Need To Find A School For My 9 Yr Old Neice

[Nepal4me]

I'm going to become a father for the first time come January. My wife (Thai) has suggested that her 9 year old niece move in with us and can help take care of the baby. I travel often so this seems like a reasonable thing to do.

I have 4 bedroom apt so there is lots of room here for the niece and baby.

The niece has been living with her grandmother back in the province, while her real mother lives here in BKK. Typical situation, mom and hubby in BKK can't really afford to raise their children here and work too, so the niece is with the grandparents. The niece is a great kid and we get along well, relationship with her real mom is great too. Grandma is also happy with the situation.

I'm wondering if anybody has thoughts or issues with having the niece move in with my wife and me.

2nd thing I need is to find a good school for a 9 year old girl in the Sukumvit or Silom/Sathorn area? She doesn't speak any English as of now so I would like find a school that teaches English as well as Thai.

Any help would be appreciated.

[Patex]

My wife (Thai) has suggested that her 9 year old niece move in with us and can help take care of the baby.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[ProfessorFart]

I'm with patex on this one..........

[tuky]

My 10 and 11 year old nephews do a great job in helping my wife take care of our daughter. Lets not underestimate the kids here, a 9 year old might not be able to pick the baby up, or rock it to sleep but they are not too young to make milk, grab a clean pampert and the baby my or just sit with the kid while it sleeps.

BTW Nepal4me, congrats mate. My first daughter is 2 in December and she has started calling me Daddy, when I get home from work she is so excited to see me and she even takes my shoes off for me. They are a real blessing mate. Well Done!!!

ps, our number 2 is due in April

[sbk]

Well, clearly the niece won't be the primary carer if she will also be attending school full time, give the man a break.

I take it you are more interested in a private school? What about St Josephs on Silom? They have a website St Josephs but it seems to be mostly in thai. Couldn't tell you one way or the other but suspect it is good.

[ProfessorFart]

I get that Tuky but I always raise an eyebrow, when, as soon as a chap gets wed he seems to inherit nieces and nephews from out of nowhere even before he has the chance to take off the spongebag trousers.

I always say that a professional child carer is better than a nephew or niece!

Congrats on #2 as well Tuky.

Edited October 22, 2005 by ProfessorFart

[tuky]

I always say that a professional child carer is better than a nephew or niece!

Always a better idea mate.

As for the spongebag trousers, it is something to watch out for. Not sure if this is the case with Nepal4me but I am betting he and his wife are simply JaiDee and want to help the girl get a good education, very admirable.

As for my case, I have 8 folks living full time in my house including my wife and daughter and we pay for the schooling of my two nephews. Everyone is an immediate family member, however the family circle has become quite a lot larger after my arrival

Something to watch out for, give an inch...

[chownah]

Some nine year olds in my family here can do alot and some are not reliable...depends on the individual...but I'm assuming this is to be a fairly long term arrangement and as the baby gets older and is less delicate then the niece will be older too and more capable. The idea of a niece coming to live with her aunt seems fairly common in the village where I live. Whenever I am away overnite or longer a niece or nephew or a couple of them will come to stay with my wife (we have no children) and when my wife is gone overnite or longer a nephew will come and stay with me....Thais don't like to be alone and as you say that you will be away I can understand why your wife would want the company and family closeness. Also, we have one niece aged 5 now who has been staying with us about 25% of the time...staying overnite and eating meals with us. Her parents are married and live together about a half a kilometer from us...just a short walk...but the niece likes to stay with us and we enjoy having her...so....no problem. Sometimes her older sister comes and stays too and occasionally other nieces and nephews....this seems to be the way families work around here. My guess is that this could work out very well for everyone...as long as you don't feel uncomfortable with it. Sorry I can't help with the school issue.

[GuestHouse]

Firstly congratulations to you and your Mrs.

I'd stear clear of opening the doors to an extended family, yes it is Thai custom to do so but it is one that not all Thais follow.

I forsee a few problems, firstly and most likely that the demands to take on others... like the grandma up in the village will become too hard to reject. I had a farang neighbour who wound up with every room of his house filled with relatives who moved in for a 'short spell' and never left.

I'd also be concerned about being able to offer the neice the same financial support as my own child, you are not gaining a child minder here you are gaining a daughter.

