Is Getting Your Partner Out Of Thailand The Key To A Successful Relationship

[theblether]

... maybe there should be a check-list of things to do before you take your Thai partner home.......possibly,

1. Protect your assets with a pre-nuptial agreement?

What would you put on the check-list?

Good thoughts for a new thread (if it hasn't been done before) ... want to OP it?

Should be some great ideas in the first couple of pages ... after that, most likely, they will just get interesting!

I'm a bit nervous about opening that particular Pandoras box......I think it will keep the mods busy. However I'll go do it now and suffer the consequences.......

[theblether]

... maybe there should be a check-list of things to do before you take your Thai partner home.......possibly,

1. Protect your assets with a pre-nuptial agreement?

What would you put on the check-list?

Good thoughts for a new thread (if it hasn't been done before) ... want to OP it?

Should be some great ideas in the first couple of pages ... after that, most likely, they will just get interesting!

I'm a bit nervous about opening that particular Pandoras box......I think it will keep the mods busy. However I'll go do it now and suffer the consequences.......

I've bottled it ( our Scottish contingent will know what that means ).........I fear treading on that particular path

I can imagine all the trolls stirring at the bottom of the garden at the thought of that subject.

[expatdreamer]

I've recently heard a few of my friends saying that getting your partner out of Thailand and living for a while in your own country is critical for the success of your relationship. I can see a logic in that however I have also heard of stories where doing just that has badly disrupted and destroyed some relationships that have gone well.

What's been your experience on this issue? Would you agree that people doing this have a greater chance of a long term relationship? Or does it just open a new set of problems?

I would suggest that giving your wife access to the courts in your home country would be a recipe for financial disaster, for those men in the 50% of marriages that eventually end in divorce. The odds are bad!

Yes, fully agree with this.

Recent case in point, just look at poor old "punch" at http://www.thaivisa....-and-i-know-it/

Never did hear how it ended up for "punch", but it certainly isnt a good sign when your Thai wife, after only 2 years in Australia, looks you directly in the eyes and tells you smugly she is going to take your house, and get a new rich husband to support her and her daughter. And by the way, guess how long a relationship is required to last in Oz in order for you to have to hand over half your house if the relationship goes pear shaped - wouldnt you know it, its 2 years - funny that.

And no, she wasnt an ex bar girl, she had a degree, good job, car, etc And the age difference at 17 years is a bit larger than normal for Oz standards but certainly not unworkable. Also sounded like the Thai wife really enjoyed her "girls nights out" with her Thai married girlfriends in Oz....

Hi Expat, still here. PM you.

I would add to this thread that its possible to bring a thaigirl/wife to your own country if she ticks a few boxs. Like the my first thai gf I had or met here in australia, she wanted it! wanted to addapt, love mixing with locals, eating our food, going to raves, loved movies, did not play on facebook, or watch Thai soaps and could care less about a thai contact here in oz. Some one on this thread who had a wife who was like this and she still lives in the uk. If your gf/wife is crazy about fb loves thai soaps loves herself (over the top) and spends hours taking pictures of herself, cant live with out thai food then leave her in Thailand. I know now maturity plays a big part. Thai girls at 30 are about as mature as a 22 year old westurner. So all the old thai ladies I know in my area are living happliy with there hubbies but all the 20 somthing thai girls and there hubbies are all in a mess, out root'n, gambling, sponging of there hubbies. Same old storry.

Ludditman-- everything you say is gold. I always have a good chuckle.

thanks for the update punch, and I second that one about Ludditeman

[chops]

If you take her out of Thailand, you get more competition. I'd imagine your risk of divorce goes up.

Keep her here.

[Bakeman]

Keep her where you found her. Its working for me but I made it clear before marriage that I was staying inThailand.

[theblether]

If you take her out of Thailand, you get more competition. I'd imagine your risk of divorce goes up.

Keep her here.

That seems to be a defeatist attitude......

