I am not sure where to post this question, but I settled on this sub-forum because I would like to hear some viewpoints from woman (along with men who have experienced this situation).

I have been to Thailand three times, and probably will spend a significant part of my "mature years" there (I am a retired American).

In the course of my three visits, I have met many wonderful Thai women. The problem is, I am a loner. I like living alone, not because I want to have many different girlfriends (that would get old real fast), but because I am an old dog, have my habits (I listen to music way too loud sometimes), and I have found that the best relationships I have had over the years were with women who also had their own lives. We would not spend 24 yours a day together, but maybe a few days a week - it kept the relationship exciting.

I know that Thai culture is much more of a "communal" culture. Many Thai's I have met think that someone who can live alone is crazy. I love to joke that I would marry a Thai woman if she could live right next door to me.

I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has experienced this communal (Thai) vs. independent (i.e. Western) conflict. Maybe I am dreaming, trying to mix oil and water.

Thanks

Depends on the woman.

One Thai women I know has been dating her boyfriend for 2 years and they live in different apartments 20 minutes apart. Obviously 'sleepovers' at each other's place are common, but they still maintain separate residences.

I also know many single Thais who live alone, it's certainly not out of the ordinary.

My girlfriend is Lao not Thai, but she has a place in Pattaya while I live in my condo in Bangkok. I see her every week, either at mine or hers, and as a "loner" like you, that suits me fine.

I have a Thai girlfriend, who doesn't live with me. My wife would not allow it...

I know some Thai women who prefer to be alone but I have to wonder if alot of that depends on where they live and have grown up. Most people growing up in a small village will prefer the communal style, IME.

Hmmm yeah can understand that attitude. But if you are already retired, you should be looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with and not just a girlfriend?? My boyfriend and I live in seperate provinces (although we live together when I stay in his province of course) and I am also happy being independent like you but hope to live and stay together with him permenantly at some time in the future. The things that you mentioned you think could be a problem - your partner should be accepting of, surely? My view is when you find the one you really love you will want to live together despite the annoying live-together habits that each other have....

Edited May 31, 201115 yr by Krupnik

Thanks for the responses. It gives me some hope.

Krupnik - yes, I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Whether girlfriend or married doesn't matter to me (I realize it may matter to her). Why not live next door to each other and avoid the little annoying live-together habits?

But have you ever watched a couple that has been married for many years go out to dinner? They have very little to say, and when the check comes they are gone. I believe that is because they spend too much time together. That scares me.

Thanks for the responses. It gives me some hope.

Krupnik - yes, I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Whether girlfriend or married doesn't matter to me (I realize it may matter to her). Why not live next door to each other and avoid the little annoying live-together habits?

But have you ever watched a couple that has been married for many years go out to dinner? They have very little to say, and when the check comes they are gone. I believe that is because they spend too much time together. That scares me.

I am a woman but I am not Thai, but I don't think it would be a Thai thing - I'm sure that all women would think it would be too weird. Your house should be big enough for one of you to escape from each other, go to another room, the garden or outside. Two separate houses is too weird. If you need to live like that, there is something wrong with the relationship

I also think there is something wrong with the latter kind of relationship that you speak of, that isn't just because they spent too much time together. The right kind of relationship will survive through spending too much time together.

I think most women - Thai or not - will see living together as a necessary outcome of a relationship. Perhaps others disagree? I'm interested to know too.

My parents were married for 40 years before my mother died and they never sat around and said nothing to each other.

One of the reason's people live together is to reduce expenses and increase wealth.

If you found a Thai woman who was agreeable to this setup, would you pay her accommodations or she will have to

pay for her own place?

I see where the op is coming from. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting this kind of set up or anything wrong with relationships that work this way.

I do think it will be harder to find a partner who is also happy with it. Shame I'm not single, it would be my ideal living arrangement too.

I do think the age of the woman will be a major factor in this, younger women will want the whole cohabitation thing unless you are willing to payroll her living arrangement as well, then she might think it a good deal but an older women, maybe divorced & used to her own company & space will be more accepting of it imo.

Thanks for the responses. It gives me some hope.

Krupnik - yes, I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Whether girlfriend or married doesn't matter to me (I realize it may matter to her). Why not live next door to each other and avoid the little annoying live-together habits?

But have you ever watched a couple that has been married for many years go out to dinner? They have very little to say, and when the check comes they are gone. I believe that is because they spend too much time together. That scares me.

