Frustated With Supporting Thai Wifes Family

[Simbo]

Generalising about anything is not neccesarily a bad thing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But it depends from how many cases you want to generalise...

You cannot do it from 1 or 2 cases. And the problem is that many people generalise really quickly in bad situation, when they have been scamed for exemple.

So, we just have to collect a lot of informations before generalising.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Most ex-pats tend to settle near or in the touristic places. These places attract Thais from all over the country, looking for easy money from a gullible farang. This is a fact. So to generalise is a safe bet if you want to take care of your hard earned cash, and not have to return to the old country skint.

I have been here 4 years. during that time, I have been lucky enough to obtain a divorce ( in her absence) and start again. I think I have cracked it this time, but

the stories I hear almost daily, make me err to caution.

I would hazzard a guess, that most ex-pats living in the sticks, met there wives in a totally different environment. If you get my drift.

[Heng]

Are there any Farang guys here who aren't or haven't just been married into poor Isarn families??

I know a few who end up marrying decent gals or guys, but invariably they have all been through the "meat grinder" first. And these are typically folks who, if they were locals, would normally be considered a good choice of spouse by most of the population (apart from having a good family here... since obviously most foreigners aren't here with their families.... have good jobs and are fairly attractive). The key is they can afford to brush off the first wave of "troops" that the LOS throws at them. A lot of foreigners simply can't and have to take care of that first bargirl or motorcycle guy, treading water.... or they bail out of the LOS (sometimes together, sometimes alone) and post bitterly about it for the rest of their lives blaming Thailand, Thaksin, and whoever else they can.

[OlRedEyes]

Are there any Farang guys here who aren't or haven't just been married into poor Isarn families??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know a few who end up marrying decent gals or guys, but invariably they have all been through the "meat grinder" first. And these are typically folks who, if they were locals, would normally be considered a good choice of spouse by most of the population (apart from having a good family here... since obviously most foreigners aren't here with their families.... have good jobs and are fairly attractive). The key is they can afford to brush off the first wave of "troops" that the LOS throws at them. A lot of foreigners simply can't and have to take care of that first bargirl or motorcycle guy, treading water.... or they bail out of the LOS (sometimes together, sometimes alone) and post bitterly about it for the rest of their lives blaming Thailand, Thaksin, and whoever else they can.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nice, neat and compartementalized.

[Savage]

Are there any Farang guys here who aren't or haven't just been married into poor Isarn families??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know a few who end up marrying decent gals or guys, but invariably they have all been through the "meat grinder" first. And these are typically folks who, if they were locals, would normally be considered a good choice of spouse by most of the population (apart from having a good family here... since obviously most foreigners aren't here with their families.... have good jobs and are fairly attractive). The key is they can afford to brush off the first wave of "troops" that the LOS throws at them. A lot of foreigners simply can't and have to take care of that first bargirl or motorcycle guy, treading water.... or they bail out of the LOS (sometimes together, sometimes alone) and post bitterly about it for the rest of their lives blaming Thailand, Thaksin, and whoever else they can.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I believe this is the root of the problem, where did the man meet the girl and in which circumstances? People who marry girls without really knowing them or their families are setting themselves for a bad time no matter where in the world they are, just look at Britney Spears!

Allowing time to get to know her and the family as well as Thai culture and language are essential to any success. Marrying a girl without having drawn the boundaries on all previous thread points is also setting yourself up for misery.

[Heng]

Anyway I would say that in a Thai/Thai relationship it the exception rather than the norm for the husband to send his wifes parents a monthly income, let alone support her whole family.

Of course, because more often than not, you won't have a situation where the two Thais involved come from completely different economic spectrums. The issue of support would then be irrelevant.

However there are situations where local suckers who do support the mia nois family a bit, but again, those relationships are built on the foundation knowing that each has their specific place in society so it likely won't end with the family bankrupting the sucker.

[Stephen Cleary]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Who are you talking to

the 10 yo kids?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah man. I gonna smak dem up aye bro, so long as they is still 10

Actually, I am getting rather sick of reading non stop generalisations about Thai men in this thread and in others; so if people feel the need to call out Thai men for being this or that, post me directly, and we can arrange a meeting to discuss. Please bring along any 10 year old kid you can find, so if it comes to hitting someone, I will have a chance to win.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Would certainly agree with Steve on that, and the generalizations about Thai men.

Seems like everyone at TV gets stereotyped:

Besides just the stereotype of Isarn women and families.

Just looking through a few threads from some of our Hot Regulars here, they have mentioned that all Thai men: abuse their woman, treat like them like dirt, get them pregnant and abandon them, are a buncha complete alcoholics, beat their wives when they are drunk and are just delinquents....

Now how about the poor Bangkokian girl!!! - looking through a few threads from the ever knowlegable TV Hot Regulars, they have mentioned that they are: full of themselves, materialistic, Hi-So educated trash, snobs, and spend all their time walking around shopping malls with their noses in the air....

Someone posts a thread on how Farangs are stereotyped by Thais and a few regulars are 'absolutely disgusted'.

Lets face the facts:

The average Farang ex-pat is not any better than the average Thai male and......

The average Bangkokian white-skinned China doll is no better than your average Thai girl from the countryside...

