She Loves Me, Love Me Not

[swissie]

This came up on my Thai-Wifes birthday party a few days ago. Lot's of Thai ladies present. We live in Switzerland. The theme: Why do so many farangs invest a substantial amount of money in real estate / house that will be in the thai GF name, after knowing the lady only for a short period of time. After that, the relationship often turns sour shortly after.

To avoid unpleasant situations like this, the advice of (most) of the Thai-Ladies present was something like this: The Farang should point out to the lady IN THE BEGINNING, that he lives on a fixed monthly pension, that would enable him to live in Thailand, but without savings (Investable Capital) to his name. (rental situations are his only option.)

Ergo: If the lady looses interest after this "outing", good for the farang: He just received an answer! If, on the other hand, she still wants to stay with the farang under these circumstances, then the farang can always do another "outing" claiming that: "Honey,I made a nice inheritance, let's go and buy some real estate!!" This was the wisdom of (most) of the ladies present. This is the opinion of Thai-Ladies that are married here and have lived here for many years. I doubt that if the same subject was to be discussed among local bar ladies in one of the tourist hubs, the final comment would be the same.

Actually: Depending on soemeones life / financial circumstances, there are really some interesting rental/lease situations in those tourist-hubs available as compared to buying anything. Cheers.

[GuestHouse]

It's a cunning plan... but would almost certainly fail where the woman in question is playing the long game.

[onnut]

Choose wisely folks

[Jimi007]

I would have to agree with your basic premise. I do lease and have done so for years. Since I can't own the land in my name I figured it's cheaper over the long term for me. Plus, if I have to leave for some reason, no big loss. After many years here I finally found someone that's not BS or stupid. Her family has a lot of land and wants to give, her/us, 50 rai of our choosing. I can then, according to her mother, get the building permits and build a house in my name on her, my girlfriend of two years, newly chanote titled land. I am of course taking my time with this offer as the baht is too high and I like my leased house, in my name in Rawai, Phuket. My car and my motorbikes are in my name too. My GF gets sh*t from the local women, of the Thai gold digger type, for staying with me. But her mother and family approve of and like me because I'm not a hi so farang. I'll just take my time and see what happens...

[Ulysses G.]

Good suggestions, but "love" is blind.

[cdnvic]

In cases where people apply the same standards of time and due diligence that most people back home would in choosing a spouse, I don't see any higher a rate of failure than anywhere else, probably lower in fact.

However, when so many guys leap into the unknown after four or five months with someone they've hardly had a chance to get to know, and whom they can barely converse with, these tales of woe are inevitable. Then they come here and start trashing Thai women when the reality of the situation is that if they had applied the same lack of vetting back home, they probably would have lost their house, and had their heart broken there too. Then they'd show up here, trashing western women....

There should be sign above the exit doors to the airport in big letters:

"Welcome to Thailand.... you don't have to get married right away"

[Ulysses G.]

However, when so many guys leap into the unknown after four or five months with someone they've hardly had a chance to get to know, and whom they can barely converse with, these tales of woe are inevitable.

Four or five days is more common.

[sarahsbloke]

In cases where people apply the same standards of time and due diligence that most people back home would in choosing a spouse, I don't see any higher a rate of failure than anywhere else, probably lower in fact.

However, when so many guys leap into the unknown after four or five months with someone they've hardly had a chance to get to know, and whom they can barely converse with, these tales of woe are inevitable. Then they come here and start trashing Thai women when the reality of the situation is that if they had applied the same lack of vetting back home, they probably would have lost their house, and had their heart broken there too. Then they'd show up here, trashing western women....

There should be sign above the exit doors to the airport in big letters:

"Welcome to Thailand.... you don't have to get married right away"

In the UK I married a lady after 2 years courting, 30 years later I lost my house, my children, my savings, my dog and my pension

If you move a girl into your home in Ohio, after 60 days she gets community property rights.

In the UK it takes 6 months.

Marriage is not a requirement in many western countries for a lady to claim your house.

Thailand is a lot less risky as you are not allowed to own property here.

