Meeting Thai Family For First Time

[xybadog]

I'm going back to LoS in December and while there I'll be meeting the OH's family for the first time.

Any tips? Do's & Don'ts?

Is a present the done thing? I don't know if I should buy the family a present (and what should I buy). I was going to buy the her mother a present but would this offend the rest of her family (father and brother)?

I want to do the right thing and not offend anyone so any advice would be helpful

Edited October 15, 2011 by xybadog

[xybadog]

I ask the above question from the point of meeting my Thai family for the first time and not asking generally as if meeting any family for the first time

[bkkjames]

Tough call; it would seem natural to want to impress the family but very 'generally' speaking, they should be trying to impress you.

At the end of the intro, ask yourself a few sobering questions;

Do you want to help this family financially? Thai families are expected to support each other to a degree (some more than others).

Were you asked to show bank statements?

A bit like fishing they say-the better the bait, the bigger the fish.

As for a gift, I find a new washing machine goes over well.

(Ignore all of the above if your gal's parents are hiso rich types, cops, politicians).

Guess what I am trying to say here in a delicate way is just be yourself-if you see an attitide change post intro-you may not be the spec being searched for.

However if your gal is lovey-kiss afterwards, you are doing ok on the first stage. The 'real' key to watch out for to see if you have been hired, oops I mean accepted, is whether or not your darling walks down the street with you hand in hand and not 5 paces behind you.

Good luck!

[g00dgirl]

Focus on father & mother. A lot of fresh fruit of the more expensive kind will be good, Oranges/Mandarins, Pomelos, Mango, Grapes, bring lots. One or two big packs of Brands Bird's Nest, some plants for their garden. I addition possibly some speciality of the province you stay in or drive through, for example salty eggs if you drive via Chaiya.

Mothers and sisters like perfume. Everyone likes western watches, but I would not bring this on the first visit.

You could give money to children of the family.

[danbradster]

I'd mainly get presents for the children.

Supplements like fishoil and vitamin C work well with women, but it might be easy to offend. Branded cosmetics work well, but it could be easy to offend. Presents related to your home country could be a safer option.

For children: plush toys, snacks. I like to bring English books and things too for the ones who are learning English.

Some adults asked me for Aussie playing cards, I hope those are legal to bring into the country. Chocolate is popular too, like branded chocolate (Cadbury, Ferrero, or Belgian).

I like to think practically where I can.

[Litlos]

Very hard to answer without knowing a bit more detail eg area, status etc. To give the benefit of my experience I asked the TGF and she took me to the market in BKK and proceeded to purchase dried squid, fish etc as that is not easily available in her village (Isaan area). On the drive up at the next major town before her village into the market for some more fresh food, are you seeing a common thread here? Every day was purchasing more food and there were extra people at just about every meal, friends, extended family and neighbours. No real great expense on this and was costing me about 400 baht a day which included some food for me that was not exactly Isaan food

At that time I was living in hotels in BKK and going up to the village actually was saving me some money. After a couple of days I picked up that the family TV was past its use by date and barely watchable, so off to Big C 40km away and for 2500 Baht a nice replacement was procured, family was impressed. Next trip I got the 2200 Baht no ongoing fee satelite installed which was all the rage in the village at the time. Once again family happy as they had something visible and desirable, so a lot of face with the rest of the village. Note the family are rice farmers, nice people and plenty to eat of local produce, just not much cash. The rest of the village is in a similar situation.

Inadvertantly I impressed the locals with a couple of things I did. One was driving up (hired Fortuner) as there had been expats to the village before but came by bus, secondly eating Thai food albeit more Bangkok style than Isaan as other, thirdly was asking for some chilli as sister had cooked the food with no chilli for Farang and was bland and I do like Thai food with chilli.

Let the other half be the guide to what is required as is a complex area. If looking for lots of gold etc may be a good time to reconsider the long term relationship plan

But the basic guide seems to be in line with their socio economic situation, and something that is visible for face and bragging rights with the friends and family. That works for Isaan village anyway.

[sbk]

Coming from your home country the best thing to do is to bring some specialty of where you live. But yes, small gifts for the family are the done thing and something I do on a yearly basis when I return to the US -- bring back small but thoughtful presents for family members (big bag of candy goes down well with the kids) .

[richard_smith237]

Perhaps a valid question might be: Do your OH's parents know you are dating?

It's not uncommon to be introduced as a friend for the first time...

Regarding Gifts, speak to your OH as she will know what is most appropriate, something from your home country might be welcomed.

Whatever happens the OH's family will see what they want to see in you. While you may want to be immediately taken in an liked this is not always possible in which case you can aim for being respected. Anything you do plants a seed as to how you will be treated in the future.

When I first met my future in-laws it was over dinner, I was being introduced as friend, I took wine which was suitable for a restaurant setting. I guess it really depends on where you are meeting the OH's parents and what they are like (i.e. farmers or lawyers etc.. as James pointed out)...