I would live alone if i can't find anyone who can cope with my lifestyle.

are you complaining that you are lonesome? - stick to only one then show her that you care...

met many Thai girls but have you considered their qualities?

don't make a mistake!!!!

Edited June 1, 201115 yr by dunkin2012

One of the reason's people live together is to reduce expenses and increase wealth.

If you found a Thai woman who was agreeable to this setup, would you pay her accommodations or she will have to

pay for her own place?

Let me get back to you on that one....

Yes, that is an issue to deal with. I would definitely pay a lot of her expenses, but to be honest, probably not 100%. But the answer would be the same if the woman was living with me. As a Westerner I feel uncomfortable paying 100% of a woman's expenses, as I would always be concerned she is with me for the money (but that is a WHOLE different thread)

I agree with the posters who said that age and family background would have a lot to do with it. Of the couples I know here in the West that do it, in most cases the woman in a bit older (say older than 40). By then, some of them have realized just how useless some men can be.

I think a lot of pressure would come from the Thai woman's family. I can see the stares (glares?) of the mother-in-law every time she comes to visit us and we are in a committed relationship but not living together.

Cheers.

Two things come to mind...

1. Why does your girlfriend *have* to be Thai? You could meet a lovely expat female too...it happens.

2. I see where you are coming from and agree with the way you live your life; however, IMO if two people have their own friends, activities, and full lives, living together is perfectly fine, because the parties are sometimes doing things together, sometimes not. If you date someone with no life outside of you, well then, yeah. That would make me want to live in a different home too! (Actually I'd never date someone like that, but I digress.)

Then again, maybe you really really want to live by yourself. There are those occasional married couples who do maintain separate residences, though I've only encountered that back home. It definitely has to be something that both parties want to do.

That's all I have...

My parents were married for 40 years before my mother died and they never sat around and said nothing to each other.

Yes, I understand. But my parents were also married for 40 years, and there was no joy in their life together. Don't get me wrong, they were wonderful parents - I could not have asked for better. But together? not so much. And in my opinion our relationships with the opposite sex are defined by watching your parents (but that is probably for another thread).

I did not intend to imply that my girlfriend has to be Thai, but I intend to spend much of my retirement years in Thailand, so the statistical odds lead to that. But I agree with SM about finding someone who has their own life - friends jobs etc. I guess my problem is that, after three visits to Thailand I am having trouble meeting women in that category (dangerous comment on TV - I can see the question about where I am meeting them).

Cheers.

Edited June 26, 201115 yr by californiabeachboy

I'm very happy having mine around day and night, and taking care of her, her daughter and helping from time to time the family, but I do know many others, even westerners like you who have relationships like you want

My parents were married for 40 years before my mother died and they never sat around and said nothing to each other.

Yes, I understand. But my parents were also married for 40 years, and there was no joy in their life together. Don't get me wrong, they were wonderful parents - I could not have asked for better. But together? not so much. And in my opinion our relationships with the opposite sex are defined by watching your parents (but that is probably for another thread).

Actually, I agree with you wholeheartedly here. I was fortunate in that I had articulate literate parents who enjoyed conversing not only with others but with each other. With a father who respected my mother's intelligence and opinion and parents who enjoyed a long, loving relationship.

So, in my view, it can be done and is possible. I don't pretend to think that all relationships are like theirs, but neither do I pretend to think that they are all like your parents either

I did not intend to imply that my girlfriend has to be Thai, but I intend to spend much of my retirement years in Thailand, so the statistical odds lead to that. But I agree with SM about finding someone who has their own life - friends jobs etc. I guess my problem is that, after three visits to Thailand I am having trouble meeting women in that category (dangerous comment on TV - I can see the question about where I am meeting them).

Cheers.

To be honest, Thais in general have a different view of marriage and relationships than most westerners. Most expect to get married and would probably not hang around forever waiting for you. Of course there are always exceptions, its a generality based on the culture, is all, before anyone chimes in with "my girlfriend doesn't want to get married"

And while my inlaws, for instance do not spend all their time together, they do spend a huge amount of it together and would no more live separately and consider themselves married than any other married couple I know. Thai society (at least the Thai rural society I have had the most experience with) tends to see segregation of the sexes, so go to a wedding or a funeral and all the women are in one area, talking kids, neighbors etc, the men will all be over somewhere else talking fishing, weather and the neighbors

you are not alone ,

i have been in a few relationships,

and i certainly enjoy female companionship.

however, i now realise that i need my own space,and freedom.

what i do not want from a relationship.

24 x 7 . :jap:

better u love a girl who already living next door........lol