Goodbye Uk, Hello Thailand. I Think ?

[autan]

Isn't it funny how things don't always work out the way you planned them.

Without revealing my real identity, I am a member who is leaving the UK for Chaing Mai on June 30th 2012. Its a done deal.

Passport, Visa, place to rent while I build a house, place to set up Thai Branch of my Company. Its all sorted. My main concern is that I get to Chiang Mai and I have just drifted along with what my Wife wanted and forgot about what makes me happy.

Do I just grin and bear it or do start kicking up fuss now, sooner rather than later.

This isnt some flamer/troll post or whatever you call them, I really need some advice from someone living in Thailand and how did they adapt to Thai life.

[endure]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

[necronx99]

You don't want to move here?

Or are you worried that you won't be able to enjoy your life/pastimes once you get here?

[autan]

I feel like I agreed to leave the UK to start a new life in Thailand and now its actually coming true, I am a little scared.

Has anyone else made the move and if they have what advise can they offer to ensure I fit in. Rather than going home broke and my tail between my legs.

Sorry for not making myself clear. This is half the problem, you see.

[autan]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

Agreed. It doesnt.

I am moaning about agreeing to everything my Wife wanted because I never really thought, we would ever move to Thailand. Now that we are, I am afraid regarding what lies ahead for me, will I fit in, will I be happy, what can I do to be Thai or even and Expat living there/here. ]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

Agreed. It doesnt.

I am moaning about agreeing to everything my Wife wanted because I never really thought, we would ever move to Thailand. Now that we are, I am afraid regarding what lies ahead for me, will I fit in, will I be happy, what can I do to be Thai or even and Expat living there/here. ]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

I am also about to move here (but from the US).

I really haven't had many sensible replies from members of this forum. I was looking for suggestions on where to live.

From over 140 replies the only two sensible suggestions were Chiang Mai and Hat Yai. Good luck with your move.

Edited March 7, 2012 by AnotherOneAmerican

[chiangmaibruce]

There are a whole heap of issues here, and a lot of things you haven't explained .. for eg. how much time have you spent in Thailand previously? Apart from "finding a place for the Thai branch of your company" (not sure what that means) ... what other research have you done about running a biz here? Is your wife's family in Chiang Mai and how do you get on with them? etc etc

You can't do anything to "ensure" you'll fit in. What you can do is read up about "culture shock". People moving here typically go through different phases as they setlle in and you should read up about this so you can know what (maybe) to expect. You also could benefit from reading up a book or two about understanding Thai culture (serious ones not the little things you buy at the airport).

Money and income could also be problematic ... see my question above ... you really need to research this as it can be a tough environment in which to earn income .. and savings run out eventually. Also, I would not suggest buying land and building for (say) the first 12 months.

But if, as you say, you have everything organised then this could be a very exciting and fun time. Enjoy the ride

Edited March 7, 2012 by chiangmaibruce

[BoonToong]

I love a good blether ;-)

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[chiangmaibruce]

I really haven't had many sensible replies from members of this forum. I was looking asking for suggestions on where to live.

From over 140 replies the only two sensible suggestions were Chiang Mai and Hat Yai. Good luck with your move.

I didn't see your thread AOA but a lot of people post "how long is a piece of string" -type questions in Thaivisa. In my experience, most people get useful responses if they have done a little research before posting & then provide adequate detail in their post.

If I posted in an expat in USA forum ... hey, I'm coming to the USA where should I live? How much detail would I have to tell you to get a meaningful response? How much info did you provide when you posted?

[bendix]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

Yes. Pretty much everyone has gone through it.

To be perfectly honest, you already sound like you don't want to be here. That in itself rings alarm bells because you're coming to it from a negative perspective. You will be inclined, i suspect, to ignore the good differences and focus only on the negatives.

Stay home. You know it makes sense.

[autan]

There are a whole heap of issues here, and a lot of things you haven't explained .. for eg. how much time have you spent in Thailand previously? Apart from "finding a place for the Thai branch of your company" (not sure what that means) ... what other research have you done about running a biz here? Is your wife's family in Chiang Mai and how do you get on with them? etc etc

I have spent no more than 1 month a year in Thailand each year since 2004. So thats 10 months in total.

I have an internet company, which sells to the UK from the UK, no real changes there apart from where I live.

My Wifes family is from Wiang Papoa in between Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai, I do get on with them.

You can't do anything to "ensure" you'll fit in. What you can do is read up about "culture shock". People moving here typically go through different phases as they setlle in and you should read up about this so you can know what (maybe) to expect. You also could benefit from reading up a book or two about understanding Thai culture (serious ones not the little things you buy at the airport).

These are goods points. Thanks.

Money and income could also be problematic ... see my question above ... you really need to research this as it can be a tough environment in which to earn income .. and savings run out eventually. Also, I would not suggest buying landing and building for (say) the first 12 months.

