Age Difference

[LuckyLemon]

I am not sure that Thais consider it "dumping" the children. the mother is trying to make a living for the rest of the family.

Yes, staying at home and looking after your own children whilst earning a pittance is clearly not acceptable in some cases.

Far better to leave kids with parents and move to a tourist resort and look for an old farang whilst 'working' in a bar.

Leaving children with aging relatives is not exactly a new idea, or one unique to Thailand.

In the west, modern thinking (only during the past 20 years) seems to be that only a child's mother is the right person to bring them up, I know many council estates in the UK where that idea really doesn't seem to be working very well.

Here in Thailand, it has always been a more communal way of living and many Thais appear to believe that a relative can be entirely appropriate to raise their children for them.

Several people on this thread seem to believe that only their way is the right way.

One might come to the conclusion that these people are not really suited to living away from their home countries.

[StreetCowboy]

Always better to criticise the poster than provide an argument to the post....

It seems to me that he was criticizing your post, rather than you personally.

I was actually trying to be constructively helpful, rather than launching a personal attack on someone who no doubt has very good reasons for holding the opinions (or even prejudices) that they do, and trying to shed some light on the situation that many of these ladies find themselves in, as I suspect that I have spent more time chatting to bar girls than F1 has...

I suppose the second part of the post was not clear; a lot (maybe even most?) of the ladies do not leave their villages hoping to snare a wealthy foreigner; but after months or years working in a demoralising sweatshop, may happen upon that as a better alternative; of course, everyone's own individual experience may differ, but we should not draw too much by way of generalisation from one unhappy story

SC

[transam]

I am not sure that Thais consider it "dumping" the children. the mother is trying to make a living for the rest of the family.

Yes, staying at home and looking after your own children whilst earning a pittance is clearly not acceptable in some cases.

Far better to leave kids with parents and move to a tourist resort and look for an old farang whilst 'working' in a bar.

Leaving children with aging relatives is not exactly a new idea, or one unique to Thailand.

In the west, modern thinking (only during the past 20 years) seems to be that only a child's mother is the right person to bring them up, I know many council estates in the UK where that idea really doesn't seem to be working very well.

Here in Thailand, it has always been a more communal way of living and many Thais appear to believe that a relative can be entirely appropriate to raise their children for them.

Several people on this thread seem to believe that only their way is the right way.

One might come to the conclusion that these people are not really suited to living away from their home countries.

+1, 100%

[StreetCowboy]

I suppose we should all be grateful. Imagine if the mothers stayed at home, and the aged relatives went to Pattaya to work in a bar...

SC

Does it make you queasy, imagining an eighteen year old young farang tourist skipping down beach road hand in hand with a wizened old witch from Isaan?

[transam]

I suppose we should all be grateful. Imagine if the mothers stayed at home, and the aged relatives went to Pattaya to work in a bar...

SC

Does it make you queasy, imagining an eighteen year old young farang tourist skipping down beach road hand in hand with a wizened old witch from Isaan?

No, my last UK wife was 17 years my junior and we were together for 25 years until the dreaded menopause kicked in.

[andrewbkk]

My wife and i are both 33, we have been together for 10 years now and married for 7. First baby on the way and our life could not be any better.

Good luck to you dude.

I'm not gonna get too involved in this "cat fight" re: age difference. Sure, I have a healthy disrespect for aging pervs who pair off with twenty somethings, but one day I too may become an aging perv.

By the way, there's a sub-forum here on Thaivisa (family and children) where you can upload photos of your children. Check it out. Many half-thai half-farang children are really beautiful. I hope things work out well for you.

[transam]

My wife and i are both 33, we have been together for 10 years now and married for 7. First baby on the way and our life could not be any better.

Good luck to you dude.

I'm not gonna get too involved in this "cat fight" re: age difference. Sure, I have a healthy disrespect for aging pervs who pair off with twenty somethings, but one day I too may become an aging perv.

By the way, there's a sub-forum here on Thaivisa (family and children) where you can upload photos of your children. Check it out. Many half-thai half-farang children are really beautiful. I hope things work out well for you.

