Why Is It So Difficult To Find A Good Friend In Thailand

[chrisinth]

I kind of see your point here , but can also see why some(..them.. ) may infer a sense of elitism from your implications.

Gee you think? I'd go so far as to say he's proud of his explicitly elitist attitude, thinks it puts him a cut above the other elite that are just subconscious snobs 8-)

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

I already have enough friends. I don't need any more.

Obviously you're within your "rights" to feel this way, but I've got to say I feel sorry for you and anyone you might blow off if you're so boorish as to actually come out and say something like this.

You're putting words into my mouoth. I would never be so crass as to say something like that and nowhere intimated that I would.

But I appreciate your pity nonetheless. Can we be friend? You seem nice.

Bendix, that is one way to tilt an arguement.

I will admit that I would be more than a little freaked out if some bloke I had never met before said "Can we be friends? You seem nice".

Actually, it really wouldn't matter; if I knew the guy that would likely freak me out even more!

[GuestHouse]

2 Overseas Thais are in the top tiny percentage of their gene pool and can assume it's worthwhile at least exploring the possibility of a friendship, while many farangs here not so much, may even be on the slippery slope to irrecoverably last-legs down and out, or even a crim on the run.

It might be a good idea for you to take another look at expat Thai communities and who it is that makes up these expat Thai communities.

I'll grant you, Thai students and Thai business travellers will be from somewhere near the top of the social ladder, you might argue the same for the Thai families who travel the world mob handed - But there are huge numbers of Thais from another part of Thai society who are "Working their passage"

[Latindancer]

But then, I don't look down at misfits, English teachers or expat package owners. Each can be fun to talk to.

This is a well-balanced opinion. I treat everyone the same too.. Everyone has their own unique contribution to make to a conversation. It's just that with some, I want to exit earlier than with others.

[mjj]

Personally my upbringing by loving parents taught me to be nice and polite to people. Others it seems weren't so lucky.

[TommoPhysicist]

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

You must be using a different immigration office to me, 5 hours wait in the queue to see the immigration officer, 15 minutes for extension.

[Beetlejuice]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

I agree with our bendix on that point and if I may add; you can pick and choose your friends here.

Taking into consideration what the OP quoted regarding finding those who he associates with as incompatible, then the answer is just bide your time, but as I hinted at previously, there are lot of jerks about in Thailand and these days it`s not easy to create a social circle in this foreign land. The same as in any country, some ya like, some ya don`t, just as bendix described.

As with bendix, if some goofball attempts to make small talk with me when out and about than I too will probably give him the cold shoulder or a subtle hint that I’m not interest. But on the other hand if I consider that person as worthy of my attention, than I can talk the hind leg off a donkey and treat that person as if I’ve known him forever.

This is nothing personal, because it`s good to have choices and again I quote bendix; If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so. Very wish words as far as I’m concerned.

Now, if a beautiful 25 year old blond farang girl decided she wanted my attentions, than that`s a difference story, but I doubt if that will ever happen.

[rott]

Guesthouse, I dont get why the guy launched into a tirade against you. I might just be being thick, but the 3 questions he asked seem quite normal, or am I abnormal. Anyway anyone want to fill me in?

Regarding the op, I think that expats are are funny bunch. Many will completely blank me as I say hello or pretend they didnt here. I have a running joke with my wife that whenever we see a farang and he sees me that he will look at the floor immediately. Are they all international criminals. At this point I must point out that I dont live in an area with lots of farang. One guy was even behind me in the queue in Tesco's and ignored me and looked at everything he could, except my way. Maybe I'm scary looking or such an arsehol_e that people know not to talk to me.

Many farang I've met like to turn every conversation into a pissing contest. One guy would always tell me whatever I bought was shit and that his was the best........and I mean everything fridge, sofa, car, even said to me, 'my wife speaks better english than yours'.

I wonder why so many farang see each other as direct competition??

LOL, I have been on at least two threads exactly as per your second paragraph. I agree with you entirely as did some others, but it sparked a lively debate with some who just did not get the point.

[MAJIC]

Guesthouse, I dont get why the guy launched into a tirade against you. I might just be being thick, but the 3 questions he asked seem quite normal, or am I abnormal. Anyway anyone want to fill me in?

Regarding the op, I think that expats are are funny bunch. Many will completely blank me as I say hello or pretend they didnt here. I have a running joke with my wife that whenever we see a farang and he sees me that he will look at the floor immediately. Are they all international criminals. At this point I must point out that I dont live in an area with lots of farang. One guy was even behind me in the queue in Tesco's and ignored me and looked at everything he could, except my way. Maybe I'm scary looking or such an arsehol_e that people know not to talk to me.