In Thailand I got married 3 weeks after meeting a lady who spoke almost no English. If she wants me to leave she may keep our rented home and the one month security that I paid. No problem. I might buy her a house, if she sticks around long enough (maybe in 10 years). If I do, it will be as a gift with no expectations of future commitment, after all, I can't own property in Thailand.

I'm not trashing women from any part of the world, but my personal opinion is that it's just too risky to have a sexual relationship with a woman in the English speaking western world, the justice system allows them too many opportunities to get entitlement over a mans property (and his freedom). In the western world it seems only safe to have gay sexual relationships.

@the OP

In Switzerland, I'm pretty sure your Thai wife can pop a baby then claim your home ......... not too sure though, women only just got the vote there, the rules might be different.

Edited October 30, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[lovelomsak]

Now I really donot care to try to hard to get a wife. When I meet someone who seems interested in me for what ever reason, I let her know right away there willlnot be a big cash outlay at anytime.I explain to the woman that even in Canada where I come from it takes people a life time to pay off a house. So if she expects me to go out and pay cash for one she better start looking for another guy. I tell her relationships are about building a life together. I let her know what I will contribute each month and if she can budget it is very possible to buy a good home and car and live very good on what give. I havenot had one woman take me on up since, I started this.

The reality for me is the more this happens the less interested I am. If all women in the world expected everything within months of marriage everyone in the world would be single.What I do maynot be a good way to test a relationship but I cannot think of a better way at the moment.

The other side to this is , if a woman did commit and worked hard to keep home and family in place like I feel a good woman should, then every year without any notice I would simply give her up too another 1,000,000 a year lump sum bonus to assist the household. I would make it appear as this was extra money from an unknown source I hadnot expected. So she wouldnot come to expect it. I would look at it a bonus for being a good wife. And if she was committed to being a good maintainer of a home I am sure she would handle the windfall well. If she didnot it would be reflected in the following years bonus so to speak.

This way sounds harsh and controlling but I want a relationship not a hired wife. She has to contribute as a caring domestic woman who can organize and maintain a household and a family.I like a woman who takes pride in her ability to be handle the home affairs.Looks, sex , personality can only get my interest it takes character to keep me.

I know all you rich guys will say nasty things to me about being cheap but hey this is my way of dealing with it ok.

[GuestHouse]

In the UK I married a lady after 2 years courting, 30 years later I lost my house, my children, my savings, my dog and my pension

If you move a girl into your home in Ohio, after 60 days she gets community property rights.

In the UK it takes 6 months.

Marriage is not a requirement in many western countries for a lady to claim your house.

You've obviously been on the receiving end of some very poor legal advice - perhaps non at all. But you're not alone - a significant number of men allow their wife to walk all over them in the divorce courts. ...But not all go on the internet bleating on about it.

Where you get the six month rule from is anyone's guess.

[robblok]

Now I really donot care to try to hard to get a wife. When I meet someone who seems interested in me for what ever reason, I let her know right away there willlnot be a big cash outlay at anytime.I explain to the woman that even in Canada where I come from it takes people a life time to pay off a house. So if she expects me to go out and pay cash for one she better start looking for another guy. I tell her relationships are about building a life together. I let her know what I will contribute each month and if she can budget it is very possible to buy a good home and car and live very good on what give. I havenot had one woman take me on up since, I started this.

The reality for me is the more this happens the less interested I am. If all women in the world expected everything within months of marriage everyone in the world would be single.What I do maynot be a good way to test a relationship but I cannot think of a better way at the moment.

The other side to this is , if a woman did commit and worked hard to keep home and family in place like I feel a good woman should, then every year without any notice I would simply give her up too another 1,000,000 a year lump sum bonus to assist the household. I would make it appear as this was extra money from an unknown source I hadnot expected. So she wouldnot come to expect it. I would look at it a bonus for being a good wife. And if she was committed to being a good maintainer of a home I am sure she would handle the windfall well. If she didnot it would be reflected in the following years bonus so to speak.

This way sounds harsh and controlling but I want a relationship not a hired wife. She has to contribute as a caring domestic woman who can organize and maintain a household and a family.I like a woman who takes pride in her ability to be handle the home affairs.Looks, sex , personality can only get my interest it takes character to keep me.

