Bloke staggers into Bumrungrad with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly round his throat.

Doctor says <deleted> happened to you?

''Well I was playing golf with the Mrs and we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cows''

''I found one stuck in a cows f...y''

''So I shouted to my Mrs -- hey Noi this one looks like yours''

''Don't remember much after that''

Completely creased me that one, had to share it with somebody.

Okay ROTT I guess I will say.. kinda sorta ... maybe only 2 stars.. The jokes I have would clearly get me bounced from TV

My brother told me a good one yesterday. A man had some prostate problem and went to the hospital for a check up, a male doctor held his penis in his hand and said 'say 99' the man said '99' and the doctor left the room, a few minutes later a female doctor came in and held his penis and said 'say 99', the man replied '1--2--3--4--5. Oh well, Made me laugh anyway.

Or you could try REAL humor:

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up womans' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets

exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"