My Wife Left To Thailand With Baby And Never Return

[ironloyalty]

To cut long story short. My wife left to Thailand last year August durng prenancy in Malaysia. She delivered a baby girl in Hat Yai in December the same year. She is currently staying in Kolat with her sister. No matter how many times i requested her to return but she refused. She want to stay in Thailand with the child and requested me to send her money every month, or pay her a big lump sum of money to get the child back. My name is not on the child's birt cert as she ran away after delivery in Hat Yai to Kolat without my knowledge. I know this forum deals a lot on this matter that's why i am here to seek your helps. Thank You.

[Mario2008]

You talk about wife, so I presume you are legally married. In that case you are the legal father of the child and have equal rights to the child.

The question is what you want, do you want to continue your relationship (and maybe look for work in Thailand) or a divorce. In case of a divorce, you will get access to the child. But the court can order that the child cannot be taken out of Thailand. You getting the child to live with you in Malaysia will only happen if the mother agrees to that.

You getting sole custody, against the wish of the mother, will only happen if the mother is a danger to the child or uncapable of taking care of the child. In all other cases you will have shared parental powers.

Normal child suport in Thailand is bewteen 3,000 and 6,000 baht, with both sharing medical and educational cost. There is no alimoney, but that can be different if you married in another country.

That is in a nutshell you legal position. As said, first think carefully what you want with your wife. Do you want to mend the relationship or not. A pregnancy and a child being born is a major event, that can have its effect on someone. Often that is only temporary.

[ironloyalty]

Thanks for reply.

My wife and I are not married in Thailand but legally married in Malaysia. You can view the details of my story in the following link:

(Orient Expat Forum under " My wife left to Thailand with our baby and never want to come back again" p/s I can't post the link!!

She has done much damages to me and joint custody is not what I wanted. i want the child to live with me in Malaysia and by looking at it I shall have very little chance of getting that verdict. In fact I had contacted Issan Lawyer and they told me abuout the same thing. Both wife and husband must agreed on the place the child to be resided and if no agreement achieved then the court will decide for us. The problem is to covince the judge that the child is better off staying with the father as it is hard to prove it. I have also thinking of take the child out of the country quietly but after reading many of the posts I realized that it is a crime on human trafficking. I only see my child once on the first day she was born. As you notice what I had posted her behavior has been puzzling me for many months. I am thinking if money is what she want then I shall divorce her in malaysia and move on with my life.

[beano2274]

Move on

[jambco984]

Best of luck, I hope you get what you want

[Mario2008]

Thanks for reply.

My wife and I are not married in Thailand but legally married in Malaysia. You can view the details of my story in the following link:

(Orient Expat Forum under " My wife left to Thailand with our baby and never want to come back again" p/s I can't post the link!!

She has done much damages to me and joint custody is not what I wanted. i want the child to live with me in Malaysia and by looking at it I shall have very little chance of getting that verdict. In fact I had contacted Issan Lawyer and they told me abuout the same thing. Both wife and husband must agreed on the place the child to be resided and if no agreement achieved then the court will decide for us. The problem is to covince the judge that the child is better off staying with the father as it is hard to prove it. I have also thinking of take the child out of the country quietly but after reading many of the posts I realized that it is a crime on human trafficking. I only see my child once on the first day she was born. As you notice what I had posted her behavior has been puzzling me for many months. I am thinking if money is what she want then I shall divorce her in malaysia and move on with my life.

The only thing that matters is that you are legally married. Your marriage is recognized by Thailand and you are the legal fahter. The only thing is that you have to proof your marriage, which will be an inconvienience but not a big problem.

Your best hope seems to negotiate with the mother about a settlement, including the custody of the child.

[ironloyalty]

You mean that even we are married in Malaysia the Thai government still recognize it? My name is not on the child birt cert which i think will be troublesome to convince the Thai authority. Thanks.

[Mario2008]

You mean that even we are married in Malaysia the Thai government still recognize it? My name is not on the child birt cert which i think will be troublesome to convince the Thai authority. Thanks.

