Leaving Your Country To Live Permanently To Thailand

[Beetlejuice]

Over the Christmas and New Year period I began looking over some old photo albums with my son and reminiscing about the good old life I had in my younger days with family and friends.

These days after living for such long periods abroad the closeness I had with cousins who I was brought up with and the dearest of friends has been reduced down to a few occasional emails, the odd Skype conversation and a peep at they’re activities on facebook to see what’s happening with them.

I can remember when I first located to Thailand, cards and letters consistently filled my mailbox at the post office. Later on family and friends would litter my Facebook wall and email inbox with lots of missing you messages and well wishes.

As those first weeks in Thailand turned into months, then seasons, then years, the novelty of the new life fades and the adventure turns into routine and a way of life. This meant that as time went by it became more and more difficult to get reacquainted with the world I knew before my move to Thailand and when I did visit the old country I sometimes felt out of place. I noticed that not much had changed since I left. It was difficult to assess what my old pals were thinking about me and me of them? I discovered that my friends were no longer interested in listening to my beerbar adventures, swimming in a waterfall, hiking over the mountains and encountering a giant cobra in my garden. And in return I became bored having to repeatedly listen to how dull they’re lives are and that nothing in their lives has changed much for them.

These concerns plagued me as I made my first trip home after the first 7 years of living in Thailand. Most were warranted, some were not and after having been living in a land with people perceived as much friendlier, respectful and polite than the natives of my own country, I began to consider every person I encountered back home as boring, rude and preoccupied. Then I realized what had happened–nothing had changed back home, but I had. On my last visit back home, I was itching like a child with measles to get the heck out of there and return to now what I consider my real home, Thailand. After which a strong feeling of proudness came over me, because I had been brazen enough to had taken that giant leap and came out a lot more appreciative of how my life has ended up.

Now having lived in Thailand for several years, although I still travel abroad though my work from time to time, I still meet up with family and old friends occasionally when they visit Thailand. Not that they come especially to visit me, but would still be here on holiday whether I am here or not.

I can remember how I used to soak up every last ounce of gossip or story my friends or family told? After living abroad, I began to find that much of this chitchat no longer entertained me. In fact, I was finding it boring and at some points even irritating. I realised that once a person makes a gigantic life change, petty things become just that, even if you once gleaned some kind of enjoyment from them. Mostly what bored me was when they spoke about their shopping habits, tales of feeling stuck at work or in a certain locale and general misery about significant others or friends. When I decided to completely overhaul my life, I lost patience with people who refuse to take stock of their own lives, but still complain, seem stuck in a rut and unable or unwilling to do anything about it.

When I was last home and as the end of the visit approached, it felt sad knowing that I wouldn’t see it again for a while or perhaps even never to return. I miss some of my friends and family members every single day, and seeing them meant the world to me, but it was not the same and somehow the closeness and bond we had together in the old days had gone. I was glad when the time came to depart; I had no wish to stay any longer than I had to. But more than anything, I wished some of them could join with me to share my experience. It’s for that reason I know I made the right decision in leaving home in the first place.

The moral of this story is; as time goes by living abroad, there is the risk of our closest of friends becoming only distant acquaintances and the kinship of family becoming only fond memories, meaning that there are many more reasons why we could never return back to the old life other then having establishing ourselves in the new adopted country beyond the point of no return. So those of you that are hoping to fulfil your dreams and live in the LOS should realise that you maybe giving up a lot more than simply a location and a way of life.

It really is a case of all or nothing and worth asking yourself, will I be suited for this new way of life before jumping in at the deep end?

[Thongkorn]

I would say a lot of people are in deep do do , the way the baht has strengthened over the last few years , many have retired to Thailand on the bare essentials to live the dream ,So called, and now have no way back.Whats the point in just existing on a Meager amount every month , maybe i am to cautious.

[MSingh]

That's emigration for you isn't it..

It's a choice, not compulsory..

[smokie36]

I thought about this over and again especially with close family members getting older etc....but at the end of the day we each must follow our own path in life.

