What Am I Doing Wrong?

[transam]

There really is no issue over who wanted to hold on to whom - I'm not some lovelorn chump out there looking for a relationship at all costs. I have no fear about being on my own; I don't feel the need to have someone, anyone in my life to be complete. Being alone is not the same as being lonely so you'll forgive me for not measuring my success with women in terms of how long I've managed to stay tethered to one.

I usually measure my success by the number of children I father.

Seriously??!!

Must agree that that is a very sad statement.

[theblether]

I really don't pull women that often because I'm just not that promiscuous and I'm very much a take it or leave it kinda guy. I'm sure I've not given the impression that I think the ability to pull women is tantamount to possessing the emotional intelligence to hold on to them; certainly not in LOS. Having said that, what percentage of the girls that one can pull here would one really want to hold on to?

Fair comment, and I get where you are coming from. I have no difficulty pulling in the UK however after a 17 year marriage and 3 kids I have difficulty in deciding what I want to do next in regards to being in a relationship. Maybe I am just waiting for that thunderbolt to strike, maybe it will, maybe it wont. Who knows.

I think you are more typical than you believe, there are many guys in LOS who would have no problem dating in their own countries, the attraction in LOS though is the dating pool for many is younger and out of their normal league. I think thats called market forces.

So maybe the root of the complaint is not that the male demographic here are incapable of holding down a relationship back home, its more that they have decided to take on the Thai honeys rather than their homeland divorcees.

I can see the logic.

[TommoPhysicist]

I think you are more typical than you believe, there are many guys in LOS who would have no problem dating in their own countries, the attraction in LOS though is the dating pool for many is younger and out of their normal league. I think thats called market forces.

I thought it was called 'compensated dating'

[HardenedSoul]

I really don't pull women that often because I'm just not that promiscuous and I'm very much a take it or leave it kinda guy. I'm sure I've not given the impression that I think the ability to pull women is tantamount to possessing the emotional intelligence to hold on to them; certainly not in LOS. Having said that, what percentage of the girls that one can pull here would one really want to hold on to?

Fair comment, and I get where you are coming from. I have no difficulty pulling in the UK however after a 17 year marriage and 3 kids I have difficulty in deciding what I want to do next in regards to being in a relationship. Maybe I am just waiting for that thunderbolt to strike, maybe it will, maybe it wont. Who knows.

I think you are more typical than you believe, there are many guys in LOS who would have no problem dating in their own countries, the attraction in LOS though is the dating pool for many is younger and out of their normal league. I think thats called market forces.

So maybe the root of the complaint is not that the male demographic here are incapable of holding down a relationship back home, its more that they have decided to take on the Thai honeys rather than their homeland divorcees.

I can see the logic.

No the root of the issue is that a man who's left a string of badly-ended relationships back home shouldn't expect his fortunes in that regard to miraculously reverse in LOS just because he's perceived as relatively wealthy by his quarry. I'm not saying that a relationship that comes to its natural end is a failure cos that'd be daft. Plenty of guys can leave a relationship having learned something that's enriched their lives, so those relationships have, in fact, been successful.

Other men come away from relationships with women back home and are left financially battered or emotionally bankrupt. Some then proceed to describe the entire group in less-than-pleasant terms and to me, it's glaringly obvious that it's just plain bitching because they were, for whatever reason(s), unable to make their work and are still bitter about it. It really is as simple as that.

[true blue]

taking notice of a probably, sour faced, divorced, overweight English woman is probably what you are doing wrong

Very unfair generalisation there. There are some great lasses around just maybe you have a preference for Asian girls, no harm there!

Agreed, lots of beautiful British and Europeans in general. It is usually easier to rationalize...

Was at Chang wattana today and it seems like every expat or foreigner here found the ugliest, most sour faced, haggard looking thai women imaginable. Even some young looking guys. Don't know what kind of fetish one has but strikes me odd if you wants to "upgrade" to a thai wife why one would not at least find one physically appealing.

ive just been in hua hin and i noticed the very same thing,and there was quite a few young guys,walking around with definitely way over the hill elderly thai ladies tattoos an all,very little eye candy down there

[samsiam]

ive just been in hua hin and i noticed the very same thing,and there was quite a few young guys,walking around with definitely way over the hill elderly thai ladies tattoos an all,very little eye candy down there

It must be something in the water.

