Cloud Nine With Farang

[FarangEddie]

Dear Forum Members,

The attached PDF is a 55 page story which opens on the life of an Isaan family living a rural farming life in Buriram Province and tells the story of their eldest daughter Sukanya, who joins her brother working in Bangkok at 15 then at 17 moves to Pattaya to work in her Aunt's bar. At it's heart the narrative takes up the relationship between Sukanya and Jason, a British lad she meets in Pattaya after two years there.

This story can perhaps be enjoyed on a cold winter evening by those counting the days until their next visit to the LOS

Eddie

PDF_cloudninewithfarang.PDF

[Loz]

Private dancer, revisited?

[Shuguk]

Thanks for the download.....read a few pages.....my kind of story....not too long.....any more please pass them on.

[Shuguk]

Private dancer, revisited?

Keep the ending to yourself........ ha ha

[canuckamuck]

Thanks Eddie, I will give it a go.

[domprz]

I am trying to become a writer (very early days). The only thing I've published is a few entries on a blog, not enough for any comment. What I was hoping for was some criticism. You've made a greater effort than I did, and some feedback is deserved. This may sound harsh to those who are not writers, but is the kind of response I hope for when finally making as much of an effort as you have:

From the first paragraph the flow is bad. I found it difficult and tedious to read. By the third page I gave up - not because it was that bad, but because I didn't want to continue reading something which with more editing may be a good read, and which was not a good example for me to follow. I did have the urge to try rewriting the first paragraph or two as an exercise for myself. I'm sure there are others who could do a lot better. For what it's worth:

From early childhood, Sukanya had adored her elder brother Buwannee. She always stayed close. If he climbed a tree so would she, following fearlessly behind. A mango tree dominated the Apram's house of reclaimed wood; a single room on stilts. It stood beside a dirt track leading to the highway which crossed the Isarn plain of Buriram in the north-east of Thailand. From its branches they could better see the sparsely populated district, flat for miles on end, the paddy fields bordered by embankments and the fitful jungle beyond. When food was scarce Buwannee and Sukanya climbed the mango tree to bring down the unripe fruit, eating the hard sour slices sprinkled with sugar.

[domprz]

It's a small world! Here's the first couple of sentences from a short story with the title of "Nu (Mouse) Whanphut, Soi Eight Bar-Girl". It's from a collection of short stories in an e-book called "From Beggar to Butterfly" by Peter Jaggs. It's available as paperback and e-book from Amazon. I'm thoroughly enjoying it:

"The big green cricket finally came to rest on a thorny bush growing in the hard mud near a dried-up rice-field in a small rural village near Buriram. The three small children, shouting and laughing, had chased the insect for a hundred yards..."

[canuckamuck]

I am trying to become a writer (very early days). The only thing I've published is a few entries on a blog, not enough for any comment. What I was hoping for was some criticism. You've made a greater effort than I did, and some feedback is deserved. This may sound harsh to those who are not writers, but is the kind of response I hope for when finally making as much of an effort as you have:

From the first paragraph the flow is bad. I found it difficult and tedious to read. By the third page I gave up - not because it was that bad, but because I didn't want to continue reading something which with more editing may be a good read, and which was not a good example for me to follow. I did have the urge to try rewriting the first paragraph or two as an exercise for myself. I'm sure there are others who could do a lot better. For what it's worth:

From early childhood, Sukanya had adored her elder brother Buwannee. She always stayed close. If he climbed a tree so would she, following fearlessly behind. A mango tree dominated the Apram's house of reclaimed wood; a single room on stilts. It stood beside a dirt track leading to the highway which crossed the Isarn plain of Buriram in the north-east of Thailand. From its branches they could better see the sparsely populated district, flat for miles on end, the paddy fields bordered by embankments and the fitful jungle beyond. When food was scarce Buwannee and Sukanya climbed the mango tree to bring down the unripe fruit, eating the hard sour slices sprinkled with sugar.