[theblether]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

I will tell you one true story - of which I have many. My last Thai wife was quite young and very beautiful. It was few years back when I was still in reasonable shape and looked OK-ish , but of course anyone could see there was a wide age gap.

I once took her on a luxury cruise out of Singapore, and she was the only Thai lady there - one of few ladies on the cruise under 30 - and I can tell you, she dressed to kill.

A majority of the passengers were middle aged couples from Perth in Australia. We became quite friendly with a number of them, but it transpired that many took my wife to one aside and told her that they felt so sorry for her being 'saddled' with an 'old' man and that they were generally disgusted that I would have the affront to marry such ayoung girl and parade her in such a fashion. This view was coming from both men and women.

My wife thought it was hilarious as she had never heard anyone say anything like this before, as of course in Thailand, no matter what anyone thinks, they would keep it to themselves. In any case, large age differences in Asia, are pretty much accepted - not only amongst farang/Thai couples, but also with Thai/Thai marriages. It is not at all uncommon for a rich Thai man to marry a Thai woman a third of his age - as indeed was the case in Europe a hundred years ago.

The point of this anecdote is that if I had taken this particular wife to the UK, she would have become more aware that such an age difference is frowned upon in the west and this would have undoubtedly made her feel more uncomfortable s time went on. It may have eventually contributed to a break down into the marriage.

Well, it broke down anyway... but that's another story..

Personally, I have always thought that it would be a mistake to take a very young Thai wife to live with me in England for this very reason. The only one I did take was many years ago, when I was much younger and the difference in our ages was only 10 years!.....

Age.

The three letters that Western females obsess about more than any other.

It is the one thing they fear more than anything......being traded in for the younger model......it makes them sick with worry at a certain point in their lives.....

The guys on that cruise were universally jealous of you...........

The women were fearful of you, because you put in front of their husbands the one thing they could not beat..........a young thing. In their nightmares their husbands were already contemplating contacting the divorce lawyers and booking a holiday to Thailand.

I am not being misogynistic by saying this.....I know this is true as my Western girlfriends have told me repeatedly that it is true. Amusingly my first gf after my marriage broke up put it to me like this.......

" Your wife will look at me and judge ( correctly may I add ) that she is taller, more beautiful, bigger t*ts, better dressed and sexier than me......but I'm 10 years younger than she is and that wild drive her wild".

She was right.......age......the final frontier for Western women......

[flying]

That seems to be a defeatist attitude......

Not only defeatist but zero self respect/ self confidence

Also not to pick on any one post but reading through these it sure comes across

in many posts that some wives are only thought of as possession/property.

Does not seem like many consider what the wife may want in the way of a job or education opportunities

Or even what both partners decide together is best for their future.

Only what risk is posed to the owner/husband if the wife is shown a larger picture.....sheesh!

Not saying all but many IMO come across this way in these posts.

[MAJIC]

Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

this guy explains it well

If you're a normal person who came here for anything but love, you'll do fine back home with your gf/wife

But.

If you're a lowlife/faty/loser/desperate man(ie: guy in my avatar) and think you saved your thai girl from a life of misery in bars or on a farm and bring her back home. Then yes she will find better because you're not that great to begin with and were just a meal ticket anyways.

I've found the 'normal guys' get taken far more often than the 'lowlifes'.

The lowlifes are usually that bit more careful.

Or Cunning!

[theblether]

Not only defeatist but zero self respect/ self confidence

There are a few posts that indicate that as soon as the partner gets a better offer she will be off like a rocket. It's inevitable that relationships will break up due to better offers coming along but that is not unique to Thailand.

I have heard of people being taken down this road a few times, I was talking to a guy in New Zealand recently that had taken three partners ( wives ) there in the past and had been abandoned by them all.

I have also noted the "lowlife" quote above.....I don't like the phrase but I get the gist of it. I don't pretend to be an expert on Thai relationships but I have plenty of experience of women from several backgrounds. I also have several friends who continuously make the same mistakes time after time after time after time with women. So!!.......here are a couple of certainties to put in the mix when you are considering a relationship with any nationality......they should be so obvious that they shouldn't need repeating but here goes anyway.....

