Marriage

[relaxed]

ok..need some 2nd opinions on this. My best friend who is thai tells me to run fast and don't look back. Here's the situation. Know this girl for 1 year who is hard working all the time and has nice home, car and the bills to go along with it and a large family that depends on her for everything. She sort of gave me ultimatum to marry her under these terms. 500000 baht dowry, 10 baht gold and once we marry I pay mortgage of 20000 baht per month and give her allowance of 20000 per month. I have the money but don't want to be taken adavantage of either and she is all for signing pre-nup and willing to move back to usa. I dont think family can follow us..hahaha. Need to make decision what to do real fast...thanks all

[relaxed]

forgot to add half of dowry and gold to be given at engagement party in feb and the remaining in Oct when married. If I change mind get everything back or she change mind. Only exception if I get new girlfriend to marry then she keeps everything. Marriage never used to be this complicated!

[a99az]

Better still, give her everything and trust that she loves you, as you think she does.

I would first ask myself, can I afford to start all over with nothing, and feel so stupid for trusting in another person with my cash and my life.

[Cobalt60]

Oooo how romantic

[Mario2008]

A dowry is not unheard of in Thailand, although more and more it is only show and given back after the wedding, but is something you negotiate with the parents, who will gte the dowry. Not her.

Why would you pay her mortgage and give her an allowence if she works?

[Wallaby]

It is far from complicated.

GET OUT NOW!!!!

Honestly, token sin sod etc you can live with but what she is asking is far too much and in addition she wants a monthly allowance? Who is she kidding? If she wants to look after her family then that is up to her. She can use her own money to give to family.

GO, go like the wind my friend.

[Carib]

She is a keeper... for sure.

[Travel2003]

You are an experienced man.

51 years old, right?

A 20 year marriage behind you as well.

Why in the first place do you want to marry her?

How well do you know her?

How old is she?

How big is actually her big family?

Are all the other in this big family unemployed?

If yes, will you also feed and house them (are you willing to)?

How much money does she actually owe the banks?

These are common sense questions any adult should be able to ask him/herself in this kind of situation.

In most cases, a real best friend is correct when he tries to reason with you if you are blinded by love (or lust).

Let's kick the ball back over to you, and ask you, what do you think about this yourself?

[harrycallahan]

It's a marriage or a lease? It's a worry when money is given such prominance in what should be a union of companionship.

[MegaRanter]

How good is she in the sack?

[somtampet]

forgot to add half of dowry and gold to be given at engagement party in feb and the remaining in Oct when married. If I change mind get everything back or she change mind. Only exception if I get new girlfriend to marry then she keeps everything. Marriage never used to be this complicated!

51yo,have you got any running joggers,get them on and run like the wind,this aint love on her side this is a greedy bitch who hasnt any love in her horrible bones.Where is this creature from????

[Wallaby]

You could aways say that as you will be paying the mortgage that the home be put in your name, or both names. Why she needs a monthly allowance is beyond me. But if she insists then tell her that amount also comes off the mortgage and when paid you won't charge her rent.

Forget about that high amout of sin sod. Just forget it.

But really, just get away from this girl ASAP.

[relaxed]

thanks everyone for all the good input. I get the message loud and clear.

[TheWalkingMan]

500000 baht dowry

10 baht gold (10 x 20,000(?) = 200,000)

once we marry I pay mortgage of 20000 baht per month

give her allowance of 20000 per month

You are not getting taken for a ride, she is trying to ride you as if you were the gravy train.

TheWalkingMan

[relaxed]

and to think why I left a decent girl who didn't ask for nothing for this one is beyond me!

[relaxed]

500000 baht dowry

10 baht gold (10 x 20,000(?) = 200,000)

once we marry I pay mortgage of 20000 baht per month

give her allowance of 20000 per month

You are not getting taken for a ride, she is trying to ride you as if you were the gravy train.

TheWalkingMan

thank you for your advice. Lets see what happens now when I talk to her in the next few days.

[transam]

You can have me for all that wonga but then l am a hairy assed farang so out of your picture.

Move on bud unless your loaded and it doesn't matter..

[relaxed]

You can have me for all that wonga but then l am a hairy assed farang so out of your picture.

Move on bud unless your loaded and it doesn't matter..

money is not the issue. So what your saying I should go through with. She is beautiful, 35 years of age, no kids, never married etc

[SteeleJoe]

While I commend her for her straightforwardness and pragmatism (I'd be the first to argue that a marriage needs more than "love" and it's important that both sides know exactly what the other wants in life) I'd be VERY put off by so many conditions and their seemingly mercenary nature.

And the fact that you have to ask us should tell you something -- it seems to me you should only marry someone if you know that's the person you want.

Oh, and as for the family not following you to the US: that doesn't stop them from being a constant drain on your finances. Besides, who's to say that wouldn't be on the agenda eventually (that some of them do move to the US)?

PS: I'm not saying my example is the only one or the best one but: I'm married to a beautiful (Thai) woman who I've been with for 19 years through times of relative wealth and times of homelessness desperation; we're rock solid and always have been; I had nothing when I met her and not much more when I married her. I essentially stole her away from some suitors who were much better off. Guess what she asked me for?

