Serious Question About Relationship With Thai Gf, Serious Replies Please.

[Ulysses G.]

you can always hire A private detective agency.

Stickman comes to mind.

[tolstoy]

Monty. My point was that he only visits here once a year for 2 weeks. That isn't the best situation for a stable relationship. It is better not to get involved at all long term if he doesn't plan on living here. If she is willing to give her life her totally after knowing a guy for two weeks, she isn't the best choice for a partner. Taking huge steps like that shows signs of desperation and naivety.

Since she was denied a visa, most likely she will not be issued one later. It is very hard to get a visa if you are denied one time. I know a guy who married a Thai woman and she was refused a visa to the US before they were married when she dated another guy. Even though she is married now, she was denied again. She even owns her own business.

The way to avoid private detectives and mistrust at the start of the relationship is simple have her get a landphone. You cannot take it with you if you slip out of town can you. It is not intrusive or blatant. It is cheaper to make calls from internationally and the signal is better.

Necronx99 "Most relationships founded on love and romance fail. Fact."

Opinion. There is now clinical way to study that. However if you stated that without a combination of love and similar life goals, I would agree with you. But stating that relationships that are started out by falling in love fail is quite farcicle.

My real advice is to try and find a woman from similar economic background. The cultural differences you find will not be as severe from similar social classes to your own. If you are from a rural area and parents were farmers, you will have not as many problems with a local issaan girl as a NY city lawyer. There are a lot more middle class families in Thailand than 10 years ago. There are also many women in their 30's-40's with advanced degrees even from western universities that have never found what they wanted in a partner.

Enjoy your time with this woman. Build a good friendship and when you are here enjoy that time. Don't invest your entire life in a woman that you have known for 2 weeks. Do not feel obligated to improve her quality of life. Unless that is your agenda in relationships.

[backsoon]

1.Go-go bar, massage, spa, hair salon in this descending order = some relation to professional services.

2.Most people have secrets in their closets. Look at contradicting signs: income, lifestyle, posessions.

3.Great difference in income is a bad thing - you'll never know if its love or money.

4.Beware of thinking more with your loins than head - all men are prone to this.

5.'Cultural' differences are less important than educational levels. A simple mind will always be there.

6.Sex skills we all like, but it usually comes from experience (past). And do not think you'll change her.

Well, I've tried to be serious. Most people give you here their genuine advice. Take it, but do your own thinking,- the matter is a serious one. The only thing I reject in many posts is the term 'Thai women'. It is a fallacy. They are no better or worse than American, Russian, Latin, etc. Good luck, but I do not believe it

[poanoi]

Why not just carry on as is a couple of years ?

by that time you will have some form of clue, and so will she, if you want to live together happily ever after

[ludditeman]

Monty. My point was that he only visits here once a year for 2 weeks. That isn't the best situation for a stable relationship. It is better not to get involved at all long term if he doesn't plan on living here. If she is willing to give her life her totally after knowing a guy for two weeks, she isn't the best choice for a partner. Taking huge steps like that shows signs of desperation and naivety.

I met and married a girl within 3 weeks (20 years younger than me), we have been married 2 years and have a baby.

But if I wasn't here full-time, it would never have worked.

[transam]

Monty. My point was that he only visits here once a year for 2 weeks. That isn't the best situation for a stable relationship. It is better not to get involved at all long term if he doesn't plan on living here. If she is willing to give her life her totally after knowing a guy for two weeks, she isn't the best choice for a partner. Taking huge steps like that shows signs of desperation and naivety.

I met and married a girl within 3 weeks (20 years younger than me), we have been married 2 years and have a baby.

But if I wasn't here full-time, it would never have worked.

Remember the old saying, ''When the cat's away the mice will play'', l know a few mice though l would rather call them rats.

[monty1412]

Monty. My point was that he only visits here once a year for 2 weeks. That isn't the best situation for a stable relationship. It is better not to get involved at all long term if he doesn't plan on living here. If she is willing to give her life her totally after knowing a guy for two weeks, she isn't the best choice for a partner. Taking huge steps like that shows signs of desperation and naivety.

Since she was denied a visa, most likely she will not be issued one later. It is very hard to get a visa if you are denied one time. I know a guy who married a Thai woman and she was refused a visa to the US before they were married when she dated another guy. Even though she is married now, she was denied again. She even owns her own business.

