A few days away from the maddening crowd, noise and smog. Started driving, took the roads less traveled. Late in the afternoon, my girlfriend and I found ourselves on a quiet tree-lined road which, according to the map, came to an end ten kilometers up the road. No westerners have ever lived here, and no one had even seen one in a year or more, or so we were told.

Pulled into a two-bungalow resort for the night, a mile outside a very small town that time’s forgotten. A five rai grove of trees; an oasis surrounded by rice fields. Large pond with fish hovering near the surface, as if dozing. Water trickling somewhere. Fresh air. Lush, tropical, cool and, best of all, quiet.

Tables dotted the perimeter. We sat in the back corner of the property, next to the pond, and ordered food. I sipped at a beer and gulped in the quiet beauty. Grey mountains in the background, in the foreground, the bright variegated greens of the rice fields and their few trees, standing alone, straight and tall.

Here and there a lazy, fat, “boxing cow” stood grazing, or stooping to drink. Snow white birds with long black beaks sat on their shoulders. In the distance, a leathery old man with a two-foot wide hat, rhythmically tilled by hand as the sun set. Grinning dogs chased each other, bounding in circles about him, in a game of canine tag. Cicada hummed, birds chirped and sang about the wonderful day they’d had. A dragonfly lighted on my beer, and we saw some owls come home to nest in the tall grass—just yards away from where we sat—as the sun disappeared in a riot of color, and some fireflys appeared to romantically light the night.

Bucolic.

Peaceful.

Serene.

The stars came out, unimpeded by city glare.

Stress poured forth from my bones in a series of sips and sighs. My girlfriend smiled at me. I smiled at my girlfriend.

“Taste, wun, doo, tlee, taste…”

BOOM—BOOM—BOOMBOOMBOOM—BOOM…

My head dropped and I heard my girlfriend suck in half a breath. I rubbed my forehead and temples with my right hand and she reached over and touched my left forearm.

“Jai yen, Shodomon, jai yen.”

The cement table vibrated. The ground shook.

25,000 watt speakers, that I had not noticed on arrival (and, out of habit, I had looked), began broadcasting the 125 decibel racket of an intoxicated twenty-something male, able to read less than half the words from a TV screen, one that had been black upon our arrival. He had a voice that would have made Helen Keller cringe, or Genghis Khan retreat.

Postscript: For those readers who oft wonder why it is so difficult for foreigners to own a firearm here in Thailand, perhaps moments in time such as this will shed some light on the wisdom of Thai authorities.

His attempt at singing was probably as bad as your attempt at literature.

His attempt at singing was probably as bad as your attempt at literature.

These school teachers certainly know how to throw a punch. At school i just got - needs to do better. E grade.

I liked it.

His attempt at singing was probably as bad as your attempt at literature.

Hey dean 999--who's the babe in your avatar?

Hey dean 999--who's the babe in your avatar?

His wife. Chained to the bathroom sink though, so forget any ideas.

Edited April 11, 201214 yr by Semper

Hey dean 999--who's the babe in your avatar?

Here is the website the photo is from:

http://www.hongkonghotelmassage.com/sexy-asian-women/

Hey dean 999--who's the babe in your avatar?

His wife. Chained to the bathroom sink though, so forget any ideas.

You just go to google image and put in the photo.

Hey dean 999--who's the babe in your avatar?

His wife. Chained to the bathroom sink though, so forget any ideas.

You just go to google image and put in the photo.

Got it in one Kerryk. Google images. Best picture i could find.

All the other avatars i put on, i got told to remove them. People haven't complained about this one, but i do get a lot of comments. Only one bad one, but i think he doesn't like girls.

Hey dean 999--who's the babe in your avatar?

His wife. Chained to the bathroom sink though, so forget any ideas.

You just go to google image and put in the photo.

Got it in one Kerryk. Google images. Best picture i could find.

All the other avatars i put on, i got told to remove them. People haven't complained about this one, but i do get a lot of comments. Only one bad one, but i think he doesn't like girls.

Google images! So you lied to me about the bathroom sink thing. Bad man, I say bad.