I know all you rich guys will say nasty things to me about being cheap but hey this is my way of dealing with it ok.

Strange that you say its so hard. The girls i met all wanted this contributing and not the guy paying everything. But these were educated younger woman. I think it depends where you are looking and how you look yourself compared to the wife. Big age and looks difference and you probably don't find it. My wife works hard and contributes. She has a friend who has a farang bf and does the same (mind you these are younger girls with young farangs not old guys with young girls). Actually this is how it is with most of my friends, its all about the company you keep.

[lovelomsak]

Now I really donot care to try to hard to get a wife. When I meet someone who seems interested in me for what ever reason, I let her know right away there willlnot be a big cash outlay at anytime.I explain to the woman that even in Canada where I come from it takes people a life time to pay off a house. So if she expects me to go out and pay cash for one she better start looking for another guy. I tell her relationships are about building a life together. I let her know what I will contribute each month and if she can budget it is very possible to buy a good home and car and live very good on what give. I havenot had one woman take me on up since, I started this.

The reality for me is the more this happens the less interested I am. If all women in the world expected everything within months of marriage everyone in the world would be single.What I do maynot be a good way to test a relationship but I cannot think of a better way at the moment.

The other side to this is , if a woman did commit and worked hard to keep home and family in place like I feel a good woman should, then every year without any notice I would simply give her up too another 1,000,000 a year lump sum bonus to assist the household. I would make it appear as this was extra money from an unknown source I hadnot expected. So she wouldnot come to expect it. I would look at it a bonus for being a good wife. And if she was committed to being a good maintainer of a home I am sure she would handle the windfall well. If she didnot it would be reflected in the following years bonus so to speak.

This way sounds harsh and controlling but I want a relationship not a hired wife. She has to contribute as a caring domestic woman who can organize and maintain a household and a family.I like a woman who takes pride in her ability to be handle the home affairs.Looks, sex , personality can only get my interest it takes character to keep me.

I know all you rich guys will say nasty things to me about being cheap but hey this is my way of dealing with it ok.

Strange that you say its so hard. The girls i met all wanted this contributing and not the guy paying everything. But these were educated younger woman. I think it depends where you are looking and how you look yourself compared to the wife. Big age and looks difference and you probably don't find it. My wife works hard and contributes. She has a friend who has a farang bf and does the same (mind you these are younger girls with young farangs not old guys with young girls). Actually this is how it is with most of my friends, its all about the company you keep.

I think you are pretty well right on about the gae I am an older farang. But not sure about the company thing. I donot drink or smoke or go to bars. All my friends are teachers and nurses,directors of schools and successful business people. In my crowd the older ones are married. So I have to look outside my circle and try to find one to introduce to my friends and associates. I also agree the young educated ones many of them are looking for long term strong relationships and will work at it to make it happen and they get very much respect from me, but sadly I amnot young and eligible for them. So it is hard to compare.

[robblok]

True then, yes then it is harder to find. You cant change who you are and the older ones are usually not educated (before there was less education and they have an other mindset).

I just see it in my circles a lot that the girls really give it all in a relation and don't depend on the guy to support them. They are looking for long term relations and are not looking for an ATM. I even know a couple where the girl who is a looker pays more then her farang bf because he has not much income.

I like it that my wife works (ok not always because things are had to plan) and that she contributes it makes me feel better knowing she is not with me for the money.

[sillyman99]

An old bear is attracted to a bees nest cos he wants the honey, he knows he'll get a few stings on the nose, but that wont stop him, the nest has something he wants and he's willing to take the stings to get it.

Kinda like Farangs attracted to Thailand.

[mark45y]

Perhaps I am writing to myself but someone tell me what life changing experience would you enter into with a 50% chance of success?

Would you get on an airplane if the pilot told you you had a 50% chance of making it to your destination?

Would you order dinner at a restaurant if the server told you there was a 50% chance the meal would not arrive?

[sarahsbloke]

Perhaps I am writing to myself but someone tell me what life changing experience would you enter into with a 50% chance of success?

Would you get on an airplane if the pilot told you you had a 50% chance of making it to your destination?

Would you order dinner at a restaurant if the server told you there was a 50% chance the meal would not arrive?

