Sometime The Best Intentions Are The Wrong Thing

[ray23]

Just heard about a guy who had lived here for twelve years five months ago took his wife and daughter to America. Reason wanted his daughter to have better schools. The wife has now spilt and living with another guy in the states. It's easy to see how this can happen, we are very used to Thia women here, we were not in our home countries. There they are exoctic looking ladies, they get atttention that they have never recieved before. off they go to the greener pastures.

This guy lives on Social Security, it is going to be all he can do to pay child support much less all the other things that are about to change in his life.

It's a real shame before this is over the wife will have nothing, when her uniques wears off more then likely the new guy will dump her. Come over here for the new model. The daughter has just lost the opportunity to grow in a stable family. Can you imagine the mess that kids in at the moment in a brand new country that she knows nothing about, the only family that she has known is destroyed. What a tradgedy.

I guess sometimes it pay not to fix what is not broken

[britmaveric]

Hmmm this sounds vaguely similar to the post about the english lad recently.

[seonai]

I am quite familiar with half Thai kids moving to US or Europe but to discuss this we'd need more info. Is it something that is personal to you Ray23? Do you know all the circumstances? I mean do you even know this chap who has lost his wife and child?

Please advise.

Seonai

[ray23]

Hmmm this sounds vaguely similar to the post about the english lad recently.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ya I suppose nothing new, but really makes you think about the 12 years of this relationship before the move, what was that all about. I would be surprised if the guy would have hung with her that long if she was a gold digger. Life in the states is a tough road, takes a ton of money. I guess for the first time the wife had her own job hence her own money. I'm willing to bet the guy is a coemployee of the place she is working, but I don't know.

In any event I see no winners in this one

[britmaveric]

Hmmm should have stayed in thailand. I guess this is the lesson to be learned.

[ray23]

I am quite familiar with half Thai kids moving to US or Europe but to discuss this we'd need more info. Is it something that is personal to you Ray23? Do you know all the circumstances? I mean do you even know this chap who has lost his wife and child?

Please advise.

Seonai

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No it's a friend of a friend, who asked me my thoughts trying to think how this guy could take care of himself, I had no answers very late in life to rebuild your life.

I guess whats struck me so much was a working marriage ot twelve years going down the tubes so quickly with a move. the guy couldn't be all bad if he was willing to give up his life here, for something that would benefit his daughter. Doesn't sound real selfish to me.

[britmaveric]

What sort of work does his wife do? Also what is the age difference? Not that this matters since she stayed with him for 12yrs, but perhaps there is smth else your mate hasnt told you?

[seonai]

Yes I agree Brit, maybe this is not the whole story. If a marriage was in trouble already... I guess it would be easier to make a move during a move. If you see what I mean. Maybe there were other issues, I suspect so. Why else would she give up 12 years of happiness?

Seonai

[britmaveric]

I'd say he's pretty much fked now - looks to me she basically waited to leave when she's back in america where she can stick it to him. Course I could be well off the mark.....

[mrbojangles]

I'd say he's pretty much fked now - looks to me she basically waited to leave when she's back in america where she can stick it to him. Course I could be well off the mark.....

I concur.

What are the rules in the US for settlement visa's? If she did that in the UK, then, i think, she would have problems 2 years down the line getting ILR, as she wouldn't be able to show that they had been living together.

[jrincon17]

Just heard about a guy who had lived here for twelve years five months ago took his wife and daughter to America. Reason wanted his daughter to have better schools. The wife has now spilt and living with another guy in the states. It's easy to see how this can happen, we are very used to Thia women here, we were not in our home countries. There they are exoctic looking ladies, they get atttention that they have never recieved before. off they go to the greener pastures.

This guy lives on Social Security, it is going to be all he can do to pay child support much less all the other things that are about to change in his life.

It's a real shame before this is over the wife will have nothing, when her uniques wears off more then likely the new guy will dump her. Come over here for the new model. The daughter has just lost the opportunity to grow in a stable family. Can you imagine the mess that kids in at the moment in a brand new country that she knows nothing about, the only family that she has known is destroyed. What a tradgedy.

I guess sometimes it pay not to fix what is not broken

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He doesnt have to pay her SH!T , how long have they been in the States ?

[mrbojangles]

five months ago took his wife and daughter to America.