Finally, and I think significantly, the up bringing of your own child will be effected by the household. The neighbour I mention above used often to complain to me that his own daughter was being pressured to behave in ways that he and his wife found unacceptable, taking on the role of a provincial Thai child, rather than being allowed to live in her Thai/Farang household with a mixture of Thai/Farang values.

[solo siam]

I enjoy having some of the wifes family live with us - She doesnt have to do teh cleaning, gets help with the baby so she can sleep and they keep the place clean. Thai's are very social and family oriented, maybe the wife is a bit worried about being left on her own with a baby.

[Nepal4me]

Thanks for your comments. I did think about this for a while and still haven't officially agreed to allow my wife's niece to move in. We have some time because the next school year doesn't start till April (altho I guess we will have to start preparations for a half decent school fairly soon.

I hear about all these extended family situations that become parasitic, which does scare me a bit. What I like about this is the help that will be provided, the trust in a family member and the friendship that my wife and niece have since I'll be away close to 50% of the time.

In Asia, kids seem to be different from in Western countries. They seem to be more responsible. I can't imagine leaving my baby at home with a 9 year old niece but my wife says no problem. The niece really is a good kid, very polite, very well behaved, in short very traditional Thai.

I don't have worry about grandma moving in, she has 2 other baby grandchildren living with her along with her husband. They have a full life up country and are busy up there doing repairs on the house (thanks to my sut sit... spelling?). The thing that I most worry about is the need for financial contributions in the future. Actually I don't mind chipping in for education for the nieces and nephews, so far there are only a total of 3 but more will likely follow. I have already planned in my mind (haven't shared this with the misses) that I will provide better education for all the nieces and nephews, but do worry about being taken advantage of.

The other thing that scares me a bit is the permanence of the situation. The niece moving in is not a going to be a short term situation. As was noted above, it's like I'm inheriting a daughter and am responsible for feeding, clothing and paying for her schooling. And likely that's going to be all the way through her teens and Uni. Oh well. That's life in Thailand I guess. The scariness stems from my fear of loss of privacy but I guess having a baby anyway, it's not going to be just one-on-one with the misses anyway. Time will tell.

[ProfessorFart]

A fair bottom line to bear in mind is that the family is the cause of 95% of break ups in Westener/Thai relationships.

Think on it Nepal.

My advice for what its worth is keep the niece at home for a year or so until you and your wife are settled. If all is well after a year then bring her down.

Having a baby is graft at the best of times let alonewith the family invading.

[billd766]

Well it is an interesting situation and a good idea for your niece to stay and help.

I live up country with my wife and 15 month old son and I used to work away a lot.

We have an old friend who lives with us and her 3 1/2 year old daughter so my wife is not without company. However last month we had another friend and her 3 month old baby, now gone back, my wife' brother, sister in law and their 3 year old son, now also gone back.

This week we have my wife's niece about 15 staying for a while as it is the school holidays, her nephew 12, another brother and her Mum and Dad. All of them except the niece will be going back this week.

Fortunately we have a big 3 bedroom house, a smaller one and 15 rai for us all to fit in so it isn't too bad, though I find early morning around 0630 and after 2100 is a nice quiet time.

Also we have to take a couple of the dogs to the vet to get them neutered as we now have 7 dogs and 9 puppies but some of them will be gone soon.

The biggest problems we have are toilets though we do have 3 and I am thinking of replacing the washing machine with a commercial one next time as we seem to go through a lot of water.

My advice to you is to take on your niece and live with the rest of what happens. You will gain a lot of Jai Dee which down the road a while will come back to you. You will also be able to say to yourself I put something back into my adopted country by helping a young Thai girl get a better life.

Not all of the stories you read on TV are horror stories and there are a lot more you don't read about because they are happy and contented people and have integrated into their local community and a lot of the time nobody realises that they are farang because of it.

Go for it is what I say.

I must admit at times though I am thinking of building an air conditioned toilet with some books and an internet connection at the bottom of the garden and it will only have ONE key.

Edited October 23, 2005 by billd766

[Nam Kao]

>>>>My wife (Thai) has suggested that her 9 year old niece move in with us and can help take care of the baby.

First the baby moves in, then the grandma and grandpa, then the brothers, then the cousins, then the....

[Patex]

Nepal4me,

Your neice is allready 9 years old and the change from her actual school to any BKK school will be not the easiest part of your project...

I also believe you are not very acquainted with everyday life of a thai pupil...

