Will I Ever Be Able To Trust Her Again

[thehun1314]

I found out in last month that my long term Thai girlfriend of 6 years cheated on me while i was away working offshore, it was truly devastating. It is the hardest thing to get over and I have been searching for ways to put this behind me since, its just so hard. I think the hardest thing for me is that my girlfriend thinks that its no big deal. If we never had a kid i think i would have been off but for this reason we need to make it work. She said it was a drunking one night stand, saying it will never happen again and pretty much begged me not to leave.

Has anyone been cheated on by a Thai or Farang? and is it possible to forgive, forget & trust her again...

[Wallaby]

If it wasn't for the child I'd leave. I do think thais view sex differently to farangs but still....

I can only guess at the grief you are feeling but you are really going to have to think hard about what you want to do. There are plenty of girls to chose from or maybe just stay single for a while and have some fun.

I don't envy your position but only you can decide what you think is best. Good luck

[Rudeboy]

Hi mate sorry to here this, I was cheated on by my fahrang girl many many years ago, luckily we had no kids and although we tried to make it work the trust was gone!, I work offshore also and every time I was away I couldn't stop myself from thinking she was playing around every time I was away, this of course just led to lots of arguing and in the end I decided it wasn't going to work so called it a day, I also know of a few other people who had a similar thing happen to them and they also called it a day, some had kids involved but just couldn't get the trust back..... Your situation may be different but once the trust is gone its really hard to get back and will require a lot of work and patience from both sides.... I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.. But just remember the child is the important part and is it better to have 2 parents living apart but happy or 2parents living together but always at each others throats? only you can decide this... All the best buddy...

Rudi.

[namoi]

mate is bloody hard, try as much as you like but the dought is still there AND you will never get over it, (my personale experiance anyway) I worshipped the ground she walked on and did really try, I was workin in the mines in OZZ in single quarters so away all the time, I feel your pain mate and wish you all the best, I really do......

[sbk]

Not really family and children oriented, moving to Pub

[villagefarang]

What do you expect? Long distance relationships don’t work if you are worried about fidelity. Both of you are crazy if you think it won’t happen again, too. Being gone is being gone, regardless of the reasons. People get lonely. The only question is one of opportunity.

If you can agree to not ask in exchange for her not telling, and your ego is strong enough, then you might be able to stay together if that is so important. Just don’t leave a kid in a room with a plate full of cookies and expect them not to eat any. Especially if you are gone for any length of time.

[thehun1314]

How do you come to the conclusion this is not family and children oriented? Of course it is we are a family and my kid is involved.

Not really family and children oriented, moving to Pub

[Kadafi]

Just come back and bang a bunch of hookers to even the score abit, then continue your relationship as normal.

[hehehoho]

Difficult to trust again especially as you'll be away for long periods often. If it was me I think I'd have to finish it after giving it a go. It would play on my mind too much.

So which is more important. Your job or your family?

[champken]

You have to decide whether or not you want to have a meaningful relationship with your child, if as i suspect you do, then you will have to find a way of accommodating the child's mother into the picture even if it means living a bit of a pretend life as far as she is concerned, because believe me if you split with her then your relationship with your child will become almost non existent and that scenario would hurt you more than what your wife just has.

[fletchsmile]

Not really family and children oriented, moving to Pub

Jees sbk, that came across as brutal, although I'm sure you didn't intended it that way.

The forum does say "Marriage, family & children, and divorce in Thailand". 6 years relationship is a decent time for a relationship (even if not technically married), and OP seems to consider them as a family, plus a separation is of something that sounds like its being considered but complicated by having a child.

The family and children forum usually gives some protection and constructive advice even if not always a lot of it, and flamers usually get short shrift and bring further to support to OP.Saying it belongs in a pub, and opening it up to the wolves there is harsh if the guy's genuine.

[tigerfish]

to the OP.

just think of what a Thai guy would think and find acceptable behaviour.

there you have your answer !

glad i could have been of some help.

[DP25]

She should be at home at night taking care of the kid not going out drinking in the first place while you're off making money for your family

[maxman71]

If it was me, I'd kick her to the curb asap and never look back. No drama, no fighting, just disappear suddenly and quietly, change your SIM card to a new # and delete her's from your contact list, and block her emails, SMS', etc. Cold turkey all the way.

But that's just me. It's up to you and best of luck.

[F4UCorsair]

How did you find out? She confessed, you became suspicious, somebody dobbed her, or other?

[petertucker48]

What do you expect? Long distance relationships don't work if you are worried about fidelity. Both of you are crazy if you think it won't happen again, too. Being gone is being gone, regardless of the reasons. People get lonely. The only question is one of opportunity.

If you can agree to not ask in exchange for her not telling, and your ego is strong enough, then you might be able to stay together if that is so important. Just don't leave a kid in a room with a plate full of cookies and expect them not to eat any. Especially if you are gone for any length of time.

Good reply we are not all Saints,if you are alone for a long time a little TLC is desired sometimes but that does not mean you what the formal relationship has to finish.

Don't put too much worrying effect into it,whats it like when you are together now if you enjoy each others company just try and forgive and forget think of the future and forget this one off indiscretion.