Would you buy a cute hot chick a drink if you had a 50% chance of taking her home .....

Pretty sure you would Marky!

Edited October 30, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[mark45y]

Perhaps I am writing to myself but someone tell me what life changing experience would you enter into with a 50% chance of success?

Would you get on an airplane if the pilot told you you had a 50% chance of making it to your destination?

Would you order dinner at a restaurant if the server told you there was a 50% chance the meal would not arrive?

Would you buy a cute hot chick a drink if you had a 50% chance of taking her home .....

Pretty sure you would Marky!

Think about that for a second. You mean would I flip a coin? I give a lady cash, and we flip a coin to see if she holds up her part of the bargain? No, of course not. I don't pay before the service is rendered. If a person tells me there is a 50% chance that the service provided will not be rendered or of poor quality I don't buy. Do you?

[ilyelol]

Now I really donot care to try to hard to get a wife. When I meet someone who seems interested in me for what ever reason, I let her know right away there willlnot be a big cash outlay at anytime.I explain to the woman that even in Canada where I come from it takes people a life time to pay off a house. So if she expects me to go out and pay cash for one she better start looking for another guy. I tell her relationships are about building a life together. I let her know what I will contribute each month and if she can budget it is very possible to buy a good home and car and live very good on what give. I havenot had one woman take me on up since, I started this.

The reality for me is the more this happens the less interested I am. If all women in the world expected everything within months of marriage everyone in the world would be single.What I do maynot be a good way to test a relationship but I cannot think of a better way at the moment.

The other side to this is , if a woman did commit and worked hard to keep home and family in place like I feel a good woman should, then every year without any notice I would simply give her up too another 1,000,000 a year lump sum bonus to assist the household. I would make it appear as this was extra money from an unknown source I hadnot expected. So she wouldnot come to expect it. I would look at it a bonus for being a good wife. And if she was committed to being a good maintainer of a home I am sure she would handle the windfall well. If she didnot it would be reflected in the following years bonus so to speak.

This way sounds harsh and controlling but I want a relationship not a hired wife. She has to contribute as a caring domestic woman who can organize and maintain a household and a family.I like a woman who takes pride in her ability to be handle the home affairs.Looks, sex , personality can only get my interest it takes character to keep me.

I know all you rich guys will say nasty things to me about being cheap but hey this is my way of dealing with it ok.

Strange that you say its so hard. The girls i met all wanted this contributing and not the guy paying everything. But these were educated younger woman. I think it depends where you are looking and how you look yourself compared to the wife. Big age and looks difference and you probably don't find it. My wife works hard and contributes. She has a friend who has a farang bf and does the same (mind you these are younger girls with young farangs not old guys with young girls). Actually this is how it is with most of my friends, its all about the company you keep.

Bar girls dont work, that is why.

My gf always had everything handed to her. Very easy life, very easy rich boyfriends.

All i want is her to take care of the kid, do some fulfilling stuff for herself and wash my stuff, bring me food. Well even though that what i want from her, she keeps starting money making opportunities non-stop.(right now im starving and she's working on her restaurant again so i have to eat peanuts for an other 3 hours). From what i hear, that's what most thai women would do if they come from a decent family.

Again i say it all the time, if you were forced to post a picture of yourself when you start a topic, no topics like this would exist. It's quite obvious that the problem is almost always Old farang with bar girl, delusional farang who never had any friend or girlfriend with a (crazy ugly girl, fat lazy girl, bargirl) looking to grab the easiest life as possible before the farang realizes even a loser can do better here, the fat guy wondering why he attracts someone as lazy as him and 0.5% of the time an unlucky guy

pretty sure that normal thai women think that if they stay home and do jackshit, their husband will have free-card to get a bunch of mia noi or cheat on them randomly as they are just propriety and not an equal partner.

Edited October 30, 2010 by ilyelol

[Samuian]

It's a cunning plan... but would almost certainly fail where the woman in question is playing the long game.

I am afraid it's Tobler wisdom!

[mark45y]

NOTHING in life is fore sure or certain, everything is a gamble. Go pick up your lottery check, step out side thinking what your going to spend it on and get run over by a truck.

