Carry Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Got a lawyer on it and papers are being translated as we speak. My whole family is doing everything they can, my mom took unpaid leave from work to help me out with the baby the first few weeks and my dad is coming for 6 months with his wife to help where ever they can. Thanks Eek for your compassionate post, I am angry but will not lower myself to make them loose face. Although I have to admit right now I am really angry about their greediness and the way they abandon my daughter, i know how much my husband loved them and i will respect that and I am confident that in the matter of what is rightfully ours we will get in the end. although i will not like my first intention was stay here so my daughter and them can bond, i will try to make a life for her and me in thailand for now because that is half her herritage and we as a family were happy here once. Thanks everybody for your replies, I will keep you posted... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 good luck Carry, please do keep us posted, this is just too sad to read they are so selfish they don't even care about their own grandchild 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Oh Carry I am so sorry for your loss. I hope everything works out and you can get the marriage and your daughter registered belatedly in Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tingtongtourist Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 I'm actually currently on a "I hate men" period. That's all nationalities, not just Thai! haha. i guess this mean your a MRogenist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHeather Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Got a lawyer on it and papers are being translated as we speak. My whole family is doing everything they can, my mom took unpaid leave from work to help me out with the baby the first few weeks and my dad is coming for 6 months with his wife to help where ever they can. Thanks Eek for your compassionate post, I am angry but will not lower myself to make them loose face. Although I have to admit right now I am really angry about their greediness and the way they abandon my daughter, i know how much my husband loved them and i will respect that and I am confident that in the matter of what is rightfully ours we will get in the end. although i will not like my first intention was stay here so my daughter and them can bond, i will try to make a life for her and me in thailand for now because that is half her herritage and we as a family were happy here once. Thanks everybody for your replies, I will keep you posted... Having just read the past two pages please first let me offer you my condolences on your loss, Carry. What a terrible shock to lose your husband and the father of your child so suddenly and even worse to find out his family is so completely selfish. I hope that you have some supporters where you live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Yep got some support even from people I did not expect it from, although some people I really didnt expect it from gave me a lot of trouble too! Strange world, when somebody dies, everybody is trying to make or take something... I got strangers coming to our place telling me we still own a certain bike company money for the two bikes we own and that I can give them the money and they will take care?!?!?! I know exactly when and where we bought those bikes and we certainly dont owe anything...such opportunist! It made me laugh really....crazy world. Feeling stronger every day though.and although it's not the easiest path or place to be right now I would not want to live anywhere else at the moment. Also moving back into our house [he was found in front of the front door..] been living in our bar/restaurant until now but feeling strong enough and longing for our home again... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Good luck with the move back in, and all that goes with it. At this time at least you find out who your real friends are, and decent people with compassion. Keep us posted please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike123ca Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 If Carrie's in-laws were poor farmers, then I might be able to understand their behavior, but to be very well off and still behave badly is hard to understand. I hope things get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I agree Mike, and it is not about the sharing part, because if they were really poor I would' ve made sure they got whatever they needed too and I like to think that they understood that but I got surprised... Although I know more rich thais, like the landowner. who owns most of the land in our village, this guy and his family are very rich and dont really have to do anything for the money is coming in every month, they are hard working people non the less but it's the rich that are even more uptight with their money, is my experience, not all of them probably but from they few I came across it amazed me how they could make a fuss over small money.... It's been one big learning curve, the last few weeks. It made me realise how much of an outsider I became after losing my hysband, help came from unexpected people, so did problems. Today Ihad a talk with the landlord of our house and I was happy and surprised to hear that he doesnt want us to pay rent just the electricity bill [as this was the deal my husband had with him...] nice to see some people are not out to get money but just try to help... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raesum Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Wow Carry My thoughts are with you. I too am shocked at what the family have done to you and your daughter after your traumatic loss.You are legally married.I never had a Thai wedding ceremony but Immigration dept accepts my translated certificate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Woah and the nightmare continues, although everything is hopefully gonna be alright in the end, I found out today that the oldest sister tried to go behind my back [and the rest of the family] and paid a lawyer a lot of money to come over here and tell me that I would be forced to sell my business......so then she would prob. give me a small amount of whatever it would sell for and keep the rest for when my daughter turns 18.................It is so incredible, it's hillarious, really...how stupid do they think I am?!?! unbelievable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissSorapong Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Hi Carry! Im new here but want to send you a special thought.. I wish everything in the end will be ok for you! Please continue to be strong even though it must be hard. You strike me as an amazing woman and your daughter are lucky to have you. Reading your story has been a eye opener for me and you tought me lots of important stuff and made me think twice about some things.. Thank you and Good Luck! ps. I cannot belive this family ds. