Serious Question About Relationship With Thai Gf, Serious Replies Please.

[ShanePashen]

OK

Not sure the Farang pub is the right forum for this, but I'm going to give it a shot.

If replies can be reasonably serious I would appreciate it.

I'm pretty new and green to this, so I'm just gonna let it all go.

I was introduced to a thai girl through a friends Thai wife.

After much correspondence we met, and had 16 glorious days together.

There is 16 yrs age difference between us. 46 me 30 her.

She Is from Isaan originally

As far as i know, although she works in Patong, but has no affiliation with the sex industry.

We have talked about her past relationships, including one with a Farang, thsat didn't work out, seems he didn't treat her very well.

I don't care about her past anyway, we all have one that's for sure.

She works in a reputable Spa, i have seen this.

I would like to see a future, meaningful, long term relationship with her, she tells me the same thing.

From my perspective I felt we got on fantastic, she tells me she loves me.

She is also happy to not have any children, i have 3 from my only marriage.

OK this is bit is difficult,because there is emotion involved

Besides my gut feeling,

How can I test that I am the only one in her life?

Are there any clues or things I could or should be doing.

I have come to realise there is vast cultural differences between westerners and Thai women.

I have read some of Stickmans reader submissions, and they seem to be having a bad effect on my brain.

The more I read, the less trustworthy I feel about Thai womenI am feeling in a state of uncertainty & confusion.

I do know I want her, but hard for me to fathom what she sees in me, I am no oil painting!

I also am not wanting to be one of her many Farang, if indeed there are many, maybe there are none.

She hasn't asked me for any money

I was there until new year, going back in 20 days for 16 days!!

That's about it.

Let me have it, and I'll take it like a Bangla rd ladyboy

[StreetCowboy]

If I were you I'd not get too carried away until you trust her.

Until that time, why bother with "tests"?

SC

[CARLIN]

Serious replies,

Brace yourself

.

[DocN]

Find a balance between heart, brain and ...ahm..you know.

Otherwise: kiss your money goodbye!

Oh...and NEVER expect logic!

[dean999]

She is only after your money........RUN. Just kidding.

You have only been with her for a short time. Take it easy and see how it goes. You seem to be stressing out. Chill.

Thailand is a country to enjoy yourself. Have fun and if doesn't go anywhere, so what.

[colinp]

You need to spend time 'with' her. The more time you spend the better you know her. Treat this relationship exactly as you would 1 in your home country. Go slow, don't rush into anything.

[ludditeman]

Enjoy yourself and keep your hand on your wallet.

I never met any Thai lady that ever worked in the sex industry, even those I met in a brothel, it was their first night.

Get a grip man

[ShanePashen]

Look I certainly have a grip, and she certainly deserves all my dignity and respect, until proven otherwise.

But from my limited experience, i believe it's not uncommon for Thai women to have more than one ex pat boyfriend.

Who believes he is the only one in their lives, I guess as for those of us with jobs, it's hard to spend more than a 2 week block in the short term.

I would be be very unhappy if i was to find i am one of the ones on rotation. Waiting for my "turn" to come up.

have no cause to believe this, but I am not totally naive either.

It's just nice to know where you stand, especially if you are looking at a ore committed long term relationship.

i also imagine it would be very easy to keep stringing several guys along as long as dates didn't overlap.

I guess like anything in life it's all down to trust.

[ludditeman]

Most attractive respectable Thai girls have multiple boyfriends

They have sex with them all, and accept gifts from all..

It's just the way it is.

This is the country of cheap, casual and easy sex.

From the very highest levels of society, down to the workers on the far.

Now

Your girl works in an area where sex workers abound.

And was born in a region that supplies many of the sex workers.

Why reason do you have to think she isn't a sex worker, bar-girl, freelancer, go-go girl, etc.

How long after you met her did she have sex with you?

Assume every other foreign guy she met received the same 'attentions'

Please

Enjoy your time with her, and forget your western ideas of honesty, fidelity and exclusive use.

Edited February 13, 2012 by ludditeman

[sbk]

You need to spend time 'with' her. The more time you spend the better you know her. Treat this relationship exactly as you would 1 in your home country. Go slow, don't rush into anything.

Best, sanest and most sensible advice yet. You most likely wouldn't consider a long term relationship with a woman you have only know for 16 days back home, why would you do any differently in Thailand?

[rusty1976]

How can I test that I am the only one in her life?

To answer this specific part of you question:

There are some things you can do to find out if she is stringing a few farang along,...

Go through her phone, if she is ducking off to the dunny and keeping her phone close by, then you can bet something is up... ask her if you could use her phone as your's has run out of credit.. or you need to use the Calc on it, then flick though her contacts and see how many international numbers are in it...

