so basically he's a spoilt little monkey who has chosen to be eccentric in a dream world with fairies and glitter and bicycles.........

Hmmmmmm.

hit a nail on the head there.....

[Rimmer]

I assume TV has already verified this to avoid any defam problems??

Yes we have and yes we know he is posting these threads

[basjke]

...obviously a man of means.......

... and some

i'll never give away his true identity ('cos i know who he is), but i will say this... that his family, in particular his cousin, is one of the most famous & wealthiest people in the UK..

i see it as this; GM is the 'wayward son' doing his own pseudo frugal thing away from his priveliged dynasty, but with their full financial support if & when its required..

or to put it another way.. he's not short of a few bob (nor marbles)

In short, he is sponsored to STAY on holiday and not to embarrass the family where he is known.

[soihok]

Listen to you lot.

I can't see what all the bashing is about. Whats wrong with a sense of humour?

The world needs characters, if not we would all be as boring as each other....

Come on guys, just , its really easy .

[therealmrbrightside]

Listen to you lot.

I can't see what all the bashing is about. Whats wrong with a sense of humour?

The world needs characters, if not we would all be as boring as each other....

Come on guys, just , its really easy .

I have a great sense of humor, and believe me I've tried on many occasion to force out a snigger at GM's threads, i laugh hysterically watching him cycle past on his bike. But the stories are garbage, sorry but even to invoke some profanities would make his stories mildly interesting.

GM wouldn't post them if he didn't want both critics who bash him, and homos who also love musicals, and where t-shirts which say 'almost famous' kissing his ass.

Come on soihok just , it's really easy.

[soihok]

Sure is.

If the posts are so ultimately uninteresting for you, one would ask.

" Why bother in the first place ? ".

Unless you really like to troll

[therealmrbrightside]

Sure is.

If the posts are so ultimately uninteresting for you, one would ask.

" Why bother in the first place ? ".

Unless you really like to troll

As i said earlier on, i was interested in GMs story - what keeps him in Pattaya - a job etc. and so many talk about how great he is i thought i was missing something.

No problem, that's all.

[Boater]

What I fail to understand , is gm I'd against everything that is and built pattaya , cheap whores , cheap booze and drugs ...