[marstons]

my instructions were to Wai, always call them mair and poor out of respect and take them out for a meal and drinks and pick up the tab, also cousins, aunts uncles and any other hanger on. seemed to work, after a few years my names for them changed dramtically, espcially mother who was always trying to get wife to leave and go work in the bars like her cousins and get big money. apparantly the 4 bed house i had already sorted was not enough.

Edited October 16, 2011 by marstons

[xybadog]

Thanks for all the replies, very helpful. I went out this morning and bought some clothes for my gf's daughter. She's 5 and a half years old (the daughter not the gf ) so, knowing that generally thais are smaller than farang I bought clothes for a 4 year old so I just hope now that they fit. if not they can be given to a family member and I'll buy more when in LoS.

A lot of fresh fruit of the more expensive kind will be good...

Mothers and sisters like perfume. Everyone likes western watches, but I would not bring this on the first visit.

You could give money to children of the family.

My gf will be picking me up from Udon airport in the family car so I could pick up some fruit etc on the drive back to her home. With regard the perfume, good idea, but I was told by a female thai friend some time back that a man buying perfume for a female in Thailand was bad luck. Not sure how true that is or if it's a regional superstition.

Very hard to answer without knowing a bit more detail eg area, status etc.

The family, and gf, live in Nongbualamphu changwat, about 6km from Na Klang amphoe. The family own quite a large farm producing sugar cane, rice and sweetcorn. The family have a two storey house with garage, family car so don't know where this would place them in terms of money/status. They're not rich by any account but I get the impression the farm does ok.

The father has just finished having a house built for my gf. I've seen the new house when we video chat and it's really nice. The usual one bedroom, kitchen, bathroom (she's even swapped the Thai style toilet for a farang style toilet for when I visit ...I'm not into squatting) and very nice 1.5 metre high sliding tinted window doors. Double sink in the kitchen etc, etc. It has quite a large living area for a one bedroom home. Bigger than many other homes I've been in in Thailand. It's not luxurious but it's very nice ans sizeable, with no tin roof It's been built on land the father already owns on the farm and has taken 3 years (with much stopping and starting) to build.

Perhaps a valid question might be: Do your OH's parents know you are dating?

Yes they do know.

Thanks again for all the advice.

Edited October 16, 2011 by xybadog

[Mossfinn]

Tough call; it would seem natural to want to impress the family but very 'generally' speaking, they should be trying to impress you.

At the end of the intro, ask yourself a few sobering questions;

Do you want to help this family financially? Thai families are expected to support each other to a degree (some more than others).

Were you asked to show bank statements?

A bit like fishing they say-the better the bait, the bigger the fish.

As for a gift, I find a new washing machine goes over well.

(Ignore all of the above if your gal's parents are hiso rich types, cops, politicians).

Guess what I am trying to say here in a delicate way is just be yourself-if you see an attitide change post intro-you may not be the spec being searched for.

However if your gal is lovey-kiss afterwards, you are doing ok on the first stage. The 'real' key to watch out for to see if you have been hired, oops I mean accepted, is whether or not your darling walks down the street with you hand in hand and not 5 paces behind you.

Good luck!

For advice, the above takes some beating

[bkkjames]

Thanks moss, I was trying to sugar coat it to avoid hurt feelings

[falkan]

we talking poor issan family or wealthy thai-chinese?

[Lannatyne]

I'm not going to say that the above advice is either good or bad. Basically, none of it is 'wrong' and has clearly worked for the posters. But, you want a 'tip', so here's mine:

Right from the start, you put YOUR marker down.

Gifts, fine, but don't even think of 'cash'. They'll form an impression of you when you meet, and it's virtually guarnteed to be a loftier impression than you can ever hope to attain. If anything, play your status and abilities down a little. If you don't, you'll make a rod for your back that could last the entire relationship.

Buy whatever you feel is right. If it turns out that it is not suitable, then, again, state that you come from a 'falang' culture, and what you've done is entirely acceptable where you come from. They should adjust their attitudes a little to meet you, not you move 100% straight into their culture. Again, if they see you willing tofully embrace their thoughts and practices, you'll never hear the end of it.

Good luck, and THINK about the long term before you act

[mikecwm]

As we currently live in Canada I always turn up with several packets of smoked salmon and some litre jugs of maple syrup.

Makes a great gift when visiting rellies in England as well.

They just love it, especially as these type of things are prohibitively expensive in Thailand.

Definately try and find something specific to where you live, though deep fried Mars bars may be a bit iffy if you're from Glasgow.

Plus, if you're feeling rich, something in gold always goes down really well in Thailand. Better wait and buy it when you get there as the craftsmanship is unbeatable, and costs little above the value of the gold.

[lizlemon]

having been throught this recently, keep it simple be courteous and respectul...take off your shoes when entering homes.

bring a large fruitbasket for the family and later in your trip take them out for a "family" dinner.

IMO i would not go the gift route for children, or family as you are then setting a high expectation for future visits gifts are appropriate in certain situations like weddings, birthdays etc. randomly arriving with gifts IMO re-enforces the falang saviour mentality?

my S/O's family appreciated a nice family dinner, gift basket and my basic respectfulness and well treatment of their daughter.