Why Women Go in Pairs to the Restroom

This is for the ladies out there. If you don't laugh until you cry after reading this one then you've obviously never been in a public restroom.

Men won't understand.

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??)

You yank the paper fro m your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.

http://www.teamtowanda.org/jokes-women.html

Thank you.

I'm a male, but that made my day.

One of the funiest posts in a long time.

Men have their restroom problems too.

One of them is that quite obviously gay "attendent" who insists on brushing down your butt while you are trying to wash your hands "after".

But that's another story.

We don't get massages in the ladies room

SBk,

How about posting a lesson for the ladies on How To Pee Standing Up? A skill it seems all women visiting Asia could benefit from learning.

That is one bonus to squat toilets, no bum on the seat but the lack of a hook is always a big problem and more than once I have had to hang my purse around my neck. And its not fun in high heels. Even less fun on a swaying boat in heels

But why go in pairs?

Its so they can talk about the other one left at the Table.

Thanks for the laughs.

I've always felt bad for the ladies at big events like concerts, etc, as there is always a huge line at the ladies loo's, and there are always some women who just say screw it and line up to go in the mens rooms as our lines are always moving much more quickly. Not that most guys seem to care.

Thanks for the laughs.

I've always felt bad for the ladies at big events like concerts, etc, as there is always a huge line at the ladies loo's, and there are always some women who just say screw it and line up to go in the mens rooms as our lines are always moving much more quickly. Not that most guys seem to care.

You are right, they dont. But, in the event that the mens room is unavailable, a man tries to use the ladies room, just wait for the screams, pushes, flying handbags.

Thanks for the laughs.

I've always felt bad for the ladies at big events like concerts, etc, as there is always a huge line at the ladies loo's, and there are always some women who just say screw it and line up to go in the mens rooms as our lines are always moving much more quickly. Not that most guys seem to care.

You are right, they dont. But, in the event that the mens room is unavailable, a man tries to use the ladies room, just wait for the screams, pushes, flying handbags.

Thats because there are never any available stalls in the womens room.

And all these years, I though the ladies went in pairs just so they could gossip about things they would never dare mention in mixed company!

Some of the nightclubs I have been to in Chiang Mai and Bangkok have required a second person simply to guard the door.

"why women go in pairs..." = priceless!

but now i have to clean my keyboard...