You mean that even we are married in Malaysia the Thai government still recognize it? My name is not on the child birt cert which i think will be troublesome to convince the Thai authority. Thanks.

A child born during marriage is automatically considerd to be the child of the husband. That is so in thailand and probably also in Malaysia.

All you have to do is proof your marriage, with docuemtns certified by the Malasysian government and the Thai embassy in Malaysia, that confirm you are indeed married.

Your name not being on the birth certificate is not that unusual, but in any case irrelevant to the question if you are the father or not. Your marriage means that you are the father by law.

[poanoi]

You have the upper hand in this negotiation,

let her struggle a couple of years and she will come to your terms.

Perhaps her plan was to get a milk-cow all along, but she didn't think it through

(not uncommon)

Edited March 13, 2012 by poanoi

[manarak]

hmmm... wife ran away with the child.

she only wants money?

why do you want the child?

might sound a bit heartless, but the child is a big inconvenience for you, especially if you would like to find another wife.

why don't you get divorced in Malaysia and move on?

[samsiam]

hmmm... wife ran away with the child.

she only wants money?

why do you want the child?

might sound a bit heartless, but the child is a big inconvenience for you, especially if you would like to find another wife.

why don't you get divorced in Malaysia and move on?

Future father of the year potential here.

[brizzle]

hmmm... wife ran away with the child.

she only wants money?

why do you want the child?

might sound a bit heartless, but the child is a big inconvenience for you, especially if you would like to find another wife.

why don't you get divorced in Malaysia and move on?

Future father of the year potential here.

Yes I totally agree ....but year in Spanish is Ano and a real man always cares about his kids which this poster seems to be oblivious to.... so I hereby propose that in the interests of fair play ''Manarak'' should change his screen name to a more politically correct ''Anorak'' ...

[ironloyalty]

Thank you all for your replies. Mario, do you know that if it is more than 30 days can parents still register their child with the Ampur? I am asking this because i will be seeing my wife in Hat Yai next week. My baby is 3 months old and she was born at Hai Yai hospital. Cheers!

[Mario2008]

A baby must be registered within 15 days at the loca amphur, if not a fine of 500 baht will be charged and that is it.

You might be talking about changing a birth certificate or adding you, I'm not sure if that is ever done. Isaanlawyers will be able to give you the answer to that. But as I said, you are the legal father by default. For you it would be a problem to be NOT considered the legal father.

[ironloyalty]

My wife said she did put my name on the hospital paper (dun know what it call) when the baby is born but not yet register at the Ampur yet. Does it make any difference?

[Mario2008]

No, but it might be that the hospital registered it. Some hospitals do that as a service, but in that case she would have received the official birth certificate.

If she doesn't have it, she needs the hospital certificate to register the paper (and pay a fine of 500 baht for late registering).

[ironloyalty]

Thanks a lot. I shall update here if anything happen next week.

[Sing_Sling]

What an absolutely horrific situation to be in - I hope it works out for you in the end and hope there won't be much pain in the process

[ironloyalty]

Dear Mario. Just wondering is there a dress code for going to the Ampur. When i go for holiday i like to wear shorts and i not sure whether it is allowed to go into the Ampur. Thanks.

[theblether]

Dear Mario. Just wondering is there a dress code for going to the Ampur. When i go for holiday i like to wear shorts and i not sure whether it is allowed to go into the Ampur. Thanks.

Dress smartly. You would dress smartly to go and see officials in your own country so do the same in Thailand. In fact, dress to impress, it won't do any harm.

[Mario2008]

Per above. You don't have to wear a suit, but dress politly. They represent the government and would like to see some respect. (No shoes, no shirt, and flip flops might mean no service)

[ironloyalty]

Ok. Thank You.

[transam]

Ok. Thank You.

Remember your socks eh.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

From a practical POV, don't bother arguing with this from a moral POV. Divorce her in any case, she clearly doesn't deserve to remain your wife. Don't bother with lawyers and the courts unless they become necessary from a practical POV.