From 6 am to 5 pm she has to care her own business, not even mention any repetitional lessons... I cannot see any left time for "doo noong"

Patex

[sbk]

Nepal4me,

Your neice is allready 9 years old and the change from her actual school to any BKK school will be not the easiest part of your project...

I also believe you are not very acquainted with everyday life of a thai pupil...

From 6 am to 5 pm she has to care her own business, not even mention any repetitional lessons... I cannot see any left time for "doo noong"

Patex

I disagree, children are very adaptable and make friends easily. I moved quite a bit as a child and it didn't "scar" me in anyway. In fact, it made me more adept at making friends.

As for looking after the child, it is very common in Thai families for the older female children to help take on some of the responsibility in looking after the younger ones. She is already probably used to it.

Loss of privacy? What do you think a newborn baby will do?

Also, if you are away alot your wife will definitely feel more comfortable having someone there with her. Every Thai woman I know has someone come to stay with her when her husband is away.

So, after all this, does anyone else have an actual recommendation for a school?

[chownah]

If someone lives in Thailand with a more or less traditional wife and can afford a better life style than any of the other family members then it is important that they be able to say "no" when their wife asks for family related things because almost assuredly she will do this.....because this is the way Thai family relationships work....in my experience. To say "no" all of the time to every type of help for everyone no matter how small will surely isolate you from the family (in my opinion) which is something that your wife may smile and put up with (if you are lucky) but you can be sure that this will create some (perhaps alot of)genuine sadness on her part and I'm convinced that its not just sadness for the money but also for the lack of family closeness which (it can not be overstressed) is so important to traditional Thai families.

[Patex]

...I disagree, children are very adaptable and make friends easily. I moved quite a bit as a child and it didn't "scar" me in anyway. In fact, it made me more adept at making friends.

Oh,

I didn't thought about making friends but I'm afraid she will have difficulties in following the classes. Btw, were do you grow up? Thailand?

Patex

[Nepal4me]

Nepal4me,

Your neice is allready 9 years old and the change from her actual school to any BKK school will be not the easiest part of your project...

I also believe you are not very acquainted with everyday life of a thai pupil...

From 6 am to 5 pm she has to care her own business, not even mention any repetitional lessons... I cannot see any left time for "doo noong"

Patex

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Patex, to be honest. I can't really understand what you are trying to say here? Could you re-explain?

[Patex]

Hm,

Sorry for my bad english...

School in the province and school in BKK will not be the same level and in your first post you also asked for a good school.

Thai pupils are more busy than the most thai workers, there will be not much time left, take care for your baby (also my best wishes to you and your wife).

Regards, Patex

[sbk]

...I disagree, children are very adaptable and make friends easily. I moved quite a bit as a child and it didn't "scar" me in anyway. In fact, it made me more adept at making friends.

Oh,

I didn't thought about making friends but I'm afraid she will have difficulties in following the classes. Btw, were do you grow up? Thailand?

Patex

The US, but after having lived here for 16 years I do have a bit of a clue about Thai children.

I agree with you about the keeping up part, after provincial schools a "good school" in Bangkok may be miles ahead. But then, we don't know the girl, do we? My friend's daughter goes to the local school (crap!) but she is extremely bright and is fluent in English at the age of 10 (both her parents are Thai but her uncle is Aussie). I suspect she would adapt quite well and, indeed, flourish at a better school in Bangkok.

[Patex]

But then, we don't know the girl, do we?

Good point!

And under Nepal4me's influence it may will develop in a good direction; but, please, stand away from the idea she will be a great help to nurse a baby, just let her be the big sister,

Patex

[Nepal4me]

And under Nepal4me's influence it may will develop in a good direction; but, please, stand away from the idea she will be a great help to nurse a baby, just let her be the big sister,

Patex

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Patex, I can't imagine that you are correct in this. It's not as if a 9 year old's schooling is going to be a 7am to 11pm affair. She will take the skytrain or bus or whatever to school, schools are typically 8am to 4pm, then return home after school. Hopefully 1/2 hour to school and same return. That would leave the entire evening free for homework and assistance with cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby. Doesn't this make sense?

[thaihome]

Well nepal4me, not too surprising that your simple request for the name of some good Thai schools in Bangkok has degenerated into you having to defend your relationship with your wife, the accusations money grabbing and freeloading tendencies of your wife’s family, the ability of your neice to contribute anything to helping your wife, and your own ability to mange your own affairs.

Welcome to TV.

