Pleasure From Grasshoppers

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Yesterday a grasshopper landed on me, and although they are not quite as fearless and 'I couldn't care less how massive you are' as the praying mantis, they are just as tame.

So anyway, he's scratching his wings and cleaning his feelers by treading on them and pulling them through under his foot and then he (Oliver I named him) has a wonder around my palm, nibbling at my skin and tickling me a litle and I'm not worried about the complicated jaw system Oliver has because he doesn't want to bite me, he's just licking the salt from my skin and he couldn't bite me anyway because the palm is to flat and thick.

He was very grateful when I put an orange fruit pastille on my palm and even moreso when I poured a small dribble of honey infused Chinese green tea on my hand.

The dribble went down my index finger and he followed it, licking all the way down until he reached the bit where the finger joins the hand, you know, that bit of 'webbing', the soft skin at the end/side of the finger which can easily be pinched.

Can you see where this is going?

It was rather painful I can tell you, and although I thought Oliver was out of order to do that to me after I had fed and cared for him the past half hour, I didn't wish to cause him harm so my quick thinking came into play and I poured a bottle of Evian over him and he promptly <deleted>*ked off, leaving me with a horseshoe shaped red cut.

Oh the irony I'm now thinking as I look at my avatar - me biting a big grasshopper.

In future I will while away the quiet hours at work with the Czech girl on the game next to mine and will turn in any future grasshoppers to my neighbour Eliza, who has a pet mantis called Adrian.

[BambinA]

Pleasure from Grasshoppers

[chuchok]

This is what I would have done to Oliver

[britmaveric]

Hmm straight to the skillet w/butter!!!

[Gazza]

I would've said.

"Grasshopper, when you can snatch the pastille out of my hand, it will be time for you to leave this place and make your own way on life's journey.

Until then....stop biting the fukc outta my hand will ya!"

[Kan Win]

[cdnvic]

I had a similar incident with ungrateful animals. About ten years ago I was in a park, feeding the ducks. They were swimming around the end of the dock, eagerly gobbling up the popcorn I was throwing into the lake when my walkman fell into the water with a big splash.

Now, logic would dictate that my winged friends would rush to retrieve it for me. After all, I was generous enough to share my popcorn, and any successful relationship depends on some equality in the give & take equation.

Nothing. They just stood there with their bills open waiting for more while my walkman slowly sank to the bottom. Ba$tards! Now I know why I used to shoot these things. Still, they crowded closer, bills open, waiting for more.

F##k you. I snapped. Then I went over on the lawn and fed the Geese.

cv

[Kan Win]

Ahhhh please no shoot me , my mates are looking for your walkman right now, look

Yours truly,

Kan Win

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I had a similar incident with ungrateful animals. About ten years ago I was in a park, feeding the ducks. They were swimming around the end of the dock, eagerly gobbling up the popcorn I was throwing into the lake when my walkman fell into the water with a big splash.

Now, logic would dictate that my winged friends would rush to retrieve it for me. After all, I was generous enough to share my popcorn, and any successful relationship depends on some equality in the give & take equation.

Nothing. They just stood there with their bills open waiting for more while my walkman slowly sank to the bottom. Ba$tards! Now I know why I used to shoot these things. Still, they crowded closer, bills open, waiting for more.

F##k you. I snapped. Then I went over on the lawn and fed the Geese. 

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[BambinA]

i had a good experience about Oliver's friend ..

@ clinic

a boy - Doc ...could i ask you for some advise pls?

Bambi - yes , what can i do for you?

a boy - Ok... i have a Cricket ..how can i Pleasure him..could you tell me please.. what kind of food i 'd feed him

Bambi - errr...ahhh .. ..it might be some drops of Dew

a boy - ohh thank you so much

Bambi - oh oh oh...hold on , what i told you it's just a joke, honestly i dont know indeed

a boy -

Bambi

[khall64au]

Scampy, tell us that's NOT Oliver in your avatar?

[Davey]

Yesterday a grasshopper landed on me, and although they are not quite as fearless and 'I couldn't care less how massive you are' as the praying mantis, they are just as tame.

So anyway, he's scratching his wings and cleaning his feelers by treading on them and pulling them through under his foot and then he (Oliver I named him) has a wonder around my palm, nibbling at my skin and tickling me a litle and I'm not worried about the complicated jaw system Oliver has because he doesn't want to bite me, he's just licking the salt from my skin and he couldn't bite me anyway because the palm is to flat and thick.

He was very grateful when I put an orange fruit pastille on my palm and even moreso when I poured a small dribble of honey infused Chinese green tea on my hand.

The dribble went down my index finger and he followed it, licking all the way down until he reached the bit where the finger joins the hand, you know, that bit of 'webbing', the soft skin at the end/side of the finger which can easily be pinched.

Can you see where this is going?

It was rather painful I can tell you, and although I thought Oliver was out of order to do that to me after I had fed and cared for him the past half hour, I didn't wish to cause him harm so my quick thinking came into play and I poured a bottle of Evian over him and he promptly &lt;deleted&gt;*ked off, leaving me with a horseshoe shaped red cut.

Oh the irony I'm now thinking as I look at my avatar - me biting a big grasshopper.

In future I will while away the quiet hours at work with the Czech girl on the game next to mine and will turn in any future grasshoppers to my neighbour Eliza, who has a pet mantis called Adrian.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you been drinking out of your mates shoe again?

[Narachon]

Scampy, was this a Chinese Grasshopper?

Maybe it wanted a taste of English food.

[SiamOne]

Scampy, was this a Chinese Grasshopper?

Maybe it wanted a taste of English food.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>