I'm moving out this year come hell or high water....looks like I got a decent whack out of it if all goes as expected now.

Fingers crossed but I'd move anywhere from the UK now tbh.

[Sunraze]

Beatlejuice,

I understand your pain. My husband has run off with a Thai woman,. and left his family with nothing but pain and hurt. I think he feels as you do. That home and the daily grind is so boring and unfulfilling. I have been waiting for him to allow his family to join him in his adventures. But he refused to let us be a part of his life. I even tried to move to thailand, so he knew i understood and wanted to be a part of all the world could give us together.. But the lies continued. He became cruel, demanding, and running off He was trying to juggle wife, girlfriend and children. The guilt he must have for trying to be so deceitful. I wish he would have understood how much I felt the same as him. Not wanting to return home. Wanting to face adventures with him, build a full and exciting life with him and continue to love him.

[Beetlejuice]

Beatlejuice,

I understand your pain. My husband has run off with a Thai woman,. and left his family with nothing but pain and hurt. I think he feels as you do. That home and the daily grind is so boring and unfulfilling. I have been waiting for him to allow his family to join him in his adventures. But he refused to let us be a part of his life. I even tried to move to thailand, so he knew i understood and wanted to be a part of all the world could give us together.. But the lies continued. He became cruel, demanding, and running off He was trying to juggle wife, girlfriend and children. The guilt he must have for trying to be so deceitful. I wish he would have understood how much I felt the same as him. Not wanting to return home. Wanting to face adventures with him, build a full and exciting life with him and continue to love him.

Very saddened to hear of your heartache and situation, but I think you have misunderstood my post.

I am certainly not in any pain or suffering in anyway from being away from my homeland. If I was I would certainly have returned a long time ago. In fact as each day goes by, the more I become to love being here in Thailand with my Thai family and good friends.

People come here for they`re own reasons, everyone`s situation is different. My point is that living in Thailand may not suit everybody.

Certainly I miss my old friends and some members of my family which does make me feel sad sometimes, especially at Christmas time when there seems more time to reflect on life, but I can live with it and in my case I put preference into my present lifestyle and future not dwealing too much on the past.

Leaving the family for in most cases a younger Thai lady and running off to Thailand in the hope that whatt they don`t see will go away, is hardly ever successful. I have known several cases of this and each and every time the past has caught up with them that had transformed these guys into sad lonely old men who eventually no one gives a rats behind whether they are dead or alive. Trust me on that one.

These guys sometimes fail to understand that most of the new Thai wife`s are only interested in their money, so in fact they have left behind the security of a loving caring family in exchange for a rent a wife or almost business sort of relationship. They are completely secure and possibly happier then they were back with they`re families until the money runs out or they fall on hard times. After that they end up on their own, unwanted and unloved.

Now, would I lie to you.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[Sunraze]

I just hope he realizes it before I leave here in a few weeks. I would so love to stay. I love living abroad and the expat life. But his Gf has already drained all of our money. Thanks for the insight.

[Chunky1]

I didn't realize it had to be one or the other.

[surayu]

Somehow human nature seems in need for changes at some point, even if you have the best possible life you could hope for, you will become "bored", a bit like if you start eating your favourite meal everyday, somehow it will go off, i can't explain it sorry to me it just look irrational and any attempt to tame the beast so far it failed, the best thing is to try to open up your mind and understand the environment you are in, recognize the potential you have and make a good use of it, make plans and counter plans, whatever your situation might be, try to do something that at a later stage of your brief existence in this world you could be proud of, the joy you will get after is well worth the effort, listen to other very valuables opinion but find the truth into it by yourself, do not assume something is right or wrong just because others tell you that, think think think and think again when you finish, this way your soul will get so fed up with you that will leave your body alone and you can finally experience levitation, ah ahhh, sorry i couldn't resist :jap:

[Sakeopete]

The two things that stick out for me is losing contacts and making friends. I mean in the future should I wish to move back with my family and start a business it will be very difficult. Many small businesses are successful because they get patronized by friends, relatives, associates and friends of associates. This can be a life saver in the early days of a business while it becomes established in the community. Your friends and relatives will still be there but the associates you make from doing formal business or being a customer are gone. Also you lose that chance of reference that could be given to a stranger that may direct extra business to you. Moving abroad severely diminishes the social network you have established by taking your name out of the community.