I think ''Perv '' in this context really is the wrong word. Like your saying if you are old you should roll up and die. Life is life, your born to multiply, as long as you can, same as any creature on the planet, no boundary's as long as you are able.

[IanForbes]

Not necessarily, I know a Thai woman divorced and yes receiving child support but when the husband makes a pittance its not much, who, despite being an attractive woman, took a job working hard at a local resort rather than sleep with men for money. In fact, if one were to open ones eyes and get out of those areas you would see literally thousands and thousands of poor Thai women who do NOT sell their bodies for money.

But, if someone has blinkers on and only chooses to see what they want to see, all they will see is what suits their stereotypes. A common enough trait among many many people on this forum I have noticed

Very true, sbk. I personally know at least a dozen Thai women like that and we are fairly good friends... just not intimate ones I also help them out "financially" from time to time, and for no other reason than they ARE hard working women. They also know how I spend my time and with who. They've met my special ladies and there is none of the hostility shown here. Thais are quite accepting of the vagaries of Thai society. Everyone has their own standards.

I see nothing wrong with sex if it is between two adult people who have a choice. I see no difference between women who choose to have sex with many men for personal enjoyment and women who choose to get something in return out of the experience. I see no difference between men who enjoy sex for pleasure and women who enjoy sex for pleasure. It is only our hypocritical, fanatical religious beliefs that tell us it is wrong.

[anotheruser]

She isn't 43 years younger you are just 43 years richer.

[jazzbo]

... I personally know at least a dozen Thai women like that and we are fairly good friends... just not intimate ones ... They also know how I spend my time and with who. They've met my special ladies and there is none of the hostility shown here.

The only hostilities are over who gets to keep the fish.

[ThommoPerth]

Well I am 59 going on 60 soon, I was chatted up online by a young lady some months before my second trip to BKK last year.

She told me she was 25 and I thought ok I can chat you no problems and we chatted on line for some months. When I went to BKK she meet me at the airport and, well that was it, she has never asked for money or any thing else to support herself or her family. We have now been in a relationship for nearly a year.

She is 22.

Further to to this when we walk down the streets in Bangkok or around shopping centers we do get a lot of looks from people, the locals just smile and sometimes say she is lucky, the farangs, some have look of shock and disgust especially the older women, the men well they smile knowingly. But in all honesty we have never come across anyone who has been rude or spoken to us badly about being together. When we visited her parents in the country we stayed in a hotel in a town and some German tourists where there as well and they spoke to us and commented how happy we looked together, especially the 2 older ladies and they seemed to be genuine with their comments.

I think if we come to Australia and are in the public here like we are in Bangkok I think the reaction will be a lot different. I already get bad comments from my within my own family because of our age difference, but I just ignore them.

If this relationship ended today I will still be a happy man, not because I had a 22 year old girlfriend, but because she loved me for who and what I am and did not try to change me. Of course I will be sad if it ends, but I am a realist and I expect at some time she will want more than I can give, certainly this will hold true as I get older.

Any way that's my $00.02 worth.

(edit spelling)

Edited April 19, 2011 by ThommoPerth

[tartempion]

No record breaking, she's only 24 years younger

She did notice though when traveling trough Europe we got bad looks everywhere, not so here in Thailand.

Thus she declined the offer for an other trip to farang land, a money saver!

Edited April 20, 2011 by tartempion

[Wallaby]

Well I am 59 going on 60 soon, I was chatted up online by a young lady some months before my second trip to BKK last year.

She told me she was 25 and I thought ok I can chat you no problems and we chatted on line for some months. When I went to BKK she meet me at the airport and, well that was it, she has never asked for money or any thing else to support herself or her family. We have now been in a relationship for nearly a year.

She is 22.

Further to to this when we walk down the streets in Bangkok or around shopping centers we do get a lot of looks from people, the locals just smile and sometimes say she is lucky, the farangs, some have look of shock and disgust especially the older women, the men well they smile knowingly. But in all honesty we have never come across anyone who has been rude or spoken to us badly about being together. When we visited her parents in the country we stayed in a hotel in a town and some German tourists where there as well and they spoke to us and commented how happy we looked together, especially the 2 older ladies and they seemed to be genuine with their comments.