[thenervoussurgeon]

taking notice of a probably, sour faced, divorced, overweight English woman is probably what you are doing wrong

Very unfair generalisation there. There are some great lasses around just maybe you have a preference for Asian girls, no harm there!

Agreed, lots of beautiful British and Europeans in general. It is usually easier to rationalize...

Was at Chang wattana today and it seems like every expat or foreigner here found the ugliest, most sour faced, haggard looking thai women imaginable. Even some young looking guys. Don't know what kind of fetish one has but strikes me odd if you wants to "upgrade" to a thai wife why one would not at least find one physically appealing.

ive just been in hua hin and i noticed the very same thing,and there was quite a few young guys,walking around with definitely way over the hill elderly thai ladies tattoos an all,very little eye candy down there

I think that the differance is that most of the guys you see walking around hand in hand with a young fit girl are just tourists with a hooker ,wheras when you see an old guy with a not so good looking older woman ,its the fit young bird he married 20 years ago ,my friend is a case in point ,look at a picture of him with his wife 20 years ago ,wow was she a honey ,now 20 years later she is 2 stone heavier and ravaged by time and too much fried rice. , not all Thai women look after themselves ,some of us are just lucky ,you only have to look at the fit young chav women in the U.K when they are 20 then look at them 20 years later after a couple of kids ,40 fags a day and a diet of fish and chips

[pipo1000]

taking notice of a probably, sour faced, divorced, overweight English woman is probably what you are doing wrong

Very unfair generalisation there. There are some great lasses around just maybe you have a preference for Asian girls, no harm there!

Agreed, lots of beautiful British and Europeans in general. It is usually easier to rationalize...

Was at Chang wattana today and it seems like every expat or foreigner here found the ugliest, most sour faced, haggard looking thai women imaginable. Even some young looking guys. Don't know what kind of fetish one has but strikes me odd if you wants to "upgrade" to a thai wife why one would not at least find one physically appealing.

ive just been in hua hin and i noticed the very same thing,and there was quite a few young guys,walking around with definitely way over the hill elderly thai ladies tattoos an all,very little eye candy down there

The older models with some damage ( tattoos ) come at reduced prices. Edited April 21, 2012 by pipo1000

[samsiam]

TNS.....how do you look...or will look in 2o or more years.

I was a superstar.....

But really....some of the 45yo's now with guys that look a tad worse for wear....now way they were stunners 20 years before....no way.

[rachit85]

Do u have a life insurance with her name as a beneficiary?

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[TommoPhysicist]

Some then proceed to describe the entire group in less-than-pleasant terms and to me, it's glaringly obvious that it's just plain bitching because they were, for whatever reason(s), unable to make their work and are still bitter about it. It really is as simple as that.

How many sexual relationships have with women aged 50 and up, without considering the experience 'less than pleasant'?

I would suggest you try it before you put the rest of us down. We gave it a go ....... you didn't.

(Actually, you seem to have confessed to never having a lasting relationship with any woman, I suppose to fail in a relationship, technically you must first have had a relationship)

Bitter

An insult flung around willy-nilly on this forum, usually by those younger posters, without any thought or reason.

Bitter is your whole life revolving around a past unpleasant experience, not a few complaints that take up zero percent of a life.

Edited April 21, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[pipo1000]

TNS.....how do you look...or will look in 2o or more years.

I was a superstar.....

But really....some of the 45yo's now with guys that look a tad worse for wear....now way they were stunners 20 years before....no way.

So I guess that isn't a picture of you then in your avatar.

[ObsessiveAddict]

These are all stereo types you are talking about. believe it or not there is some descent people / thais out there..

[samsiam]

Yes of course there are.

But the majority of farang guys you see with aesthetically challenged individuals is alarming.

I always checkout the girl with any foreigner.....rarely do I need a second look......

My missus got chatted up by a guy in tesco the other day......then I came into the picture and knew him....but he had not met her yet......she told me later he was strange.

.

