Serious Question About Relationship With Thai Gf, Serious Replies Please.

[transam]

Transam - fair enough - I can't believe you're drinking a cup of tea! I just felt I needed to give the bloke some hope!!

It's coffee.

[stoneyboy]

Transam - fair enough - I can't believe you're drinking a cup of tea! I just felt I needed to give the bloke some hope!!

It's coffee.

I thought I just read you didn't like tea.

Lol

[GarryP]

I recall a visit to a patong massage place with my farther and uncle... the three of us went upstairs, they pulled the curtains across to have our own private massage area. A few minutes into the routine they each asked us if we would like extra service, of course! its funny hearing the groan's of my old man and uncle through the thin curtains! was a bit off putting to tell the truth. After this process we proceeded to the nearest bar serving beers... and we toasted to the family trifecta! lol.

That would put me off my beans for life. Just the thought is enough to make me miss breakfast. I do not want to know anything about, nor be within hearing distance of, my father's sex life. Far too traumatic. It is suffice to know that he begat me, my brother and sister, thank you very much.

[transam]

Transam - fair enough - I can't believe you're drinking a cup of tea! I just felt I needed to give the bloke some hope!!

It's coffee.

I thought I just read you didn't like tea.

Lol

Correct.

[ShanePashen]

Ok been here a week .living with her,in prahabirram rd in her room.she works in a big spa in jungceylon. Doing beauty treatments with many other women,all open plan'95% clients are women or ladyboys. All going well. She works her are off 11 or 12 xhrs 6 days a week. Going great 2 weeks left. Enjoying her company very much. No money changed hands.however I asked her what she wanted as I wanted to give her present. She asked me to fly her mum down to phuket from ubon. Which I did. 170 Aud. So now I stay in a hotel for 5 nights patong by resotel. Decent and cheap.all going well so far. I love hot Isaan food but not as hot as her.

[AngelofDeath]

Sound like a happy story so far. Do update us to prove the sceptics wrong.

[ShanePashen]

Yes happy so farm but I am still, keeping my wits about me. She is lovely, a wonderful and caring person'. But since where being totally honest now, she can be distant, and withdrawn as well.sometimes when I ask er a question she just doesn't answer me.Just silence. There is also a child like quality about her sometimes. But by and large some wonderful times as well. Curiously she thinks its acceptable to grab my genitals whenever she wants and lead me towards what she wants, and not in a metaphorical sense either! This is in real life. I have explained to her this is not appropriate behaviour. I guess this untamed kind of thing has its appeal as well. I am enjoying being with Na very much, but I have also headed much of the advice on here. Buton balance I feel real joy with her company. Her mum is nice to, no teeth,62 looks about 82 doesn't speak a word of english, never been outside of ubon except couple of times to BKK. Devout buddhist she is nice and hasn,t asked of much at all. Our current method of transport is tripling on a honda airblade.

[David48]

Yes happy so farm but I am still, keeping my wits about me. She is lovely, a wonderful and caring person'. But since where being totally honest now, she can be distant, and withdrawn as well.sometimes when I ask er a question she just doesn't answer me.Just silence. <snip>

Hi there Shane, great to know that you are enjoying your time there in Phuket.

If you have a bit of time on your hands and are wondering about the silence ... http://www.thaivisa....i-wife-do-this/

The post does wonder around a bit and explores a number of topics, but certainly worth a read.

The Thai Sulk is definitely not unique to your girl Na

Curiously she thinks its acceptable to grab my genitals whenever she wants and lead me towards what she wants, and not in a metaphorical sense either!

If she 'literally' grabbing your crutch and leading you to what she wants ... hummm, so many replies, don't know which one to start with.

• Part of the training process for you for a later time
  
• Setting the ground rules that she gets what she wants ... or you don't get what you want
  
• Linking your crutch with what she wants and whoa bestow you if she doesn't get what she wants
  

Did you read any of the Thai cultural things I pointed you to? Thais very rarely even hold hands in public so to do this action with you shows an extreme familiarity and knowledge and an aggressive attitude to Western Culture ... but then again, she has told you are the first and only one

Oh ... assuming that the parents are still with you in the hotel, is she paying for her parents room and you generously flew them down to Phuket from Udon?

Just a couple of points to balance the euphoria of seeing your girl again.

