Dating An Older Thai Woman

[kw85]

I've been seeing a Thai woman who's a little bit older than I am..I'm 25, she's 31. I met her five months ago, and everything is going well for the most part. She doesn't really give me any problems...a little jealous, but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have), funny, good looking, near perfect body, and a pretty calm personality. The problem is that she has twin sons (3 y.o.) from a previous marriage. That's my only issue. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet, but I also don't want to throw in the towel too early and regret it later on. I think it's pretty rare to find a girl like that who I can trust to not cheat on me or use me(or at least it seems like I can)and we get along really well. We broke up a few times already but ended up getting back together within a few days each time. I'm wondering if any of you have been in similar situations, and if you have any regrets or advice. Should I stick it out or just call it quits? I don't want to waste her time, but I don't wnat to call it off too early. Thanks. By the way, this is in the US, not Thailand, but she came here from Thailand.

[wamberal]

What's the problem? The fact that she is Thai, or the fact that she is older, or the fact that she has two sons?

These are all issues, of course, but I would start from the standard bread and butter aspects of any relationship. How well matched are you in terms of educational background, interests, outside relationships, attitudes towards money, etc etc. If all these things line up, then obviously the additional factors of ethnicity, age, and having kids already can be thought about. But if these standard things do not line up, then forget about the relationship.

If you are seriously contemplating a long-term relationship, you need to accept and understand her cultural background, and that includes her relationship to her parents (presumably back in Thailand). She probably has a feeling of financial responsibility towards them, and you have to either accept this, or walk away. You need to accept and value her cultural values - as she needs to accept and value yours. A lot of tolerance and mutual understanding is sometimes called for.

As for the kids, do you get along well with them? Where is the father, are there custody/visitation issues, or potential problems down the track - you need to factot this into your decision-making. Does she want to have more kids - and do you? Or conversely, has she had enough, and will you accept that?

At the end of the day, make sure that any decisions you make are based not just on the way you feel at the moment, sexual attraction, all those good things, but also the basic, long-term factors that make any relationship a success - or a failure.

I wish you well, and I hope you and she make good choices. A lot is at stake.

[tonititan]

Be prepared, you're probably going to get a bunch of nasty replies about how old 31 is in Thailand, how you should "trade her in for a younger model," and how you better not pay a dime for her family since she's 31, divorced, and has kids....and therefore worthless in the eyes of some of the people who post on this forum.

As for the kids issue, I think only you can decide if that's a deal-breaker for you. I've dated a guy with kids before, and at first I didn't mind. But as time went by, I realized how restricted my life would be, and how the life I'd have to have with him wasn't the life I wanted for myself. So now I tend to steer away from men with children, but that's just my personal preference. If you genuinely think that you won't want a long-term relationship with this woman because of her children, then the kindest thing you can do is end things now, before she and her kids get attached to you. If you think that you could be happy helping to raise her children, then there's no reason to automatically end things right now.

[GreenSnapper]

Should I stick it out or just call it quits? I don't want to waste her time

Have you ever seen a woman who would worry if she wastes your time?

So stop that white-knight attitude and act accordingly.

You are young and will probably have many options in the future. So have fun with her but at all costs, don't marry her!

[mataus101]

unless you are full prepared to love them like your own children, dont waste there time.

they will feel it if you fake it.

[ludditeman]

Thai tradition says, she should be giving you money.

Or if the thought of cash offends, lets say the flow of advantage should be going towards you.

[mataus101]

you say she complains you dont bye here enough, be careful.

broken up several times already to.

get off here and talk to her, should be able to talk about everything if she is the one.

[Hooters]

unless you are full prepared to love them like your own children, dont waste there time.

they will feel it if you fake it.

Agreed.

Dont raise the childrens hopes up by playing daddy and then do a runner, the kids will hurt.

[slapout]

Not knowing either of you personalty nor the twins, the only advice I would offer, take her home to meet your moth/father. The older generation seem to be able to sort the chafe from the grain rather quickly.

[rgs2001uk]

What happened to the father, have you heard his side of the story?

" complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have),"

Sounds like she is looking for a sugar daddy, what does she do for a living?

Personally I wouldnt get involved, too much baggage, head games etc.

[tonititan]

" complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have),"

Sounds like she is looking for a sugar daddy, what does she do for a living?

Personally I wouldnt get involved, too much baggage, head games etc.

I think the OP might have been saying that his girlfriend doesn't do that like other girls have. The sentence is a bit unclear, but that's how I interpreted it:

She doesn't really give me any problems...a little jealous, but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have), funny, good looking, near perfect body, and a pretty calm personality.

[Ulysses G.]

Sounds like she is so well behaved because of the kids. If you like her and are attracted to her and are willing to take care of the children, you might have found a good thing, but only time will tell.