Marriage used to be a successful way of the orderly procreation of the species in the western world.

Now divorce is like a rite of passage for middle aged men as a prelude to moving to Thailand.

For at least half the population marriage is no longer a way of accumulating wealth for future generations as any accumulated capital is dispersed and not sizable enough to create any real wealth.

In the past families stayed together and passed on homes, businesses and bank accounts to future generations and so on. Now homes are sold, profits split and instead of savings we have women alone in the west and men in Thailand.

Did men bring about this change? Nope modern women file for divorce twice as often as men.

In the US 54% of marriages end in divorce.

The world has changed but men are still asking women to get married. In WW II a soldier only had a 6% chance of getting killed or wounded.

6% is an acceptable risk. 54% is crazy. The only conclusion I can come to is men are not paying attention in math class anymore.

[IanForbes]

Again i say it all the time, if you were forced to post a picture of yourself when you start a topic, no topics like this would exist. It's quite obvious that the problem is almost always Old farang with bar girl, delusional farang who never had any friend or girlfriend with a (crazy ugly girl, fat lazy girl, bargirl) looking to grab the easiest life as possible before the farang realizes even a loser can do better here, the fat guy wondering why he attracts someone as lazy as him and 0.5% of the time an unlucky guy

pretty sure that normal thai women think that if they stay home and do jackshit, their husband will have free-card to get a bunch of mia noi or cheat on them randomly as they are just propriety and not an equal partner.

I've posted so many pictures of myself on thaivisa that people get tired of looking at me. It hasn't changed what I say, write or do at all. Never had a bad experience because of posting photos and don't get any more SPAM than anyone else. I have no problem answering or debating any topic on any forum and I stand behind what I say. If I'm proven wrong then I'll admit my mistake.

[IanForbes]

54% is crazy. The only conclusion I can come to is men are not paying attention in math class anymore.

It's the same guys who buy lottery tickets where odds are 2 million to one. I LOVE playing poker with those guys.

I keep saying over and over... Why buy what you can rent for much cheaper? As far as I can determine, the only valid reason to get married is to raise a family.

[ukrules]

As far as I can determine, the only valid reason to get married is to raise a family.

As far as I can see there is never a reason to get married. No exceptions. Sure, we might have our favourites over the years but nothing is for ever, even life.

I might add that I'm not much of a traditionalist.

[bifftastic]

Ok here's my thoughts.

Whether or not people get married has no real bearing on the success of the relationship. This leads to another question, what does 'success' in relationship terms, actually mean? I suppose it's that much-sought-after condition, happiness. If there was a formula that guaranteed happiness we'd all be happy.

I agree with the comments made in the OP, it's a good idea to make it clear in the early stages of any relationship that you're not willing or able to just hand out large sums of cash at the drop of a hat. After all, you don't know if the person you're getting involved with will take advantage of that or not.

When there are large differences in the availability of money (as can be the case in Farang-Thai relationships) it is of more significance than in our home countries. I've had relationships in the past where the woman earned (a lot) more than me and some where it's been the other way round.

Of course you like to help out, when you can, but if any relationship is solely based on money, then that's just what it is. If both parties are content with that, up to them.

For me, although it's a factor, it's not the be-all-and-end-all. There have been times when I've given money when it's been needed and other times when I've had the money but not given it.

I think if you start off 'flashing the cash' you better get used to it. Doesn't matter if you're in Thailand or anywhere else. If you buy a big house and live in it with a woman who later comes to dislike you, for whatever reason, chances are she'll be living in it and you'll be paying for it. If you, or she, based your relationship on money. There should be, in my opinion, an improvement for both people in any relationship. Quality of life is the key. Some of that is financial, of course. Some of it is emotional, the idea that you have someone to share things with is very comforting and can lead to the enhancement of the 'happiness vibe'.

It's good to know where you stand going in. If you're fortunate enough to have large amounts of cash I think it's a good idea not to really make a big deal out of it.

I was in the Caribbean for a while and some of the richest people around looked like the poorest. One guy I used to chat with every day on my way to the beach looked like he worked in the big house I was passing, turns out he owned it and half the rest of the street! There's just no sense in advertising wealth, especially in financially poor places.