Maybe time to read back over your this post and all the replies sent to you by the other posters.

We aren’t being negative ... just letting you know where the potential potholes are.

[ShanePashen]

Firstly using gingerbread on a xoom tethered wirelessly to my galaxy nexus to type this, so its annoying me this interface. She is very reserved in public. And only exhibits that behaviour behind closed doors. I

Have paid for a flight for her mum, and some cheap meals for us together, that's it. So far!!! Her mum doesn't drink and the only thing that has been asked of me is to take her to wat chalong temple. Her sister works in legends bar near grace land and ibis hotel. The owner David is a really nice chap, typical brit, ex

Pat and a savvy character tells me he believes both the sisters are real good girls. Unlike some of his other girls. So that was nice to hear, and I enjoyed his company. So please have a beer there anybody reading this. Having lived in UK gave us some common ground. so yes all going splendidly to date.

[ShanePashen]

Tab typing is so annoying. Ok I'll clarify. Na and sis share a room. Mum comes down from don,I was in room with the 2 sisters. I now stay in hotel across the road with gf. Muum and sis stay in room. Got to plug this hotel as well, great great value. 1200 thb per night incl BF for 2. And really well appointed. Rest cheap even minibar cheap. Big room table chairs balcony.big lcd tv 85 channels. Friendly staff:-) (mostly) serviced daily.new towels sheets, a little far from beach 5 minutes if you ride like me. All for less than $40 Aud, amazing. Digressing I know. All good so far,

[transam]

Tab typing is so annoying. Ok I'll clarify. Na and sis share a room. Mum comes down from don,I was in room with the 2 sisters. I now stay in hotel across the road with gf. Muum and sis stay in room. Got to plug this hotel as well, great great value. 1200 thb per night incl BF for 2. And really well appointed. Rest cheap even minibar cheap. Big room table chairs balcony.big lcd tv 85 channels. Friendly staff:-) (mostly) serviced daily.new towels sheets, a little far from beach 5 minutes if you ride like me. All for less than $40 Aud, amazing. Digressing I know. All good so far,

Sounds like a holiday. When does it end ?.

[damo]

Hi Shane,

I'm glad to hear you are happy. I seems you have done some homework and have developed a healthy scepticism. You have also had some decent advice. I would not tell you what you should do but maybe offer some advice and you can make your own descision.

Unless you have the ability to live with your partner on a day to day basis from the get go then consider moving foward from this point strongly. Thai girls dont string relationships along for too long.

When a Thai woman tells you that she does'nt want children be sceptical, unlike the professional Sydney-sider type middle aged woman, a Thai woman at some point will long for thier own children. Some will become desperate.

Listen to the English she uses, A woman of her age and origin will likely be not overly educated unless she comes from a family with money, it is unlikely she learnt English through formal education. There is a difference between English and bar English. Darling.

If you feel she may have originated from a bar this is not all together bad, but if she has been exposed to that life for an extended amount of time she will cherish you in a different way to perhaps a early 20's Northern uni grad. Probably not in a way that leaves you with an ideal amount of control over the relationship anyway.

Women in Thailand IMO are just like in any other country, allthough the extremes of good and bad are more extreme in Thailand.

I met my wife in a more certain environment, and she was just 19, we waited 8 weeks for her 20th birthday and got married at he Amphor, had two gorgeous kids and moved to Australia, That was nine years ago, we have built homes, travelled, faught, loved, dreamed, planned, worked side by side and all though our marriage had to endure a massive learing curve but we have today become like left and right hands which has made it all worth while.

If you persue a relationship with any Thai woman, as a Farang you don't just start a life with a new lover, but you start a new life all together which will in ways will crush you but make you stronger, give you things you will have never had in life and cost you more than you ever expected. You will never know from today to when ever you relationship will end if it does, how and why and at what cost it can end so either move on with it or give up. Along the way if you learn something, enjoy yourself and create memories, then if it does fall out then you will have this, in both its good and bad forms to take with you and use.

Some poeple hit the ground running the first time, some take a couple of attempts but get there in the end. From the gist of you OP I got the impression that you are looking for someone to start a new life with. If I was in you situation knowing what I know, I would'nt be in Patong or anywhere there is a manifestation of sex for sale, I would learn the language and the culture because even after being married for years I am allways still learning. Learn alot and then let you ideal partner find you, be strong create stipulations based on your wants and don't settle for less.