Nicely done Dom,

I agree with your observation. This story needs more showing instead of telling, it is better to experience through the main characters than to simply observe. It is an OK story, but I never become sympathetic to the characters.

[billd766]

There must be something wrong with me then as I enjoyed it and I read it all the way through.

Thank you for you effort.

[billd766]

There must be something wrong with me then as I read it all the way through and really enjoyed it.

Thank you for your efforts and keep writing.

[FarangEddie]

It's a small world! Here's the first couple of sentences from a short story with the title of "Nu (Mouse) Whanphut, Soi Eight Bar-Girl". It's from a collection of short stories in an e-book called "From Beggar to Butterfly" by Peter Jaggs. It's available as paperback and e-book from Amazon. I'm thoroughly enjoying it:

"The big green cricket finally came to rest on a thorny bush growing in the hard mud near a dried-up rice-field in a small rural village near Buriram. The three small children, shouting and laughing, had chased the insect for a hundred yards..."

Buriram's soil is obviously rich in poetry, if not in nutrients!

There is also Pira Sudham, the 'Master of Isaan'. Maybe you know him but this guy was born in Napo, a village on the northern tip of Buriram province. Through scholarships was able to study in Bangkok and then overseas. Now he's in his sixties and divides his time between Napo and the UK - he's become something of an Anglophile and although he used to be a Buddist monk for a time he is paticularly interested in fine wines and champagnes. His novels and short stories are still found in bookships. He writes in English and for my money can be placed up with Checkov and all the greats as a short story writer. He is quite exceptionally brilliant. His novel Monsoon Country and it's sequel are a unique eye-opener into how Thai politics work and how it feels to be one of the 'buffalos' of Isaan.

On my last trip to Buriram I tried to visit him. With a driver I went up to Napo, which is now rather a larger place than that depicted in his writing. Starting at the marketplace and armed simply with his name our search led to the temple, to a hairdressers, to a Farang's gated house, to a petrol station and then to the police station. Our search was over as a cop took us to his cousin, the local teacher, who then took us to meet Pira's mother and sister - but Khun Pira was away in England.

The covers of his books are rather offputing I find, with Isaan rural photos framed in black and white. They throw off the impression that the content is heavy sociology/anthropolgy. But it's not!

[FarangEddie]

There must be something wrong with me then as I read it all the way through and really enjoyed it.

Thank you for your efforts and keep writing.

There must be something wrong with me too for writing it. Thanks for your comment.

[domprz]

There is also Pira Sudham, the 'Master of Isaan'. Maybe you know him but this guy was born in Napo, a village on the northern tip of Buriram province. Through scholarships was able to study in Bangkok and then overseas. Now he's in his sixties and divides his time between Napo and the UK - he's become something of an Anglophile and although he used to be a Buddist monk for a time he is paticularly interested in fine wines and champagnes. His novels and short stories are still found in bookships. He writes in English and for my money can be placed up with Checkov and all the greats as a short story writer. He is quite exceptionally brilliant. His novel Monsoon Country and it's sequel are a unique eye-opener into how Thai politics work and how it feels to be one of the 'buffalos' of Isaan.

Thanks. Pity it isn't available as an e-book. I'll trawl through the bookshops to try get a copy.

[domprz]

There must be something wrong with me then as I read it all the way through and really enjoyed it.

Thank you for your efforts and keep writing.

There must be something wrong with me too for writing it. Thanks for your comment.

Apologies. A reminder that I should never assume the circumstance/perspective of another to be similar to mine.

Edited October 29, 2010 by domprz

[canuckamuck]

There must be something wrong with me then as I read it all the way through and really enjoyed it.

Thank you for your efforts and keep writing.

There must be something wrong with me too for writing it. Thanks for your comment.

Apparently you were looking for approval not opinions, next time let us know.

It is a hard thing to write good stories, A little constructive criticism is usually considered helpful.