If you are going to get very serious, 'Make Visa' and look at marriage down the track, you can hire someone to do a background check on her, there are professional services available on this. You will be able to find out if she has ever had a kid, been married, has a thai man hidden somewhere, who she call's, but this will cost $$. I believe they even do phone taps! I guess the question you have to ask yourself is why would you even go to this level, if there is no trust there then don't bother...

Before you talk about getting too serious have a few trips over to thailand, get to know her better...

I have lost count of the amount of thai girls telling me they miss me and love me, don't listen to it as they all say it after spending a few days together.

All the best.

[transam]

Sorry chum but don't be blinkered. I would wager that she has baggage that will come to the fore once you are committed. Take it easy, take your time and please read between the lines, dismiss nothing.

[StreetCowboy]

Why not bring her over to your country for a few weeks? The flight costs the same.

SC

[ludditeman]

One thing I forgot to ask.

How did she get to spend 16 days with you?

Thai people with respectable jobs can rarely get time off work, especially at short notice.

They often work long hours for 6 days a week.

However

Sex workers can stop and start work whenever they like, to fit in with 'customers' needs.

Edited February 13, 2012 by ludditeman

[dean999]

No trust = no relationship. Thats how i was brought up.

But there is a little grey area. When it comes to money, i trust no-one. Not even my own parents. When money is involved, greed is not far behind.

Good luck whatever you do.

[tolstoy]

What a very cynical bunch.

I am glad that none of my experiences or any of the Thai people I know resemble anything that has been portrayed.

OP, the bottom line is that you are starting a relationship with doubt and insecurity. Get out now. It will not end well. Bottom line is don't ever date a Thai woman that has had other foreign boyfriends. They have an agenda. The best bet is to find a woman in your own country. Dating across borders is nothing but bad news.

[transam]

What a very cynical bunch.

I am glad that none of my experiences or any of the Thai people I know resemble anything that has been portrayed.

OP, the bottom line is that you are starting a relationship with doubt and insecurity. Get out now. It will not end well. Bottom line is don't ever date a Thai woman that has had other foreign boyfriends. They have an agenda. The best bet is to find a woman in your own country. Dating across borders is nothing but bad news.

, This is a Thai forum for farangs, think you've joined the wrong club.

[tolstoy]

Very ethnocentric of you transam.

I thought it was a forum for people who wanted to discuss issues relating to Thailand regardless of ethnic background.

Just because you and other members are cynical whore chasers and associate with gold digging sluts doesn't mean that is even close to representative of Thai woman or culture.

[ShanePashen]

Very ethnocentric of you transam.

I thought it was a forum for people who wanted to discuss issues relating to Thailand regardless of ethnic background.

Just because you and other members are cynical whore chasers and associate with gold digging sluts doesn't mean that is even close to representative of Thai woman or culture.

Tolstoy that is absolute Gold

SC I have recently tried to bring her to my country to see if she could adapt and like it here.

However my country's immigration Dept, had other ideas about that and rejected her visa application. We plan on retrying at a later date.

Ludditeman, you make a valid point, she was between jobs at that point.

And yes I subsidised everything as well.

i AM TRYING TO KEEP IT ALL IN PERSPECTIVE. feel I don't want to be used, played or even look a fool in my own mind.

. She really does seems a good girl

I will see her very soon and hopefully more layers will be revealed, i have no problem contacting her whenever i want, and talk to her daily basis.

[gamini]

Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Could you honestly easly find the same aged pretty girl in your own country who would fall in love with you? If not then you better be careful.

[ShanePashen]

Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Could you honestly easly find the same aged pretty girl in your own country who would fall in love with you? If not then you better be careful.

Mate I don't have to look in the mirror to give you that answer!

Yes I know, I have to be careful.I know..Theres no fool like an old fool!

But I still believe I can pursue this.

[onionluke]

I was going to say something about atache cases full of dollar bills and the setting alight of said atache cases with fire in the presence of your new schneck , with the admission from yourself that , " that was the lot " followed by the question " Does thee love me still ? ".

But I will just say , go on enjoy life , who knows ?

[maccaroni man]

imo immigration has a pretty good read on a womans situation and if you are thinking in long terms why not accept their professional opinion? Dont get me wrong they are not 100% i have seen many sex workers approved and some nice ladies rejected but on the whole when you ask are you the only one, it is not likely.

