Girlfriend's Parent's Causing Major Issues

[IanForbes]

Truer words were never spoken, Berkshire. I agree with you 100%. It almost always works both ways and that is why the long term bar girls get so hard. I can't count the number who I know personally that have had their hearts broken.

Uhm, am I reading too much into that last sentence, Ian?

No, it's just as I wrote it. I've been hanging around Thai bars for 15 years and I'm a big softie. I know all the staff in the bars I frequent and I call them my "friends" even when I have never taken them home. We are just platonic buddies who play pool together and flirt a bit. I have my special ladies who visit me and they are separate from the women at the bar. I listen to all the stories and when one of the girls gets mistreated I come to her rescue a bit. They know I'm not an ATM machine, but I'm always willing to help if they have an honest problem. Most of the gals in their late twenties are starting to look for a nice guy to settle down with and who will take care of them. Sometimes they get lucky and sometimes not... just like everyone. Their problem is they have a limited group of men who would make long term partners. There are not enough men in their age bracket who live in Thailand on a permanent basis. They don't want the transient young guys for more than just a fling, so that leaves men who are most often older than 50. It's a tough life for them and especially so once they reach their mid thirties.

[trisailer]

I also agree 100% with Birkshire and Ian.

I'm no longer mongering but I experenced the exact same thing for my first couple years here and hanging out with them. Neither of us had to pretend to be something we were not and once we set the bullshit aside we had a lot of fun.

I guess there are some intelligent posts on here after all.

[SeekingAdvice]

i feel the urge to reply further to explain myself, as people seem to be stereotyping me into being out for fun and not care about my girlfriend long term.

Now firstly I just want to say I do not want to just shag her, if that was the case I would do like most of the other falangs in Thailand and seek the service of a bar girl, No strings attached nothing.. easy.. but that's not me and that's not what I want.. I await responses your girlfriend's a bar girl, when in reality if you actually knew me and my girlfriend you would never in your life say that about us.. but try getting that across to people on a forum where you can't actually be personally involved.

Secondly, my financial income has nothing to do with anyone except for me,my solicitor and my financial adviser. Now if that small sentence doesn't explain my situation and how I can afford to live in Thailand for 1 year at my age then please be quiet.

Honestly my plan was to go back to England in 3 months, sort out my finances and apply for a Business Visa and come back and try and make a go at it here for real, now of course none of you knew that because frankly its none of anyone's business.. but since I reached out for advice and ended up getting stereotyped I felt the need to explain me a little bit further.

There is one thing I despise the most of the "western" (my case British) culture, and that's people's eagerness to judge you without even knowing you.... One of the main reason's why I enjoy Thailand even more.. It doesn't matter whether your in a wheelchair or 300pounds of weight... people still greet you with a smile.. and at least open themselves to you and give you a chance... The rest is up to yourselves of course... In the 1 year I have been in Thailand I have only had 1 person take a dislike to me and that sadly happens to be my girlfriends mother.

If the mother would just be patient and let me and her daughter do what we both want (which is to see where our relationship is going) she might of got her comeuppance but sadly now even If me and her daughter do continue seeing each other (after the 09 may of course, officially) she will never receive a penny from me.

(also I thought of perhaps a bogus engagement just to make her mother happy so we can continue living together.... well actually the girlfriend thought of it.. but personally I have an extremely bad taste left in my mouth from lies and deceit I think I will be steering well clear of this.

Oh and also, because I have only made 1 post and named myself "SeekingAdvice" did you never even think to yourself that I might be an active user on this forum and just wished to mask my identity? I will be honest I am not an active member on the forum but I wished to create a new account due to not wishing any of my friends to know It's me, although if they read this post I'm sure they would know it's me... and ring me and help me... I don't like putting myself out there with people I know because then people turn thing's into Chinese whispers. (I just wish to add I am a daily reader of Thaivisa both site and forums)

Thank you again.

[jdinasia]

You posted this at 0230 Thailand time? .... are you actually in Thailand?

[bluebluewater]

You posted this at 0230 Thailand time? .... are you actually in Thailand?

I saw that also . . . kit OP poot mia jing

[Thailand4life]

You posted this at 0230 Thailand time? .... are you actually in Thailand?