Nothing lasts forever, as someone said previously, even life. But if we think about that too much it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy (I know the life ending part will self-fulfill anyway!) so I think it's important to try and enjoy what's going on at the moment without worrying about divorce statistics. This is aided, I think, by not basing anything on money. Money should be the stuff that greases the wheels allowing for a smoother ride, not the vehicle itself.

A hard balancing act, but if you can succeed in placing the financials in their proper place, potentially rewarding.

In my opinion

[Jimi007]

Again i say it all the time, if you were forced to post a picture of yourself when you start a topic, no topics like this would exist. It's quite obvious that the problem is almost always Old farang with bar girl, delusional farang who never had any friend or girlfriend with a (crazy ugly girl, fat lazy girl, bargirl) looking to grab the easiest life as possible before the farang realizes even a loser can do better here, the fat guy wondering why he attracts someone as lazy as him and 0.5% of the time an unlucky guy

pretty sure that normal thai women think that if they stay home and do jackshit, their husband will have free-card to get a bunch of mia noi or cheat on them randomly as they are just propriety and not an equal partner.

I've posted so many pictures of myself on thaivisa that people get tired of looking at me. It hasn't changed what I say, write or do at all. Never had a bad experience because of posting photos and don't get any more SPAM than anyone else. I have no problem answering or debating any topic on any forum and I stand behind what I say. If I'm proven wrong then I'll admit my mistake.

I agree with you Ian. If you want to look at me click on my profile, it has a recent picture of me. It says when I was born, my gender, where I am from and where I live. I know who I am, and if anyone wants to know go look... And I will admit that I have been and can be wrong. But, I don't post nearly as much as some people on this forum. I read it for my amusement a lot though...

[mca]

Perhaps I am writing to myself but someone tell me what life changing experience would you enter into with a 50% chance of success?

Would you get on an airplane if the pilot told you you had a 50% chance of making it to your destination?

Would you order dinner at a restaurant if the server told you there was a 50% chance the meal would not arrive?

From the man who's been married how many times?

[sarahsbloke]

Perhaps I am writing to myself but someone tell me what life changing experience would you enter into with a 50% chance of success?

Would you get on an airplane if the pilot told you you had a 50% chance of making it to your destination?

Would you order dinner at a restaurant if the server told you there was a 50% chance the meal would not arrive?

From the man who's been married how many times?

Mark is my hero, I'm just trying to catch up (hopefully without losing quite so many houses)

[Kwasaki]

What happen to the topic poster what l want to know is how did the Thai girls get to Switzerland.

[ilyelol]

Again i say it all the time, if you were forced to post a picture of yourself when you start a topic, no topics like this would exist. It's quite obvious that the problem is almost always Old farang with bar girl, delusional farang who never had any friend or girlfriend with a (crazy ugly girl, fat lazy girl, bargirl) looking to grab the easiest life as possible before the farang realizes even a loser can do better here, the fat guy wondering why he attracts someone as lazy as him and 0.5% of the time an unlucky guy

pretty sure that normal thai women think that if they stay home and do jackshit, their husband will have free-card to get a bunch of mia noi or cheat on them randomly as they are just propriety and not an equal partner.

I've posted so many pictures of myself on thaivisa that people get tired of looking at me. It hasn't changed what I say, write or do at all. Never had a bad experience because of posting photos and don't get any more SPAM than anyone else. I have no problem answering or debating any topic on any forum and I stand behind what I say. If I'm proven wrong then I'll admit my mistake.

I agree with you Ian. If you want to look at me click on my profile, it has a recent picture of me. It says when I was born, my gender, where I am from and where I live. I know who I am, and if anyone wants to know go look... And I will admit that I have been and can be wrong. But, I don't post nearly as much as some people on this forum. I read it for my amusement a lot though...

And your picture confirms that you probably don't have much trouble, you don't look like you'd be on the corner of some ghetto street buying some meth or selling your ass for some meth like most guys who have troubles here.

[Birdman]

What happen to the topic poster what l want to know is how did the Thai girls get to Switzerland.

by change, they could be in the UK by now or in Romania or in Siberia or