Long Distance Stints

[eek]

(Dangerous place "the pub" for a relatively serious topic, but well, here goes anyway!)

Even been in a situation where you or your partner had to part for a length of time (months)? For work, or personal circumstances, whatever it may have been.

How did you keep the connection going? Regular calls? Emails? Do anything special?

Have any concerns or trust issues creep in?

Were you able to balance out and sync well with each others expectations (regarding contact etc)?

What were the biggest (if any) hurdles or issues?

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Seeing as im asking, would be only fair to mention that i am of course in this situation at present. About 8 months ago was the first time, when my bf had to work away for 4 months. I confess it wasnt easy. Now hes away again..and it will be for longer this time, although will see him for a few weeks in 4 months time. We need to put some money behind us, so its necessary. Im pretty independent, so in that sense alls good, but do need to keep that feeling of connection.

Interested in others experiences in this.

[submaniac]

oooh Eek...sorry to hear he's got to go away from you a bit...but there's no reason the distance should hinder the relationship though. There's email. There's telephones. There's Skype. I know they don't fill the gap when you feel like snuggling up with someone, but it can hold you over. It sounds like he is doing it for the "greater good" to take care of both of you. I have done the long distance thing before too...it can be done and the relationship can be stable. Is he someplace that you cannot visit him or go with him when he has to leave? I thought your occupation was kind of flexible in that regards?

Edit: thought I'd answer your questions :

Even been in a situation where you or your partner had to part for a length of time (months)? For work, or personal circumstances, whatever it may have been.

Oh yes.

How did you keep the connection going? Regular calls? Emails? Do anything special?

Usually regular telephone calls or (cheaper) skype. Usually LONG telephone conversations when possible...or bunch of shorter, multiple conversations.

Have any concerns or trust issues creep in?

Sometimes you do...BUT with me, if it's someone you want to be with, and the feeling is mutual, and they are what you wanted, why would you look elsewhere. Also the phone calls help...like at irregular times...it's hard for them to be seeing someone else when you call at random times and strange hours that they would be with someone else if they were with someone else. (If you understand my gibberish English).

Were you able to balance out and sync well with each others expectations (regarding contact etc)?

Yes. If there was a problem with communication, we would have a conversation about how to improve the situation. He will miss you as much as you miss him, so usually that will work itself out.

What were the biggest (if any) hurdles or issues?

The longing and the missing...not having them immediately available. Like sometimes you just wanted a hug...or company to veg out and sit on the couch and watch TV.

Edited March 29, 2012 by submaniac

[TexasRanger]

I have been doing this for years. It all depends on the trust in the first place, of all the partners I have had (not just talking Thailand here) the only issues I ever had were that they were not "the one" I think.

I now regularly leave my wife for work, for a couple of months at a time, this was the case before we even met. She could of course have a seperate life when I am not here and would probably get away with it fairly easily. I am 99.9% sure she doesn't, and the same as me doing stuff when i am away. The only reason I don't quote 100% trust is that we are human. When I am away we used to get by one the occasional phone call, about once a week, but since she has got into email we now use that. Some friends I have are on the phone every day but to be honest what the hell they talk about every day is beyond me. I do believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder as I am sure we would get on each others nerves if I was here full time. I and the thousands of people who do what I do find that we have a better relationship as a result of spending time away. The only ones I ever meet who have trust probems while working away are those that would have them if they went for a night out alone.

[David48]

eek ... you come with the highest recommendations and much respect there.

We all have tried this at sometimes in our life ... I'm trying it now.

So many times you read about relationships and why they failed and many times there was no one particular reason.

Often the answer is ... we grew apart.

So the answer to that is keep an interest in each others activities.

I hate Thai soaps ... but watch them.

I'm sure my Thai gf does the equivalent for me (but she's to cunning for me to notice).

Surprise cards are nice, particularly when they have a photo of the two of you together at special place of yours. Re-enforces the couple concept and the prompts why he found you irresistible at the time.

Keep some contact with his mother ... almost all men listen to their mother.

My girl and I did a small project together here on TV ..

Just some thoughts.

I'm in love ... and that counts for everything.

[dean999]

The first 3 years of me and the wife's relationship was spent like this; me going to Thailand for 3 - 4 weeks every 6 months. The hardest time was leaving her at the airport and the two weeks after. Then you just get into a routine of lots of messages and phone calls. My wife didn't know how to use the internet, so Skype and email was out. The worst time was when i was away on my ship because we only get 30 minutes a week in calls. Got to love the government, Navy first, family second. But hay, thats my choice of job.

At the start of are relationship, i found it quite hard because i couldn't understand why she was waiting so long for me. British women i had been with before wouldn't wait 5 minutes, let alone 6 months. So once i worked out she was not going to run off with the first man that could give her a proper relationship, we were golden. It's all about mind set and keeping busy. Sitting around thinking is the worst thing. Thats why when we go away on deployment for 6 months, we work 7 days a week. If there's nothing to do we clean. Thinking is your enemy.