I saw that also . . . kit OP poot mia jing

Come on.. give the guy a break. He is 22 and not 85, crapping in his diapers and going to sleep at 5pm.

[featography]

Op I know you dont want to hear this and youre very young so you will ignore it but the problem is you are dating a bar girl.... and you are getting all the headaches that come from doing that. You should be dating nice girls whose families will not abuse you. Its your choice and you are making the wrong one...

"You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl" Age old saying in Thailand and a high ratio of truth. Even if you work this all out, get to stay with the girl, you are attached to parents in the bar business. It is all your girl knows, and down the road, sooner or later, there is a certain probability that she will want to own a bar too, solely based on familiarity with that kind of business. Back away dude, gracefully, with smiles and wai's. Follow the smart advice of those that have been here longer and already posted replies. As mentioned, there are a myriad of available, good looking, educated ladies in this country, with great parents and family. I found mine. You can find one too. Just minimize the emotional roller coaster, think with your mind, not with your "main vein".

[Roadman]

i feel the urge to reply further to explain myself, as people seem to be stereotyping me into being out for fun and not care about my girlfriend long term.

Now firstly I just want to say I do not want to just shag her, if that was the case I would do like most of the other falangs in Thailand and seek the service of a bar girl, No strings attached nothing.. easy.. but that's not me and that's not what I want.. I await responses your girlfriend's a bar girl, when in reality if you actually knew me and my girlfriend you would never in your life say that about us.. but try getting that across to people on a forum where you can't actually be personally involved.

Secondly, my financial income has nothing to do with anyone except for me,my solicitor and my financial adviser. Now if that small sentence doesn't explain my situation and how I can afford to live in Thailand for 1 year at my age then please be quiet.

Honestly my plan was to go back to England in 3 months, sort out my finances and apply for a Business Visa and come back and try and make a go at it here for real, now of course none of you knew that because frankly its none of anyone's business.. but since I reached out for advice and ended up getting stereotyped I felt the need to explain me a little bit further.

There is one thing I despise the most of the "western" (my case British) culture, and that's people's eagerness to judge you without even knowing you.... One of the main reason's why I enjoy Thailand even more.. It doesn't matter whether your in a wheelchair or 300pounds of weight... people still greet you with a smile.. and at least open themselves to you and give you a chance... The rest is up to yourselves of course... In the 1 year I have been in Thailand I have only had 1 person take a dislike to me and that sadly happens to be my girlfriends mother.

If the mother would just be patient and let me and her daughter do what we both want (which is to see where our relationship is going) she might of got her comeuppance but sadly now even If me and her daughter do continue seeing each other (after the 09 may of course, officially) she will never receive a penny from me.

(also I thought of perhaps a bogus engagement just to make her mother happy so we can continue living together.... well actually the girlfriend thought of it.. but personally I have an extremely bad taste left in my mouth from lies and deceit I think I will be steering well clear of this.

Oh and also, because I have only made 1 post and named myself "SeekingAdvice" did you never even think to yourself that I might be an active user on this forum and just wished to mask my identity? I will be honest I am not an active member on the forum but I wished to create a new account due to not wishing any of my friends to know It's me, although if they read this post I'm sure they would know it's me... and ring me and help me... I don't like putting myself out there with people I know because then people turn thing's into Chinese whispers. (I just wish to add I am a daily reader of Thaivisa both site and forums)

Thank you again.

You have a right to be p!ssed at some of the replies.

But then put that aside and go back to the very 1st reply from the xbusman who did not judge you or your girlfriend. He is absolutely correct.

[OzMick]

since ur so young

u may want to write this down

"NEVER get between a thai girl and her mom"

"NEVER get between a Thai and their source of income" which is the same thing on a more general scale.

[exbelg]

I smell troll...4 newbie posts and he met his girlfriend in the bar of his MIL ?

lol

[Member]

I smell troll...4 newbie posts and he met his girlfriend in the bar of his MIL ?

lol

see #63

[Derifo]

Whew, so much drama. Relax, take a chill pill, welcome to Thailand. Been here a whole year and just now getting the hang of things?

You have broken no laws, you have behaved in fine Thai tradition of sneaking around parents and creating a web of lies and deceit. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

The only way you can go to jail is if the parents pay a lot of money for some corrupt policeman to harass you. The chance of that is none to barely registering on the scale. For a few thousand baht you can pay the same policeman to harass the family for having an underage girl work in a bar.