Good luck.

[BlueSmurf]

Just come back and bang a bunch of hookers to even the score abit, then continue your relationship as normal.

As daft as this might sound it works for a lot of people..Man up! Its what they rezpect here.Treat het well but screw anything that moves..It might just work for you..Anyways nothing lost onlg gained..Good luck

[zorro1]

How do you come to the conclusion this is not family and children oriented? Of course it is we are a family and my kid is involved.

Not really family and children oriented, moving to Pub

Sounds like thats where she has been hanging out a bit. You go to work , she plays around and the kid is where?

How many other times DONT you know about?

Good luck.

[Naam]

Has anyone been cheated on by a Thai or Farang? and is it possible to forgive, forget & trust her again.

it happened to me twice. some neighbours cheated on me with their wives. i forgave and but never trusted them again

[zorro1]

Has anyone been cheated on by a Thai or Farang? and is it possible to forgive, forget & trust her again.

it happened to me twice. some neighbours cheated on me with their wives. i forgave and but never trusted them again

hope your okay naam , Try not to mow the lawns topless , its send the wrong messsage..

[F4UCorsair]

Having a kid, and working out of town, makes it difficult for you. Will she be taking care/able to take care of the kid if you split? She may not have been already if she was out drinking and got herself laid. My guess is it's not the first time.

Edited November 6, 2011 by F4UCorsair

[cardholder]

How do you come to the conclusion this is not family and children oriented? Of course it is we are a family and my kid is involved.

Not really family and children oriented, moving to Pub

Not easy to play the 'family' card when you have a long-distance relationship. How much time do you spend in Thailand with your family ?

Having had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years you should understand that their attitude to sex is one of a bodily function rather than an emotional attachment.

As an earlier poster stated - it will probably happen again. Your own words said that she wasn't bothered about it - that may be a clue for the future.

Put it behind you or move on. The kid will be looked after by the family 'Thai style' and will just lose any benefits of a multi-cultural upbringing - and, of course, a Falang wallet.

[Payboy]

saying it will never happen again

Cheating or getting caught?

[meom]

How did you find out? She confessed, you became suspicious, somebody dobbed her, or other?

Mate of mine came back from offshore and when he went down on his wife he nearly choked on a piece of condom which was left behind.

[xylophone]

Not easy to play the 'family' card when you have a long-distance relationship. How much time do you spend in Thailand with your family ?

Having had a Thai girlfriend for 6 years you should understand that their attitude to sex is one of a bodily function rather than an emotional attachment.

As an earlier poster stated - it will probably happen again. Your own words said that she wasn't bothered about it - that may be a clue for the future.

Put it behind you or move on. The kid will be looked after by the family 'Thai style' and will just lose any benefits of a multi-cultural upbringing - and, of course, a Falang wallet.

A great reply with very valid points...........can't add much apart from to quote a previous (long term) Chinese girlfriend of mine, when she said, "you own a beautiful vase which you admire greatly, then it gets broken, but is able to be fixed. However when you look at the vase you always know it's been broken and isn't really the same as before".

Good luck to the OP, a difficult position to be in.

[richard_smith237]

Only you [Op] can decide.

Can you forgive? Can you trust her while you are away next time? Might you have a continuing doubt that could tear apart your relationship anyway? If you forgive her, could this send the message that you'll forgive her if it happens again?

IMO: It's not necessary to remain together for the sake of the child, as often the relationship may degrade to such a state that any positive effect or benefit that may be afforded to the child through the best of intentions is damaged by a decaying relationship.

In this case it might be much easier on all concerned to maintain a healthy and respectable relationship through separation.

Ultimately only one person is capable of making this decision.

[PattaniMan]

If it was me, I'd kick her to the curb asap and never look back. No drama, no fighting, just disappear suddenly and quietly, change your SIM card to a new # and delete her's from your contact list, and block her emails, SMS', etc. Cold turkey all the way.

But that's just me. It's up to you and best of luck.

A Thai ex cheated on me and it took a year to realise that your advice is the only advice worth listening to.

[ExpatOilWorker]

Not really family and children oriented, moving to Pub

That was a bit brutal on the poor guy. I bet if it was a woman asking for advise, it would be very family oriented.....

[tolstoy]

If you have ever cheated on her, including rub and tugs, then why can't you forgive her. However, if you have remained totally faithful yourself, move on. Simply staying together for the sake of a child ruins three lives.

If you cannot trust someone, there is no sense being together. Relationships can surivive infidelity but it takes a strong foundation and lots of work. Not worth it for most relationships.

[skybluestu]

What do you expect? Long distance relationships don't work if you are worried about fidelity. Both of you are crazy if you think it won't happen again, too. Being gone is being gone, regardless of the reasons. People get lonely. The only question is one of opportunity.

If you can agree to not ask in exchange for her not telling, and your ego is strong enough, then you might be able to stay together if that is so important. Just don't leave a kid in a room with a plate full of cookies and expect them not to eat any. Especially if you are gone for any length of time.

As an avid reader of your magnificent BLOG VF I find this post quite amusing, didn't I read recently about your trip to Hawaii WITHOUT the wife?! You think she got lonley?