1. Do not lead with your heart..............unless you like getting it ripped out.

2. Do not lead with your wallet.............unless you like getting ripped off.

3. Do not promise the world.................unless you are prepared to lose it.

Those rules apply everywhere in the world.........

The pity is in Thailand not every woman is money obsessed and liable to rip you to shreds emotionally and financially, but some guys seem to insist in making promises they cannot keep.

In a lot of ways they make a rod for their own back, as they raise the stakes and expectations far too high, FAR TOO HIGH!! in relation to the expectation of the average Thai lady.

I know of one guy that bought his Thai GF a 3 million baht house and a brand new Volvo ( I don't know how much that cost ) exactly 6 weeks after meeting her. I have no doubt there are a torrent of similar stories bursting to come out from members here.

Who in their right mind would do that in the West? So why would Thailand be so different? So sticking to the topic it may well be that managing expectations would be a key to success, not only for people living here in Thailand but also for those considering relocating to their home countries.

[473geo]

It would appear we have arrived at the stage where people have turned up on this thread to voice an opinion without any personal experiences to base their comments

Take the comment about some taking their wife west for the childrens schooling........well yes......

But if the marriage fails, what, if any benefit to the children and the marriage......we need factual examples to base our judgement

[cdnvic]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

[473geo]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

suppose in your "good relationship" your wife supports you by agreeing to go to your country, then misses her family, friends, and is not enjoying her stay, but you have a job.......if you do not make the correct decision perhaps the good relationship becomes not so good, that is what I feel this thread is about, how much strain can even a good relationship take, given the immense change for a Thai wife?

I think to brush this topic aside with the same tired cliches about the possible type of people involved, is doing a diservice to those seeking genuine information

[farang000999]

Because the great majority of young, Westerm men in Thailand are not exactly the cream of the crop.

And what about the Thai men in Thailand? Are they invisible?

[cdnvic]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

suppose in your "good relationship" your wife supports you by agreeing to go to your country, then misses her family, friends, and is not enjoying her stay, but you have a job.......if you do not make the correct decision perhaps the good relationship becomes not so good, that is what I feel this thread is about, how much strain can even a good relationship take, given the immense change for a Thai wife?

I think to brush this topic aside with the same tired cliches about the possible type of people involved, is doing a diservice to those seeking genuine information

That's my whole point. These are things that rational people sort out long before any vows are exchanged. Unfortunately, many rush into marriage, often with someone they cannot communicate with at an adult level of literacy, only to find themselves stuck in a difficult situation down the road. If you aren't able to sort these things out before commiting to someone, you should be deferring that commitment until such time as you both understand and agree on what the future entails.

If you want to live with her back home, making sure to live somewhere with a sizable Thai community helps keep her from feeling lonely in her new home.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[hotandhumid]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

suppose in your "good relationship" your wife supports you by agreeing to go to your country, then misses her family, friends, and is not enjoying her stay, but you have a job.......if you do not make the correct decision perhaps the good relationship becomes not so good, that is what I feel this thread is about, how much strain can even a good relationship take, given the immense change for a Thai wife?

I think to brush this topic aside with the same tired cliches about the possible type of people involved, is doing a diservice to those seeking genuine information

That's my whole point. These are things that rational people sort out long before any vows are exchanged. Unfortunately, many rush into marriage, often with someone they cannot communicate with at an adult level of literacy, only to find themselves stuck in a difficult situation down the road. If you aren't able to sort these things out before commiting to someone, you should be deferring that commitment until such time as you both understand and agree on what the future entails.

If you want to live with her back home, making sure to live somewhere with a sizable Thai community helps keep her from feeling lonely in her new home.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

Yea like that really is going to be a prerequisite when making a big decision deciding where you are going to live when you return home. Now do we go to live somewhere where I have the best chance to find a job? Do we go and live close to my family? Do we go to live in an area that is familiar? Do we go to live somewhere where it is safe to raise children? Do we go to live somwhere that ahs affordable housing? NO NO NO....forget all of that important stuff, let's go and live somewhere where there is a 'THAI COMMUNITY' then all is good!