Chok Dii.

[ShanePashen]

Wow amazing and insightful post damo. Yes I will take that on board. Its actually a funny story how she ended up in phuket' and yes patong really is wearing me down. A Russian crashed his motorbike into my bike today causing a small amount of damage. I reckon he could barely ride bicycle let alone moorbike. Drama after drama. Dealing with the thai motorbike hirer- luckily for me he was a really decent guy the Russian, sergei and paid the extortionist 4500 baht, that was asked. Anyway back on track yes I would like to start a new life with someone. I am not desperate but am no longer attracted to middle aged western women, for many reasons, not just looks. So will continue to invest emotionally in this until I see fit to not. Am very happy with her so far.there are some strange differences, but that's kind of exciting and interested in its own way. She is basically penniless and her english spoken is quite good, and written is quite fair as well. I consider her bright a quick learner and I like the way Thai women are very tactile. They can communicate physically as well as verbally. I am still deeply infatuated with her. We are learning everyday together. So far we learn a new english word everyday.

Some words learned so far are.

Reprehensible .. cameltoe .. Sook. ... lol just to name a few.

Loving my time in the land of smile and chang 6.4% alc for 450 baht a carton at big C. Try and get that back home.

[Litlos]

Ok been here a week .living with her,in prahabirram rd in her room.she works in a big spa in jungceylon. Doing beauty treatments with many other women,all open plan'95% clients are women or ladyboys. All going well. She works her are off 11 or 12 xhrs 6 days a week. Going great 2 weeks left. Enjoying her company very much. No money changed hands.however I asked her what she wanted as I wanted to give her present. She asked me to fly her mum down to phuket from ubon. Which I did. 170 Aud. So now I stay in a hotel for 5 nights patong by resotel. Decent and cheap.all going well so far. I love hot Isaan food but not as hot as her.

So how many cats on the menu so far? ROFLMAO

Cheers

[wellred]

What you need to do is initiate a man in the middle attack on her mobile so you get a copy of whatever whatsapp or text messages she sends come to you too.

Good luck

[BespokeMan]

So far we learn a new english word everyday.

Some words learned so far are.

Reprehensible .. cameltoe .. Sook. ... lol just to name a few.

[KeyserSoze01]

her english spoken is quite good, and written is quite fair as well.

In many cases, the longer a girl spends in the "entertainment" industry, the better her English.

Another red flag (for me anyway) is that her sister works bar.

You may have found a gem, just keep your wits about you and don't be led down the primrose path.

Just sayin'.

[loong]

I just have to go there and trust my instincts.

And it will involve a couple more trips and no expectations.

Well your instincts have made you feel doubtful, that's why you have posted here about your concerns.

Just remember that instincts are often ignored with matters of the heart (and of the small brain)

5,000 Baht per month is small money to you. It's amazing how many times I have heard this. but so often it's just the start.

So many give in to escalating demands and keep on giving in until their life savings are totally exhausted.

I've heard many stories, but personally know of people that have sold their property in the UK to move to Thailand only to lose everything. These were sensible people that just seemed to misplace their common sense once they arrived here.

When you know more about the education system in Thailand, you will realise that the teaching standards are pretty low. Very few, even university grads, can speak English at anything like a basic level.

If your "gf" comes from a poor background and can speak good English, you have to wonder how.

More often than not it is because she has spent a lot of time with native English speakers, usually as a sex worker.

Any way, if she can't get a visa, unless you are willing to move to Thailand, this relationship has no future. You need to spend time together without the holiday atmosphere.

I would suggest that you come to Thailand for a short holiday without seeing this lady. You will probably find that you will fall in love all over again with a different girl. This will/should tell you that you are unable to trust your feelings when in a holiday environment.

I fell in love on my 1st visit, again on my 2nd and 3rd. Every time I thought that this one was different, but turned out to be same-same.

Good luck, but please don't rush into anything.

[ShanePashen]

@ littlos' no cats on the menu, but she has admitted to eating Bbqed rat!!! But she has explained they are very healthy and clean rats. We eat grain fed beef, they eat rice fed rat.!!

