Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[StreetCowboy]

A sign on a brothel in Pattaya Soi 6 clearly states "No Running".

I think you'll find that's "No running water"

SC

[connda]

Western man to guy next to him in the bar:

Well, I was a complete failure back home and everybody used to look down on me. Then somebody told me that the average wage in Thailand was about 5k baht a month. So I thought I'd come over here and look down on the locals. Unfortunately I soon realised that the ability to earn more money than a Thai factory worker still put me at the bottom of the pile as an ex-pat (and among many Thais as well). So now I bitch and moan on the Internet and deride everything Thai in a vain attempt to retain some sense of self worth.

Hummm... Talking about yourself again!

[connda]

Thai male using a Western hong naam: I'll put the seat up before I take a leak.

[connda]

Thai Singing Contestant: I know! I can't even hold the low notes without my voice breaking. I think I'll go back and sit with the audience and listen to the other contestants.

[connda]

Expat at local clinic: Man, the doctor visit cost 200 baht and I got these 6 bags of medicine too. Total cost for the visit -- 500 baht. These doctors and clinics should be charging 20 times that amount. Don't these local doctors know that they could have vacation homes in Tuscany and Switzerland like their American counterparts? All they need to do is bleed the middle class dry.

[DocN]

Thai man to Thai woman: You are pregnant? That means it is time to face my responsibility and take good care of you and the child instead of boozing all day, running away and <deleted> the next best girl until the whole thing starts all over again!

[thaiphoon]

1 inappropriate post has been removed.

[StreetCowboy]

1 inappropriate post has been removed.

I'm sure I've heard that often enough Normally by PM

SC

[inthepink]

Western man to guy next to him in the bar:

Well, I was a complete failure back home and everybody used to look down on me. Then somebody told me that the average wage in Thailand was about 5k baht a month. So I thought I'd come over here and look down on the locals. Unfortunately I soon realised that the ability to earn more money than a Thai factory worker still put me at the bottom of the pile as an ex-pat (and among many Thais as well). So now I bitch and moan on the Internet and deride everything Thai in a vain attempt to retain some sense of self worth.

Hummm... Talking about yourself again!

Maybe I have misunderstood the nature of this thread. You're the second person to claim I am talking about myself - have I hit a nerve, or are we only allowed to take the p*ss out of Thai people on this thread? Edited March 31, 2012 by inthepink

[aneliane]

Magnificent collection of cliches : Thai people are greedy / they all want to take money of farangs, BLABLAH

BORING

next

[F1fanatic]

If you're not enjoying this obviously, intentionally, funny thread - you are at perfect liberty to not read it, let alone post.

[brit1984]

Magnificent collection of cliches : Thai people are greedy / they all want to take money of farangs, BLABLAH

BORING

next

Fair point Analien... your recent thread where you explained that the Thai people are racists and attacked every poster who tried to disagree with you is much more interesting

[mackes]

Magnificent collection of cliches : Thai people are greedy / they all want to take money of farangs, BLABLAH

BORING

next

Try laugh, I'm sure it will make you good. If you can't find anything funny, join with a Thai. They are good at laughing

[lovelaos]

Something you will never hear anelaine say - what a wonderful day and how happy I am to be surrounded by these wonderful people in this wonderful country.

[Konini]

Any Thai - This is very noisy, I won't do it now as it's early and people may be still sleeping.....

[aussiebebe]

Any Thai - This is very noisy, I won't do it now as it's early and people may be still sleeping.....

Oh yes! I live next to a Tesco supermarket and there are skateboarders in the car park every night and then this guy comes and flies his RC Helicopter at 6:30am everyday. There are just no laws in Thailand about noise, it's a joke. One of these days I'll find out where to order an RC Jammer from!

[StreetCowboy]

Magnificent collection of cliches : Thai people are greedy / they all want to take money of farangs, BLABLAH

BORING

next

I hear that all the time, particularly on this forum. You don't seem to be getting into the spirit of the thread - both the cliches and the ignorant condemnation of the cliches. In fact, I would say that your own thread presented the epitome of such views.

