Advice? Thai Girlfriend, Next Step?

[ddye123]

I would recommend both you and your fiance' read Good Medicine for Thailand Fever. It will help each of you by giving you insights into each others cultures. This is where many misunderstandings lay. It is written in Thai and English. It helped me and my wife. I get nothing from this endorsement. I have recommended it to friends and relatives who have thought to get into a relationship with a Thai. Best of luck to the both of you!

[StreetCowboy]

...She needed someone to save her. I moved on.

Lucky it was just a casual affair with no real attachment, eh?

SC

[Ndeep]

I have seen a lawyer about a pre-nup its in the works.....

Lizlemon,

I'm not getting married at the moment, but it has been something I've thought could happen down the road, and I'm in a similar situation to you in age, professional work, etc.

If you don't mind sharing I was curious as to the cost to get the pre-nup and what types of terms regarding your future earnings? I'm guessing since everything you have before the marriage is yours, you only need to protect future earnings?

Thanks.

[DentBalmer]

Listen to your heart!

[andyko]

good advice, thanks

by nature I have always kept my guard up the pre-nup is good advice I think I will got this route.

i do believe there are many "good" thai women, i think western men need to remember not to wear their hearts on their sleeves and not to put all the cards on the table by flashing cash and giving the appearence their is a endless supply? i think many thai believe that western men have endless supplies of currency because when your in Thailand things are cheap, your on vacation and we have credit if needed? i think it sends the wrong signals possibly?

aside from the cultural learnings our relationship has progessed how many do in the west, with abundance of caution on my end.

the fiance has always beem upfront and makes what she says is a adequate wage by thai standards to support a child and her mother and father they live comfortably but definately middle class and she is responsible for her family etc financially which is ubderstandable.

one thing she has mentioned is that many thai women are in preference to western men for security and monogamy whereas thai men more often than not take additonal wives or girlfriends and have limited emplyment and income prospects etc.

You seem to have it all sorted, have a great life !!

ironic?

[alexth]

Marriage after an online relationship? I wouldn't, but that's just me. All the best to you anyway

[lyne55]

some thoughts for OP:

Agree with previous posters, no sin sot should be asked.

- from your description, almost everything seems fine. Except her best friend. Where did they meet each other? If she keeps her as a best friend, it suggests that she considers going with farangs for money is acceptable if someone needs money. I would try to know a bit more about her past. At this point I would like to say that she may have been working in the trade for a short time (pun), but I also want to say that many ex-bargirls make great wives, no worries. No, my thought is if she thinks going with farangs for money is acceptable, what else does she consider acceptable when someone is out of money?

- search for potential problems within the family and closest friends

Problems in Thailand mostly come in the form of money drains. Check out the parents, the cousins, the "sisters", the nephews, etc. Does everyone have a home, power, motorcycles and maybe a car? Anyone in poor health? Who has got a small farm or is renting land from a landlord to grow crops? Does someone like gambling? Are the any young nephews with trendy haircut and piercings?

- where does she live? who takes care of her son when you are together? is she a loving mother?

- you are in your 30ies and I imagine you want to continue your 'professional' activity. Chances are, you earn much more than her and most of your income is still to come, as opposed to 50+ pensioners who already earned most of their money. In your case, the legal Thai marriage could be a problem because in case of a divorce you would have to split any gains achieved during marriage 50-50.

I would suggest a prenup. Also, do not buy anything in your wife's name, or if you do, make sure there is a document saying the property is being financed 50-50 between you and her (since she is working).

I reckon it might be difficult to say that you want a prenup, but she's studied and knows it exists, maybe if you get talking about the subject of finance management in marriage, she will eventually offer a prenup without being asked, and you will only have to approve.

If I was in your shoes, I would probably do some more things to make sure I can trust her. For example, trust her with about 250.000 baht with instructions to keep the money on her account until you will need it, for example in preparation of the wedding or something.

You will see if you get any requests to use the money for something else or if the parents suddenly feel the need for sin sot.

This has got to be one of the best answers I have read on the website yet. Ive been here 7 months only, But do know a little about thai life and ladies. It takes ages and ages to learn things and the cultural differences. I too have a thai GF, admitingly only for 7 months so far. It sounds like the OP has it all sorted, just wanting some farang input and rightly so. I couldnt agree more with this answer though. So SO right.

[aussiebebe]

I just wanted to chip in with my experience of having two Thai step-kids and warn the OP about rushing into marriage unless he's thought it through. You can't just magically love other people's children and your wife's relationship with her her son is longer and deeper than with you; if you can accept that she'll unconditionally love her son (rightly so, of course!) then consider how the balance of power in the relationship will alter long-term as her son moves into adulthood and beyond, it's not a pleasant or easy experience often even for biological parents. Most parents find they have a much more balanced relationship with their children only when they are well into adulthood.

You don't mention her son's age but other people's teenagers and young adults come with their own history of culture, values and of course in this case, language. Taking a long-term view, you see that you'll always be playing second fiddle - fine if you can accept this, but it's quite easy to become excluded via language and cultural issues. It won't take many years of marriage for cracks to appear; minor trivial things like no whistling in the house because it 'calls the ghosts' (But I whistle when I'm happy, you'll protest to no avail), getting everything blessed like you house, car, and then of course food. People overlook how important food is, it's cultural, it bonds, it's integral. You don't notice it at first, of course, but after years, different eating habits and preferences really divide and conquer - there's only so much rice a Western can take!

[transam]

I just wanted to chip in with my experience of having two Thai step-kids and warn the OP about rushing into marriage unless he's thought it through. You can't just magically love other people's children and your wife's relationship with her her son is longer and deeper than with you; if you can accept that she'll unconditionally love her son (rightly so, of course!) then consider how the balance of power in the relationship will alter long-term as her son moves into adulthood and beyond, it's not a pleasant or easy experience often even for biological parents. Most parents find they have a much more balanced relationship with their children only when they are well into adulthood.

You don't mention her son's age but other people's teenagers and young adults come with their own history of culture, values and of course in this case, language. Taking a long-term view, you see that you'll always be playing second fiddle - fine if you can accept this, but it's quite easy to become excluded via language and cultural issues. It won't take many years of marriage for cracks to appear; minor trivial things like no whistling in the house because it 'calls the ghosts' (But I whistle when I'm happy, you'll protest to no avail), getting everything blessed like you house, car, and then of course food. People overlook how important food is, it's cultural, it bonds, it's integral. You don't notice it at first, of course, but after years, different eating habits and preferences really divide and conquer - there's only so much rice a Western can take!

Tend to agree.