He doesnt have to pay her SH!T , how long have they been in the States ?

jrincon, in the ops original post, he says 5 months

[jrincon17]

five months ago took his wife and daughter to America.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He doesnt have to pay her SH!T , how long have they been in the States ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

jrincon, in the ops original post, he says 5 months

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah thanks , she's in trouble if he wants . Its up to him , i would say no the child stays with me and i will support her and she would have no case gaianst him

[britmaveric]

Seems to me she can gain alimony for herself/child. Not familiar with yank law, but if she has citizenship.....I'd say he's fked.

[ray23]

Yes I agree Brit, maybe this is not the whole story. If a marriage was in trouble already... I guess it would be easier to make a move during a move. If you see what I mean. Maybe there were other issues, I suspect so. Why else would she give up 12 years of happiness?

Seonai

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There is a lot I don't know nor do I intend to ask. I don't think anyone has had twelve years of happines in any marriage I think there ar going to be a lot of good times and bad ones, in any relationship of that length.

My guess and it's just that she was overwhelemed by the experience of America, much different then here. Everything is possible there no mater waht your background is. The part that most people from foriegn countries don't see is what you have to give up to get that success.

Willing to bet she got a job paying 300 baht an hour, huge money here. Noot enough to even rent for an apartment in the states. But you don't see that until you start paying the bills.

Even here when you meet somone new there is always that charge of excitement, they are just perfect, but you haven't seen any of the bad at that point and you can't see it the emotions take over and hormones. Man that can be overwhelming.

Imagine being in a place where eveything is clean even the roads, where people have two and three cars live in big houses, eat exotic foriegn food all the time, spend 4000 baht for dinner. Pay 65000 baht for house payments, another 40,000 baht a month for cars. But you don't see them working seven days a week you just see them when they are playing. That could be real intoxicting. Here you are with a guy who no longer works and lives on Social Security can he do that, no.

A guy steps into the picture who is overwhelmed by a simple beautiful woman, that is different from the ladies he is used to. Of course Thai women are anything but simple, but the hormoines have kicked in it will be a while before he realizes that he is going to have lead her around by the hand for sometime until she can learn to survive. Or he has a rough day at work and wants to talk wiht her about it only to find out that she does not have a clue about what he is talking about, because she has neve been with a working husband, the money just came every month. Tha simplistic lady is charming at first, but the lack of undertanding of the culture where she is does, not make the best helpmate. It's just as hard for these relationships to survive when it is the lady who is in the foriegn country, not just here.

I don't know a lot about the people involved I do know they still own a home here in Thailand and I mean own, paid for. something that is very rare in the states. Finances were sufficient for the plan to be for the daughter to get her education there and then the family was going to return here.

You know it sounds to me like everyone started out with good intentions in this and it just has went sour. I blame no one people are just people. I feel for them all, I doubt very seriously that there is a bad guy in this what I see is a lot of victims.

I have a bit of insight into this I had a mail order bride from the Phillippines, we were married for 14 years has two beautiful daughters, was it perfect heck no. I worked two jobs most of the time so my children would have the advantage of a stable home. I alway earned enough so they could have what they wanted not what they needed what they wanted. I was injuried at work the wife chipped in for what was going to be a short time. Beautiful woman no doubt about it, her smile could melt any guy. But very vain and always looking or reassurance in other people. She was very flirtatous, I never worried about it I trusted her. he hooked up with a guy who was a con artist, took the kids and left me for the Mr. Wonderful. I paid through the nose to amke sure they were all right until I finally retired here. So fro three years I put out thousands and thousand of dollars, to make sure everyone was safe. Guy had a lot of golf games on my dime. All my friends thought I was nuts I didn't have to do it. What they didn't realize was I was doing it for my peace of mind, I have to shave this mug everyday.

Well the child support was paid the kids were on thier own. I moved here three years ago. The extra money stopped for the golf games within three months they were getting a devoirce and she was being sued for half of everthing, she had the better job. Was the grass greener on the other side of the fence, yep until you mowed it.

she has since went through husband number three and dealing wiht the financial garbage that goes with that, seems number 2 and number 3 were not a giving as I was.

Was there winners in this well not my children, not me at first but now yes I'm a winner, but I paid big prices for it for five years. Was she a winner well lets see he could be here with me now living as my wife today does with housekeepers enough money to play anytime she wanted to and the time to do it. Or she could have been in her home country with exactly the same thing. What else did dhe give up 50% of my retiremnt for the rest of her life. So I would have to ay after going through to more erlationships falling apart. i don't think she is a winner in all this.

She still writes me and asks for advice, you see I'm the only one he trusts I never harmed her even in the worst of times. eventually she is going to lose that as well, you see my wife deserves all my attention not just part of it. I answer her questions but not if it takes anything away from the lady who takes care of me.