Making friends with similar socioeconomic backgrounds is also difficult in foreign country. Mostly because of the lack of available expats with common interests especially in smaller cities. Not only do the few expats come from different parts of the world, but language and age also contribute to the difficulties in finding compatible companions.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Sakeopete

[RAZZELL]

Fantastic post by the OP.

Places change...People change...

Life is for living...And home is where the heart is

RAZZ

[cardholder]

I still spend 3 to 4 months a year back in the UK but I call Thailand home.

There is very little I miss about 'the old life' and Beetlejuice has nailed how we adjust over time and what might have important to us 10 years ago is not now.

[thaimate]

As the song goes"wherever i lay my hat thats my home" two things dont come here unless you have enough money and if you are coming over with the Falang wife after a couple of holidays here ,beware love ,it could all end in tears for you ,so many men who have not "been around" get seduced by the lovely Thai ladies

[inmysights]

As the song goes"wherever i lay my hat thats my home" two things dont come here unless you have enough money and if you are coming over with the Falang wife after a couple of holidays here ,beware love ,it could all end in tears for you ,so many men who have not "been around" get seduced by the lovely Thai ladies

Who are clearly moronic/unattractive/unsophisticated and who would have no chance of finding a 'dalliance' on the side in their 'home' countries unless paid for. Oh, bit like here really ...

Edited January 5, 2011 by inmysights

[justaphase]

I've been here 9 years.. never been home.. what for..?I love it here. I was 29 when i came here and I don't feel like Ive missed anything. Everyone grows up and does there own thing in life..

I know there's lots of people who'd rather be here than shitty England...

[transam]

BJ, l can relate totally to your post. Thought l was reading my own thoughts on life. Your not alone.

[geriatrickid]

I am not a permanent resident as I still refuse to cut ties to my homeland. This doesn't facilitate an LTR with a Thai when I make clear that I have no intention of living full time in Thailand. Why should I? My quality of life is significantly better where I come from. Sure, I pay in excess of 50% of my income to my government, but I like medicare, and I like living in a country where my rights are protected. I'm at best a valued invitee of Thailand. Unlike others, I am not about to show deference to the local authorities who really aren't up to snuff. Full residency means that I have to accept 2nd class status, and it means that I have to accept the Thai way. There is no full time job opportunity for me even if a permanent resident as I do not see being appointed a deputy health minister anytime soon. I have no patience for the red yellow stupidity, nor for the military position, nor for the out of control corruption. For some people, it works fine, but for those that need to work in an environment where there is integrity and efficiency, Thailand is a morass. In my entire work career, no homeland government official, no one ever, has expected or sought a bribe. I have never been subjected to extortion or threats from anyone in my homeland. Can the same be said for Thailand? I maintain a small pied a terre in a major urban center in my homeland. I think the population is about 2million. Last year there were 40 some odd murders. The number of fatal car crashes due to drunks is minimal, I can cross the street and not worry. Crime is of no concern. I can drink the tap water and I don't have the same risks as I do here. Why would I give that up?

More importantly, my western work is judged upon results. It doesn't matter what hours are worked as long as timelines and objectives are met. If I need to come in at 11:00 hrs it's not an issue as long as the work is done. I usually work 5 days a week. In Thailand, people show up at the workplace from 08:00 until 18:00 hrs. 6 days a week, but they aren't at work. they are daydreaming, screwing around, picking their noses, slacking off. I can accomplish more in a day than my Thai counterparts achieve in a week. Who needs that sh*t?

That's my personal view and I keep it to myself. It's not my country and I can't tell the locals how to do things, even when asked. For people like me, Thailand has nothing to offer me, except a break from things, some interesting challenges and an injection of appreciation for my western life. Even the available vaginas are well worn and stinky. I don't have problems in the west and can get a job anytime. I can meet younger women back in my homeland as well and they aren't hookers in a bar. Thailand is ok, but why would I want to permanently live in a country so far below my own?