Apparently uncle is a rat afficionado. Sometimes I think of the cultural void between us. I wonder how that story would go down at a dinner party. While we all ate our Wagyu and debated the merits of Maclaren vale shiraz or Coonawarra Cabernet. Then wondered if either would go down well with rat on a stick. Any old Python fans out there.... She is a wild woman when we are intimate she gives everything ,holds back nothing. Good sex may not define a relationship, but its not a bad start I reckon. I am coming to realise we come from very different worlds however..Mama came down from a rice farm in Lao sue Koak. She was nice, never been anywhere, BKk once. All she did was chill and go to temple. I speak no Thai, but she also speaks not a word of english. I am very introspective about the whole thing, enjoying each day as it comes, and trying to understand her, and myself. .. side note, market vendors here usually nepalese and indian tailors here are ultra aggressive, many are grabbing me by the arm and my fuse is shortening with what I feel is that crossing of the line here, I try and understand that its getting quiet here, and everyone is absolutely desperate for the tourist dollar. They are literally dragging you into shop or stall. I have had enough of Patong, spent the day at Surin yesterday, was very nicer and much cleaner than Patong.

[David48]

Hi there Shane, sounds like you are having a good time.

How did you get to Surin from Phuket?

Did you take the family with you?

How long in Surin do you plan to stay or did you drive up and back to Phuket in a day?

[BookMan]

Hi there Shane, sounds like you are having a good time.

How did you get to Surin from Phuket?

Did you take the family with you?

How long in Surin do you plan to stay or did you drive up and back to Phuket in a day?

I think he means Surin beach phuket?

[jaideecm]

OK here we go again. Living in Thailand for more than 20 years, living at a temple for 2 years, teaching at a University for 2 years even before i thought about being serious with a lady. The teachers, monks and my Thai friends taught me a lot. Meeting my sweetheart took time and a lot of tests. I wrote a Blog a few years back to help my buddies who wanted to meet a nice Thai lady and move here. Here is the article Dating and Romance Thai Style This is the way normal Thai people find a mate, what the tests are and the reasons. This is a must read for those who want to marry a Thai lady. I will save loads of heart break and for sure money.

Cheers,

Randy

[tolstoy]

I just started reading that blog. I must say that you are either very old or completely oblivious to the world around you. None of these axioms that you hold to apply to younger generations. Things are just not like that for all Thais.

Holding hands is not the taboo it was even 10 years ago. Most college students do a lot more than that and they aren't regarded as low class. Many couples in their 30's (thai-thai) hold hands and even hug in public now. It isn't the rare disgrace that you think it is.

I seriously doubt that a woman would invite her family members on a first date. Friends perhaps but that isn't always the case anymore. Depends on where you met and how well she knows you at this point.

There is nothing wrong with eating noodles or thai food at a small shop for a first date. Especially if it is a casual atmosphere. Perhaps if you are trying to show off then your suggestions might make sense. I personally would have asked what her favorite foods were and where she likes to eat usually (during the get to know you stage)

Your stereotypes are very oudated and really only seem to reflect the type of women that you date and don't seem to be reflective of the whole society. Since there are so many different classes, educational backgrounds, ethnic that influence the various aspects of culture there is no Thai Culture (as in one thing that unites everyone)

I think the more important question to ask her is if she has dated other foreign men. If yes, then find someone else. Women that want a Western partner/husband have an agenda. Why get involved with someone who wants any white guy.

Sounds more like how to marry a village girl, not just a Thai. I will tell you with absolute certainity none of these things apply to women that have parents that are educated, middle class families and those from urban environments.

[BookMan]

OK here we go again. Living in Thailand for more than 20 years, living at a temple for 2 years, teaching at a University for 2 years even before i thought about being serious with a lady. The teachers, monks and my Thai friends taught me a lot. Meeting my sweetheart took time and a lot of tests. I wrote a Blog a few years back to help my buddies who wanted to meet a nice Thai lady and move here. Here is the article Dating and Romance Thai Style This is the way normal Thai people find a mate, what the tests are and the reasons. This is a must read for those who want to marry a Thai lady. I will save loads of heart break and for sure money.

Cheers,

Randy

Thanks for sharing your blog. Some interesting points you make, some are common sense of course. Not sure about the holding hands touching part. I think this might be a taboo getting left in the past?

"She will never marry a man who throws money away or a man who has no money or is cheap."