The way to avoid private detectives and mistrust at the start of the relationship is simple have her get a landphone. You cannot take it with you if you slip out of town can you. It is not intrusive or blatant. It is cheaper to make calls from internationally and the signal is better.

Necronx99 "Most relationships founded on love and romance fail. Fact."

Opinion. There is now clinical way to study that. However if you stated that without a combination of love and similar life goals, I would agree with you. But stating that relationships that are started out by falling in love fail is quite farcicle.

My real advice is to try and find a woman from similar economic background. The cultural differences you find will not be as severe from similar social classes to your own. If you are from a rural area and parents were farmers, you will have not as many problems with a local issaan girl as a NY city lawyer. There are a lot more middle class families in Thailand than 10 years ago. There are also many women in their 30's-40's with advanced degrees even from western universities that have never found what they wanted in a partner.

Enjoy your time with this woman. Build a good friendship and when you are here enjoy that time. Don't invest your entire life in a woman that you have known for 2 weeks. Do not feel obligated to improve her quality of life. Unless that is your agenda in relationships.

Ok fair point Tolstoy . guess if its only two weeks a year that does make it pretty hard but Im guessing that it could become 3-4 trips peryear sort of thing if it all goes well. Thats how it started with me and now i live here...

[monty1412]

Monty. My point was that he only visits here once a year for 2 weeks. That isn't the best situation for a stable relationship. It is better not to get involved at all long term if he doesn't plan on living here. If she is willing to give her life her totally after knowing a guy for two weeks, she isn't the best choice for a partner. Taking huge steps like that shows signs of desperation and naivety.

I met and married a girl within 3 weeks (20 years younger than me), we have been married 2 years and have a baby.

But if I wasn't here full-time, it would never have worked.

Ludditeman, how many times have I told you to stop procrastinating all the time and just seize the moment.... you need to make decisosns quicketr and act on them.....

Seriously 3 weeks from first intro to marriage.... thats got to be a record.... it was in LOS correct not LOS Vegas ??

[wolf5370]

Can I suggest that you make a show of not being wealthy (even if you are) - tell her that you can only offord this or that and not the other etc. Say you can't afford such and such a restaurant so eat here etc - flashing money will attract gold diggers like flies to you know what. There is an obvious line here - she may not want to be with s deadbeat (especially if she has before - and there are plenty farang deadbeat here long term believe me!), but that doesn't mean you should throw money around (I know this can be hard when on holiday - after saving all year, throwing money around on the hols is a bit of a release and half the fun). Remember she doesn't see you at home, she only sees what you project when with her - make sure it is the real you and not some moviestar lifestyle.

Take it slow - when she says she loves you, do not necessarily take it in a western sense, it may be the only words of endearment she knows and she may be just using them to make you feel good (not necessarily for deceptive reasons - there are cutural reasons in play here too). Be nice, be positive, but that doesn't mean yu have to be overly generous - think like a relationship at home - first Chritmas/Birthday/Valentines day (today incidently ) what would you get, some chockies perhaps - not a $1000 braclet or mobile phone! Tske you time and things will become self evident.

Don't trust others to tell you truth either - even your friends (here in Thailand) will not want to give you the low down if she is, say playing around or even working nights, as this would likely upset you - those cultural niceities again. I know a guy who comes here for a few months a year. He is early 30's. He has a Thai GF who works in a bar called Foxy Lady (CM folk will likely know of it). He asked people to check that she didn't cheat on him while working at home. No one did - and no one told him. Foxy Lady is one of those places that the girls are on a quota to put out - if she works there, she is not being faithful (she is not a cleaner/DJ/bar person/etc she is a "customer greeter and entertainer").

Keep your brain on, don't believe everything (anything perhaps) you read on Stickman or T-e-a-k Door (some very bitter and twisted people there!) - use your own common sense - treat it like a quirky version of a home based relationship - and good luck.

[transam]

Can I suggest that you make a show of not being wealthy (even if you are) - tell her that you can only offord this or that and not the other etc. Say you can't afford such and such a restaurant so eat here etc - flashing money will attract gold diggers like flies to you know what. There is an obvious line here - she may not want to be with s deadbeat (especially if she has before - and there are plenty farang deadbeat here long term believe me!), but that doesn't mean you should throw money around (I know this can be hard when on holiday - after saving all year, throwing money around on the hols is a bit of a release and half the fun). Remember she doesn't see you at home, she only sees what you project when with her - make sure it is the real you and not some moviestar lifestyle.