Now, if I had a wife and kids and a loving local family, I would perhaps think differently. However, i don't. My father would never ever think of asking me for money, nor would a family member, although I would willingly give it. My father basically subsidized a decade of advanced education. Education and duty of service to the nation were taught in our home. I have siblings, cousins etc. why would I need to replace my imperfect but acceptable family? Like I said, if I married someone from my station in life, or if I was older, things would be different. I'm a single male 20 years away from collecting any type of decent pension and these are my circumstances.

Edited January 5, 2011 by geriatrickid

[Heng]

Zilker Park, water skiing regularly on Lake Travis, city public libraries with a million+ books, little league baseball, etc.. My kids will miss out on most of that, which does feel like a loss. The extended family support system here though is a nice warm net that is hard to put an exact value though (talking about middle class type networks, not the vampiric/parasitic ones that are more common but not exclusive to the lower classes). I think I favor the latter and just choose frequent vacations for everywhere else.

[harrry]

Zilker Park, water skiing regularly on Lake Travis, city public libraries with a million+ books, little league baseball, etc.. My kids will miss out on most of that, which does feel like a loss. The extended family support system here though is a nice warm net that is hard to put an exact value though (talking about middle class type networks, not the vampiric/parasitic ones that are more common but not exclusive to the lower classes). I think I favor the latter and just choose frequent vacations for everywhere else.

Thought you would get one of your drivers to deliver your books for you. Maybe if he was like Naam's he coould read them for you too

Libraries would come fairly high on my list of things I miss too. Kindle makes up a bit though.

I must say that some years ago I spent 15 years out of Australia...here and in other countries. My return to Australia was the only time I suffered form severe culture shock...Before the wise ones pipe up...Australia does have a culture...

Edited January 5, 2011 by harrry

[Ijustwannateach]

I think I began to understand the general gist of what the OP says about 3 years after I moved abroad.

Basically, people (of every country) aren't really that curious about what it's like to live in other places. It's the flip side of what people are talking about when they accuse Thais as a group of being insular and provincial.

On the personal side, people also don't really want to maintain connections unless there's a really good reason. Too many other things to do right at home. Distance may make the heart fonder in the short term, but the long term heart is forgetful- which is also a good thing, because otherwise the nostalgia would probably eventually kill us.

I don't mind that most foreigners aren't that curious- I wouldn't really care to see this place become a homogenized copy of what I left. With the best of my old friends, when I return or call we can quickly pick up where we left off. And if not, it may be a bit awkward, but that's how change goes.

GK: if you expanded your horizons a bit more, you would see that Thai people have more potential as friends/partners/employees than what you have apparently encountered; however, I know that the public sector is as you stereotype and the tourist scene is as corrupt as you depict.

[DougLee]

I am not a permanent resident as I still refuse to cut ties to my homeland. This doesn't facilitate an LTR with a Thai when I make clear that I have no intention of living full time in Thailand. Why should I? My quality of life is significantly better where I come from. Sure, I pay in excess of 50% of my income to my government, but I like medicare, and I like living in a country where my rights are protected. I'm at best a valued invitee of Thailand. Unlike others, I am not about to show deference to the local authorities who really aren't up to snuff. Full residency means that I have to accept 2nd class status, and it means that I have to accept the Thai way. There is no full time job opportunity for me even if a permanent resident as I do not see being appointed a deputy health minister anytime soon. I have no patience for the red yellow stupidity, nor for the military position, nor for the out of control corruption. For some people, it works fine, but for those that need to work in an environment where there is integrity and efficiency, Thailand is a morass. In my entire work career, no homeland government official, no one ever, has expected or sought a bribe. I have never been subjected to extortion or threats from anyone in my homeland. Can the same be said for Thailand? I maintain a small pied a terre in a major urban center in my homeland. I think the population is about 2million. Last year there were 40 some odd murders. The number of fatal car crashes due to drunks is minimal, I can cross the street and not worry. Crime is of no concern. I can drink the tap water and I don't have the same risks as I do here. Why would I give that up?