Many farang I've met like to turn every conversation into a pissing contest. One guy would always tell me whatever I bought was shit and that his was the best........and I mean everything fridge, sofa, car, even said to me, 'my wife speaks better english than yours'.

I wonder why so many farang see each other as direct competition??

Basically, Childish Insecurity,remember when, who had the best pedal cycle,or the best quality marbles?

[chonabot]

. Also taking into consideration that back then it was much more difficult for those of little wealth to come and settle in Thailand because the Immigration regulations were much tighter enforced, so as a whole, the farangs that moved here in them days, were higher educated, financially better off

I kind of see your point here , but can also see why some(..them.. ) may infer a sense of elitism from your implications.

ps I have a degree and a Post Office savings account

I was employed by a PR company based in Spain for over 35 years, most of my assignments where within South East Asia. I was on legal contracts to work in South East Asia and in Thailand.

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

If on my travels and I happen to meet other ex-pats that have the need to run over the borders every 5 minutes, work in bars paying the police beer money so as to convince them they’re not really there, struggling to keep they’re Thai girl friends from the underclass’s of Thai society content and happy, hoping to find any job, doing anything to support themselves here, than I have to ask myself, do I truly want to become involved and socialise with them? And the answer is no. Why? Because I don`t need to.

Call it elitism, snobbery or what you like, but the worst that can happen is that those sorts wont like me. So what, I certainly would not lose any sleep over that, plus I know there are plenty more living in similar situations as myself in Thailand and will think the same way. So I am being straight and up front with you regarding how it really is. Some may respect that and some may not, either way it makes no difference to me.

Nice reply..hung me out to dry..

[rott]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

Bendix, presumably you are responding to post no. 38. mjj is not actually talking about initiating a conversation, but merely saying hello to someone who will look anywhere and everywhere rather than acknowledge his existence. This is a fairly common phenomenon in rural and small town Thailand, where in an area with relatively few farang you find two next to each other in a checkout queue.

But why are you so terrified of casual conversations? I am not the chattiest of people, and I always remember being in BigC in Nakon Sawan waiting for my dear wife to unlose herself and remember that I was around, when I was spoken to by an American gent who had his Thai wife/gf in tow, he was immediately telling me that he had only been in the area for a week and it had taken him two hours of taxi, minibus and bus to get there. What a nice, friendly person, I think I was the first English speaker he'd come across in a week. Are you saying your response would have been to blank him and stride away? Surely not.

Not trying to pre-empt a caustic response, but it's good to se you back on TV.

[pattayadingo]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

Maybe some of us are more civilised and polite and see nothing wrong with a friendly hello. That friendly hello is not an interrogation. No-one is applying thumbscrews to force you into a conversation.

Don't do it back home? Why ever not?

So let me get this right. Back home you nod and say hello to every white male you see walking around? You must get some very strange looks.

My point is a simple one. That they are the same race as you, doesn't automatically equate to some kind of affinity. Usually, frankly, it's the exact opposite.

No, not ever white male or female walking around.

But you can be sat in a bar having a quiet drink, watching sport, listening to music or whatever. You can be sat outside on the beach front. People sit near to you. Often you look up and see who is sat there. Your natural instincts initially tell you things about that person. Body language and eye contact can often tell if they are friendly or not.

You can simply nod in their direction, raise your glass or say 'Hi.'

If they ignore you that is no problem at all.

Often you might be watching that rugby match and have some banter with others who are also interested in the game, the same with football or F1 or whatever.

I have had some great conversations with strangers both older and younger than myself. One of those led me to having a really good friend here. He looked after my house while I was away for 6 weeks and sorted the bills where possible.

Yes, I have met some right idiots here. You get those everywhere but that does not stop me being friendly initially.

I an not Xenophobic like many on here seem to be.

I am what I am. I consider myself to be a reasonable and friendly person with nothing to hide. If others are not that way inclined, up to them.

Before I lived in Pattaya I lived almost exclusively amongst Thai people. It is surprising how many would simply stop and want to talk. No ulterior motives either. They were being curious. Many friendly. Often they had never spoken to a foreigner before. To me it would have been the height of ignorance to ignore them.

The OP asks why can it be so hard to find friends? Because there are many unsociable and Xenophobic people out there. IMHO of course

[Naam]

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

You must be using a different immigration office to me, 5 hours wait in the queue to see the immigration officer, 15 minutes for extension.

who or what is an immigration office[r]

[rott]

Yes, why?

You are male right ??

If yes....can you send me some photos ??

With or without the butt plug??

I don't see the sense of butt plugs.

Try a different brand.