Take it slow - when she says she loves you, do not necessarily take it in a western sense, it may be the only words of endearment she knows and she may be just using them to make you feel good (not necessarily for deceptive reasons - there are cutural reasons in play here too). Be nice, be positive, but that doesn't mean yu have to be overly generous - think like a relationship at home - first Chritmas/Birthday/Valentines day (today incidently ) what would you get, some chockies perhaps - not a $1000 braclet or mobile phone! Tske you time and things will become self evident.

Don't trust others to tell you truth either - even your friends (here in Thailand) will not want to give you the low down if she is, say playing around or even working nights, as this would likely upset you - those cultural niceities again. I know a guy who comes here for a few months a year. He is early 30's. He has a Thai GF who works in a bar called Foxy Lady (CM folk will likely know of it). He asked people to check that she didn't cheat on him while working at home. No one did - and no one told him. Foxy Lady is one of those places that the girls are on a quota to put out - if she works there, she is not being faithful (she is not a cleaner/DJ/bar person/etc she is a "customer greeter and entertainer").

Keep your brain on, don't believe everything (anything perhaps) you read on Stickman or T-e-a-k Door (some very bitter and twisted people there!) - use your own common sense - treat it like a quirky version of a home based relationship - and good luck.

Must agree with all that. I've seen too much shit over the years , more bad than good.

[colinp]

Sometimes, no matter what people say, you just have to go for it. All you need to remember is protect your assets and protect yourself. Be aware that there could be pitfalls and try not to be taken in. Although this sounds stupid and contrary to what I posted earlier, most people, even when asking for advice, have already made their minds up and don't pay attention to what advice is given.

[StreetCowboy]

Sometimes, no matter what people say, you just have to go for it. All you need to remember is protect your assets and protect yourself. Be aware that there could be pitfalls and try not to be taken in. Although this sounds stupid and contrary to what I posted earlier, most people, even when asking for advice, have already made their minds up and don't pay attention to what advice is given.

You can make a decision on a permanent relationship once you've been living together a few years, and got to know each other better,

[ShanePashen]

Yes by & large I have received some very good advice, will be keeping my eyes open and my wits about me, when I am there in a couple of weeks.

I still don't want to disillusioned with my vision of a possible future with her, she does make me very happy, and its not all about the sex either.

I would describe her as very easy going and low maintenance...So far!

.

But I think it now important to see besides the obvious physical attraction I Ihave for her.

Is there more substance to us. Our education and cultural differences are vast.

I have explained to her where I come from I am a very average man, not rich at all, I have to work hard to pay my bills, and support my children's education. Although when she questioned me, I did mention i have a nice sports car, a nice 4WD Ute, 2 motorbikes, large house with pool. And a collection of vintage guitars, one of my hobbies. All the electronic trappings of our society, from big TV's etc.etc. down to an espresso machine I paid 3 grand for. It all seems so meaningless when you see the way the Thais live and how little they have, and how happy they seem with next to nothing.

My neighbours cats also need not fear my cooking pot, only my garden hose. It things like that make we wonder if our worlds are just too different to assimilate. I mean could she be happy in the suburbs of Brisbane. would she get bored shitless, would she crave home, family.

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

My sons Tennis coaching is about that.

Like many in my age group I find myself single after some 17 years of marriage, and in all honesty I think being

single doesn't sit too comfortably with me. I have also dated some damaged middle aged western women so mercenary, they'd make a Pattaya bar girl look like an Angel. I would also mention, their opinion of themselves, didn't correlate to their looks or "sparkling personality".

Also, and I'll be quite frank here, I have found that after being with a being with a stunning 30 y.o. TGF, I don't think I can go back to that well for another drink. It has lost what little charm it had for me. I have deleted my profiles on the dating sites I was using.

I guess all I can do is go back, live in the moment, and let the next chapter unfold as it will.

[onionluke]

What kind of guitars have you got ?

[jvs]

Does she have email?Facebook?Check it out,she has already asked you for money,be very careful!

[wolf5370]

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

Sorry, this sets off all the alarm bells IMO. You stated she hadn't asked for money, now you are saying she has. 5k a month is an unskilled workers wages for a month - i.e. its like your new girlfriemd you just met at home asking you to chip in and help her parents with 2 grand a month every month (that's dollars or pounds depending where you come from - I guess Oz or USA given the vehicle types and word usage) - after just two weeks together.

