Sinsod Blues

[sacdog]

I'm in trouble! I married a thai woman (38yrs) i'm 48, in the states several years ago. Her parents dont know, not good, now she wants a traditional thai wedding in thailad. No problem until her father askd for 1,250,000bht and 10bht gold. I ned to finnish paying for my three childrens college and my daughtrs wedding which will not cost half this amount. How do I negotiate to not be cheap but not be stupid. Meeting inlaws soon. My wife, oops, this is secret, is a teacher at a university and gives most of her money to her parents along with health care.

[Shotime]

What's the 10 baht gold for?

[thaicbr]

Tell the greedy old bastard to <deleted> OFF. And tell ya wife to stop being so bloody stupid. Your married she should have thought about it BEFORE not 2 years later.

Get a back bone ya silly sod.

[supaprik]

DON'T BE A FOOL....Get rid of her and get a cheaper model.....SINSOT for a 38 year old? Oh My Buddha!!!!!!

[mystwoodcol]

What's the 10 baht gold for?

That,s just part of the Sinsod rip off have you never heard the expression "Go for Gold"

That's what dad is doing he might never get the chance to rip off a falang again so he's getting what he can while he can.

The new pick-up and home reno's are next

[spud1]

Tell the greedy old bastard to <deleted> OFF. And tell ya wife to stop being so bloody stupid. Your married she should have thought about it BEFORE not 2 years later.

Get a back bone ya silly sod.

This ^^^^^ with bells on!

[Thaddeus]

Tell the greedy old bastard to <deleted> OFF. And tell ya wife to stop being so bloody stupid. Your married she should have thought about it BEFORE not 2 years later.

Get a back bone ya silly sod.

This ^^^^^ with bells on!

And a few placards with it written on them.

[mstribling]

Dont freak out. First decide if your going to pay anything. A LOT of people are for it, a LOT are against it. DON'T listen to any of us. You decide.

If you choose not to pay anything, then deal with it. I assume you don't live in Thailand. Just listen to there BS, smile a lot, tell dad you'll mail it to him later, whatever and watch your back

If you decide to pay it, then negotiate like you would anything else.

The asking price of any product is always marked up, in your case about 12X.

Good luck.

[random]

tell him to rearrange this well know phrase:

off piss

[Tonto21]

Is this a bite........... Are you having a laugh? Tell the old fart to sling his hook, give him bugger all. You have a bigger responsibility...............YOUR family.

Maybe, if you’re very lucky......the old man will let you take the place as the family buffalo on your days of work.

Get a grip man, don’t swallow this bull!

[Wallaby]

You are already married to her and it is she that wants the thai wedding. Just tell her that you can't do that because of the strings attached. Tell her it will take 20 years to have that amount of disposable income after kids college etc so if she wants to do the thai wedding then you will consider it.

The other course would be to talk him down to something half reasonable and then tell him that you will now deduct all the money his daughter has been giving him. Probably come to a nice round figure of sweet FA.

I am not against paying sin sod but I am against greedy pricks that are trying to take the piss out of you. He's being totally unreasonable so you should be equally unreasonable.

[mystwoodcol]

Have you thought about the Cost of a traditional Thai wedding also???

Cost of a couple 1000's guests to be wined and dined with nothing but the best etc etc

You will meet relatives neighbors and friends of the family that will come out of the woodwork and from under rocks.

You won't see a bhart of The money you get in the envelopes it goes to the bride or probably good old DAD

You just get the bills and get used to it!

[Wavefloater]

This has got to be a TROLL POST!

[Travel2003]

3 children through college, and daughter's wedding will cost less than half of $48K(1,250,000 Bht + 200 000 Bt for Gold)?

I apologize for my ignorance here, but I thought education and weddings normally were not a cheap thing in the US.

But then again, Im not sure of what 3 people must pay for a few years of college fees.

Of course a wedding can be cheap.

Again, I apologize for my ignorance.

But I can actually learn something here.

Dear OP, why is it a secret your wife is a teacher at a university?

Isnt this good thing?

[welsh1]

What's the 10 baht gold for?

10 baht gold = more money ..a little some thing for a rainy day

[appropriate]

Simply refuse.

Next step is theirs.

[transam]

Sounds to me the inlaws have a money problem and the '' wedding '' thing is a good fund raiser hmmm.

The sum requested is daft when the in-laws know you have provided well for the wife and kids, they should be happy with that but a '' U.S.A. millionaire '', then the sum figures.

In fact the sum requested shows what they think of you, not much.

[richard_smith237]

Have you thought about the Cost of a traditional Thai wedding also???

Cost of a couple 1000's guests to be wined and dined with nothing but the best etc etc

You will meet relatives neighbors and friends of the family that will come out of the woodwork and from under rocks.

You won't see a bhart of The money you get in the envelopes it goes to the bride or probably good old DAD

You just get the bills and get used to it!

Not necessarily true. The OP has to decide if he shares mutual trust and repect with his inlaws.

If yes, then there is no need to worry. I paid the sin sod and had it returned. I paid for the wedding. The in laws counted and logged all the envelope money and gave it back to my Wife and I along with about 10 MB worth of land on which to build a house.

If no, then be careful. Read the details on this forum. Get to know what a reasonable price is (perhaps what a Thai might pay in the same circumstances). Know where you stand before make any judgements and know how they may affect you, your partner and your relationship.

There are two schools of thought here:

A ) Pay up and keep everyone happy be be considered an easy future mark.

B ) Refse to pay, people will be peeved, you may never be liked or respected.

Neither of these are quite right IMO. It is my belief that two cultures should join with mutual respect. You are marrying into Thai culture, but she is also marrying into Western culture. A compromise should be reached but not one which starts out with greed.