If you want to keep the child and raise it as a single father - relatively easy and low-cost here in SE Asia as long as you have a decent income - or with a new partner - just pay her the once-off cost in exchange for her legally signing away all rights over the child under Thai law. If you want to do this, negotiate hard to reduce her price, convince her this will be best for the child - my ex agreed for free, legal process is down at the amphoe office, no lawyers needed.

Otherwise feel free to contribute to her costs in raising the child as your conscience dictates. Personally I would demand visitation rights in exchange, but in reality pay no matter what. Find a way independent of her to verify that the child is being raised properly.

Best of luck for your difficult situation, and I salute your wanting to do the right thing for your child.

[belg]

chance that the baby is black and not yours ??? reason for running away as she knew 9 months ago ?

[transam]

chance that the baby is black and not yours ??? reason for running away as she knew 9 months ago ?

Odd post.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

chance that the baby is black and not yours ??? reason for running away as she knew 9 months ago ?

Odd post.

Very odd. Personally if this were the situtation and she ran away because she assumed I'd reject her for being unfaithful, then that would be a mitigating circumstance for me to take her back.

I've raised several children that weren't my own, and although within my heart it wasn't quite the same as those with my DNA it did my best to not let it make a difference, and we are all still family.

This willingness is one of the big reasons so many Thai single mothers are so keen to land a farang, although from the POV of many Thais (and even some farang, whom I pity) we are just "suckers".

Totally OT but an eye-opening little story.

One of my tutoring clients (from here on "A") is either the previous "official" wife or more likely an ex-mia noi of a super-wealthy Thai-Chinese businessman. One of the conditions of her having me teach her son is that the whole arrangement is kept super-secret from anyone else at the international school we're associated with, parents, teachers, other students, she's even worried about the guards and maids finding out.

The father sponsors the boy's education, but his current "primary" wife (the youngest of course, from here on "B") had demanded that this be limited to the regular school tuition only, A's son is not allowed to receive any extra tutoring outside of school, and if B finds out then the father will stop his sponsorship of A's son's very expensive (half a million per year +) education.

Apparently this is because B wants to make sure her son receives a better education overall, so that he will have an edge over B's when it comes to future battles over who takes control over which parts of the business empire.

A great example of truth being stranger than fiction, you couldn't make this stuff up. . .

[ironloyalty]

chance that the baby is black and not yours ??? reason for running away as she knew 9 months ago ?

I would really appreciate if you are unable to contribute please leave this thread and go some place else. Your question is not funny at all.

[ironloyalty]

I met my wife last weekend and apparently she did not register my name on the birth certificate. Subsequently i asked a friend of mine staying at Hat Yai to find out whether it is possible to add my name on it. He told me that i have to go back to the hospital where the child is born and update the birth paper by the doctor in charge. Then bring the paper to the Amphur where she register my child to change it, with both parent present. I think is quite simple of the process. I shall see what to do next.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I met my wife last weekend and apparently she did not register my name on the birth certificate. Subsequently i asked a friend of mine staying at Hat Yai to find out whether it is possible to add my name on it. He told me that i have to go back to the hospital where the child is born and update the birth paper by the doctor in charge. Then bring the paper to the Amphur where she register my child to change it, with both parent present. I think is quite simple of the process. I shall see what to do next.

Note that having your name on the BC is not that important legally AFAIK, the fact that you were legally married in Malaysia is more important. Were you married to her over 9 months prior to the date of delivery?

This is what should give you (shared) parental rights, but if she's going to try to fight you on this you definitely need legal advice.

I'd recommend trying to resolve the personal relationship issues before going too far with the legal stuff. For example, what does she say is the reason why your wife didn't put your name on the BC herself? It would also probably be helpful if you clearly stated what your goals were in the situation. And what is it you think she's aiming for? If she just wants you out of their lives and to provide money, are you willing to accept that?