Romance In Isaan

[cardholder]

I should start this post by saying that I'm gay and have an Isan partner... but I think many of the conditions are the same.

If they ask for money at the beginning, back off; they'll go on asking money for the rest of your relationship. Sin sod is very often a fake. I know of one case where the wife's mother provided large amounts of cash which the son-in-law dutifully gave back to her.

What counts most is compatibility. Not "do you have good sex?" but "can you get along well together in the ordinary events of daily life?" How do you find out? Well, you take your time. Maybe you stay together in a husband-and-wife situation for a few months; maybe you go off and live in a non-tourist area for a time. BUT you keep away from her (his) family, and let them interfere later if they want to. If they're decent people, they won't.

I'm a lot older than my partner, and sex has never been a major factor. We've now lived together for twelve years, and we're still good friends. And we never quarrel about money. My in-laws are dear old illiterate Thai/Khmer village people who've never asked me for a satang.... and they are now pushing us to go to Ho Chi Minh City to register a civil partnership and make it official. I don't think they know what it means, but they're the ones who want their son to be happy and settled in life.

Forget "Thai wives do this...." or "Thai wives do that....". Your prospective wife is unique, and if you don't think so, why are you thinking about marrying her?

IB - I think the 'conditions' are actually a little different

The civil partnership is actually quite important.

'We' Falangs are usually older than our chosen companions and, statistically, are likely to die first. Marriage/Civil partnerships give our partners greater security - in the case of us Brits the bereavement/pension benefits can be quite valuable.

I would agree, CH, that the civil partnership is actually quite important, but I don't think my old dears have a clue about that.

One point I wanted to make clear (and didn't) is that if the MIL is greedy, chances are that the son/daughter will be greedy too.

I agree about the MIL - many children are driven by the attitude of the mother (always the 'boss' of the family).

Mine has never been greedy - I bung her 500 baht a month and have contributed small amounts for house improvements. I have never been asked for more.

[isanbirder]

I agree about the MIL - many children are driven by the attitude of the mother (always the 'boss' of the family).

Mine has never been greedy - I bung her 500 baht a month and have contributed small amounts for house improvements. I have never been asked for more.

I think, in fact, CH, you and I, who've both been here for some years, and seen a lot of successful and failing partnerships, would agree on a lot of things.

First principle, use your loaf. A lot of people come here, get lots of easy sex, and let their genitals dictate their actions. It doesn't work. Thai villagers may not be 'eddicated', but they're no fools.

I laid down principles of what I was prepared to pay for, e.g. nothing for funerals, but I will always help with hospital payments (I paid for a hysterectomy for MIL, which was probably the cheapest gift I've ever given, when you consider the aftermath). I do not give money to monks (if my partner wants to, that's his business). It's not my religion; why should I pay for it?