It really amazes me what I read on here!

[cdnvic]

All I see in that post is someone who wants everything their way and is unable to compromise for their spouse's well being. It's not like Thai communities are rare in western countries.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[SAW]

If you want to live with her back home, making sure to live somewhere with a sizable Thai community helps keep her from feeling lonely in her new home.

A sizable Thai community and a Ladbrokes Bookies where they meet up on a daily basis living on hope that the 3 o'clock at Plumpton will give them more spending money for the next few days then their friends.

[hotandhumid]

If you want to live with her back home, making sure to live somewhere with a sizable Thai community helps keep her from feeling lonely in her new home.

A sizable Thai community and a Ladbrokes Bookies where they meet up on a daily basis living on hope that the 3 o'clock at Plumpton will give them more spending money for the next few days then their friends.

It has to be a Ladbokes?

[Mobi]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

suppose in your "good relationship" your wife supports you by agreeing to go to your country, then misses her family, friends, and is not enjoying her stay, but you have a job.......if you do not make the correct decision perhaps the good relationship becomes not so good, that is what I feel this thread is about, how much strain can even a good relationship take, given the immense change for a Thai wife?

I think to brush this topic aside with the same tired cliches about the possible type of people involved, is doing a diservice to those seeking genuine information

That's my whole point. These are things that rational people sort out long before any vows are exchanged. Unfortunately, many rush into marriage, often with someone they cannot communicate with at an adult level of literacy, only to find themselves stuck in a difficult situation down the road. If you aren't able to sort these things out before commiting to someone, you should be deferring that commitment until such time as you both understand and agree on what the future entails.

If you want to live with her back home, making sure to live somewhere with a sizable Thai community helps keep her from feeling lonely in her new home.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

Yea like that really is going to be a prerequisite when making a big decision deciding where you are going to live when you return home. Now do we go to live somewhere where I have the best chance to find a job? Do we go and live close to my family? Do we go to live in an area that is familiar? Do we go to live somewhere where it is safe to raise children? Do we go to live somwhere that ahs affordable housing? NO NO NO....forget all of that important stuff, let's go and live somewhere where there is a 'THAI COMMUNITY' then all is good!

It really amazes me what I read on here!

[Mobi]

Keep your hair on my friend. You're never very far from a Thai community in the UK. just search out the nearest Thai restaurant and that will lead you to the local community.

I travelled quite extensively with one Thai wife, and wherever we went in the world we found Thais - sometimes in the most unlikely places, once even near the top of a mountain in the rockies.

if your wife is looking for Thais, she will always hunt them out wherever she is...

[Johnniey]

I've recently heard a few of my friends saying that getting your partner out of Thailand and living for a while in your own country is critical for the success of your relationship.

Not true - maybe your friends should learn about the Thai culture.

[stoneyboy]

If you want to live with her back home, making sure to live somewhere with a sizable Thai community helps keep her from feeling lonely in her new home.

A sizable Thai community and a Ladbrokes Bookies where they meet up on a daily basis living on hope that the 3 o'clock at Plumpton will give them more spending money for the next few days then their friends.

So true.

[farang000999]

I've recently heard a few of my friends saying that getting your partner out of Thailand and living for a while in your own country is critical for the success of your relationship.

Not true - maybe your friends should learn about the Thai culture.

You guys always attribute everything to "Thai Culture"... I can go to Comptom, USA and see a bunch of people living on the streets and shooting up crack... is that American culture? In Beverly Hills they drive 200k cars.. Is that also American Culture?

Some Thai ladies, especially those whom married men much older than themselves may have these bad characteristics, but stop trying to pass this off as "culture" or paint everyone with the same brush.

[theblether]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

Quite frankly you've nailed it..........