More importantly, my western work is judged upon results. It doesn't matter what hours are worked as long as timelines and objectives are met. If I need to come in at 11:00 hrs it's not an issue as long as the work is done. I usually work 5 days a week. In Thailand, people show up at the workplace from 08:00 until 18:00 hrs. 6 days a week, but they aren't at work. they are daydreaming, screwing around, picking their noses, slacking off. I can accomplish more in a day than my Thai counterparts achieve in a week. Who needs that sh*t?

That's my personal view and I keep it to myself. It's not my country and I can't tell the locals how to do things, even when asked. For people like me, Thailand has nothing to offer me, except a break from things, some interesting challenges and an injection of appreciation for my western life. Even the available vaginas are well worn and stinky. I don't have problems in the west and can get a job anytime. I can meet younger women back in my homeland as well and they aren't hookers in a bar. Thailand is ok, but why would I want to permanently live in a country so far below my own?

Now, if I had a wife and kids and a loving local family, I would perhaps think differently. However, i don't. My father would never ever think of asking me for money, nor would a family member, although I would willingly give it. My father basically subsidized a decade of advanced education. Education and duty of service to the nation were taught in our home. I have siblings, cousins etc. why would I need to replace my imperfect but acceptable family? Like I said, if I married someone from my station in life, or if I was older, things would be different. I'm a single male 20 years away from collecting any type of decent pension and these are my circumstances.

Your whole post resumes my point of view, i have the same kind of job. Only difference is i have a family here and im much younger, i have a good "local family" but do not really care about it as i only love my real family and that wont ever change, i don't really talk because i dont speak thai.

We're here because some things appeal to us, but its not forever. It's hard to get setup in the west when you are young, its hard to start a family, we're doing it here and as soon as we can afford everything at once in the west. Big house + big pool + great location + money for business etc etc, then we will move. It's not worth living a medium quality life and having debts in the west, while here you can just pay for everything per month and start your life comfortably with no stress. We went back to my country last summer and it was great, we missed thailand a little but wow. How fun is it to leave the house at 1pm in the summer and being able to walk 250meters to a huge grassy park with a soccer/baseball field , trees and a huge kid's playground with sand(not cement like here) while not being burned by the sun or cut by broken glass or made sick to your stomach by a bunch of food/cigarette butts lying all over the ground. Having no dogs in the street or barking all night, having pesticide free veggies and fruits and having police arrest and fine heavily people who might kill your children on the road.

Thailand might be fun but when you can afford to live the same lifestyle in your own country, life is a lot better there. When i can own a 500k$ house, 10mins from the bridge to the capital with a lot of green next to the house, thailand will become a 3weeks holiday every year. Even the laos restaurant next to my family in my country is better than thai food in thailand, super high quality, real laos women. and let's not forget the delicious ways of the thai/viet restaurants who make thai food taste like sweet heaven. Cooking thai food costs about the same as here, 10mins from the house we had a nice small family asian store with all veggies imported, even banned products like MSG available. Same price as thailand for most products. Going to the zoo is a lot more fun and cheaper than in thailand, for the price of a SUV in thailand, in my country i can get a small 2004 sports car with 250hp turbo and a nice family car for the woman. i have an actual theme park 10 mins by car, which is maintained meaning i wont die in a ride. etc etc etc

Edited January 5, 2011 by DougLee

[sidjameson]

Very hard to disagree with the general consensus here.

Thailand is still cheapish, but what price clean water, safe drivers and conversations that talk about ideas, not people?

