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Crossed Lines And Muddled Signals


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STOPPAGE TIME

Crossed lines and muddled signals

By Tulsathit Taptim

The following long-distance phone conversation is purely fictional.

If some people's real lives happen to be similar, I'm sorry, but shall not be held responsible.

Boss: Are you out of your mind? Why are you calling me directly?

Sidekick: This line is secure, sir. And I'm having an emergency.

Boss: Give it to me quick. I'm packing for Japan.

Sidekick: That's the thing, sir. Japan has told the media it gave you a visa at our request.

Boss: What? It was supposed to be "their" request. The invitation came from their side, for crying out loud.

Sidekick: You know the Japanese, sir. They don't talk much, and they don't lie much, either.

Boss: That someone doesn't lie much doesn't mean he's not a good liar. Damn. How could they do this to me?

Sidekick: Do you want me to call off the trip, sir?

Boss: This is a big part of my plan. We must go ahead. Just make it sound confusing when you talk to the reporters. Like when you commented on whether or not to return my passport. You did a great job there. Nobody knew what you were talking about. If you were a movie director, you'd be bagging Cannes awards for fun.

Sidekick: Trust me on the passport, sir. When it's re-issued, I'll confuse the situation to the extent it will put a Cannes winner to shame.

Boss: You'd better. Everyone will leave no law or bureaucratic regulation book unopened to prove that you're supposed to make my life overseas as difficult as possible. You'll be bombarded with malfeasance charges.

Sidekick: Come what may, sir. You're like a father to me and I'll die for you. Even if helping you will make me the most hated man on earth, I don't care.

Boss: I'm touched. I knew I wasn't making a mistake when I selected you. Loyalty is hard to find these days.

Sidekick: Are you sure you're okay with Japan protecting itself, sir? It would have been much nicer if it had appeared the visa had come from the Japanese's own free will.

Boss: You can still make it sound that way. Just use your skills to confuse people.

Sidekick: Will try my best, sir. Are you planning to lecture on democracy anywhere else? If I know in advance, arrangements will be better.

Boss: England's not quite settled down yet. And it's not a good idea right now to teach the Brits how to fight for democracy. America remains my goal. Encouraging message the other day from one of the American senators, don't you think?

Sidekick: Absolutely. Your story is inspiring the world. More and more countries are coming on board. Aung San Suu Kyi has been pushed to the inside pages.

Boss: That poor lady. She could have done more for her country if she'd roamed the world.

Sidekick: She chose her fight, sir, even though it meant having to spend much of the past two decades in virtual captivity.

Boss: If you think she's had it tough, try having to use a European passport to enter an Asian country while getting your country's government's help to go anywhere but not being able to go home.

Sidekick: Can you say that again, sir?

Boss: All I'm saying is, Suu Kyi has had it easy.

Sidekick: So, is it good or bad for her to stick around fighting injustice in her motherland?

Boss: People make their own choices. Shut it. You've started to annoy me.

Sidekick: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I meant no offence. You've been incredibly brave and now it's time for you to rejoin your victorious people.

Boss: Just move fast, and tell the others to do the same.

Sidekick: Of course, sir, I will.

Boss: And make sure it doesn't look like everyone is working exclusively for me. There are people out there who need our help.

Sidekick: That's the message we're sending out three times a day, sir. We aren't helping any particular group or person.

Boss: Good. And don't forget. Get me to America ASAP. The visit will seal the deal. If the big guy embraces me, there'll be nothing my enemies can do about it.

Sidekick: Leave that to me, sir. We're doing great when it comes to the world's superpowers. You're becoming their long-lost boy.

Boss: Great.

Sidekick: Well, before we hang up, can I make one last suggestion, sir?

Boss: Sure, what would that be?

Sidekick: Don't you want to visit Suu Kyi in Burma? Your democracy lecture should be of big help over there, sir.

nationlogo.jpg

-- The Nation 2011-08-17

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Nice-smelling smoke and colourful pills

The following editorial meeting conversation is purely fictional.

Dude1: Hey dude 2, did you sit hear all night?

Dude2: Sure. I got the groove.

Dude1: Whats that sh_t you take there?

Dude2: Nice-smelling smoke and colourful pills

Dude1: Can i have one?

Dude2: Take 2.

Dude1: :)

Dude2: :crazy:

Dude1: :licklips:

Dude2: too much, very much, so much

Dude1: :giggle:

Dude2: :crazy:

Dude1: lets start to work.

Dude2: ready

Dude1: :wub:

Dude2: I see the rainbow.

Dude1: wanna take a trip to mandaley?

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Which US senator was encouraging?

Probably that little scandal where some US delegation wanted to meet with all sides but only the reds showed up during the hot protest days last year.

Nice spin, but it was referring to "the other day" not "the other year".

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I suspect the reality is more amazing than the satire above. Can't see why the Japanese would want him to visit; alot of Japanese have been displaced by the tsuanmi and then the nuclear plant issue. What can some businessman with dubious ethics from Thailand do to help them? Tell them they have had a hard time and not to worry as he steps off his private jet with his huge wealth and hiso lifestyle?

Edited by MaiChai
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Which US senator was encouraging?

Probably that little scandal where some US delegation wanted to meet with all sides but only the reds showed up during the hot protest days last year.

Nice spin, but it was referring to "the other day" not "the other year".

Do you know better? Please tell me.

So what they wanna hint in that fictional conversation. Who are these American who dared to lend the evil ones an ear or send encouraging messages? Did they mean the Obama phone call with Yingluck?

Or are these dudes just simply on colourful pills and it means nothing? Did you took 2 too?

Edited by samurai
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How about this guy?

>>US Senator Jim Webb on Monday commended Thailand for holding a general election last month which brought the country "back inside the democratic process."<<

The Nation: http://www.nationmultimedia.com/home/2011/08/15/national/Thailand-back-inside-democratic-process-US-senator-30162820.html

Edited by DocHolliday
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Which US senator was encouraging?

Probably that little scandal where some US delegation wanted to meet with all sides but only the reds showed up during the hot protest days last year.

Nice spin, but it was referring to "the other day" not "the other year".

Do you know better? Please tell me.

So what they wanna hint in that fictional conversation. Who are these American who dared to lend the evil ones an ear or send encouraging messages? Did they mean the Obama phone call with Yingluck?

Or are these dudes just simply on colourful pills and it means nothing? Did you took 2 too?

Did you 2 took English lessons in Thailand? You me friend, ok? You like lady?

My sister she love falang can speak pasar falang like falang verry verry we go now, ok?

Yes, I "took 2 too" - so what's your excuse?

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