Edited April 22, 2012 by samsiam

[maxme]

I find a man that's in his forties and still acting like deuce bigalow is a pretty sad story. Though by choice and if you really happy with it then cheers mate but that makes you unqualified in terms of serious relationships. So any advice from you in this compartment can't be interpreted as anything but drivel.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I've been out here almost all of 5 years, and NEVER come across any attempts of trickery, deception or lying to obtain money from gf's.

Well then you haven't been playing the same game as most guys here (in Thailand, although I suspect TV generally although present company excepted if you take offense blah blah).

In my first seven years here I had "relationships" at all levels of intimacy and a very wide range of timeframes with over 500 girls. I'd say 95% of them were successful in both my terms and theirs, many of them off the charts where I could honestly say I'd be happy to die now, enough happiness for one life. Only say 50 of those were with girls explicitly on the game, working in sex-industry-cover places like coffee shops, hair salons, massage shops, bars etc, and of those less than five in farang-oriented barfine situations. That said, I'd say less than 100 of the girls, and most of them in that last category were completely "honest" by my standards, not only truthful in the sense of not lying but open about their history, motivations, intentions.

Now I'm not saying that would be much different back home either, but trying to claim that Thai women in particular are *more* honest than women in native-English speaking countries - well I find that very hard to believe, but maybe things have changed a lot back home since I've lived there.

Some guys cannot experience love. Simple fact. I personally feel sorry for them.

Love is a word with so many overloaded meanings that out of context it means nothing. IMO the feeling of being "in love" is what many people mean; while I certainly enjoy the experience I recognize it as being similar to a temporary drug experience and certainly not the basis for a long-term relationship. My current financial situation doesn't permit me to allow it to significantly influence my choices these days, I see it (as I suspect most Thai women do) as a luxury for the rich.

However what I call real love - intentional and ongoing consideration of the other person's interest and work in helping them to grow as a full human being - is something that IMO is possible to give in nearly all relationship contexts, and sometimes even pays off in being reciprocated - and that *is* the basis for good, more "real" relationships.

If these ideas don't fit with yours, save your pity.

Was at Chang wattana today and it seems like every expat or foreigner here found the ugliest, most sour faced, haggard looking thai women imaginable. Even some young looking guys. Don't know what kind of fetish one has but strikes me odd if you wants to "upgrade" to a thai wife why one would not at least find one physically appealing.

While in some cases it is the result of a man staying with his partner after her youth and beauty have faded, often not. Some guys realize that their odds of finding a woman who's willing to put up with BS, or even actually be honest and sincere, improves in inverse correlation to her age and beauty.

Low self-esteem, lack of work ethic or simply unwillingness prevent the playing the numbers game required to try to get one that approaches the ideal in all categories. They don't speak Thai, they look in all the wrong places and therefore their choices are much more limited.

Beauty and youth just aren't all that important to some, even in the early stage of a relationship. . .

[HardenedSoul]

I find a man that's in his forties and still acting like deuce bigalow is a pretty sad story. Though by choice and if you really happy with it then cheers mate but that makes you unqualified in terms of serious relationships. So any advice from you in this compartment can't be interpreted as anything but drivel.

Well if you'd taken the time to read my post before automatically taking issue with something that acyually isn't even there, then you would have seen the sentence where I explain that I'm not promiscuous therefore hardly redolent of your secret hero, Mr. Bigelow. So much for your findings, eh?

Who on earth said I was giving any advice? I just explained the facts - deal with them or don't cos it's not like I care is it?

Some then proceed to describe the entire group in less-than-pleasant terms and to me, it's glaringly obvious that it's just plain bitching because they were, for whatever reason(s), unable to make their work and are still bitter about it. It really is as simple as that.

(Actually, you seem to have confessed to never having a lasting relationship with any woman, I suppose to fail in a relationship, technically you must first have had a relationship)

Again, read the post. I've had several long-term relationships but just because they didn't culminate in marraige and offspring , it doesn't make me any less qualified to speak on the issue at hand which is that many losers-in-love in "Farangland" will repeat their failures here. Period.

You, sir, are a case in point. It's a plain as the nose on your face that, sooner or later, you will either be unceremoniously turfed off the premises and supplanted by a younger, fitter model or relegated to the status of cuckold. You've more or less painted a bullseye on your back.

