Another Black Hole In Pattaya

[PattayaOneTeam]

Another Black Hole in Pattaya

Nightmarch

Mooning around Loy Krathong: When high season begins, around the start of November, the management of Diamond go-go (Soi Diamond) usually start ramping up the number of their popular dance contests and other events to try and take advantage of the extra punters in Fun Town. This year the traditional Loy Krathong festival takes place in late November and on Sunday night 21 November Diamond go-go will be holding a Full Moon Party as part of their Loy Krathong celebrations. If you’re expecting traditional costumes, demure damsels and graceful movements then you should stop taking your medication, now. The party will be in full swing by about 11:00pm, with more ‘mooning’ likely to take place than you would ever see at a proctologists hands-on convention.

Yet another ‘black hole’ emerges: A few weeks ago I reported on the re-opening of the Sakura Club 69 go-go in Soi 15. This den has had more ups and downs than a Lumpini street walker on a Saturday night, but it is starting to appear as though the place is more benighted than blessed, because just three weeks into its new regime the doors are once more closed. A sign has now appeared offering the place for sale, I’m told, for 2.6 million baht. This is about half a million less than its previous asking price.

Sakura Club 69 began life as a tiny broom closet of a den known as Nui’s in late 1999. It struggled for a while but ultimately the eponymous Nui has moved on to bigger and better things, most of them on Walking Street proper. It closed for renovations in 2005 and, after a series of delays, opened under the name Club 69 in January 2007. Since then it has been sold, renovated, re-opened, closed, re-sold, renovated, re-opened and closed It was sold a few months later, closed and renovated. It re-opened with the name Sakura added to the Club 69, aiming to attract a few of the sushi and sake brigade. By October that year it was closed yet again. Since then it has opened and closed a few more times, and I guess the only person making any money out of the place is the Thai landlord.

Not worth a cracker: Catering primarily to potentially inquisitive Russians and located up a flight of steps covered by a gaudy and truly tacky red carpet, the Rocket go-go (Soi Diamond) is quite busy. A small sign downstairs is in Russian and probably reads, ‘prepare to be shocked by the rubbish we are about to pass off as a typical Thai dancing bar.’ Anybody who has ever been conned into going upstairs in one of those Patpong so-called ‘show’ bars and then been right royally ripped off will get a sense a déjà vu if they wander into Rocket. Places like these basically confirm the pre-conceived notion so many foreign tourists have of the nightlife scene in Pattaya. Given the quality, but sexy, entertainment on show in a place like Angelwitch (around the corner in Soi 15), what is on offer in Rocket is anachronistic at best and downright disgusting at worst.

Masochists R Us: Some years ago the Carlsberg booze producing company from Denmark were a fairly significant player in the Thailand amber fluid ingestion market. Then the local brewers allegedly found a way of scuppering Carlsberg and the Danes pulled the pin and retreated from the local marketplace. That was about eight or 10 years ago. But the Vikings have returned for a second bite at the beer keg and Carlsberg is now available in a few select outlets in Fun Town. As of the end of October it should now be possible to start sinking Carlsberg in places such as Queen Victoria Inn (Soi 6), Butcher’s Arms (Soi Buakhow), The Sportsman (Soi 13) and Rosie O’Grady’s (Soi 7).

No good if you have hay fever: The management of the Club Oasis go-go (Soi Buakhow) are always tweaking at the edges in an effort to keep the vibrancy in their chrome pole den. Happy hours are great value, especially for those who enjoy sinking liver wasters: two for 100 baht in a substantial glass is definitely a winner; with draft amber at 60 baht a glass. A number of video screens have been installed and the music combined with the visuals is another plus.

Of course the most important element is the wallet emptying brigade and I would argue the den currently has one of the best line-ups I’ve ever seen in the place: all shapes and sizes, but the vast majority in nice proportion. Gone are the days when a porker managed to sneak into the lineup, although, that said, it’s amazing how many of these lard barrels are popular with the less confident bum on a barstool.

Oasis have introduced three shows a night, at 8:00, 9:00 and 10:00pm. I saw the first one, which involved a number of damsels sporting boots, face masks and draped in feather boas and nothing else shuffling about the stage. There’s really not a lot you can do with a collection of feather boas, and Thai chrome pole molesters are not noted for their choreographic skills. It also doesn’t help when the boas happen to be moulting. The trail of discarded feathers put me in mind of a gaggle of geese fleeing a hungry wolf pack. “Waitress, there’s a feather in my beer,” sounds like a variation on the old tried and tested restaurant wail, “Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.”

I do have one complaint, and that’s about the dress code within the confines of the den. There was one dancer wandering about the floor wearing nothing but a very short skirt, a comely smile and a tie. The tie was loosely hanging around her cleavage and most certainly not done up in a proper Windsor knot. Next thing you know the standards will slip further and they’ll be wearing cravats of the wrong colour. Management please note.

Check out the checks: Not sure what the people who run the Powers go-go on Walking Street are thinking. They appear to be confused as to whether they should be a full on go-go with dancing girls in various states of limited apparel or, hedging their bets, have a collection of over-dressed coyote damsels and a number of attentive hostesses as well. Just in case someone thinks they’ve wandered into a sports lounge, there’s also a pool table.

The dancers, of which there are not really as many as one would want to see for the size of the den, are bedecked in a strange black and white checkered bikini and stockings ensemble. It’s different, but not especially alluring, particularly when the majority of the shufflers are overdressed, hiding all the good bits from public gaze. A few do release their inner charms but this just adds to the confusion as to what the den management is trying to achieve. The checkered outfits make the dancers look like extras from an episode of the 1960s TV series Batman and Robin with The Joker as the feature villain.

Lolly water is 90 baht and lady drinks are 120 baht, so prices are about average for this kind of den.

Something old, something new for the wallet devouring high season: Down on Walking Street and its environs the Carousel go-go (Soi Diamond) re-opened at the start of November, albeit with only a limited number of chrome pole exponents. Down in Soi 16, the former go-go Club Sin City has been renovated and become Relaxxx go-go, opening on the 6th. Let’s hope it does better than all the previous incarnations. On the main drag, a giant den called Alcatraz was set to open on the 12th, a few days after the deadline for copy for this newspaper. It will be interesting to see how it goes in terms of attracting the punters: many will probably feel a sense of nostalgia, while others may avoid the joint because it brings back bad memories.

Further afield, the Clinic beer boozer and former sports emporium (Soi Yamato) has re-opened after having had a lick of bright paint and a new sign erected out front. There are also a few wallet emptiers now warming their backsides on seats and hoping for customers. The joint has been taken over by Aoy, the widow of Derek Adams, who sadly passed away at the end of August. I wish her all the best after what has been a traumatic year.

Piece of Pith: "There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes Benz 380L convertible." -PJ O'Rourke

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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-29

[Ulysses G.]

No mention of sex for sale. Seems to be with-in the rules.

[Rimmer]

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