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Carry, im looking forward to hearing the GOOD news!!! This family dont deserve an ounce of your respect. As terrible as this sounds, im actually wishing them ill. What goes around comes around. Just hope you get everything sorted, and soon, so these vultures back off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike123ca Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 I wish you well, but you have 2 strikes against you. First off they are Thai and they have home field advantage big time. Second, they have money and let's be honest it's a 3rd world country here. Anything or anybody can be bought for a few baht. You need to get some help in your corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley99 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Hi Carry, sorry to hear of your sad news and the trouble your going through. It's sounds like you've handled your in laws with incredible dignity. Im surprised they would disrespect the memory of their son like this, my husband often talks of having to give offering's to keep spirits happy (in fact we are doing that tomorrow), would it be worth talking to the local monks? I hope you can get this all sorted out x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) yeah, well no matter about if we get what is rightfully ours or not, a cousin of my husband [of whom my husband was very fond of] try to go behind my back [again] and offer the landlord enough money to pay next years rent en told him he would make a company half in then name of my daughter and half in the name of my husbands family. He of course would be the company's lawyer and that way strike up a lot of money himself. The landlord hesitated and went to talk to me about this, when this cousin found out he called my husbands sisters and told them he had seen me drunk and what looked to him as under the influence of illegal substances and my baby was left to herself, looking very dirty and crying....i.e. i was def. not taking care. Mos of them didnt believe it, needless to say it's absolute bullsh*t and I start to wonder why I am still here trying to make things work while there's some real mean people out there who truly dont care. Starting to feel homesick to my own loving family who would give anything to have us close at the moment...instead of fighting of what appears to be a losing battle against some greedy monsters...It;s not even if I am entitled by law, it is that they dont seem to care at all about their brothers daughter. Not all of them thank god but will they be strong enough to fight of the most powerful and rich siblings? Edited August 21, 2012 by Carry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Carry I say this only with concern for yourself & your daughter. Give up. Let them pick over the bones of your husbands life & go back to Europe with your precious child to find stability & love from people not looking to get what they can out of you. You need at this time support, emotional as well as general & you don't sound like you have anyone to give this to you. There is no reason after a period that you can't come back to Thailand, stronger & fight for what belongs by right to you & your child but right now this family sound as if they would do anyting, including harm to you or your child, to get what they want. I would be VERY cautious around anyone, especially where your child is concerned as the family "could" decide they want not only your business, home, land & money but also your child. Personally I would be on the first plane out of there, at the first talk about you being drunk & leaving the child. This can be used as more than just idle gossip, money in the right pockets & you could find yourself in front of a family court with numerous witnesses (paid) attesting to your drunk behavioir. Be very very careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley99 Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 What Boo says makes alot of sense, they have shown they are lacking in morals to act in the manner that they have already there's no telling how far they will go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 I'm with Boo, the attempt to slander you already is quite disturbing (beyond the already disturbing behavior!) I would leave too, tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 after witnessing how easy it was for (former mod) the late, seonai's ex husbands family to keep her son from her, passing him around between various relatives whilst she begged for a few hours of contact, for over 2 years after her ex abducted him, I will never take for granted the ease in which thai poeple can manipulate the law & the police with bribes & aim very real threats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Carry........Boo and sbk are two of the best advocates you could ever hope to have at this point in your life. Boo was very close to seonai and I would suggest to you that if Boo says go........go. By your own words you have said that your family would do anything to have you with them now. Go home to where you know that you will loved and looked after every day, and more importantly, where you know your daughter will be safe and adored. Nothing else matters. Nothing....it's home time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Yes, I do feel like going home too, this weekend will be an important one, since it will become clear how the land and bar will be devided. so i will hear what they decide and then make an decision about where and when etc. I am also convinced the family will not kidnap my child or anything of that sort...the dont want to watch her unless I pay 15.000 baht a month, I seriously doubt they will keep her hostage,a lot of trouble and after all she only has an international passport... It's hard enough as it is. Trying not to go completely paranoid but am realizing that it is time to go home to my own family, so sad though. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 carry so sorry to hear *(read) about what is happening with you and your daughter; it all just reminds me how vulnerable partners are when in 'foreign' lands; after being in israel for 30 years, while getting divorced from my kibbutz husband, i gave in on many issues due to the (irrational) fear that everyone would take his side (on the kibbutz), or make trouble for me (bad mom sort of stuff), all sorts of wierd things, so i gave in to most of his demands having to do with finances (which kibbutz didnt interfere with, but had i known that they would have provided me with additional legal help i would have done it diffenetly) etc.... all because i had no close family except his, and a few of my own friends here. looking back, i realize how dumb i was; however, even speaking dluent language, i still dont know or understand all legalities here, nor do i have ALL the inbred traits of 'dealing' here. i think you also dont have the traits needed for dealing with problems now in thailand. i think in your case, if u have where to go back 'home', then go. i had no choice since i have no where to go back too , plus had kids in army etc.... i hopefully will provide my thai husband with some legal backup when and if i drop dead before him (or become incompacitated), because he will not be able to go up against kibbutz nor israeli beuaracracy w/o help from a friendly source. hoepefully, my own kids will be friends and not enemies towards him (i have no assets, the house belongs to the kibbutz, and he woudl have to leave so i would have to make suitable arrangements ahead of time)..because HE also would be vulnerable and alone, alhtough he definately has a place to go back to in korat. i was fortunate enough to find ex's extended family more sympathetic with me then he was; unforutnately for you, it is not so, but im sure a new 'leaf' in your homeland country can be turned/started; with help from your own family and friends, i wish you luck and strenghth, and try to present your thai side of the family in a neutral light to your duaghter, who may want to ask questions later in life (even if u find yourself feeling bitter at them, rightfully so...)about 'dad's family'.... (jsut to give you an idea, my ex's sister died while pregnant with second child and the widower was left with a one year old son; although most of us in the extended family werent thrilled with the widower (nor with his second wife) the family did try to give help and love to the son even til this day, 21 years later, in spite of everything.... which shows it can be done... bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thank god, the legal side is finally finished, the bar is now ours officially....! The request of the family to make a thai passport for my baby is denied by me and my lawyer... Hopefully things will only go better from this point on, I dont wanna rush back to my home country allthough the last few months made me realize I dont want to stay here indefinitely either...lets see. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krupnik Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thank god, the legal side is finally finished, the bar is now ours officially....! The request of the family to make a thai passport for my baby is denied by me and my lawyer... Hopefully things will only go better from this point on, I dont wanna rush back to my home country allthough the last few months made me realize I dont want to stay here indefinitely either...lets see. Glad things are looking up Carry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mauGR1 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thank god, the legal side is finally finished, the bar is now ours officially....! The request of the family to make a thai passport for my baby is denied by me and my lawyer... Hopefully things will only go better from this point on, I dont wanna rush back to my home country allthough the last few months made me realize I dont want to stay here indefinitely either...lets see. Glad things are looking up Carry Hope things will run smooth from now on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Me too but just watch yourself. Be careful, they cannot be trusted in any way, shape or form Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) Regard it as the breathing space to allow you to make the decisions that are best for you and your daughter, tell no one in Thailand your plans, let them all think that you are getting on with life and your fully committed to living there. Learn how to smile like a crocodile...... Then strike when it suits you. Keeping your own counsel is worth it's weight in gold......and if you need to vent you can come here, there are a few experts on dealing with people venting here. You've got more than enough on your plate Carry, but at least you know you have 100% support from your family back home and time now to sort things out. You'll get there in the end. . Edited August 31, 2012 by theblether 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Thanks for your kind words theblether...confident we will make it, one way or another... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silsburyhill Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 (edited) Thank god, the legal side is finally finished, the bar is now ours officially....! The request of the family to make a thai passport for my baby is denied by me and my lawyer... Hopefully things will only go better from this point on, I dont wanna rush back to my home country allthough the last few months made me realize I dont want to stay here indefinitely either...lets see. Good for you Carry! Don't let these vulchers chase you off back to Europe with your tail between your legs. Reading between the lines, you really don't want to go anyway.I get sick and tired of the 'Thai always wins' mentality on this forum. Oh no they don't! Hang in there and tell them to bugger off. They appear to have tried their best to get everything they can out of you, and failed. They'll get bored now. Parasites. Edited September 1, 2012 by silsburyhill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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