I think the suggestion of St Josephs sounds like a good one (as well as being the only one), don't know of any other Thai schools in the Silom/Sathorn area. Would be very interested in hearing about more, as my wife's daughter is going to come live with us next year after spending the last 3 years in boarding school.

TH

[Patex]

Patex, I can't imagine that you are correct in this.  It's not as if a 9 year old's schooling is going to be a 7am to 11pm affair.  She will take the skytrain or bus or whatever to school, schools are typically 8am to 4pm, then return home after school.  Hopefully 1/2 hour to school and same return.  That would leave the entire evening free for homework and assistance with cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby.  Doesn't this make sense?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wrote from 6 am to 5 pm... this will be hard enough for a 9-year-old.

Why only think about the entire evening? A day has 24h!

[Nepal4me]

Well nepal4me, not too surprising that your simple request for the name of some good Thai schools in Bangkok has degenerated into you having to defend your relationship with your wife, the accusations money grabbing and freeloading tendencies of your wife’s family, the ability of your neice to contribute anything to helping your wife, and your own ability to mange your own affairs. 

Welcome to TV.

I think the suggestion of St Josephs sounds like a good one (as well as being the only one), don't know of any other Thai schools in the Silom/Sathorn area.  Would be very interested in hearing about more, as my wife's daughter is going to come live with us next year after spending the last 3 years in boarding school.

TH

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi TH,

Yes you're right about TV. It's amazing how some people will just focus on some minutia rather than trying to deal with the issue at hand. Very non-functional but typical of many TV threads. Actually beyond asking for good schools, I did ask people's opinions of having our niece move in so responses to that issue are also important and informative. Actually some of then were helpful and thoughtful but you're right some just degenerated into typical TV crap. That's ok, I'll just ignore those posts and focus on the functional ones. Maybe I should have made 2 posts instead of mixing both issues into one post.

Thanks for your comment on St. Josephs. I will look into that although I think I heard before it's hard to get into that school. Any idea if there's a waiting list or how much it costs? There must be many other schools around that would be appropriate.

[mpdkorat]

If someone lives in Thailand with a more or less traditional wife and can afford a better life style than any of the other family members then it is important that they be able to say "no" when their wife asks for family related things because almost assuredly she will do this.....because this is the way Thai family relationships work....in my experience.  To say "no" all of the time to every type of help for everyone no matter how small will surely isolate you from the family (in my opinion) which is something that your wife may smile and put up with (if you are lucky) but you can be sure that this will create some (perhaps alot of)genuine sadness on her part and I'm convinced that its not just sadness for the money but also for the lack of family closeness which (it can not be overstressed) is so important to traditional Thai families.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you have the space, can offord it, like the niece then go for it. It will be company for your wife while you are away. You will also have someone to walk on your back when it aches. If you have any further similar requests, which you might do, you can always say no. Its also a lot more preferable than having the grandmother living with you in my opinion.

[Chayakon]

'help take care of the baby'.....'go to school'.....'walk on your back'.........can she fit in a part time job as well?? sorry ..are we talking about a 9 year old here??

[Neeranam]

Having a baby is graft at the best of times let alonewith the family invading.

Very true Prof. not sure if you want my opinion on the niece, but I'd say you better be prepared to fork out for her whole education. It would be great to have a 9 year old girl helping out with the baby if there's noone else - congratualtions by the way.

As for schools, I used to work at St Josephs many years ago and I have a couple of mates with kids there. It used to be the best school in Thailand, but not now. They have a special English program but that is expensive - if you have a spare 50,000. that should be enough to pay your way in, maybe more. I wouldn't put my daughter in that school, if I were living in Bkk, I'd send her to either Satri Sri Suryothai in Bang Rak(a very good "royal" school just off New Road) or Assumption College. There are lots of good schools around that area, and as a lot are old, they are Catholic. There's a good school in Din Daeng called Mae Phra Fatima. There Mater Dei on Ploen Jit road, which in my opinion is the best value for money in Central Bkk.

There's the Sacred Heart in klong Toey. There's Santa Cruz across the river near Wat Arun. There's heaps of them in fact.

There are a couple of excellent ones near Chinatown.

[astral]

I expect a school in Bangkok will be better than the equivalent in the provinces.

If you can get her in one, a private school will definitely be better.

Remember to check she does her homework and to help her.

Thai kids are well experienced as helpers with younger children, it is an advantage

of the larger, and extended family.