[luckizuchinni]

Many years ago, I failed to move on in a relationship because I felt I was not ready to be a good father to her young daughter (who adored me, which scared me as I was afraid I could not be the father she needed and wanted).

I have regretted that ever since.

[Mirth]

VISA.

I've been seeing a Thai woman who's a little bit older than I am..I'm 25, she's 31. I met her five months ago, and everything is going well for the most part. She doesn't really give me any problems...a little jealous, but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have), funny, good looking, near perfect body, and a pretty calm personality. The problem is that she has twin sons (3 y.o.) from a previous marriage. That's my only issue. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet, but I also don't want to throw in the towel too early and regret it later on. I think it's pretty rare to find a girl like that who I can trust to not cheat on me or use me(or at least it seems like I can)and we get along really well. We broke up a few times already but ended up getting back together within a few days each time. I'm wondering if any of you have been in similar situations, and if you have any regrets or advice. Should I stick it out or just call it quits? I don't want to waste her time, but I don't wnat to call it off too early. Thanks. By the way, this is in the US, not Thailand, but she came here from Thailand.

[sbk]

" complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have),"

Sounds like she is looking for a sugar daddy, what does she do for a living?

Personally I wouldnt get involved, too much baggage, head games etc.

I think the OP might have been saying that his girlfriend doesn't do that like other girls have. The sentence is a bit unclear, but that's how I interpreted it:

She doesn't really give me any problems...a little jealous, but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have), funny, good looking, near perfect body, and a pretty calm personality.

Yes, I agree, taking the quote of context kind of changes the meaning, here is the original sentence:

"but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have)"

ie as in no arguing and no complaining

[Johnniey]

The problem is that she has twin sons (3 y.o.) from a previous marriage. That's my only issue

Stay well away - you'll regret it.

I've never met anyone who has had anything positive to say about wife with previous sons. Daughters yes.

[BRichards]

First of five months is like one day in a long relationship. Five months and you both already broke up many times> But you said you dont argue? Doesnt cheat? too early to tell and you trust haha we all did at 5 months. Special not at all no woman is special or different you will see in one year. BR

[travelmann]

Pah the fact you broke up a few times tells you al you need to know.

[DP25]

I think it's pretty rare to find a girl like that who I can trust to not cheat on me or use me(or at least it seems like I can)and we get along really well.

That's not rare at all, that's pretty normal. There is no reason for a young dude to bother with a chick that already has kids, you can meet plenty your own age who don't

[WebBangkok]

Im Married to an old Thai wife, I am 31 nd she is 35. Only a 4 years difference but I dont treat it any different to any other relationship.

You just need to treat every relationship like you would back home, as long as you dont lose your mind like some folks who come here and play by your rules then it should not be a problem.

[mca]

Many years ago, I failed to move on in a relationship because I felt I was not ready to be a good father to her young daughter (who adored me, which scared me as I was afraid I could not be the father she needed and wanted).

I have regretted that ever since.

I feel for you mate. My best pal in Thailand has been married for 12 years with a Thai stepdaughter. He came into her life when she was 5 years old. She's now 17 and worships the ground he walks on. It's a joy to see.

[kw85]

What's the problem? The fact that she is Thai, or the fact that she is older, or the fact that she has two sons?

These are all issues, of course, but I would start from the standard bread and butter aspects of any relationship. How well matched are you in terms of educational background, interests, outside relationships, attitudes towards money, etc etc. If all these things line up, then obviously the additional factors of ethnicity, age, and having kids already can be thought about. But if these standard things do not line up, then forget about the relationship.

If you are seriously contemplating a long-term relationship, you need to accept and understand her cultural background, and that includes her relationship to her parents (presumably back in Thailand). She probably has a feeling of financial responsibility towards them, and you have to either accept this, or walk away. You need to accept and value her cultural values - as she needs to accept and value yours. A lot of tolerance and mutual understanding is sometimes called for.

As for the kids, do you get along well with them? Where is the father, are there custody/visitation issues, or potential problems down the track - you need to factot this into your decision-making. Does she want to have more kids - and do you? Or conversely, has she had enough, and will you accept that?

At the end of the day, make sure that any decisions you make are based not just on the way you feel at the moment, sexual attraction, all those good things, but also the basic, long-term factors that make any relationship a success - or a failure.

I wish you well, and I hope you and she make good choices. A lot is at stake.

The biggest problem is her kids. After that, her age. Our educational backgrounds aren't exactly the same. I have a bachelor's degree, and she graduated from high school and has been taking classes at a community college. The other stuff (attitudes towards money, interests, etc.) matches pretty well. Their father is around, but he doesn't see them much. He's another story and I'm pretty sure he'll be a problem in the future...which is another thing I'm thinking about. I get along great with the kids. I asked her if she wants more kids but she doesn't really seem to be sure.

Thanks for your reply...you brought up some good points.