But if, as you say, you have everything organised then this could be a very exciting and fun time. Enjoy the ride

Moneywise, I am ok, its the day to day fitting in. I didnt want to go to Thailand and just be cut off.

[jaiyenyen]

Best advice I can give is, allow yourself time to adjust. You don't need to (And you won't) have everything sorted in the first couple of months. It took me at least a year to slow down from my previous pace of life. The other thing I would say is, don't allow yourself to be pushed or rushed into making big decisions. Allow yourself time to think things through.

Example;

Back in the UK, I had a nicely furnished home with reasonable quality furniture. When I moved here, my wife chose chipboard crap. I lived with, and disliked that furniture for around five years. Then the floods came along and my chipboard crap floated away. Luckily, I now have a second chance, and guess who won't be choosing new furniture.

Good Luck with your move, I wish you happiness.

[chiangmaibruce]

I didnt want to go to Thailand and just be cut off.

Oh don't worry about that, you'll always have Thaivisa ... your lifeline to the highest and very best elements of western culture

[necronx99]

I feel like I agreed to leave the UK to start a new life in Thailand and now its actually coming true, I am a little scared.

Has anyone else made the move and if they have what advise can they offer to ensure I fit in. Rather than going home broke and my tail between my legs.

Sorry for not making myself clear. This is half the problem, you see.

Nobody can ensure thay will "fit-in" anywhere.

What does it even mean and why would I want to?

Are you worried about culture? Tv is in English , you can watch football at home. Drink in an english pub. They have beer here. You can play darts. There are other expats you can talk to about drinking beer in the english pub while watching the football and playing darts...

What exactly is it that you think you will be missing out on?

Edited March 7, 2012 by necronx99

[eek]

As another poster said, so little detail. All i can (humbly) suggest is that if you have enough finances to support yourself and your wife for a while, why dont you just rent for a bit and put out feelers? Dont do the holiday thing as such though, as that will give you both unrealistic views on your daily living. Work out a reasonable budget that you would have if you had your business up and running, do some real research whilst here on how feasible your business would be, and give yourself and your wife (..who may end up not as happy as she thought she would be) adjustment time. If you are not sure, dont rush into trying up everything financially. Surely she would understand?

[necronx99]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

Agreed. It doesnt.

I am moaning about agreeing to everything my Wife wanted because I never really thought, we would ever move to Thailand. Now that we are, I am afraid regarding what lies ahead for me, will I fit in, will I be happy, what can I do to be Thai or even and Expat living there/here. ]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

I am also about to move here (but from the US).

I really haven't had many sensible replies from members of this forum. I was looking for suggestions on where to live.

From over 140 replies the only two sensible suggestions were Chiang Mai and Hat Yai. Good luck with your move.

You asked a silly question and got a silly answer. "Where should I live?" How the hell is anybody supposed to know where you might like living?

[philliphn]

I think one of the keys to sucessful adaptation to Thailand is to have at least one fairly good friend, who lives in Chiangmai, and is also a Falang. This person should preferably be an old Thailand hand. It takes a long time, and a lot of effort to learn to speak the Thai language. At the end of the day you will always be Falang. There is an Expat club that you could atttend, where it may be possible to make such a friend. This may however be difficult. Some people find it easier than others to make such a contact. Give yourself at least a year before you decide to build a dwelling. There is an over supply of housing of all types in Chiangmai. Once built such housing is likely to be very difficult to sell. Rent for the first year. Then if you decide that Thailand is not for you. It will be easy to return to the UK. Thailand is certainly not the ideal place for everyone to live. It is good for single males with assetts though. That is as long as you are not idealistically nieve.

[GuestHouse]

I think you need to make a plan. (and to understand the shift in the balance of your relationship when you move to Thailand).

The most critical shift is going to be you are moving from being a citizen with full citizen rights, to a guest in your wife's country where you have few if any rights. The first and most obvious lack of rights is the right to own land (essentially no right to own a house in your own name and no shared ownership of house/land with your wife).

Unless you are very careful this will result in a gradual (sometimes swift) transfer of your shared assets to your wife's sole control. The house you are going to build will be in your wife's name on land owned by her or to be bought in her name.

Your plan should include preserving your assets in your or your shared name, ideally back in the UK. Ideally maintain property, cash, pensions and assets in the UK. You might at sometime in the future reconsider this if your life in Thailand turns out to suit you both but at the start Do not put all your eggs in the Thai Basket, and do not burn your bridges.

This is not about not trusting your wife, it is about ensuring your future if anything goes wrong.

What you have said suggests that your wife plans for you to live in her village/town - This almost certainly means you living with her family AND her family living with you.

This to me is a game stopper.

Your home, sorry, your wife's new home, is going to be her family home.