I think if we come to Australia and are in the public here like we are in Bangkok I think the reaction will be a lot different. I already get bad comments from my within my own family because of our age difference, but I just ignore them.

If this relationship ended today I will still be a happy man, not because I had a 22 year old girlfriend, but because she loved me for who and what I am and did not try to change me. Of course I will be sad if it ends, but I am a realist and I expect at some time she will want more than I can give, certainly this will hold true as I get older.

Any way that's my $00.02 worth.

(edit spelling)

Yes Thomo, you will get the 'looks' in oz, mainly from women. It's sad to think they have an issue with someone elses happiness. Just smile, it's their problem not yours.

[bonobo]

I am not sure that Thais consider it "dumping" the children. the mother is trying to make a living for the rest of the family.

Yes, staying at home and looking after your own children whilst earning a pittance is clearly not acceptable in some cases.

Far better to leave kids with parents and move to a tourist resort and look for an old farang whilst 'working' in a bar.

For most Asian cultures, the idea of an extended family is far more accepted than in the West. Grandma and grandpa live at home, and taking care of the grandkids with the parents are at work is part of their "job."

At my factory at shift change, there are many grandparents with the grandkids waiting to meet mom or dad getting off work. And for our many workers who are not from the area, it is very common for those who have families to leave the kids with the grandparents to raise back in their villages. So to infer that it is all Thai women who leave their kids in order to go to work in the bars patronized by foreigners is really pretty specious.

[bonobo]

I have a number of friends who are in there late 40's early 50's and have younger Thai wifes around the 23 - 28 age. All i can say is that most of them have now split up and the others fight like cat and dog.

.....

My wife and i are both 33, we have been together for 10 years now and married for 7. First baby on the way and our life could not be any better. My friends on the other hand are now on there own facing a legal battle to split everything 50 / 50 and back to square 1.

Not a flame but an observation.

You are 33. Your quoted friends are in their late 40's and early 50's. At 33, it is more likely that you will have a wife closer to your own age. When I was 33, my wife was 34. After we divorced, my second wife was 19 years my junior. We had a good 13 years together before we broke up. Now that I am in Thailand and older yet, I tend to date women younger than me (not always, certainly, but usually).

My point is that as you age, not only is there a larger pool of potential partners who are younger, but for various reasons, we tend to look more favorably at younger people to date. Oh, there are many, many reasons to date older people, and I have enjoyed going out with both Thais and foreigners older than me. But younger people tend to catch more of our eyes than older.

I hope you stay with your wife forever. But give it another 10 or 15 years, and if nothing else, your eyes will probably catch on the younger woman walking by.

[sbk]

So, just out of curiosity, I am wondering for all these men who think it perfectly acceptable to be 20 + years older than their wives. does the reverse hold true? Do you stand in judgment of women who prefer younger partners or do you think its just as perfectly fine as your own relationship?

[LuckyLemon]

So, just out of curiosity, I am wondering for all these men who think it perfectly acceptable to be 20 + years older than their wives. does the reverse hold true? Do you stand in judgment of women who prefer younger partners or do you think its just as perfectly fine as your own relationship?

And the answer is

Why would I care about somebody else's relationship, not my business and I don't waste my time thinking about what any other man or woman wants to do.

[sbk]

So, just out of curiosity, I am wondering for all these men who think it perfectly acceptable to be 20 + years older than their wives. does the reverse hold true? Do you stand in judgment of women who prefer younger partners or do you think its just as perfectly fine as your own relationship?

And the answer is

Why would I care about somebody else's relationship, not my business and I don't waste my time thinking about what any other man or woman wants to do.

It was a question regarding those people who do seem to care. So I guess the question wouldn't apply to you?