[kw85]

Be prepared, you're probably going to get a bunch of nasty replies about how old 31 is in Thailand, how you should "trade her in for a younger model," and how you better not pay a dime for her family since she's 31, divorced, and has kids....and therefore worthless in the eyes of some of the people who post on this forum.

As for the kids issue, I think only you can decide if that's a deal-breaker for you. I've dated a guy with kids before, and at first I didn't mind. But as time went by, I realized how restricted my life would be, and how the life I'd have to have with him wasn't the life I wanted for myself. So now I tend to steer away from men with children, but that's just my personal preference. If you genuinely think that you won't want a long-term relationship with this woman because of her children, then the kindest thing you can do is end things now, before she and her kids get attached to you. If you think that you could be happy helping to raise her children, then there's no reason to automatically end things right now.

Yeah, that's the problem with the kids...I'm pretty used to being able to do what I want and travel when I want. It's ok for now, but I don't know what it will be like later on. I mean..for now, I'm still going to do what I want to do, but after a few years it won't be so easy.

[kw85]

" complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have),"

Sounds like she is looking for a sugar daddy, what does she do for a living?

Personally I wouldnt get involved, too much baggage, head games etc.

I think the OP might have been saying that his girlfriend doesn't do that like other girls have. The sentence is a bit unclear, but that's how I interpreted it:

She doesn't really give me any problems...a little jealous, but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have), funny, good looking, near perfect body, and a pretty calm personality.

Yeah, sorry about that. I was in a hurry to finish the thread so I didn't make myself clear. We don't argue and she doesn't complain about me not buying her things. I pay for dinners and whatnot, but that's it. My last Thai gf used to complain if I asked her to pay for a 20 baht dinner for herself. I don't think it was about the money, I think she jsut wanted me to pay for everything for the point of it. I just kept thinking "oh well, this is another country, culture, etc."..At least I learned from that, though.

[kw85]

First of five months is like one day in a long relationship. Five months and you both already broke up many times> But you said you dont argue? Doesnt cheat? too early to tell and you trust haha we all did at 5 months. Special not at all no woman is special or different you will see in one year. BR

When we broke up it was mutual, calmly talking about the issues I posted about. We always just kept talking because we get along really well. Yes, I trust her more than most girls, but not completley (yet). I'm a cop and I've introduced her to a few other guys I work with. They said she seems good, and those guys are particularly good at reading people. I've spent a few years in Asia myself...I'm not expert, but it counts for something as far as understanding Thai women. I just wanted to get some advice from some old school falangs who have been living in Thailand who can share their wisdom.

By the way, "VISA" poster, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm in America now. She's a permanent resident here. Other than the fact that she's Thai and has two kids, I don't know why you assumed that she's after a visa.

[norrona]

" complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have),"

Sounds like she is looking for a sugar daddy, what does she do for a living?

Personally I wouldnt get involved, too much baggage, head games etc.

I think the OP might have been saying that his girlfriend doesn't do that like other girls have. The sentence is a bit unclear, but that's how I interpreted it:

She doesn't really give me any problems...a little jealous, but no arguing, complaining about me not paying or buying her things (like others have), funny, good looking, near perfect body, and a pretty calm personality.

Yeah, sorry about that. I was in a hurry to finish the thread so I didn't make myself clear. We don't argue and she doesn't complain about me not buying her things. I pay for dinners and whatnot, but that's it. My last Thai gf used to complain if I asked her to pay for a 20 baht dinner for herself. I don't think it was about the money, I think she jsut wanted me to pay for everything for the point of it. I just kept thinking "oh well, this is another country, culture, etc."..At least I learned from that, though.

strange you refer to dinners as 20 baht yet you are both based in America

[kw85]

Im Married to an old Thai wife, I am 31 nd she is 35. Only a 4 years difference but I dont treat it any different to any other relationship.

You just need to treat every relationship like you would back home, as long as you dont lose your mind like some folks who come here and play by your rules then it should not be a problem.

How old were you when you got married? I'm not in Thailand now, so the situation is a little different.

Johnniey- What is the problem with a girl with sons? Why do they regret it?

DP- Are you talking about Thai girls, or just girls in general? Where I am now, I think it's hard to find that.

[WebBangkok]

Im Married to an old Thai wife, I am 31 nd she is 35. Only a 4 years difference but I dont treat it any different to any other relationship.

You just need to treat every relationship like you would back home, as long as you dont lose your mind like some folks who come here and play by your rules then it should not be a problem.

How old were you when you got married? I'm not in Thailand now, so the situation is a little different.

Johnniey- What is the problem with a girl with sons? Why do they regret it?

DP- Are you talking about Thai girls, or just girls in general? Where I am now, I think it's hard to find that.

Well I have been with her for 10 years.

I met her in Sydney when I was 21 years old in Uni. We got married when I was 26 and moved to Thailand when I was 28 years old