All this for a fantacy life. That is what I think is happening here, and why I know it is tragedy. No one wins everyone loses. Truley sad and I really feel for that family but most of all for the daughter.

From everything I have been told they were as happy a married people can be here. Bright lights and shinney cars.

Just my humble thoughts I could be dead wrong wouldn't be the first time, nor the last I'll bet on that one.

No real long term life decesion that will completly change your life can be made in such a short time as five month unless it is a fantacy. But then again sometimes with a lot of effort , luck, falling down and getting back up, fanatcies do come true mine did. But I didn't make that decesion on the spur of the moment it took about three years and several trips, along years of building a retiement

[ray23]

Seems to me she can gain alimony for herself/child. Not familiar with yank law, but if she has citizenship.....I'd say he's fked.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

On the legal side of things I think he would be better off here. Each state differs in it's devoirce laws, but any court there is going to not only look at the time she has been in the states and the length of the marriage that was 12 years. Child custody as a norm goes to the mother. Alimony maybe not, my understanding is the job she has is under the table money that can be proved and one area that will get her lot of truble. America doesn't take cheating on taxes lightly.

If it were me and I cared about my daughter, as I believe this guy does. I would have her on a plane heading back to Thailand very quickly and I wouldn't say a word to the wife about it. No devoirce yet no child custody decided. If he waits to long temporary court orders can be issued to stop that. But I don't think it has got to that point yet.

Thailand deviorce law is much favorable to men then women, he stand a much better chance of getting custody of his daughter here then there. The Thia law is a community property situation which earns basicaly 50 /50 He has two causes of actions here in his favor and none there. One is abandoment, but the real meat is in she embarrased him.

He would more then likey loose the house unless he could get the court to award it to the daughter, or perhaps he has a good lease to protect himself I don't know.

In any event he can support himself and his daughter here on his retirement he can not do that in the states.

Darn guys I didn't think I had any idea to offer my friend I guess I did.

All and all this guys best bet for protection of himself and his daughter is right here. Thanks for getting the grey matter working agian.

[TRIPxCORE]

I'm willing to bet that she never really loved the guy in the first place and that is why it was so easy for her to leave him for someone else. She stayed with him to have a better life and be with someone that could take care of her. It had nothing to do with true love. Then when she met someone she actually liked or had more money, she went with him.

[fxm88]

Just heard about a guy who had lived here for twelve years five months ago took his wife and daughter to America. Reason wanted his daughter to have better schools. The wife has now spilt and living with another guy in the states.

Wow! Talk about your long cons. Most girls would have given up after a week or 2. I applaud her endurance.

[ray23]

Just heard about a guy who had lived here for twelve years five months ago took his wife and daughter to America. Reason wanted his daughter to have better schools. The wife has now spilt and living with another guy in the states.

Wow! Talk about your long cons. Most girls would have given up after a week or 2. I applaud her endurance.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Got a bit more info:

Interesting posts now is everyone sitting down the husband was 70 the new boyfriend is 63. The wife says the boyfriend is ugly and has no money. But he understands her.

Truth is this guy is just saying what she wants to hear and understands nothing. How many of us really understand our Thai wives, they are not only of the female presuasion, they have a diiferent language, different culture, different foods, and a definite different way of doing things.

I think this has more to do with not letting them know they are special, then age gaps or cultural difference's. We all get complaicent in relationships a time goes along, no matter what country we are in.

My understanding is the wifes family is really upset as this guy has helped them for 12 years, but they are here and she is there.

This one had none of the earmarks of what I'm familar with, more of human nature.

Maybe a few I love you's and you are wonderful, would have went a long way.

[Chang_paarp]

I concur.

What are the rules in the US for settlement visa's? If she did that in the UK, then, i think, she would have problems 2 years down the line getting ILR, as she wouldn't be able to show that they had been living together.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mr Bo

In Oz the departing wife has only to mention domestic violence, don't worry about proof, and her perminent res is safe, not only that she is then entitled to legal aid for the divorce, and, if not previously entitled, has acces to social security. The same network is available to departing wives in most western countries.

The first step of this is outined on the DIMA web site covering marriage visas. The rest from the experience of friends.

[britmaveric]

Just heard about a guy who had lived here for twelve years five months ago took his wife and daughter to America. Reason wanted his daughter to have better schools. The wife has now spilt and living with another guy in the states.