You need to find out EXACTLY what your wife's expectation is on this? Exactly where you are living, where is this house going to be built ? who is going to live in it? (Beware large numbers of spare rooms, actually any spare rooms - nature and Thai families abhor a vacuum).

Find out what your wife's plans are with respect to her family? Is she returning home to take care of them in their old age? Probably not old at all, but always on the lookout for a chance to say they are too old to work and put out their hand out for an easy income (Perhaps not easy for you if you are going to have to earn it).

What is your long term financial plan to ensure your financial security into your own old age? Have you got pensions and saving sorted, are you making pensions and long term savings, are you going to be able to continue making these savings? Most Thais cannot see past their next bowl of rice (if they happen to be eating rice at the time they can't see past the bowl of rice in front of them) - But you need to ensure your own personal long term financial security - and don't base that on Thailand being cheap now.

Remember, you will be a guest in Thailand, your long term financial security needs to be based on being able to return to the UK and live in the UK if your life in Thailand does not work out.

Personally, I agree with you, you know you've made a mistake agreeing to your wife's demands. Don't compound that by agreeing to all her demands.

Find out exactly what her plans are and then decide if you are going to go along with them.

DO NOT..... DO NOT.... DO NOT...... BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

Edited March 7, 2012 by GuestHouse

[nong38]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

Agreed. It doesnt.

I am moaning about agreeing to everything my Wife wanted because I never really thought, we would ever move to Thailand. Now that we are, I am afraid regarding what lies ahead for me, will I fit in, will I be happy, what can I do to be Thai or even and Expat living there/here. ]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

I am also about to move here (but from the US).

I really haven't had many sensible replies from members of this forum. I was looking for suggestions on where to live.

From over 140 replies the only two sensible suggestions were Chiang Mai and Hat Yai. Good luck with your move.

I think you have a lot of sensible replies to your question, you seem not have recognized them.

[chrisinth]

@autan

One thing I would suggest looking at is the location you are planning to build your house. Family land? Fairly remote? The reason I bring these points up is not along the "you will end up supporting the family" line but because your business (internet related) will I presume need a fairly realiable connection. That of course is if you are planning to work from home.

The second point about remote location; in the beginning this may seem great, but you still need interaction with people who speak your native tongue, especially in the initial year or so of moving here.

It also of course depends on what sort of person you are and how you adapt to change; regard it as an adventure, cause that is what it is going to appear to be at times.

Remember, accept all advice given with a smile. What you do with that advice is entirely up to you.

Hope you enjoy your move, great country to live in.

[Pseudolus]

Guesthouse's post is bang on. You need to sit down with your wife and work out exactly what she thinks is going to happen not least because she knows Thailand and might be assuming that the two of you will slip into the Thai way of doing things as opposed to the way of life you live now. I firmly recommend making sure there is a good distance between Family and you; 20 + miles, to make sure that visits are accessible but enough of a ball ache to make sure it is not all the time. Getting on well with family when you are there for a holiday is completely different to having them camped out in your house as they superimpose the letters ATM onto your forehead. If you know that basically you do everything your wife asks / tells you to then this issue might just get a whole lot worse when you move here "darink, we buy farm for parents; going cheap, 2m baht. No papers or lawyers but its ok we pay black money and it is ok" was something an old friend of mine had in about 3 months of moving here. The real message was "My mum and dad have told all their neighbours they are buying a farm unofficially from someone and we now have to do it or they lose face". That was almost divorce and goodbye to everything he had saved for the last 10 years.

Get some control. Embrace Thailand (you will not regret it!) but take some control. Talk to the wife about what she believes is going to happen and stamp onto these changes that without acceptance you will not do it. I don't blame your wife for wanting to return home, but also she needs to know that just because you are moving here, does not mean the rules of engagement are any different. Don't castrate yourself at immigration basically.

[nong38]

To the OP what do you want out of the move to Thailand? I would suggest you start doing some research into Thailand, geography, culture etc to try perpare you for somewhere that might look a bit like hotter version of the UK that it certainly is not, what you recognize as how things work in the UK very often dont or are the opposite here and only experiencing it will give you that experience, be prepared to look and learn. You should also be aware that you cannot own land here so building a house, well, it will the wife's never yours and selling is no that easy either so you want to be sure where you want to live. Do you like the coast, does the area flood? Are there any plans to accomodate the wife's family in the new house? You should rent at first whilst you acquire local knowledge, adapt and see how the future seems to be developing.

[TexasRanger]

DO NOT..... DO NOT.... DO NOT...... BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

There is no better advice than this, I have been happily living here for years, have built a house, got some land and love it. But if it all went wrong tomorrow I could fly home, kick my lodgers out and move back into my own place and start again (a horrendous thought though as I now consider this my home). As GuestHouse says, don't burn thos bridges, ever!