This is what I call "testing the waters" - you really need to turn that test back on her and say you can't afford it - maybe after a year when your ex-wife takes less money from you (or whatever BS excuse ou think fits) - if she walks you have your answer. If you start paying that, you are foolish - how many other guys send her their 5k a months? after your investment has run a while, what when she calls in tears with a typical sick buffalo sib story - how much is too much? $1000 to get wayward younger brother off a no-helmet arrest? $3000 for mum's new hip after a fall - $10k because dad's car is finally kaput abd its a million milles across mountainous wastes to the only place that sells clean drinking water?

ding ding ding - danger Will Robinson, Danger! - hear those alarms - if she asks for money so soon, its is her goal. Guaranteed if you come here for a bit you will find better and safer options. Kaching, next please!

[ludditeman]

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

My sons Tennis coaching is about that.

Whoa, you didn't mention this before, she is a pro for sure!

This is generally called sponsorship, and it's something pros ask each of their customers for.

Now when you are in the sponsorship game the rules are entirely different.

She will be having 4-5 guys sending her money each month, plus customers she meets.

When a sponsor is in town, she can't get other customers, so she will learn to resent being with you.

Advice I always give to potential sponsors is.

DON'T DO IT!

If you want to give her, money save it all up, then give the 60kbht for the year to her WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER.

This makes you more desirable than her other sponsors, when you are with her.

Giving her money when you aren't here, is just plain stupid. She won't appreciate it, you won't get anything for it.

Edited February 14, 2012 by ludditeman

[ShanePashen]

Hang on

i am not currently sending her money.

She has asked me if when we are together, i could help out, as she helps her parents,

i understand that, it's part of the culture. they are poor rice farmers, and i'm sure many here do the same.

So if we are together fulltime, then yes it's about Aud$100-150 a mth for me

no big deal!

[ShanePashen]

What kind of guitars have you got ?

"74 les paul custom

"69 SG

Ibanez AR 500 "81

'92 Fender SRV strat original year issue,

"78 Ibanez PF400

PRS Tremonti with EMG 81's

Fender strat Japanese early 80's 62 reissue with EMG's SA's

Several acoustics all Jap dreadnoughts, all 70's or early 80's various makes. Takamine, Kasuga, Takaharu

[colinp]

Do you have friends who go to Thailand with you? Have they met her? People who know you and her will give the best advice. Most 'strangers' will assume the worst.

I don't send my girlfriends parents anything. I pay the bills. This free's up all her salary, if she wants to send money she needs to earn it. She wouldn't send my older brother/parents anything so she doesn't expect me too. Also her parents, who are rice farmers in Isaan, don't ask or expect money from me or her. Her older sisters are different mind you.

Edited February 14, 2012 by colinp

[radiola]

Patong - reputable massage salon? Yeah right, i had BJ offers in reputable massage salons. YOu must be kidding me. If she works massage, she probably did BJ before. And in Patong, that is like, huh, patong! The whore center in Thailand. I was sick when i got there. So many gold diggers everywhere

[ShanePashen]

Patong - reputable massage salon? Yeah right, i had BJ offers in reputable massage salons. YOu must be kidding me. If she works massage, she probably did BJ before. And in Patong, that is like, huh, patong! The whore center in Thailand. I was sick when i got there. So many gold diggers everywhere

Whatever mate, she works in Jungceylon BIG C Patong, massive shopping centre, large open plan Spa, with large glass windows all around, with about 20 other staff all doing Facials, massage, manicures pedicures etc. no curtains to pull around.

Yes the sex industry is big in Patong, Pattaya, or BKK., and I'm sure a million other places.

It doesn't mean every good looking Thai girl in Thailand, is a sex worker however.

But you are an expert or a troll, there'no telling you.

[radiola]

yes the troll will probably snatch your gold when you are sleeping, or gold teeth, or whatever. welcome to thailand dude, be ready to listen to soft whispers: "daddy will you take care me good" my buffalo needs medicine

[KeyserSoze01]

...

Edited February 15, 2012 by KeyserSoze01

[Will27]

To the OP

As you have applied for a visa for her, she must have a passport.

Did she already have one or did you have to get her one?

Do you know how much she earns and how much she sends

to her parents?

I have to admit there are some huge red flags here.

Regards

Will

Edited February 15, 2012 by Will27

[steelepulse]

If she's got a good job at a legitimate spa, how are you going to spend time with her when she's working 6 days a week, or is she again " in between jobs" or will her boss give her two weeks off with pay?