Start off carefully, discuss respectfully and politely, always try to undertand the view point of your partners culture but ensure that they attempt to consider yours too - with mutual understanding comes respect, kindness and and much easier time of it.

You are planting the seeds for what every may happen in the future.

[JWJ]

If you pay up, you will not be respected. 100,000 max.

[mystwoodcol]

What does the wife of several years think of all this?

That might give you an indication of where this might be heading.

[Soutpeel]

Was she previously married before you came along ??.....if so....No Sin Sot...easy

[mystwoodcol]

Have you thought about the Cost of a traditional Thai wedding also???

Cost of a couple 1000's guests to be wined and dined with nothing but the best etc etc

You will meet relatives neighbors and friends of the family that will come out of the woodwork and from under rocks.

You won't see a bhart of The money you get in the envelopes it goes to the bride or probably good old DAD

You just get the bills and get used to it!

Not necessarily true. The OP has to decide if he shares mutual trust and repect with his inlaws.

If yes, then there is no need to worry. I paid the sin sod and had it returned. I paid for the wedding. The in laws counted and logged all the envelope money and gave it back to my Wife and I along with about 10 MB worth of land on which to build a house.

If no, then be careful. Read the details on this forum. Get to know what a reasonable price is (perhaps what a Thai might pay in the same circumstances). Know where you stand before make any judgements and know how they may affect you, your partner and your relationship.

There are two schools of thought here:

A ) Pay up and keep everyone happy be be considered an easy future mark.

B ) Refse to pay, people will be peeved, you may never be liked or respected.

Neither of these are quite right IMO. It is my belief that two cultures should join with mutual respect. You are marrying into Thai culture, but she is also marrying into Western culture. A compromise should be reached but not one which starts out with greed.

Start off carefully, discuss respectfully and politely, always try to undertand the view point of your partners culture but ensure that they attempt to consider yours too - with mutual understanding comes respect, kindness and and much easier time of it.

You are planting the seeds for what every may happen in the future.

You were a lucky duckie weren't you !

I hope the OP will experience the same but it doesn't sound like it so far.

[Nawtier]

Who is wearing the dress at the wedding ??

[Berkshire]

This has got to be a TROLL POST!

Agree. The TV readership falling for this yet again. Seriously, I can't imagine a Thai woman being married for "several years" and not telling any member of her family. And an educated woman? If the OP was going to make stuff up, he should at least try to be a little more realistic.

[FarangBuddha]

Always funny how many take a bite when these trolls throw a baited-hook in the water

[a99az]

Talk about a discount as she has been married once before. That should do the trick, if not tell him the divorce would be cheeper.

[Soutpeel]

Other alternative...in dicussions family mention its a western custom that the brides family pays for the wedding, in your case seeing as you got married in the US and they didnt know, you never "enforced" this custom....but seeing as they wish to go by Thai custom as well...send them the bill for your US wedding....I am thinking the cost of the wedding was.... THB 1.25mil + 10 baht of gold....

[richard_smith237]

Have you thought about the Cost of a traditional Thai wedding also???

Cost of a couple 1000's guests to be wined and dined with nothing but the best etc etc

You will meet relatives neighbors and friends of the family that will come out of the woodwork and from under rocks.

You won't see a bhart of The money you get in the envelopes it goes to the bride or probably good old DAD

You just get the bills and get used to it!

Not necessarily true. The OP has to decide if he shares mutual trust and repect with his inlaws.

If yes, then there is no need to worry. I paid the sin sod and had it returned. I paid for the wedding. The in laws counted and logged all the envelope money and gave it back to my Wife and I along with about 10 MB worth of land on which to build a house.

If no, then be careful. Read the details on this forum. Get to know what a reasonable price is (perhaps what a Thai might pay in the same circumstances). Know where you stand before make any judgements and know how they may affect you, your partner and your relationship.

There are two schools of thought here:

A ) Pay up and keep everyone happy be be considered an easy future mark.

B ) Refse to pay, people will be peeved, you may never be liked or respected.

Neither of these are quite right IMO. It is my belief that two cultures should join with mutual respect. You are marrying into Thai culture, but she is also marrying into Western culture. A compromise should be reached but not one which starts out with greed.

Start off carefully, discuss respectfully and politely, always try to undertand the view point of your partners culture but ensure that they attempt to consider yours too - with mutual understanding comes respect, kindness and and much easier time of it.

You are planting the seeds for what every may happen in the future.

You were a lucky duckie weren't you !

I hope the OP will experience the same but it doesn't sound like it so far.

Not really - My friends Thai and Western experienced very similar circumstances with mutual respect all round, albeit sometimes over a mask of polite tolerance for various idiosyncrasies and differences of opinion. These are all relationships where the couples in question are of a similar age group and from similar socioeconomic-educational backgrounds >> While not being the only factor, this I think is key to mutual respect and understanding....

For the Op: Know your status within the family structure - If they respect and value you, they will also respect and value your decisions as you should theirs (if worthy of value and respect that is !)...

[jfchandler]

Likewise, I can't imagine any Thai woman, particularly older and educated, keeping a legal marriage to a farang man secret from her parents for multiple years....

In my experience, Thai women rarely if ever really keep any secrets from their Mums.... They might say they haven't told Mum... But in all likelihood, they most likely have.

[Travel2003]

This has got to be a TROLL POST!

Agree. The TV readership falling for this yet again. Seriously, I can't imagine a Thai woman being married for "several years" and not telling any member of her family. And an educated woman? If the OP was going to make stuff up, he should at least try to be a little more realistic.

Maybe it is a Troll post.

As you can see in my first post in the thread, Im a bit critical to the OP.

Anyhow,

sometimes the Troll posts spark some good discussions around.