Thailand has its place for the lonely, the perverse and those unable to make much money back home. Unfortunately that includes me, lol

[Forethat]

When I first got here in March a couple of years ago, I was high on travel euphoria, but I was still shivering from the winter you sometimes experience in UK. For a month and a half I was like an ice cube, I was a grinning snowflake. But Thailand comes with a certain amount of warmth, not only heat, and slowly but surely; guessing at the meaning of signs, MBK, advertisements, the newspaper, food stalls -- everything, really -- was a delight, a game. If it rained on me, it was Thai rain and I was happy. If the pile of garbage at the soi corner was being scavenged by rats, it was just the rats way of providing for their little rat babies. I even smiled about the traffic, although that was a bit harder. And just a month after I arrived here I met the woman who became my wife. She thought Europe was a stupid place. I agreed. We got on like a house on fire as my friend Steve likes to say. The ice began to melt.

I stayed in a service apartment and at my girlfriend's house. I went to temples, parks, cafés, restaurants and bars. I spoke English with the locals even though they didn't understand a word, went to some Muay Thai fights, combed the city for decent beer (no joy), learned how to pronounce Sawasdee Krub, Leo Sai, Leo Kwa and Yut Tinnee, went scuba diving, and had an emotional conversation about Billie Holiday with the jazz vocalist at Athenee Plaza (Rubeth). I was sweating like a pig. I met a million people. I survived on American Breakfast at CentrePoint and Chicken with Cashew Nuts at the Thai restaurant next to the pool hall at Times Square which was later burnt down, fed sugar canes to street elephants (well, I was a stupid naive tourist back then), combed the city for decent beer (still no joy), signed up for a Muay Thai training class, and took a minibus to Poi Pet for a day (yes, we got scammed). I saw gibbons, combed the city for decent beer (you guessed it - still no joy), danced to Thai pop at Hillary Bar in Soi 4, played pool, and saw a Kateoy in stilettos being chased down Sukhumvit by an overweight tourist after he/she stole his wallet (lol, not a single soul helped him!!!). I took skytrains, boats, busses, MRTs and taxis and with my feet I learned to find my way around the city. I went out with strangers and came home with friends. No doubt about it -- this was a very, very good time. There's a great line buried in the vocals of the Superchunk song Keeping Track -- "All of this is so exhausting, but I don't want it to stop".

Maybe it was because I finally found a condo and got some stability in my life. Maybe it was cosmic rays, or lack of decent beer, when I realised I actually lived in this place and was no longer a tourist. Whatever the cause, in mid-November reality hit me upside the head, serious as a heart attack as they say in Milano. In the space of one horrible week I exhausted my patience for being illiterate in Thai, and suffered a deep depression. On the March morning when I left London, I said goodbye to my cat, goodbye to my friend who drove me to the airport and I can tell you I shed some tears while on the plane. General departure blues. Well, in mid-November, I started crying again.

Now this is all normal, expected even. When you move to a new country where you don't know a soul, you're almost guaranteed to suffer frustration and heartache. It took eight months for that to catch up to me, but it did. So in mid-November when reality struck, I was pissed off and tired; I considered going back to London again. I had known this would tempt me eventually, so before I left the UK I had already decided I would stay in Thailand for a year no matter what. But I thought about going back to London anyway, just for comfort.

I thought about stepping out of my front door into the glorious summer evenings of June, a pint at the Prince Alfred, about friends and family, places, events and memories. I got a warm feeling. I got wistful. And exactly at that moment I experienced a surprise -- I didn't want to go back. Maybe someday, but not then. I still don't feel this was an insult to those left behind. My wise friend Gabriella explained to me that an old life is like a favorite piece of worn out clothing, remembered fondly but no longer wearable.

I'm over all of this now, the years has come and gone. Saffire the Uppity Blues Women said, "I'm cleaning out my closet, I'm no longer sentimental / Forget about experience, I'd rather have potential!" I dig that song! So I dug in, like I dig into a tin cup with beer Singh and Som Tum Thai packed with chilies picked fresh the same morning.

As time goes by living abroad, one sometimes get to the point where it is needed to decide whether life is what was left behind, or what lies ahead. I left my native country for UK many years ago. I still consider UK being my home country mainly because I have so many friends there; it took 15 years to develop that feeling. Ask me again in another 10 years and I may feel exactly the same way about Thailand -- because I have so many friends here.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Forethat

[chops]

I miss my family, but that's the only thing I miss about that dam_n country.

what I do is I have family come over here and visit me. that way I don't have to meet any more obnoxious americans IN MY LIFETIME.