Sadly this is going to limit many many of the foreigners who live in Thailand. I always think it is better to give some hope.

[jaideecm]

Yes happy so farm but I am still, keeping my wits about me. She is lovely, a wonderful and caring person'. But since where being totally honest now, she can be distant, and withdrawn as well.sometimes when I ask er a question she just doesn't answer me.Just silence. There is also a child like quality about her sometimes. But by and large some wonderful times as well. Curiously she thinks its acceptable to grab my genitals whenever she wants and lead me towards what she wants, and not in a metaphorical sense either! This is in real life. I have explained to her this is not appropriate behaviour. I guess this untamed kind of thing has its appeal as well. I am enjoying being with Na very much, but I have also headed much of the advice on here. Buton balance I feel real joy with her company. Her mum is nice to, no teeth,62 looks about 82 doesn't speak a word of english, never been outside of ubon except couple of times to BKK. Devout buddhist she is nice and hasn,t asked of much at all. Our current method of transport is tripling on a honda airblade.

You are thinking with the wrong head. For fun OK but don't get serious, it will cost you. A devout Buddhist would not do that. I think you are another one just winding everyone up, don't care about what others are trying to teach you and I think this is all B.S. If not you are just stupid. You will loose everything you have if you keep doing what your are doing. Be a man take control and use your brain. Why does so many men who come to Thailand and fall apart? You wouldn't do this in your country why in Thailand? Another crazy Farang, good for the girl she found another stupid one.

WOW,

Randy

[BookMan]

I just started reading that blog. I must say that you are either very old or completely oblivious to the world around you. None of these axioms that you hold to apply to younger generations. Things are just not like that for all Thais.

Holding hands is not the taboo it was even 10 years ago. Most college students do a lot more than that and they aren't regarded as low class. Many couples in their 30's (thai-thai) hold hands and even hug in public now. It isn't the rare disgrace that you think it is.

I seriously doubt that a woman would invite her family members on a first date. Friends perhaps but that isn't always the case anymore. Depends on where you met and how well she knows you at this point.

There is nothing wrong with eating noodles or thai food at a small shop for a first date. Especially if it is a casual atmosphere. Perhaps if you are trying to show off then your suggestions might make sense. I personally would have asked what her favorite foods were and where she likes to eat usually (during the get to know you stage)

Your stereotypes are very oudated and really only seem to reflect the type of women that you date and don't seem to be reflective of the whole society. Since there are so many different classes, educational backgrounds, ethnic that influence the various aspects of culture there is no Thai Culture (as in one thing that unites everyone)

I think the more important question to ask her is if she has dated other foreign men. If yes, then find someone else. Women that want a Western partner/husband have an agenda. Why get involved with someone who wants any white guy.

Sounds more like how to marry a village girl, not just a Thai. I will tell you with absolute certainity none of these things apply to women that have parents that are educated, middle class families and those from urban environments.

Some good points you make. More representative of my own experiences.

I don't discount a woman if she has dated foreign men before. I mean she is willing to date me and I'm foreign and white.

[BookMan]

@ littlos' no cats on the menu, but she has admitted to eating Bbqed rat!!! But she has explained they are very healthy and clean rats. We eat grain fed beef, they eat rice fed rat.!!

Apparently uncle is a rat afficionado. Sometimes I think of the cultural void between us. I wonder how that story would go down at a dinner party. While we all ate our Wagyu and debated the merits of Maclaren vale shiraz or Coonawarra Cabernet. Then wondered if either would go down well with rat on a stick. Any old Python fans out there.... She is a wild woman when we are intimate she gives everything ,holds back nothing. Good sex may not define a relationship, but its not a bad start I reckon. I am coming to realise we come from very different worlds however..Mama came down from a rice farm in Lao sue Koak. She was nice, never been anywhere, BKk once. All she did was chill and go to temple. I speak no Thai, but she also speaks not a word of english. I am very introspective about the whole thing, enjoying each day as it comes, and trying to understand her, and myself. .. side note, market vendors here usually nepalese and indian tailors here are ultra aggressive, many are grabbing me by the arm and my fuse is shortening with what I feel is that crossing of the line here, I try and understand that its getting quiet here, and everyone is absolutely desperate for the tourist dollar. They are literally dragging you into shop or stall. I have had enough of Patong, spent the day at Surin yesterday, was very nicer and much cleaner than Patong.

