What Do U Think About Farang Guy? Pls Advise..

Arties · August 23, 2005

My western bf (boyfriend) and I already broke up but we are still very "good friends" now. What is the meaning of "good friend" from farang point of view that is it possible for him to return back as a bf again? I am confused because he sometimes treated me well. Or this is just a western custom as Thais somehow never see and care each other again after breaking up.

khall64au · August 23, 2005

From my point of view? If you cared enough for a person to share your life for a period of time, then why not stay in touch even if you are not intimate anymore. Good friends are hard to come by.

chanchao · August 23, 2005

It's indeed common in the West to remain friends or at the very least remain on talking terms.. Thailand needless to say is completely different, once you break you complete erase a person from your life, or at least try to. I always recommend foreign friends to make a clean break, when they break, and not to attempt the 'just friends' thing as it doesn't work with most Thai people, ESPECIALLY not when getting into a new relationshop.

Anyway, in short it's up to you. Some men say 'just friends' to soften the blow, or to make the process easier. Mostly NOT because they still plan to continue the relationship in the future. A good question to ask yourself is: Would he still want to be friends if you got a new boyfriend? And question two, would you still want to be friends if he got a new girlfriend? If the answer to either question is 'no' then a clean break really is better. If not, then, well, up to you two I guess. Then men say "But we can remain good friends", but really meaning: "if this doesn't work out then you can still be my spare tyre and I can move back if I want." Up to you if you want to be a spare tyre while secretly waiting for someone. Best to just move on. Next time you talk with him, tell him you met this cute guy and you went on a date with him, then watch the response. That'll be entertaining, even though the 'official' Western response is "Oh thats great, I'm so happy for you!"..

But the real feeling can be different, and often it's pretty obvious.

Chanchao

chanchao · August 23, 2005

Oh, one more way to 'soften the blow' or make the breaking up process easier in Farangland is this one: "I love you but I need to spend some time alone" then move out, alledgedly for a while, and then see how it works out. That's easier than saying "I met a cute sexy girl who makes 60K baht a month" or "I want to be single again and date loads of girls."

mrbojangles · August 23, 2005

I concur with this statement from chanchao, Arties. It's nice to remain friends so as not to have any bitterness when you "bump" into each other again but it usually fades away when one of you get's a new partner. Something in the way you wrote your post, seems like you would like him back Arties, is this right? Or are you happy that the relationship has ended?

Best of luck to you anyway.

MrBoJ

Khutan · August 23, 2005

Sad to hear your news, it can mean many things, depending on the relationship.

Maybe you can tell us a bit more about how long you were together, how old you both are, shared interests and children etc.

BambinA · August 23, 2005

for my view ,me thinks 90% of farangs when say yes =yes /no =no so if he said he will be you good friend , so it must be, you will be his special friend (atleast you both know yourself well in a level) and for the same reason for "turn back" ( ..well its hard to say coz im not him..)

do you want to be his "good friend" ? if you want just dont expect anything from him ..and forget to hope that he will come back (if he wanna comeback ,he will)..forget "day dream" life must go on (sound harsh i know..but it's fact..I'm sorry)

and alot of fish in sea

Bambi

Arties · August 23, 2005

Arties · August 23, 2005

Thank you guys for your comments. I actually still care and wish him all the best although I know that he has a new gf. I probably keep these good memories for good. It is good to be a giver somehow.

mrbojangles · August 23, 2005

You sound a really nice lady Arties, with a big heart. In my view, it looks as though it is his loss and another man's gain, when you find a new partner. All the best in the future

MrBoJ

uncle paul · August 23, 2005

whatever you do dont let this man control your life. some men dont really want you but dont want any other man to have you either. watch out if he keeps suggesting you may get back together everytime you start to make things better for yourself.

id just tell him you had a new bf anyway and see how things go.

i keep in touch with one of my x gf's. we are very good friends. she gets on very well with my wife and i get on very well with her partner. whenever we are in italy we stay with her and whenever they are in the uk they stay with us. (we havent been together for 11 years now)

Eric Davis · August 23, 2005

whatever you do dont let this man control your life. some men dont really want you but dont want any other man to have you either. watch out if he keeps suggesting you may get back together everytime you start to make things better for yourself.

Arties never mentioned this.

uncle paul · August 23, 2005

nobody says he/she did mention it. it was a friendly warning as some thai's are not prepared for the ways of farang men. in my experience many thai girls believe a farang when he tells her he loves her etc just to bed her. they dont seem to be as worldly wise as farang girls of a similar age.