[theblether]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

suppose in your "good relationship" your wife supports you by agreeing to go to your country, then misses her family, friends, and is not enjoying her stay, but you have a job.......if you do not make the correct decision perhaps the good relationship becomes not so good, that is what I feel this thread is about, how much strain can even a good relationship take, given the immense change for a Thai wife?

I think to brush this topic aside with the same tired cliches about the possible type of people involved, is doing a diservice to those seeking genuine information

Fair point however if the relationship is incompatible from the get go then moving country won't help.......however I do take your point, the topic is about the benefits of moving overseas.

So your both right

[jambco984]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm.

Kilts, whisky and Haggis?

Ahhh Kilts, whisky and Haggis

My three favourite new born baby names.

[theblether]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm.

Kilts, whisky and Haggis?

Ahhh Kilts, whisky and Haggis

My three favourite new born baby names.

I stepped off the aircraft last week and made my way to a Glasgow Chip shop where I sated my desire for a deep fried haggis supper.

Note to self........if I ever want to have a successful relationship don't take my Thai lady to a Glasgow Chippie.

[Ijustwannateach]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

Quite frankly you've nailed it..........

Agreed. Most of the problems with relationships of foreigners in Thailand are problems with RELATIONSHIPS, not problems with Thailand. And woe to those who offer advice, because it will be ignored and you will be punished for it- right up to the moment they suddenly see the light, and then start wondering why no one warned them.

[MAJIC]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

I will tell you one true story - of which I have many. My last Thai wife was quite young and very beautiful. It was few years back when I was still in reasonable shape and looked OK-ish , but of course anyone could see there was a wide age gap.

I once took her on a luxury cruise out of Singapore, and she was the only Thai lady there - one of few ladies on the cruise under 30 - and I can tell you, she dressed to kill.

A majority of the passengers were middle aged couples from Perth in Australia. We became quite friendly with a number of them, but it transpired that many took my wife to one aside and told her that they felt so sorry for her being 'saddled' with an 'old' man and that they were generally disgusted that I would have the affront to marry such ayoung girl and parade her in such a fashion. This view was coming from both men and women.

My wife thought it was hilarious as she had never heard anyone say anything like this before, as of course in Thailand, no matter what anyone thinks, they would keep it to themselves. In any case, large age differences in Asia, are pretty much accepted - not only amongst farang/Thai couples, but also with Thai/Thai marriages. It is not at all uncommon for a rich Thai man to marry a Thai woman a third of his age - as indeed was the case in Europe a hundred years ago.

The point of this anecdote is that if I had taken this particular wife to the UK, she would have become more aware that such an age difference is frowned upon in the west and this would have undoubtedly made her feel more uncomfortable s time went on. It may have eventually contributed to a break down into the marriage.

Well, it broke down anyway... but that's another story..

Personally, I have always thought that it would be a mistake to take a very young Thai wife to live with me in England for this very reason. The only one I did take was many years ago, when I was much younger and the difference in our ages was only 10 years!.....

Age.

The three letters that Western females obsess about more than any other.

It is the one thing they fear more than anything......being traded in for the younger model......it makes them sick with worry at a certain point in their lives.....

The guys on that cruise were universally jealous of you...........

The women were fearful of you, because you put in front of their husbands the one thing they could not beat..........a young thing. In their nightmares their husbands were already contemplating contacting the divorce lawyers and booking a holiday to Thailand.

I am not being misogynistic by saying this.....I know this is true as my Western girlfriends have told me repeatedly that it is true. Amusingly my first gf after my marriage broke up put it to me like this.......

" Your wife will look at me and judge ( correctly may I add ) that she is taller, more beautiful, bigger t*ts, better dressed and sexier than me......but I'm 10 years younger than she is and that wild drive her wild".

She was right.......age......the final frontier for Western women......

How strange you should mention that blether. "being traded in for younger model" I used to say that to my Ex English wife,in a joking manner,and of course in better times,before the eventual divorce.Of course at the time,the very thought had never been my intention.

I always wondered if she thought I had planned to be married to a younger women all along,but I never asked her! And I don't suppose her new older husband would appreciate the irony either.