Come to thinkof it, I'm willing to bet that since I first mentioned your massive vulnerability yesterday, you've probably thought long and hard about it and will start a new thread somewhere on TV asking how best to cover your arse in case the Thai wife tries to bin you off.

Well, if you do, I won't laugh at you; I'll just say "you're welcome".

Just remember where you heard it first

[ozzieovaseas]

This is just another Thai and Thai wife bashing thread.

The psychology being that the OP`s wife is a decent person and not a gold digger, so therefore she is unique in Thailand.

The OP believes he is being smart by wording his post in ways that will probably receive a lot of negative responses regarding Thai women.

This ploy doesn’t work with me and to answer the OPs question, what is he doing wrong? It is obvious that he has very low opinions of Thai women and a great mistrust of his own wife if he has to question her decency with complete strangers on a forum like this. I believe this poor long suffering wife should be the one having doubts about her spouse with good reason.

I agree, our thenervoussurgeon is doing something wrong and there is something wrong with him as confirmed by his own statement.

I wonder what the bottom line of the deal is here?

Yes, fully agree with this but i fear you give the OP way to much credit. Most times you will find the real deal is buried in the details.

Makes me wonder...where does the OP live?

The wifes parents must be so jaidee that they let him stay in the extended family home and still ask for nothing in return?

But OP, do tell us if you built or paid for...a house YOU WILL NEVER own??.

Then we will tell you what you did wrong

[TommoPhysicist]

You, sir, are a case in point. It's a plain as the nose on your face that, sooner or later, you will either be unceremoniously turfed off the premises and supplanted by a younger, fitter model or relegated to the status of cuckold. You've more or less painted a bullseye on your back.

Having nothing to lose in Thailand, I am unlikely to become a 'loser'.

I can only lose my pension if I die.

Anyway, my many failed relationships, so far ONE that failed after about 30 years ..... that seems to have lasted a longer time than you could actually live in a relationship even if you were to start tomorrow. How long did your longest relationship last? (now you have admitted to having one)

[thenervoussurgeon]

This is just another Thai and Thai wife bashing thread.

The psychology being that the OP`s wife is a decent person and not a gold digger, so therefore she is unique in Thailand.

The OP believes he is being smart by wording his post in ways that will probably receive a lot of negative responses regarding Thai women.

This ploy doesn’t work with me and to answer the OPs question, what is he doing wrong? It is obvious that he has very low opinions of Thai women and a great mistrust of his own wife if he has to question her decency with complete strangers on a forum like this. I believe this poor long suffering wife should be the one having doubts about her spouse with good reason.

I agree, our thenervoussurgeon is doing something wrong and there is something wrong with him as confirmed by his own statement.

I wonder what the bottom line of the deal is here?

Yes, fully agree with this but i fear you give the OP way to much credit. Most times you will find the real deal is buried in the details.

Makes me wonder...where does the OP live?

The wifes parents must be so jaidee that they let him stay in the extended family home and still ask for nothing in return?

But OP, do tell us if you built or paid for...a house YOU WILL NEVER own??.

Then we will tell you what you did wrong

I will not bother to reitarate what i said ,because if you cant be bothered to "read " posts then you are beyond help , no i do not live in the familly residence ,although it is extreemly nice ,but i do live in a very large detached house which we rent and have done for many years and when i pop my clogs the wife will get half my cash and no doubt build a place on her land near her familly , but thanks for worrying about me and what might happen to me if i" owned"property ,i am sure though that i more than likely know far more about Thailand and buisness practices here ,having ran a succesfull buisnes in BKK for many years untill i sold it

[maxme]

I find a man that's in his forties and still acting like deuce bigalow is a pretty sad story. Though by choice and if you really happy with it then cheers mate but that makes you unqualified in terms of serious relationships. So any advice from you in this compartment can't be interpreted as anything but drivel.

Well if you'd taken the time to read my post before automatically taking issue with something that acyually isn't even there, then you would have seen the sentence where I explain that I'm not promiscuous therefore hardly redolent of your secret hero, Mr. Bigelow. So much for your findings, eh?

Who on earth said I was giving any advice? I just explained the facts - deal with them or don't cos it's not like I care is it?