Sounds like you are having a blast there in Phuket. I think many of the men and women on this forum have experienced those early holiday and romance feelings of elation and happiness. Enjoy your holiday and if need be, reflect on things when you are back in OZ.

[jaideecm]

OK here we go again. Living in Thailand for more than 20 years, living at a temple for 2 years, teaching at a University for 2 years even before i thought about being serious with a lady. The teachers, monks and my Thai friends taught me a lot. Meeting my sweetheart took time and a lot of tests. I wrote a Blog a few years back to help my buddies who wanted to meet a nice Thai lady and move here. Here is the article Dating and Romance Thai Style This is the way normal Thai people find a mate, what the tests are and the reasons. This is a must read for those who want to marry a Thai lady. I will save loads of heart break and for sure money.

Cheers,

Randy

Thanks for sharing your blog. Some interesting points you make, some are common sense of course. Not sure about the holding hands touching part. I think this might be a taboo getting left in the past?

"She will never marry a man who throws money away or a man who has no money or is cheap."

Sadly this is going to limit many many of the foreigners who live in Thailand. I always think it is better to give some hope.

This is part of the Thai culture. If you live in Chiang Mai you never see people showing affection in public, it just isn't done. That being said thank you for your kind words. Always hope. It doesn't limit foreigners just wake them up to if they want a girl who wants to take them for a ride or a real lady. Sometimes the truth hurts, I know plenty of men who have lost everything to a rich or poor girl because they don't know Thai culture. If you don't take the time you will pay the price either with your heart or money. Quick ladies are easy to find like a cheap watch. Quality takes time to find just like a perfect Love is. Know each other, the family and friends both yours and theirs. Both of your wishes and desires, hates and problems, fears and futures. Real love takes time for a rich rewarding experience you will have for a lifetime not because of sex or a fling. Being best friends first and understanding you both have needs and willing to meet them is most important. That take time.

Good luck,

Randy

[BookMan]

OK here we go again. Living in Thailand for more than 20 years, living at a temple for 2 years, teaching at a University for 2 years even before i thought about being serious with a lady. The teachers, monks and my Thai friends taught me a lot. Meeting my sweetheart took time and a lot of tests. I wrote a Blog a few years back to help my buddies who wanted to meet a nice Thai lady and move here. Here is the article Dating and Romance Thai Style This is the way normal Thai people find a mate, what the tests are and the reasons. This is a must read for those who want to marry a Thai lady. I will save loads of heart break and for sure money.

Cheers,

Randy

Thanks for sharing your blog. Some interesting points you make, some are common sense of course. Not sure about the holding hands touching part. I think this might be a taboo getting left in the past?

"She will never marry a man who throws money away or a man who has no money or is cheap."

Sadly this is going to limit many many of the foreigners who live in Thailand. I always think it is better to give some hope.

This is part of the Thai culture. If you live in Chiang Mai you never see people showing affection in public, it just isn't done. That being said thank you for your kind words. Always hope. It doesn't limit foreigners just wake them up to if they want a girl who wants to take them for a ride or a real lady. Sometimes the truth hurts, I know plenty of men who have lost everything to a rich or poor girl because they don't know Thai culture. If you don't take the time you will pay the price either with your heart or money. Quick ladies are easy to find like a cheap watch. Quality takes time to find just like a perfect Love is. Know each other, the family and friends both yours and theirs. Both of your wishes and desires, hates and problems, fears and futures. Real love takes time for a rich rewarding experience you will have for a lifetime not because of sex or a fling. Being best friends first and understanding you both have needs and willing to meet them is most important. That take time.

Good luck,

Randy

It sounds like you are happy and content with what you have and understandably you want to share the experience of how you got there. Of course not every one is as patient and careful in finding love as you were.

[David48]

I don't discount a woman if she has dated foreign men before. I mean she is willing to date me and I'm foreign and white.

BookMan, you might have a white body, you have an awfully cute brown face

Also it was a bit of a piss take, my comment about Surin.

What I would like to clarify in light of the recent comments ...

I maintain that it still the exception for Thais to show public signs of affection, holding hands, kissing etc., but the younger thais do seem to flout the established norms, especially in the larger cities, less so in village life.

So Shane, a further update if you don't mind.

What new English words has your Teerak learnt?

.