Wow! Talk about your long cons. Most girls would have given up after a week or 2. I applaud her endurance.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Got a bit more info:

Interesting posts now is everyone sitting down the husband was 70 the new boyfriend is 63. The wife says the boyfriend is ugly and has no money. But he understands her.

Truth is this guy is just saying what she wants to hear and understands nothing. How many of us really understand our Thai wives, they are not only of the female presuasion, they have a diiferent language, different culture, different foods, and a definite different way of doing things.

I think this has more to do with not letting them know they are special, then age gaps or cultural difference's. We all get complaicent in relationships a time goes along, no matter what country we are in.

My understanding is the wifes family is really upset as this guy has helped them for 12 years, but they are here and she is there.

This one had none of the earmarks of what I'm familar with, more of human nature.

Maybe a few I love you's and you are wonderful, would have went a long way.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow - traded in her model for a slightly younger model. Very odd indeed. How old is the wife?

[cdnvic]

He doesnt have to pay her ##### , how long have they been in the States ?

If you sponsor someone into the country then you are financially reponsible for them. If she runs up huge debts and skips on them, even divorce doesn't shield you.

cv

[solo siam]

"Imagine being in a place where eveything is clean even the roads, where people have two and three cars live in big houses, eat exotic foriegn food all the time, spend 4000 baht for dinner. "

Huh, which part of America did they go to, because on my 7-8 trips there I dont think I've seen those roads, or the people queing up to pay $100 a meal, or in fact eating exotic foreign food all the time (unless you are talking about Pizza).

I doubt she was wowed by the place, probably the exact opposite - went there expecting it to be Utopia and when it wasnt wanted to change her circumstances. Are you sure the guy didnt take her back to some trailer park and expect her to be happy and to fit in?

[meemiathai]

I'm willing to bet that she never really loved the guy in the first place and that is why it was so easy for her to leave him for someone else.  She stayed with him to have a better life and be with someone that could take care of her.  It had nothing to do with true love.  Then when she met someone she actually liked or had more money, she went with him.

Seconded

[britmaveric]

I'm willing to bet that she never really loved the guy in the first place and that is why it was so easy for her to leave him for someone else.  She stayed with him to have a better life and be with someone that could take care of her.  It had nothing to do with true love.  Then when she met someone she actually liked or had more money, she went with him.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Seconded

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hmmmm doesnt seem to be the case if you read this statement.....

Interesting posts now is everyone sitting down the husband was 70 the new boyfriend is 63. The wife says the boyfriend is ugly and has no money. But he understands her.

Edited November 15, 2005 by britmaveric

[meemiathai]

I concur.

What are the rules in the US for settlement visa's? If she did that in the UK, then, i think, she would have problems 2 years down the line getting ILR, as she wouldn't be able to show that they had been living together.

Mr Bo

In Oz the departing wife has only to mention domestic violence, don't worry about proof, and her perminent res is safe, not only that she is then entitled to legal aid for the divorce, and, if not previously entitled, has acces to social security. The same network is available to departing wives in most western countries.

The first step of this is outined on the DIMA web site covering marriage visas. The rest from the experience of friends.

I would say that the Austrailian Government is doing a good ###### job to protect human rights!!! U know what? This is happening all the time in HK. Thai wives beaten up by HK husbands but say nothing coz wanting to stay in HK.

[meemiathai]

He doesnt have to pay her ##### , how long have they been in the States ?

If you sponsor someone into the country then you are financially reponsible for them. If she runs up huge debts and skips on them, even divorce doesn't shield you.

cv

Is that the rule in Canada?

[cdnvic]

He doesnt have to pay her ##### , how long have they been in the States ?

If you sponsor someone into the country then you are financially reponsible for them. If she runs up huge debts and skips on them, even divorce doesn't shield you.

cv

Is that the rule in Canada?

In Canada the rule is three years for a spouse, 10-15yrs for other sponsored persons. I believe it's 10yrs for a spouse in the USA.

cv

[meemiathai]

He doesnt have to pay her ##### , how long have they been in the States ?

If you sponsor someone into the country then you are financially reponsible for them. If she runs up huge debts and skips on them, even divorce doesn't shield you.

cv

Is that the rule in Canada?

In Canada the rule is three years for a spouse, 10-15yrs for other sponsored persons. I believe it's 10yrs for a spouse in the USA.

cv

Thanks for the response.

But why are you staying up so late? Do you live in Thailand?

"mau nit noi" sorry.

[cdnvic]

I'm back on the west coast of Canada now, taking a day off work (1pm now).

cv