Some then proceed to describe the entire group in less-than-pleasant terms and to me, it's glaringly obvious that it's just plain bitching because they were, for whatever reason(s), unable to make their work and are still bitter about it. It really is as simple as that.

(Actually, you seem to have confessed to never having a lasting relationship with any woman, I suppose to fail in a relationship, technically you must first have had a relationship)

Again, read the post. I've had several long-term relationships but just because they didn't culminate in marraige and offspring , it doesn't make me any less qualified to speak on the issue at hand which is that many losers-in-love in "Farangland" will repeat their failures here. Period.

You, sir, are a case in point. It's a plain as the nose on your face that, sooner or later, you will either be unceremoniously turfed off the premises and supplanted by a younger, fitter model or relegated to the status of cuckold. You've more or less painted a bullseye on your back.

Come to thinkof it, I'm willing to bet that since I first mentioned your massive vulnerability yesterday, you've probably thought long and hard about it and will start a new thread somewhere on TV asking how best to cover your arse in case the Thai wife tries to bin you off.

Well, if you do, I won't laugh at you; I'll just say "you're welcome".

Just remember where you heard it first

Facts are up to debate as you define every single opinion of yours a fact... That's a fact. A long term relationship doesn't necessarily have to be defined by the number of offsprings you make but everbody has their own goal in life.

However for it to culminate it does require more than not being able to stand criticism, give and take. And by defining everything you say to be a fact, guess where that place you on the map.

Edited April 22, 2012 by maxme

[maxme]

This is just another Thai and Thai wife bashing thread.

The psychology being that the OP`s wife is a decent person and not a gold digger, so therefore she is unique in Thailand.

The OP believes he is being smart by wording his post in ways that will probably receive a lot of negative responses regarding Thai women.

This ploy doesn’t work with me and to answer the OPs question, what is he doing wrong? It is obvious that he has very low opinions of Thai women and a great mistrust of his own wife if he has to question her decency with complete strangers on a forum like this. I believe this poor long suffering wife should be the one having doubts about her spouse with good reason.

I agree, our thenervoussurgeon is doing something wrong and there is something wrong with him as confirmed by his own statement.

I wonder what the bottom line of the deal is here?

Yes, fully agree with this but i fear you give the OP way to much credit. Most times you will find the real deal is buried in the details.

Makes me wonder...where does the OP live?

The wifes parents must be so jaidee that they let him stay in the extended family home and still ask for nothing in return?

But OP, do tell us if you built or paid for...a house YOU WILL NEVER own??.

Then we will tell you what you did wrong

So with your statement you are saying there is no such thing as a kind Thai family?

Well, welcome out from the jungle... you don't have to worry about delusional thoughts anymore, here we offer much more than just durians to eat.

[nocturn]

Some then proceed to describe the entire group in less-than-pleasant terms and to me, it's glaringly obvious that it's just plain bitching because they were, for whatever reason(s), unable to make their work and are still bitter about it. It really is as simple as that.

How many sexual relationships have with women aged 50 and up, without considering the experience 'less than pleasant'?

I would suggest you try it before you put the rest of us down. We gave it a go ....... you didn't.

(Actually, you seem to have confessed to never having a lasting relationship with any woman, I suppose to fail in a relationship, technically you must first have had a relationship)

Bitter

An insult flung around willy-nilly on this forum, usually by those younger posters, without any thought or reason.

Bitter is your whole life revolving around a past unpleasant experience, not a few complaints that take up zero percent of a life.

why on earth would anyone want to do that?

[HardenedSoul]

Maxme, You're just getting tangled up in your own waffle. You're just sitting there talking loud, saying nothing.

It's a fact that a significant percentage of older men from the West rock up here and fail in relationships with Thai women because they've failed to change themselves. Failures happen for all sorts of reasons as I'm sure even you know. Promiscuity, lack of empathy or consideration, excessive drinking, irresponsibility . . . . the list goes on and on. Of course there are always two sides to every divorce/break up story but I refuse to believe that the type of man who can call an entire group of women inferior to another is the type of bloke who likely gave his all, fairly and unconditionally, to his ex-wife/wives.