[GreenSnapper]

So, just out of curiosity, I am wondering for all these men who think it perfectly acceptable to be 20 + years older than their wives. does the reverse hold true? Do you stand in judgment of women who prefer younger partners or do you think its just as perfectly fine as your own relationship?

There is a high rate of sex tourism of older Western women to the Caribics, Africa and Arabic countries.

why should I care?

[jazzbo]

As long as we're making observations, many young attractive, intelligent, Thai women seem to not want to be seen in the public company of a much older farang male because it sends off a message to their peer group that they are unable to find a young, attractive, intelligent, possibly well-to-do, Thai male.

[GreenSnapper]

As long as we're making observations, many young attractive, intelligent, Thai women seem to not want to be seen in the public company of a much older farang male because it sends off a message to their peer group that they are unable to find a young, attractive, intelligent, possibly well-to-do, Thai male.

Why don't you try some cosmetic surgery, jazzbo?

[zzaa09]

As long as we're making observations, many young attractive, intelligent, Thai women seem to not want to be seen in the public company of a much older farang male because it sends off a message to their peer group that they are unable to find a young, attractive, intelligent, possibly well-to-do, Thai male.

Or alternatively, they're sending a message to the Thai community that the Thai gents aren't terribly desirable.....

[mario299]

So, just out of curiosity, I am wondering for all these men who think it perfectly acceptable to be 20 + years older than their wives. does the reverse hold true? Do you stand in judgment of women who prefer younger partners or do you think its just as perfectly fine as your own relationship?

This post has gone a long ways and has offered a lot of opinions, but , as I answered earlier it seems to me that age doesn't matter as much as attitude between the partners. I am 20 years older than my wife, we have been quite happily married almost 5 years, known each other for seven. My brother is 15 years younger than his wife and they have been happily married for over 35 years. My mother was 4 years older than my father, and they were married almost 50 years.

So I guess, SBK, it does go both ways if it works for both. I really think age is not the game-breaker, it's attitude.

Just my opinion.

mario299

Edited April 20, 2011 by mario299

[Patsycat]

I'm a cougar...!!!

[cdnvic]

Don't name call or denigrate people in your posts. It just gets them deleted.

[Wallaby]

I'm a cougar...!!!

I'm all for the Cougar's, go get em and enjoy what you want ladies.

Funny how the term 'Cougar' here in the west brings a knowing smile to one's face and perhaps a giggle but mention an old man with a young woman and the smile is replaced with a snarl and followed by all sorts of diatribe.

[SteeleJoe]

Didn't call anyone a name or denigrate them. I commented on (a part of) a post.

In any case, I apologize.

[jazzbo]

I was talking about many attractive Thai women ... you should try it sometime.

[andrewbkk]

As long as we're making observations, many young attractive, intelligent, Thai women seem to not want to be seen in the public company of a much older farang male because it sends off a message to their peer group that they are unable to find a young, attractive, intelligent, possibly well-to-do, Thai male.

Or alternatively, they're sending a message to the Thai community that the Thai gents aren't terribly desirable.....

If the Thai gents aren't terribly desirable then how do you explain the presence of 66 million Thais. What do you think Einstein -- do Thai people grow on trees?

I was talking about many attractive Thai women ... you should try it sometime.

Awesome post.

Edited April 20, 2011 by andrewbkk

[dmax]

So, just out of curiosity, I am wondering for all these men who think it perfectly acceptable to be 20 + years older than their wives. does the reverse hold true? Do you stand in judgment of women who prefer younger partners or do you think its just as perfectly fine as your own relationship?

This post has gone a long ways and has offered a lot of opinions, but , as I answered earlier it seems to me that age doesn't matter as much as attitude between the partners. I am 20 years older than my wife, we have been quite happily married almost 5 years, known each other for seven. My brother is 15 years younger than his wife and they have been happily married for over 35 years. My mother was 4 years older than my father, and they were married almost 50 years.

So I guess, SBK, it does go both ways if it works for both. I really think age is not the game-breaker, it's attitude.

Just my opinion.

mario299

20 years is perfectly acceptable, but 70-80 year old man with 17-18 year old girl ? well im sorry but NO !!