[Naam]

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

Would large breasts make a difference

if they come with a matching large behind i'd say yes.

p.s. i never go shopping with my wife. did that once several decades ago and was later on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

[samsiam]

I don't see the sense of butt plugs.

Try a different brand.

You know what happens if you block an exit....for example look at Thais at the top of an escalator.

[rott]

Must say its a new one on me "visa snobbery". My Father holds the retirement visa but I find him no better or worse than the visa holder who has to jump to the latest immigration rules be it every 12 weeks or whatever.

Now I have heard everything.

God forbid what the thought pattern is on guys holding a freebie 30 day stay ... oh yes scumbag backpackers isnt it?

With the greatest of respect, you're the only person who has raised the issue of visa snobbery. Im not sure what your point is.

This was pertaining to BeetleJuice's post //103.

Yes do try and keep up Bendix, there's a fellow.

[mjj]

Beetlejuice, again just personal preferences, but I consider it to be quite dull to only mix with people in my own social structure. How someone looks or the predicament they are in bear little consequency to how interesting or nice a person is in my experience. From the people and the classes that I have met strangely enough the working class and upper class have a lot more in common than either of them do in the middle classes.

I'm sure you have a happy existance here in Thailand and I applaud you that, but sometimes you find jewels in the most unexpected places.

[RudieTheFoodie]

It's because over here we make up .000000000000001 of the population

[Beetlejuice]

Beetlejuice, again just personal preferences, but I consider it to be quite dull to only mix with people in my own social structure. How someone looks or the predicament they are in bear little consequency to how interesting or nice a person is in my experience. From the people and the classes that I have met strangely enough the working class and upper class have a lot more in common than either of them do in the middle classes.

I'm sure you have a happy existance here in Thailand and I applaud you that, but sometimes you find jewels in the most unexpected places.

True, but there is also fools gold in those here hills.

It has nothing to do with class; I am only a working class peasant myself.

A couple of years ago I had just finished doing some shopping at Makro on the superhighway in Chiang Mai. I was just about to start my motorbike and take off when suddenly some Australian guy in his late 40s whose bike was parked next to mine approached me and began to chat.

On first impression he looked kind of respectable and came across as an OK sort of person and I was happy to chat with him. Then after a few minutes all began to change. During the next half hour he had told me all about the famous movie stars he was related to that included Frank Sinatra, his sex life and sexual problems in graphic detail, how his printing business in Chiang Mai was on the verge of collapse, his debts and how desperate he was for money, how his Thai wife is mistreating him and the affairs she is having and to add icing to the cake he mentioned that he is in great pain from a spinal injury incurred from a motorbike accident and may have to return to Australia because he can’t afford the legal fees. During all this I could hardly get a word in edgeways.

30 minutes had passed that to me seemed like an eternity and I could see no end to his ramblings on. To be honest I was reaching the point where I would have been quite prepared to take him to the airport and pay his fare back to Australia plus the medical expenses for his operation just to get him off my back. I thought to myself that if this doesn’t end soon, I’ll ether strangle him with my bare hands or kill myself as I was rapidly losing the will to live.

These are the types that I am referring to, you know, the ones that often come onto Thai visa as newbie’s. I’m sure many of you have met similar here in the past.

[HeavyDrinker]

I was employed by a PR company based in Spain for over 35 years, most of my assignments where within South East Asia. I was on legal contracts to work in South East Asia and in Thailand.

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

If on my travels and I happen to meet other ex-pats that have the need to run over the borders every 5 minutes, work in bars paying the police beer money so as to convince them they’re not really there, struggling to keep they’re Thai girl friends from the underclass’s of Thai society content and happy, hoping to find any job, doing anything to support themselves here, than I have to ask myself, do I truly want to become involved and socialise with them? And the answer is no. Why? Because I don`t need to.

Call it elitism, snobbery or what you like, but the worst that can happen is that those sorts wont like me. So what, I certainly would not lose any sleep over that, plus I know there are plenty more living in similar situations as myself in Thailand and will think the same way. So I am being straight and up front with you regarding how it really is. Some may respect that and some may not, either way it makes no difference to me.

This above post fills me with pity for Beetlejuice.

You sound just like the sort of tosser who comes here with a few bob and thinks himself above the rest.

This is just he sort of Stickmanite/Thaivisa kind of <deleted> which has really killed (western) expat society here.

I used to love heading out every Friday night to some of the expat haunts in town because I knew I'd be rubbing shoulders with doctors, lawyers, teachers, chancers, scammers and scallies.

I met some amazing people over the years from both sides of the fence and it has made for an interesting life.

People like you on the other hand will probably be found sat alone in the corner of a bar, nursing a few beers, sneering at people you don't even know...alone...rather like the OP.

Enjoy.