[Ijustwannateach]

This thread, whether troll or not, is a good example of why those who don't live here shouldn't have LTRs (long term relationship) here. The odds are off to begin with (spa worker, Patong, previous connection with foreigner, 16 year age difference, met on a whirlwind tourist holiday), and it somehow matters to you already whether she is going to be 'faithful'? And already you are looking into bringing her to your country? And you think she is a good pick as a 'good girl?' Oh, dear.

[4evermaat]

There is so much variety, from the bar girl all the way to the bank teller who hopes to get lucky with foreigner after working hours. Most of the women i met in patong were pretty honest about what they wanted.

As a general rule, some girls will will even introduce you to someone more likely to fit what you want. Takes a little face time and hanging with locals. Most importantly be honest with yourself and what you want, and avoid passing judgement prematurely. I was surprised how many times i was turned down because i was "too young". An older man with a pension and lower sex drive was sometimes preferred. the women who spoke lesser english (or no english) and were a bit more shy initially are most likely better candidates for grab and go back to home country. But you'd need to become fluent in thai to make that work.

"2nd best time to plant a tree is today." Sent from ThaiVisa app.

[IanForbes]

There has been good advice here, but it is easy to be cynical. We've all seen what happens far too often. But, that doesn't mean a good romance CAN'T happen. I know of at least 4 bar girl + older farang marriages that have worked out very well. Most women are nesters... meaning they want a home and family. Men are the romantics who believe in love and passion. There is an old saying that SOMETIMES holds true... You can take the gal from the bar but you can't take the bar from the gal. That mostly applies to young, very attractive women who have many men begging at their feet. Those women get a sense of power over men and it's intoxicating to them. They don't want to give it up. Then, there are the older women in their thirties and fourties who know their time is limited. They very often make good partners and are often very honest and reliable. Bar girls have been stung so many times that their feelings have become hardened and it takes time to break down the barriers.

Now, that is just a general statement. There are exceptions to everything.

I only look at one factor and that is am I enjoying myself and does my partner enjoy herself. If you are at all wise to other people then it's quite obvious when someone is putting on an act. Don't spend more than you can't afford to lose and walk away from with your head held high. There is a price and a cost to everything we do... and that includes emotions. Let it ride, take a chance and enjoy life as it comes. Nothing ever stays the same and it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

[necronx99]

I would only offer that you need to be brutally honest with yourself.

Blind date turns into 2 week romance, not likely.

You want the company of something perhaps a little hotter and younger than you could reasonably expect to pick up back in (Oz?)

She wants money, security and perhaps a way out of Thailand and the life she has.

These two objectives are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Most relationships founded on love and romance fail. Fact.

Many of these types of relationships can work. Protect yourself and your assets (for decades, take a long view of this) and see how it works out.

[thrilled]

you can always hire A private detective agency.

[David48]

Why not bring her over to your country for a few weeks? The flight costs the same.

SC

Actually, this how we first met Shane in this post ...

please-help-failed-676-visa-application-despair-has-set-in-what-next

---

[monty1412]

What a very cynical bunch.

I am glad that none of my experiences or any of the Thai people I know resemble anything that has been portrayed.

OP, the bottom line is that you are starting a relationship with doubt and insecurity. Get out now. It will not end well. Bottom line is don't ever date a Thai woman that has had other foreign boyfriends. They have an agenda. The best bet is to find a woman in your own country. Dating across borders is nothing but bad news.

Tolstoy.. do actually read what you write... claiming that everyone is very cynical then following up by the most cynical post in the thread..... the OP likes the girl but being cautious and asking question... not sure that advice to date woman back in home country is relevant and certainly not answering his question.

To give an analogy.. if I ask you how much is a bottle of Pepsi... don't give me answer that i shouldn't buy Pepsi buy Coke instead.

It doesn't answer the question and just annoys the person who asked the question in the first place.

OP.. allot of what has been posted apart from Tolstoy's response IMO is good stuff. I think its right to be cautious same as you would in every start up relationship but be aware that if you start on a quest to find out things about her and investigate every little thing and look for certain actions or stances then you probably will change the way you feel about the girl not so much from what you do or dont find out but purely because you are doing it.

Just go with the flow and enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you. But just be aware of some of the points that have been posted. Be wary of any need for semi frequent visits back home or to monastery/ temple for extended stays.... could be an indicator of another man on the scene.

With money.... your obviously not a fool so don't do foolish things... also be cognisant that part of the attraction that Thai girls have for franag is that they can offer them a better life so while yes money isn't everything it is a part of their thinking same as it is by the way with girls back home.

good luck, i hope it works for you.... biggest thing is have fun together.. let her take you to where she eats and try the food.. live a little through her eyes and get some Thai experience... it will only help you in both your understanding of her and your understand of yourself and your feelings toward her.