[likewise]

good thread, let me throw in my 2 cents worth.

Been here 17 years now, last time in home country was 9 year ago. Arrived here quite young and the first couple of years was nothing more then a long term holiday.

For the last 4 years I've been semi retired, we own a palm plantation, house and car have been payed for, got some income from investments, some savings so all is good....? Or isn't it?

Except for a few skype calls with my brother and 1 friend I have no contact with anybody from back home, old friends went their own ways and we lost contact.

Sometimes I do have a nostalgic mood and think about the ol' days at home. I guess it's all about choices we make in life. It takes quite a few years to see the reality of the country we live in and it is not always as we expected. The corruption, the "Thainess", discrimination, lawlesness, lack of good workmanship, culure differences with our partner, the lack of a system that you can rely on and that can be trusted and so on.......

yet we have made the choice and must of us could probably go back to our home countries, get our wives a visa and start again...... But, do we want that? Is the grass greener back home or is that just a thought?

A couple of months ago I had a conversation with my brother and was talking about buying some property at home to live there for 2 to 3 months per year. He was laughing and asked me if I remembered the reasons why I left?

Cold weather, high taxes, strict rules that are enforced (which can be good but can be overdone as well)...... After thinking it all over I guess it's not so bad living here and decided to forget about property back home where I would be taxed heavily on in my personal situation.

so, point is it's give and take and maybe for us lifers here more give then take but..... is it really better at home? So I guess I'll be staying put and take the good with the bad as it comes.....

[msg362]

Thank you for this. i've been in Thailand for about 6 years now from the UK and am/have gone through similar emotions. I too think i can't go back , nor do I want to. On my last trip, like you, i can't get over how preoccupied with trivial matters they all are. As an example, I'd taken a new camcorder there and was practising by filming a VERY large ground with about 6 5 aside football fields on. I was maybe 100 metres ( sorry yards!!) away. Kids of i guess, 10 to 15 were playing. DON'T i was told ,they'll think you are a paedophile and you haven't asked permission! What on earth is happening to a country that once fought the Nazis ? what are they on about?

Give me the chaos of Thailand every time

[Fookhaht]

Also, totally relate to OP's post. His experience with disinterested friends back home is actually a component of "reverse culture shock" analyzed by sociologists and psychologists, who've documented the effects. Here's an excerpt from a book that gives advice to students coming back from an overseas exchange experience.

ReverseCulture Shock

(adaptedfrom Robert Kohls, Survival Kit For Overseas Living)

When you return to your country you may experience some degree of what is called "reverse culture shock" or "re-entry shock". Although reverse culture shock may not be as significant as the initial culture shock you experienced upon going overseas, it can be more upsetting as it is often unexpected. (After all, you are returning to your "own" culture.)

Upon returning home, you will be glad to see your friends and family, and happy to be back in familiar territory. But at some point you will probably feel frustrated at not being able to communicate all of your thoughts and feelings about your study abroad experience.

You may notice that, although your friends are happy to see you, they are not interested in hearing about all of your experiences. You may feel somewhat alienated, finding that while you have grown and expanded your horizons, your friends have not. They may seem somewhat provincial and not interested in anything international.

Adapted from:

Culture Shock

by Dr. Carmen Guanipa,

Dept.of Counseling and School Psychology,

San Diego State University.

Copyright© 1998 -- All Rights Reserved -- Dr. Carmen Guanipa

and from There and Back Again by Beulah F. Rohrlich

and SurvivalKit For Overseas Living by L. Robert Kohls

Edited January 5, 2011 by Fookhaht

[swissie]

To live in Thailand permanently means: YOU ACCEPT THE THAI WAY. = A political system that is not comparable to "western democracies". Corruption, sin-sod, loosing face, a "may pen rai" attitude, if I don't come today, I come tomorrow. And most of all: You will be tolerated as a guest, as long you are financially "intact".