One of the worst things i found was, when i rang my wife and she didn't answer the phone. She was at the cinama, shower or something similar. I would start to worry. Accident worry, not cheating worry.

A lot of Navy wife's say that once the husband has left for 6 months they just get into a routine and they actually get a bit p_ssed off when he comes home and breaks that routine. It's a little bit different for them though, they have people around them thats in the same situation.

I think if you have a strong relationship with someone, you can survive anything. Love conquers all, as they say. Also, seperation makes the heart grow fonder.

Hope this helps in some way. I'm not the best writer.

[eek]

Thank you for honest opinions. Its also been very nice (as well as surprising) to read such positive stories. (Im used to the negativity so often on thaivisa!)

Trust is not an issue, on either side, so thats good. Im ok with the long distance thing, just feel it is very very important to keep a connection. I also think it is quite healthy too not to be in each others pockets. But of course, miss the intimacy that no amount of technology can provide. ^.^

oooh Eek...sorry to hear he's got to go away from you a bit...but there's no reason the distance should hinder the relationship though. There's email. There's telephones. There's Skype. I know they don't fill the gap when you feel like snuggling up with someone, but it can hold you over. It sounds like he is doing it for the "greater good" to take care of both of you. I have done the long distance thing before too...it can be done and the relationship can be stable. Is he someplace that you cannot visit him or go with him when he has to leave? I thought your occupation was kind of flexible in that regards?

Will go over in about 3 or 4 months sub. At the moment we are just working it out, playing by ear. Hes working in the mines, so 12 hour shifts every day of the week, so even if i was there, it would probably be more exhausting and stressful for him. So, both of us concentrating on work, money, and the future..thats all we can do for now!..and keeping my fingers crossed!

[473geo]

Yep it's all a mix of what has been said above, for me it has become normal, as you have the trust, you know you are both working for the result you anticipate, it becomes a bit of a pleasant challenge to keep the relationship fresh and loving.

I have a deal where I get free calls to Thailand, if I post certain amounts on my phone account, so I use the credit to text, and call for free, E-mail for the more detailed conversations such stories about the children

You know there is something special when you look forward to that E-mail every day........and it always arrives

[kerryk]

I was married long distance for a year. She cheated on me. I cheated on her. Marriage broke up.

I was married long distance for a year. She cheated on me. I cheated on her. Marriage broke up.

Stopped having long distance relationships. Both occurred before the advent of the internet.

[BlueScouse]

I have been married for about 23 years. As with Dean 999, I work on a ship, but a merchant ship. At first, doing 7 months on, then 3 months at home.Now down to 10 weeks on/ off.

No e-mails in 1990.No phone at home either.Just ordinary letters.Leave Australia, start writing a letter, arrive Europe 6 weeks later. post letter etc.Then afer leaving ship, arrange flight and visa, then send a telegramme with arrival date.

Only real problems when the children arrived. Going away a couple of months after born, returning and the kids are crawling.

[submaniac]

Hes working in the mines, so 12 hour shifts every day of the week...

Well, if it is any consolation, I think that working 12 hours a day in a mine every day of the week makes him very unlikely to stray....

[Travel2003]

I have been married for about 23 years. As with Dean 999, I work on a ship, but a merchant ship. At first, doing 7 months on, then 3 months at home.Now down to 10 weeks on/ off.

No e-mails in 1990.No phone at home either.Just ordinary letters.Leave Australia, start writing a letter, arrive Europe 6 weeks later. post letter etc.Then afer leaving ship, arrange flight and visa, then send a telegramme with arrival date.

Only real problems when the children arrived. Going away a couple of months after born, returning and the kids are crawling.

Same same.

The problem I faced back in the old land when I was single was the fact it was very difficult to get a gf, due to the time away. As soon as they found out I would be gone for months at the time, they back off.

When I finally found a gf, the time/distance was never the issue if we broke up.

Don't you just love the American reality series when the producer give the participants their best gift in their entire life. A telephone call to their family after a whole 2-3 weeks?

lol

[IanForbes]

I think attractive young women like eek are at a bit of a disadvantage when it comes to relationships with farang men in Thailand. Thailand is hardly a hotbed for foreigners making a fortune through business. Most young adults need to make a living, and when it can't be done in Thailand with any degree of success, it means going off shore to earn an income. That means those that want a somewhat steady relationship are going to be separated from their lover for a good portion of time.

When I was first married my career took me away every other month. That wasn't too bad for my wife because we didn't have any children and she had the use of my big SUV. She had a part time job as a nurse and her time was her own. Separation was not too bad for her because she had lots of friends and lots of free time. However, after our daughter was born it was an entirely different scenario. Marlene was stuck at home alone with our child and she could only find a few local friends who also had children. Marlene found it much more difficult. I had always been a mountain man and was used to being separated and alone. It didn't bother me as much.

[daftpunker]

Trust what nake you a real lover trust,.Wise words from the pintsize genius of music prince.

If you want to be together it will happen.absence makes the heart grow fonder.