It is more likely that, while with his new thai bird, he'll still

dip his wick elsewhere or

treat her like a slave or

get pissed up regularly and stay out all night.

Sure, some guys do take a long, hard look at themselves and consequently succeed in relationships but really, how common is self-transformation among men of certain age who, having been stung by one or more white women condemn the entire group as inferior to Asian and or Thai women??

I don't know; maybe you can't see the utter idiocy of doing that. Either way, move on cos you're just making yourself look incredibly stupid.

Edited April 22, 2012 by HardenedSoul

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I really find it hard to accept that so many guys define the success of a relationship by its longevity, or even that there's any "one right way" to be in relationships with a woman.

To the extent that there's minimal deception or coercion, a spouse may be entirely willing to accept polyamory, substance abuse or a high degree of control - and all of these can just as easily be in any combination of directions between either partners of any sex, and its up to the individual what's acceptable to them or not.

My absolute ideal relationship - which means for me - is one where I take a young inexperienced girl straight off the poverty-stricken rice farm with zero English, and over the course of a few years transform her into a hardbody dominatrix with perfect English, capable of landing a kind and wealthy husband and mix in upper-class circles in the developed world. Once she's achieved that status, I certainly wouldn't want to hold her back, it's time for her to get out there and make her way in the world, and I end up with good friends and grateful subsequent husbands all over the world.

As long as the relationship is mutually rewarding, it should continue. When one or both partners feel they're being taken advantage of, try to fix things up as quickly as possible, and if not fixable then cut the cord and move on. That's not a failure, just the time for that relationship to end.

This whole mythical "til death do us part" as the only definition of success, not to mention such outmoded concepts as "cuckold" make me feel we're stuck in a Dickensian time warp here.

[mauGR1]

Maxme, You're just getting tangled up in your own waffle. You're just sitting there talking loud, saying nothing.

It's a fact that a significant percentage of older men from the West rock up here and fail in relationships with Thai women because they've failed to change themselves. Failures happen for all sorts of reasons as I'm sure even you know. Promiscuity, lack of empathy or consideration, excessive drinking, irresponsibility . . . . the list goes on and on. Of course there are always two sides to every divorce/break up story but I refuse to believe that the type of man who can call an entire group of women inferior to another is the type of bloke who likely gave his all, fairly and unconditionally, to his ex-wife/wives.

It is more likely that, while with his new thai bird, he'll still

dip his wick elsewhere or

treat her like a slave or

get pissed up regularly and stay out all night.

Sure, some guys do take a long, hard look at themselves and consequently succeed in relationships but really, how common is self-transformation among men of certain age who, having been stung by one or more white women condemn the entire group as inferior to Asian and or Thai women??

I don't know; maybe you can't see the utter idiocy of doing that. Either way, move on cos you're just making yourself look incredibly stupid.

Well HD, i enjoy reading your posts, and undoubtedly you have some knowledge about relationships between men and women..

But like you said in some previous post, you are not in a long time relationship at the moment...you know, it's so easy to criticize while sitting in a armchair, and there are so many lonely women out there..

Now i am not suggesting, God forbid, that you leave your keyboard and go to take care of some lonely woman, but maybe you can try to be a bit more compassionate to all the folks that are in a relationship and try hard to make it work.. It's not always easy, and you know that

[theblether]

I really find it hard to accept that so many guys define the success of a relationship by its longevity, or even that there's any "one right way" to be in relationships with a woman.

To the extent that there's minimal deception or coercion, a spouse may be entirely willing to accept polyamory, substance abuse or a high degree of control - and all of these can just as easily be in any combination of directions between either partners of any sex, and its up to the individual what's acceptable to them or not.

My absolute ideal relationship - which means for me - is one where I take a young inexperienced girl straight off the poverty-stricken rice farm with zero English, and over the course of a few years transform her into a hardbody dominatrix with perfect English, capable of landing a kind and wealthy husband and mix in upper-class circles in the developed world. Once she's achieved that status, I certainly wouldn't want to hold her back, it's time for her to get out there and make her way in the world, and I end up with good friends and grateful subsequent husbands all over the world.