[thequietman]

I was employed by a PR company based in Spain for over 35 years, most of my assignments where within South East Asia. I was on legal contracts to work in South East Asia and in Thailand.

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

If on my travels and I happen to meet other ex-pats that have the need to run over the borders every 5 minutes, work in bars paying the police beer money so as to convince them they’re not really there, struggling to keep they’re Thai girl friends from the underclass’s of Thai society content and happy, hoping to find any job, doing anything to support themselves here, than I have to ask myself, do I truly want to become involved and socialise with them? And the answer is no. Why? Because I don`t need to.

Call it elitism, snobbery or what you like, but the worst that can happen is that those sorts wont like me. So what, I certainly would not lose any sleep over that, plus I know there are plenty more living in similar situations as myself in Thailand and will think the same way. So I am being straight and up front with you regarding how it really is. Some may respect that and some may not, either way it makes no difference to me.

This above post fills me with pity for Beetlejuice.

You sound just like the sort of tosser who comes here with a few bob and thinks himself above the rest.

This is just he sort of Stickmanite/Thaivisa kind of <deleted> which has really killed (western) expat society here.

I used to love heading out every Friday night to some of the expat haunts in town because I knew I'd be rubbing shoulders with doctors, lawyers, teachers, chancers, scammers and scallies.

I met some amazing people over the years from both sides of the fence and it has made for an interesting life.

People like you on the other hand will probably be found sat alone in the corner of a bar, nursing a few beers, sneering at people you don't even know...alone...rather like the OP.

Enjoy.

I think its unfair of you to compare me to Bettlejuice. I do not have his same opinions and so should not be tarred with the same brush.

[JurgenG]

For a lot of people, the main link to the the rest of the world is the wife. Chosing the right wife makes a lot of difference.

[samsiam]

I had a good friend...then one night I found him in a ladyboy bar with a penis in his hand....I was shocked.

[JurgenG]

I had a good friend...then one night I found him in a ladyboy bar with a penis in his hand....I was shocked.

I say if it was his, it's still acceptable.

[samsiam]

I had a good friend...then one night I found him in a ladyboy bar with a penis in his hand....I was shocked.

I say if it was his, it's still acceptable.

Thats the problem...twas not his.

Another friend I had died after I loaned him $10k....always knew he would stiff me one day.

[JurgenG]

I had a good friend...then one night I found him in a ladyboy bar with a penis in his hand....I was shocked.

I say if it was his, it's still acceptable.

Thats the problem...twas not his.

Did he had a pair of sissors in the other hands ? It would still be acceptable

[samsiam]

Did he had a pair of sissors in the other hands ? It would still be acceptable

No scissors, no knife, no elastrator, no string, no razor, not even sharp finger nails.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

It might be a good idea for you to take another look at expat Thai communities and who it is that makes up these expat Thai communities.

I'll grant you, Thai students and Thai business travellers will be from somewhere near the top of the social ladder, you might argue the same for the Thai families who travel the world mob handed - But there are huge numbers of Thais from another part of Thai society who are "Working their passage"

I think we have different attitudes - I have nothing against hookers, gold diggers right on up the scale to respectable housewives and mothers and everyone in between. If they made it out of Thailand and have created a life for themselves overseas I reckon they are in the top 1% within the context of whatever their background may be.

If one of my daughters chose to be a stripper or escort I'd say more power to her, her body her life. But I'd be very disappointed if she chose to become a Goldman Sachs investment banker or a malpractice lawyer or other pond scum like that.

[JurgenG]

If one of my daughters chose to be a stripper or escort I'd say more power to her, her body her life. But I'd be very disappointed if she chose to become a Goldman Sachs investment banker or a malpractice lawyer or other pond scum like that.

Until you see the pay cheque ...

[mjj]

It might be a good idea for you to take another look at expat Thai communities and who it is that makes up these expat Thai communities.

I'll grant you, Thai students and Thai business travellers will be from somewhere near the top of the social ladder, you might argue the same for the Thai families who travel the world mob handed - But there are huge numbers of Thais from another part of Thai society who are "Working their passage"

I think we have different attitudes - I have nothing against hookers, gold diggers right on up the scale to respectable housewives and mothers and everyone in between. If they made it out of Thailand and have created a life for themselves overseas I reckon they are in the top 1% within the context of whatever their background may be.

If one of my daughters chose to be a stripper or escort I'd say more power to her, her body her life. But I'd be very disappointed if she chose to become a Goldman Sachs investment banker or a malpractice lawyer or other pond scum like that.

You've got to be kidding, right?

I'm sure you'd be really proud when someone tells you he and his mate banged the shit out of this hooker last night, only to proceed to show you pics of the event and they were of your daughter.