As others have said, she's working you as has happened to many thousands of punters who thought that theirs " was different".

[mackes]

With this circumstances you described I would say the risk is over 50%, quite a high number.

I don't support the "sneaking" approach with looking in her phone etc., if she is ok you will spoil the trust.

But if she is not OK, what she want's is your money, so be careful with what you reveals during the first year.

Take your time, don't rush. I believe by time she will reveals herself whether honest or not.

And good luck!

Edited February 15, 2012 by mackes

[tolstoy]

The thing that amazes me is the desperation. When I date a girl especially at the onset, I would never even think about marriage or living together. It just seems so rushed. Also there is no chance in hell that a normal woman would ever give up her job and go on a 2 week holiday with a guy that she just met one day before.

The other thing that I think is funny is all of the guys thinking ill of this woman's intentions. It would not surprise me if the majority of them (especially the married ones) got the occasional assistance from a working girl. Talking about the woman playing them for the money, but these guys are not being faithful to their wives and girlf friends either. Double standard?

You are not old at 40 there are plenty of good looking women in their mid 30's here that actually have something to offer more than their looks. The number of middle class women that want professionally minded men is astounding.

But as others have stated threads like this are stupid because you don't actually want advice. You are going to do whatever you planned on before you wrote one word. See you in 5 years when you start complaining that all Thai woman are gold diggers and are as jaded as every other guy on this thread.

[ShanePashen]

To the OP

As you have applied for a visa for her, she must have a passport.

Did she already have one or did you have to get her one?

Do you know how much she earns and how much she sends

to her parents?

I have to admit there are some huge red flags here.

Regards

Will

Yes I have seen her passport, she got it 5 years ago , and has never been out of Thailand.

reason why, I don't know, maybe a failed relationship that didn't work out.

she has told me she had a thing with an Irish guy that it didn't work out.,

Well things in life often don't, I'm sure there are plenty of men in my age group who could attest to that!

I mean what's the worst thing that could happen to me, I get her to Australia, I protect my assets, either binding financial agreement, locked down tight & or family trust for my house. We go our own seperate ways, life goes on for all.

she tells me she earns about 12K baht per Mth, plus whatever tips she gets from her mixed male, and female clients.

she tells me she sends about 4-5K bath P.M. back to her folks.

No she cant get any time off to be with me, only 2 days per week instead of 1 day. so I'll have plenty of time to enjoy myself in the days.

I will be staying in her room so no accommodation.

Yes I'm listening to everyone's advice, and yes it has changed the way I am thinking about things.

I understand as well, mostly people are trying to give me what they believe to be good advice.

I believe I am a good learner, and one thing i have realised is how little I really knew about the way things work in Thai culture, and I am reading and absorbing as much as I can, in as short a space of time as I can.

I don't take anything personally, no matter how brutal the responses.

I realise there are a lot of people who may think I am an idiot, but I assure you I know I am a good person, have been a good father, a good provider, have good character and morals. have neither been a great success in my work life, nor a total loser, just average I guess.

I don't really have anyone in my network of close friends who understands Thai culture, except one guy, and he seems to think she is OK, as his wife was a friend of hers. they seem happy here in Australia now.

[David48]

Yes I'm listening to everyone's advice, and yes it has changed the way I am thinking about things.

I don't take anything personally, no matter how brutal the responses.

Hi there Shane, because of the number of reply quotes I have to split my reply over two posts ... maybe that says something about me.

Great that you are reading the posts here and yes, you will get some 'brutal' responses. Some good advice from wolf5370 and Will27 (I'm sure there are others) ... ludditeman is always good for an alternative view point.

A couple of things from your posts do worry me though ...

I don't really have anyone in my network of close friends who understands Thai culture, except one guy, and he seems to think she is OK, as his wife was a friend of hers. they seem happy here in Australia now.

Just think about this ... your mates wife is a friend of hers and says nice things about her.

Shane ... I want to sell you a used car and believe me ... it's a beauty, no problems ... you can trust my fair judgement. Of course your mates wife is going to say she nice ... she is her friend!

I get her to Australia

hummm ... marriage in 30 days ... Shane, Shane, Shane ... Mate, you still aren't listening. Concentrate on getting to know her. So many men have 'married' their love (from Issan ... and I have a soft spot for girls from Udon as my first beau was from there) only to discover that she not only had children that she had lied about ... but also a legal Thai husband. Just because she says she doesn't ... doesn't make it so! Edited February 15, 2012 by David48