The only way you can lose money is if you pull it out of your wallet and throw it around. Hopefully you are smarter than that.

The only way a fine upstanding Issarn family will lose a daughter that can produce revenue is if she passes away, not much chance of that.

Here is some great advice on what to do. Make some strong coffee, have a good breakfast. Turn off your cellphone (IMPORTANT!). Put on some good music and have a great day. Dont answer calls for at least a week (in fact dont turn on your cellphone), go out every night, bask in the sun every day.

Here is the deal. Either you are in a negotiation for money or the parents really do not want you. I would seriously doubt that the parents do not want you but it is possible. If the parents do not want you, you simply have to walk away for more reasons than you could possibly know. If its a negotiation for money, understand that it will never end and if you want any chance for survival you better set the limits right now.

This is some really great advice and like all good advice, you should ignore everything and learn the hard way. Best of luck.

Very good indeed.

[koto]

Some other points and I`m extremely serious about this:

Being a bargirl you should know what her job involves, so never take the risk and have unprotected sex with her and if you do decide to settle down with this girl, have her tested for HIV prior to living with her.

Now, would I lie to you?

Aloha Young Man

Read what all say and keep in mind they are just using their past experience to advise you, when you digest all and the smoke clears, let both of yours gut and heart feelings take the lead, it is your life, your learning curves and she could be the right one for you, If you listen to all of us and run, you might have a broken heart for a life time, ride it to the dirt, if you fall, get up remount and be the director of your movie, trial and error and you can say (I DID IT MY WAY) "Who" knows, the way life is here and now, this could be your last Hurrah.

You sound like a very wise 21 and she also may be, maybe marry and figure it out down the road, nobody dies if you divorce, just stash a tad of cash.

May the force be with you.

[misterfloppy]

I met my wife in a Bangkok bar...

...and celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary earlier this year.

I/we've been very lucky as she'd only worked there two months and hadn't 'hardened up', and we are still very much in love - we have a lovely daughter and they both have Thai and British passports. I was twice my wife's age when we met and had enough experience of human nature to know she was no gold digger (of which there are an uncomfortably high proportion here in the UK).

A couple of months ago my wife effectively 'divorced' her parents due to the unacceptable way they have behaved: only making contact when they want money; trying to squat on our land in Thailand to take it over despite having plenty of their own, etc. On two previous ocassions when we'd given them money, the father had ended up in jail followed by pleas to us for the bribe to release him - the first time he'd used the money to buy tree-cutting equipment and was caught illegal logging, much to my dismay. Such contact and the demands caused dreadful stress for my wife, which we could really do without - after all, life in the UK has its own problems.

In my experience it is not uncommon for girls to break with their parents once they feel secure in their new family life (getting married might be part of the formula). But this would be her decision, not yours. Many opportunist Thais try to convince falangs that some kind of dowry is due (previous postings have covered this).

Notwithstanding what I've said, you've already been given good advice, and at your age, in your circumstances, with the cosh she has been under for so long, the chances of you making it as far as I have look poor.

Good luck!

[Bosse137]

What I found confusing is,that in OP`s first post,he said,that the gf DECIDED to stop working and go home...Firstly,if she was so totaly devoted to and under her mothers control,how could she decide something like that! And secondly,in real life,if it actually could happen,the mother would know in a day,that the daughter in fact not went home! And how could the daughter have money for the trip,if not from the mother.AND,how could the mother know,where the daughter actually lived..And,..and..,the list goes on!Of course they all knew,that the young man has plenty of money(or at least belived so),and also,that he has no experience.That is why they let it go on,until finaly they wanted to cash in.I live in an Isaan village,18 years already, and I know the many stories.I also lived many years in Pattaya,and got some valuable lessons there.So I can say,that it all smells fishy...l

[nocturn]

You posted this at 0230 Thailand time? .... are you actually in Thailand?

I saw that also . . . kit OP poot mia jing

Come on.. give the guy a break. He is 22 and not 85, crapping in his diapers and going to sleep at 5pm.

thank you.

the geriatric set often forget that not everyone goes to bed at dusk.

[jombom]

Chapter 2 should be good.

This saga could run and run.