Edited August 23, 2005 by uncle paul

Arties · August 23, 2005

Thanks MrBoj. I may be too sensitive and too good for him as he said. I have stuck on him over a year after breaking up. I know it is such a stupid situation but I just could not help myself. Anyway, it seemed to be true as Bambi said.

----

for my view ,me thinks 90% of farangs when say yes =yes /no =no so if he said he will be you good friend , so it must be, you will be his special friend (atleast you both know yourself well in a level) and for the same reason for "turn back" ( ..well its hard to say coz im not him..)

do you want to be his "good friend" ? if you want just dont expect anything from him ..and forget to hope that he will come back (if he wanna comeback ,he will)..forget "day dream" life must go on (sound harsh i know..but it's fact..I'm sorry)

and alot of fish in sea

Bambi

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Jeff1 · August 23, 2005

Its a nice way of saying " SEE YA "

Sorry The best way to get over one is get a new one .

Have fun

britmaveric · August 23, 2005

Arties - I agree. Your former bf is just being nice in order to ease the breakup for you. I'm quite positive over time the contact will be less and less especially if he has a new gf. No worries sometimes things dont work out and this if for the best. Just move on with your chinup and no doubt you will find another lad when the time is right.

Ice Maiden · August 23, 2005

Don't agree that the best way to deal with it is to get a new one because once her new boyfriend broke up with her she'd be dealing with both breakups and it wouldn't be nice. Arties needs to get over her last boyfriend if she wants a new one, don't think shes ready yet IMO.

IMO I think you should have some "me" time Arties. Have some time to yourself and spend some time with your friends. Buy a new feel good outfit and go for a few drinks with your friends, see what you was you've been missing out on and you don't have to go looking for males. Just have a good giggle or two with your friends.

Oh and eating lots of chocolate with some friends while watching some feel good films, helps

Edited August 23, 2005 by Ice Maiden

Jeff1 · August 23, 2005

All good ideas Ice . I also think that moving on and keeping your mind busy persuing another or dating is alot better than being home alone dwelling on it .

bodypaul · August 23, 2005

I don't like the sound of that quote .... implies that he didn't treat you too well at all

bodypaul · August 23, 2005

Sorry Arties .... I am not a taker!!! 5555555

tuky · August 23, 2005

<snip>

Edited August 24, 2005 by tukyleith

Ice Maiden · August 23, 2005

I really don't agree with you. I'm speaking from experience Jeff. It really does end up nasty if you start up the dating when you haven't got over your last one.

Dwelling on it? It gives you some time to think things through - time is healer. And also if it really does get too much friends and family are going to be there for her. IMO it's better than rushing into a new relationship when you haven't got over the first. I learnt that the hard way.

Totster · August 23, 2005

Here we have the difference between a male mind and a female mind...

totster

SiamOne · August 24, 2005

Oh dear, sorry for you, it is always difficult to be the one who is left, especially when you still have feelings for him.

But what most people say is correct, try to get over him. That would be easier if you did not see him for a while, until you feel that he is not so important any more. Then maybe you could be "just" friends.

Farang men can be good friends, no sex involved, it is true. Nobody however has mentioned what his new g/f reaction would be if she knows about him continuing to see you, as a friend. She may be very jealous, and upset. So better cool off, not see him, and get on with your life

meadish_sweetball · August 24, 2005

The thing is, if sex works as a pacifier for you, you can do as Jeff1 suggested. For some people (mostly men), being able to get sex is the number 1 proof you are still attractive, and an ego boost that can help reduce the feeling of low self-confidence you got from your breakup.

However, if you look at all men as potential future life partners instead of potential sex-for-fun partners, this is not a good approach.

The risk is that you will get in over your head, and when the new guy has finally convinced you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you may feel satisfied, but will very likely discover you do not want to have anything to do with him, because you are still not mentally finished with your ex... and then you have to break up with the new guy... which sucks, just like Ice Maiden says.

So take a break. Most girls I know who go straight into new relationships never make them last very long, because they have not figured out what they really want.

Jeff1 · August 24, 2005

No , I was not talking about sex but keeping yourself busy . depending on the depth of your love for the now " EX " " that could take years & years to get over dwelling on it . However , everyone has their own way to deal with it . I mentioned what works for me .

Arties · August 24, 2005

Thank you once guys. All your ideas, opinions and comments are very important and useful for me.

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