As long as the relationship is mutually rewarding, it should continue. When one or both partners feel they're being taken advantage of, try to fix things up as quickly as possible, and if not fixable then cut the cord and move on. That's not a failure, just the time for that relationship to end.

This whole mythical "til death do us part" as the only definition of success, not to mention such outmoded concepts as "cuckold" make me feel we're stuck in a Dickensian time warp here.

Excellent...............

We've had relationship advice from one guy that hasn't held a relationship together for more than three months and a now we have a Zen Master wanting to train Rice Farmers daughters up to being HiSo before he releases them into the world.

Sheeeeez, this thread is hysterical.

[HardenedSoul]

I really find it hard to accept that so many guys define the success of a relationship by its longevity, or even that there's any "one right way" to be in relationships with a woman.

To the extent that there's minimal deception or coercion, a spouse may be entirely willing to accept polyamory, substance abuse or a high degree of control - and all of these can just as easily be in any combination of directions between either partners of any sex, and its up to the individual what's acceptable to them or not.

My absolute ideal relationship - which means for me - is one where I take a young inexperienced girl straight off the poverty-stricken rice farm with zero English, and over the course of a few years transform her into a hardbody dominatrix with perfect English, capable of landing a kind and wealthy husband and mix in upper-class circles in the developed world. Once she's achieved that status, I certainly wouldn't want to hold her back, it's time for her to get out there and make her way in the world, and I end up with good friends and grateful subsequent husbands all over the world.

As long as the relationship is mutually rewarding, it should continue. When one or both partners feel they're being taken advantage of, try to fix things up as quickly as possible, and if not fixable then cut the cord and move on. That's not a failure, just the time for that relationship to end.

This whole mythical "til death do us part" as the only definition of success, not to mention such outmoded concepts as "cuckold" make me feel we're stuck in a Dickensian time warp here.

Excellent...............

We've had relationship advice from one guy that hasn't held a relationship together for more than three months and a now we have a Zen Master wanting to train Rice Farmers daughters up to being HiSo before he releases them into the world.

Sheeeeez, this thread is hysterical.

Dunno who you're referring to, mate. I've had relationships that have lasted as long as 12 years so maybe you should go back and read the posts before summarizing.

[mauGR1]

I really find it hard to accept that so many guys define the success of a relationship by its longevity, or even that there's any "one right way" to be in relationships with a woman.

To the extent that there's minimal deception or coercion, a spouse may be entirely willing to accept polyamory, substance abuse or a high degree of control - and all of these can just as easily be in any combination of directions between either partners of any sex, and its up to the individual what's acceptable to them or not.

My absolute ideal relationship - which means for me - is one where I take a young inexperienced girl straight off the poverty-stricken rice farm with zero English, and over the course of a few years transform her into a hardbody dominatrix with perfect English, capable of landing a kind and wealthy husband and mix in upper-class circles in the developed world. Once she's achieved that status, I certainly wouldn't want to hold her back, it's time for her to get out there and make her way in the world, and I end up with good friends and grateful subsequent husbands all over the world.

As long as the relationship is mutually rewarding, it should continue. When one or both partners feel they're being taken advantage of, try to fix things up as quickly as possible, and if not fixable then cut the cord and move on. That's not a failure, just the time for that relationship to end.

This whole mythical "til death do us part" as the only definition of success, not to mention such outmoded concepts as "cuckold" make me feel we're stuck in a Dickensian time warp here.

Almost perfect , but there are still people who wish to grow children, and in this case a long term relationship is convenient for all parties involved, and of course the father and the mother have to understand the meaning of the word " sacrifice ", for the sake of the children..

I have to say that most of the lovely and successful people i have met, have had the backing of a lovely, successful family.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

We've had relationship advice from one guy that hasn't held a relationship together for more than three months and a now we have a Zen Master wanting to train Rice Farmers daughters up to being HiSo before he releases them into the world.

Glad to be doing my share in entertaining y'all.

But no, not hiso, just as with most cases of "love" a reasonable facsimile will do. No one's trying to fool anyone or hide their origins, just taking the rough edges off so the husband's friends, colleagues and family don't see her as having landed from a completely alien world. The ability to actually hold their own in intelligent conversation is of course highly variable and not just a language-learning issue. . .