Perhaps a magnetic personality like mine should have noticed your irony earlier.

SC

[Konini]

I have a cunning plan.

A plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

(Blackadder, of course)

Edited March 31, 2012 by Konini

[Konini]

Oh yes! I live next to a Tesco supermarket and there are skateboarders in the car park every night and then this guy comes and flies his RC Helicopter at 6:30am everyday. There are just no laws in Thailand about noise, it's a joke. One of these days I'll find out where to order an RC Jammer from!

We have an election next weekend here in Chiang Mai. I can't wait until it's finished and the 'Happy Clappy' type music and urging to vote via mobile loud speakers finishes. It starts soooo early.

[YipYipYa123]

Any Thai - This is very noisy, I won't do it now as it's early and people may be still sleeping.....

Oh yes! I live next to a Tesco supermarket and there are skateboarders in the car park every night and then this guy comes and flies his RC Helicopter at 6:30am everyday. There are just no laws in Thailand about noise, it's a joke. One of these days I'll find out where to order an RC Jammer from!

i would order a heavy duty catapult and some ball bearings (300 feet per second)

if its too hard to hit the moving helicopter ,hit the pilot around the gonnads ,1 shot and he will be finished

[canuckamuck]

It's your turn to shovel the snow off the driveway.

[brit1984]

Hi - my name is Jesus - wanna be a disciple?

[connda]

Thai motorcycle rider: Ok, coming to the end of the Soi and turning onto the main road, slow down, full stop at the stop sign, turn my head and check to see if there is any oncoming traffic that may kill me, all clear and safely merge into traffic.

[connda]

Samlaw driver: I don't think I'll push my way to the front of this line of traffic stopped at the red light. If I did that, I'd block all of the cars and motorcycles and create a huge traffic jam when the light turns green.

[connda]

Thai bicyclist: I don't think I'll push my way to the front of this line of traffic stopped at the red light. If I did that, I'd block all of the cars and motorcycles and create a huge traffic jam when the light turns green.

[connda]

Honda Wave with mom, dad, three kids and the family dog: I don't think I'll push my way to the front of this line of traffic stopped at the red light and then turn my motorcycle at a 45% angle in front of all the other motorcycles. If I did that, I'd block all of the other motorcycles and create a clusterf**k when the light turns green.

[connda]

Most Thai drivers: Humm, I've got to turn right up here in about 200 meters. Ok, right turn signal on, look in the rear view mirror, safely merge into the right hand turn lane, slow down for the corner but not so slow as to block the traffic behind me, make the turn with smooth acceleration and back up to speed again.

Edited March 31, 2012 by connda

[connda]

Lonely Female Expat: God I feel like a fish out of water. Thank God I have the support of all these friendly and culturally accepting Thai folk to help me through the day. That, and those wonderful and witty Expat TV members who are just so funny!!! And that Bleather fellow just about put me in stitches with his Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand......... I laughed so hard I just about passed my morning Frappachino though my nose!!!

[connda]

Angry Expat Feminist: I think I'll try to find some common ground with my fellow male Expats here in Thailand. First, I think I'll start by acknowledging that they are not all sex-crazed, drunken losers; second, I think I'll try to have a good laugh with them about the day-to-day ironies, frustrations, and wonders of our new home here in Thailand.

[connda]

Lonely, bored female expat: I think I'll try to find some common ground with my fellow male Expats here in Thailand. First, I think I'll start by acknowledging that they are not all boring losers; second, I try to acknowledge that all Thais aren't racists; third, I think I'll enroll in a Thai language class -- I could learn the language and maybe meet some new friends; and fourth, I think I'll try to have a good laugh with them about the day-to-day ironies, frustrations, and wonders of our new home here in Thailand.

Edited March 31, 2012 by connda