She asked me to look after her the best I could and to be honest and kind.

[relaxed]

While I commend her for her straightforwardness and pragmatism (I'd be the first to argue that a marriage needs more than "love" and it's important that both sides know exactly what the other wants in life) I'd be VERY put off by so many conditions and their seemingly mercenary nature.

And the fact that you have to ask us should tell you something -- it seems to me you should only marry someone if you know that's the person you want.

Oh, and as for the family not following you to the US: that doesn't stop them from being a constant drain on your finances. Besides, who's to say that wouldn't be on the agenda eventually (that some of them do move to the US)?

PS: I'm not saying my example is the only one or the best one but: I'm married to a beautiful (Thai) woman who I've been with for 19 years through times of relative wealth and times of homelessness desperation; we're rock solid and always have been; I had nothing when I met her and not much more when I married her. I essentially stole her away from some suitors who were much better off. Guess what she asked me for?

She asked me to look after her the best I could and to be honest and kind.

thank you for sharing. I have been 100% sure about her but my friends keep talking in my ear and whenever you talk marriage you tend to overthink it which is not always so bad.

[transam]

While I commend her for her straightforwardness and pragmatism (I'd be the first to argue that a marriage needs more than "love" and it's important that both sides know exactly what the other wants in life) I'd be VERY put off by so many conditions and their seemingly mercenary nature.

And the fact that you have to ask us should tell you something -- it seems to me you should only marry someone if you know that's the person you want.

Oh, and as for the family not following you to the US: that doesn't stop them from being a constant drain on your finances. Besides, who's to say that wouldn't be on the agenda eventually (that some of them do move to the US)?

PS: I'm not saying my example is the only one or the best one but: I'm married to a beautiful (Thai) woman who I've been with for 19 years through times of relative wealth and times of homelessness desperation; we're rock solid and always have been; I had nothing when I met her and not much more when I married her. I essentially stole her away from some suitors who were much better off. Guess what she asked me for?

She asked me to look after her the best I could and to be honest and kind.

+1, good honest post.

[villagefarang]

Thai guys may be a lot of things, but one thing is for sure, they know Thai girls better than you do. I would listen to your “best friend”. He may know something you don’t.

[SteeleJoe]

+1, good honest post.

Thanks Transam.

thank you for sharing.

Relaxed, you're quite welcome.

Listen, if money's not a concern (must be nice!) and you are 100% sure about her, then what's think about?

But...I do wonder what you are looking for; if "true love" is what you want then I'd worry a bit. But if you just want someone whose company you can enjoy and with whom you can enjoy life etc. -- perhaps she's perfect (only you'd know -- though I wonder why your friend(s) think she's NOT). But let's say it doesn't work and losing some money doesn't matter -- speaking as someone who's not a lot younger than you, you might want to consider that it's one thing to have a woman bail on you when you are 25, 35, or even 45 but at 55 -- well, it doesn't mean you couldn't start looking again but it gets less fun the older you get, I should think. So even if you aren't looking for true love (and that's not necessarily the only good way to go) you might consider how much she truly cares for you and if she'd be in it for the long haul. I'm not implying that she doesn't care for you -- or even love you very much -- but I do wonder about all the conditions.

Oh, I should just shut up now. Good luck.

[pjclark1]

too old and too much.

Don't dump her, just say no to the marriage and keep her as a gf.

[neverdie]

How good is she in the sack?

Let me see, she wants about 700,000 baht worth up front then a monthly payment of 40,000. I reakon I could find at least a million better ways to spend my cash & thats without even trying.

[steelepulse]

Where did you meet her, how long have you known her, why has she never been married ( 35 is getting close to grandma age in Thailand), where does she work and what does she do? What would happen if you just told her you'll take care of her, but what she is asking is too much?

[TheVinylMan]

700,000 baht in "marriage fees" plus wedding fees to come!!!!!!!!!

then 40,000 baht a month to keep her happy x 12 = 480,000 baht a year

not taking in to account any "inflation raises" she will ask for in a few months time and will carry on at the current rate over 10 years your gonna give her 4.8 million baht to keep her happy.

you say the money isnt a problem.............. but every pocket has a bottom and she is gonna find a way of getting to yours very quickly.

Mate your off your head and deserve what ever she takes from you if you go anywhere near her..... DITCH THE BITCH asap

[andrewbkk]

DITCH THE BITCH asap

Bingo. Nothing more needs to be said.

[MAJIC]

If you need to ask the question, then you probably won't take a blind bit of notice,of the answer!

But here it is anyway: you most certainly are being taken for a ride,but more to the point a complete Mug.

Listen to your Thai Mate.

Edited January 13, 2011 by MAJIC

[johninbkk]

It really does not take a genius to make a sound decision on this ARRANGEMENT. I have been in a relationship for 7 years, married for the past 3. My wife and family have been wonderful, so their out there, just finding them is the problem. Good luck. Use the correct head when making decisions regarding relationships....