So, make sure you remain "financially intact"!

The notion, that "when all goes to pots and I can always return to my home country and the social-security system will take care of me" may not be in existence anymore (as we know it today). Due to the lack of funding and/or the lack of the willingness of taxpayers to fund such programs. At best, the social-security safety net (as we know it today) can last another 10 years. After that, it will probably be reduced to a mere food-stamp program (USA).

So again, make sure you remain "financially intact", because there may be no way back home. Cheers.

[inthepink]

To live in Thailand permanently means: YOU ACCEPT THE THAI WAY. = A political system that is not comparable to "western democracies". Corruption, sin-sod, loosing face, a "may pen rai" attitude, if I don't come today, I come tomorrow. And most of all: You will be tolerated as a guest, as long you are financially "intact".

So, make sure you remain "financially intact"!

The notion, that "when all goes to pots and I can always return to my home country and the social-security system will take care of me" may not be in existence anymore (as we know it today). Due to the lack of funding and/or the lack of the willingness of taxpayers to fund such programs. At best, the social-security safety net (as we know it today) can last another 10 years. After that, it will probably be reduced to a mere food-stamp program (USA).

So again, make sure you remain "financially intact", because there may be no way back home. Cheers.

That's a rather gloomy view of things. I don't think you need to "accept" corruption or the political system any more than you have to back home. You have to live with it and work around it sure. But if we believe that there is no corruption or political problems wherever we hail from then we are sadly mistaken. It's human nature.

[Bagwan]

Am I the odd man out? I have always been restless and eager to explore newplaces, new people, new ideas. I really started the divorce from my family at theage of about 13 or 14 years. I had won a scholarship and was learning foreignlanguages, science - a whole lot of stuff that they didn't understand or wantedto know about.. Even the kids that I had grown up with didn't want me to playfootball or cricket with them any more since in their eyes I had abandonedthem to follow another path rather than being just another brick in the wall. Igave up on schooling since nobody close to me seemed interested or encouraging,certainly not the snotty schoolmasters fresh from the Wardroom or Officers Mess,and so I satisfied my curious nature by travelling round London exploring andseeing the sights, visiting museums or satisfying my passion for steamtrains.

I joined the Navy aged 15 to get away from my family and to explore theworld. I was aware that I needed transient external stimulus to keep me tickingover and enjoyed the titillation of new experiences. I gathered experience ofnew climates, strange countries with even stranger customs, new foods,different peoples, Force 10 gales and serene calm seas, the horror of warfareand the companionship of messmates from different parts of the UK.There was never time to be bored.

On leaving the service I drifted, hating a humdrum life and then I found thecomputer industry. I loved the challenge of programming and having my mentalsenses running at pace just to keep up with new developments. After my parentsdied I emigrated to South Africaand for all the family know I am still there. It has been 40 years since I had anycontact with them and if it happens after another 40 years it will be too soon.I savoured the challenge of management and climbing into the upper echelons ofthe company. I travelled extensively and worked overseas for extensive periods.There was always something new to keep me full of vim.

On retiring I sought a haven to settle and lived for varying periods in Spain,Brittany and Floridabefore settling on Thailand.Some may say that advancing years have mellowed me but I give full credit to mywonderful attentive Thai wife and my great Thai family. They have shown me anew way to live. I live amongst friends, am at last content with what is andhave become a gentler more rounded person. No longer the search for freshsensations; I am where I want to be.

I miss nothing of the UK.I have a surfeit of football and of golf from around the world beamed into mylounge. The younger members of my Thai family gladden my heart watchingthem grow physically and mentally as they absorb the things that I teach them.When I go up country I am content to sit and watch the crops grow. I don’t knowwhat I have done to deserve this richness of my life. I will never set foot inthe UK again;for a multitude of reasons it isn't my country any more.

I note all the negative things about Thailandthat others have stated in their posts and am of the same mind. I am contentthat many Thais feel the same way and that the first small steps are beingtaken to eliminate the wrongs and injustices of the past.