[IanForbes]

I'm another who says Guesthouse's reply was spot on. I don't need to repeat what he said. There is LOT to love about Thailand, but it's mixed with many frustrations. If you live here full time, and not just part of the year like I do, then it's easy to feel like you are caught in a trap.

One thing that makes my life complete is I have outside interests that can occupy my time fully or partially. I like to fish, write, paint and travel. I won't let myself be manipulated by anyone... including girl friends. However, it's fun to play the part of an ATM machine occasionally when I have the control. I always make a big joke about it and it becomes a game.

And, like others here I can't stress enough about not burning bridges behind you. All marriages everywhere are not certain and fixed in stone. I was married twice and never had any intention of splitting up... but it happened. And, that happened even though I did nothing wrong. However, I might not have done everything right. You never completely understand your partner.

[KarenBravo]

This is very un-PC, but true in Thailand nonetheless. Some sage advice I got from an old timer many years ago.

"If you don't control your woman, she will control you".

[exeter]

Guesthouse advice sound, read it again and again.

[cardholder]

it's bloody hot! - pack a couple of pairs of shorts.

Fear is a great motivator - recognising/admitting fear is a big step towards dealing with fear.

A friend told me 5 years ago "jump in, the water's warm".

I jumped in, the water was warm and extremely pleasant. The water has been turbulent in those 5 years and I have had to learn many new things - and quickly.

Do read Thailand Fever to help understand the cultural differences and recognise that communication the major hurdle to overcome in any relationship.

Otherwise "go for it" but make sure you are happy that you stay on your terms (as comprised if necessary).

[theblether]

I love a good blether ;-)

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

The Crime.....becoming a groupie for theblether

The Punishment....having to do groupie things for theblether

Ps. That outstanding post by Guesthouse should be pinned somewhere

[HardenedSoul]

I understand the OP's trepidation and last minute jitters but I'm more mindful of the reasons for the move.

1. Is he retiring soon?

2. How did he meet his wife? How long have they been married? What's her background?

3. If he met her in Thailand and she agreed to move to Blighty, was this conditional on one day moving back to Thailand?

I don't mean to steer this into what many could quite understandably call "one of those discussions" (ie is she panning for gold?) but these questions are pertinent given the guy's concerns and the sense I get that he's been manipulated into this position.

GuestHouse kinda nailed it.

My suggestion would be to wait, wait, wait. If you love it here after 5 years or something, then go for permanent residency or whatever it is and then buy your land and house in your name.

[lannarebirth]

I think you need to make a plan. (and to understand the shift in the balance of your relationship when you move to Thailand).

The most critical shift is going to be you are moving from being a citizen with full citizen rights, to a guest in your wife's country where you have few if any rights. The first and most obvious lack of rights is the right to own land (essentially no right to own a house in your own name and no shared ownership of house/land with your wife).

Unless you are very careful this will result in a gradual (sometimes swift) transfer of your shared assets to your wife's sole control. The house you are going to build will be in your wife's name on land owned by her or to be bought in her name.

Your plan should include preserving your assets in your or your shared name, ideally back in the UK. Ideally maintain property, cash, pensions and assets in the UK. You might at sometime in the future reconsider this if your life in Thailand turns out to suit you both but at the start Do not put all your eggs in the Thai Basket, and do not burn your bridges.

This is not about not trusting your wife, it is about ensuring your future if anything goes wrong.

What you have said suggests that your wife plans for you to live in her village/town - This almost certainly means you living with her family AND her family living with you.

This to me is a game stopper.

Your home, sorry, your wife's new home, is going to be her family home.

You need to find out EXACTLY what your wife's expectation is on this? Exactly where you are living, where is this house going to be built ? who is going to live in it? (Beware large numbers of spare rooms, actually any spare rooms - nature and Thai families abhor a vacuum).

Find out what your wife's plans are with respect to her family? Is she returning home to take care of them in their old age? Probably not old at all, but always on the lookout for a chance to say they are too old to work and put out their hand out for an easy income (Perhaps not easy for you if you are going to have to earn it).

What is your long term financial plan to ensure your financial security into your own old age? Have you got pensions and saving sorted, are you making pensions and long term savings, are you going to be able to continue making these savings? Most Thais cannot see past their next bowl of rice (if they happen to be eating rice at the time they can't see past the bowl of rice in front of them) - But you need to ensure your own personal long term financial security - and don't base that on Thailand being cheap now.

Remember, you will be a guest in Thailand, your long term financial security needs to be based on being able to return to the UK and live in the UK if your life in Thailand does not work out.

Personally, I agree with you, you know you've made a mistake agreeing to your wife's demands. Don't compound that by agreeing to all her demands.

Find out exactly what her plans are and then decide if you are going to go along with them.

DO NOT..... DO NOT.... DO NOT...... BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

OP, read this post over and over and over again until you take it fully onboard.