Edited December 29, 2005 by stevesuphan

[RamdomChances]

Anyway I would say that in a Thai/Thai relationship it the exception rather than the norm for the husband to send his wifes parents a monthly income, let alone support her whole family.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Of course, because more often than not, you won't have a situation where the two Thais involved come from completely different economic spectrums. The issue of support would then be irrelevant.

However there are situations where local suckers who do support the mia nois family a bit, but again, those relationships are built on the foundation knowing that each has their specific place in society so it likely won't end with the family bankrupting the sucker.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes but relationships with "mia noi's" are often based on financial dependancy, where marriges between Thai's and Falangs are........... oh well never mind

[steveromagnino]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets face the facts:

The average Farang ex-pat is not any better than the average Thai male and......

The average Bangkokian white-skinned China doll is no better than your average Thai girl from the countryside...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutely agree. There are good people, there are bad people are there are a bunch in the middle. No need to cast judgement on the basis of race.

Except for Aussies. Anyone from Australia is a crinimal, a crooke and them be a convick [this is clearly a joke, but based on the history of the cuntry, there is as much basis of truth for this idiotic comment as there is for casting judgement on Thai men, people from Isaan, farangs in Thailand, Americans, French, jews, etc etc].

[Wash]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets face the facts:

The average Farang ex-pat is not any better than the average Thai male and......

The average Bangkokian white-skinned China doll is no better than your average Thai girl from the countryside...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What we are really discussing in this thread is "Character" and from everything I can figure out it is located on the other side of the skin and has nothing to do with color or race.

I have also been told that most of what we are, we got to be by the age of 10 and it is very difficult to change once you are that age. So the environment that we are raised in, be it here in Thailand or anywhere else is greatly impacted by who raises us and the character of the people that we find influential in our life.

So steveromagnino is right on track with his assessment.

[steveromagnino]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have also been told that most of what we are, we got to be by the age of 10 and it is very difficult to change once you are that age. .

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wise words Wash.....

But I still do get to beat up some kids though right?! [latent anger, latent anger, "serenity now" ]

[Stephen Cleary]

So, after all that, it looks like the two steves had the last words -

Does that make a new TV clique?

[billd766]

Very nicely put Billy. Thanks for your balanced comments.   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Doc

I read the posts several times before I wrote my post and even then it took me nearly 20 minutes.

Another good reply. There are some very smart people on this forum.

Thanks corkscrew

I am not always smart or right but there are some posts that I feel I have to reply so I take more notice and think before I write.

I still screw up now and again as I know I am not perfect just close enough not to worry.

Actually I just did a quick head count and I am supporting both directly and indirectly 11 people in the family including me.

My wife told me yesterday that if her cousins get their bonus about 20 people will be coming for the New Year and the nice cold weather we are having up here.

Perhaps I will go to BKK and enjoy myself in peace and quiet.

Edited December 29, 2005 by billd766

[bkkharry]

Remember the Ray Charles song; Hit the road Jack, and dont you come back, dont come back no more no more. Ole Ray might be right on this one.

Good Luck

[TizMe]

Except for Aussies.  Anyone from Australia is a crinimal, a crooke and them be a convick        [this is clearly a joke, but based on the history of the cuntry, there is as much basis of truth for this idiotic comment as there is for casting judgement on Thai men, people from Isaan, farangs in Thailand, Americans, French, jews, etc etc].

You are forgetting that the convicts in Australia were actually British Citizens and were not dinki di.

[sanook2me]

A great thread with good advice.

Wish this had of been here 4 years ago for me to read.

I think reading the limited info the OP has given us is that him buying a farm is his money down the drain it will be spent on other things.

A short story.

My x g/f works hard and gives most of her money to the family her youngest brother had a baby with his g/f. The sister in law said she was starting a nursery but needed 50,000baht so I said to my g/f have an interest free loan from work and i will cover the debt(this was my way of thinking to make everybody feel responsible) so the shop was opened and the money was gone in 6 months and the shop closed. (No money was paid back)

Now I'm a little bit wiser about relationships and the culture in the LoS I'm sure the money was purely to support her bro and his baby and this is normal for families to loan and use money from each other without paying it back.

To the OP stop giving cash. It doesn't help, there has been lots of advice on here.

Ask the family for a business plan! great idea, this will save your money! as maybe there is no plan. They just want a lump sum of cash.

marry an orphan

-------

[udon]

Ask the family for a business plan! great idea, this will save your money! as maybe there is no plan. They just want a lump sum of cash.

marry an orphan 

yes & yes

[Nam Kao]

Its not they are targeting farangs, everyones trying to fleece each other.

Even your fellow farang here could have you in their crosshairs.

Dont trust anyone, dont let anyone know you have money - even your wife.

And you'll be fine.

Be nice, be paranoid. Smile.

regards

nam

[Neeranam]

Dont trust anyone, dont let anyone know you have money - even your wife.

And you'll be fine.

If you can't trust your wife, why get married?

Better to stay single till you find someone that you can trust.

[Nam Kao]

>>>>Better to stay single till you find someone that you can trust

Famous last words of many an "ex" ex-pat

i know sound over the top, but it's better to be careful over here where

you zero rights under their law.

I love my wife and would take a bullet for her in a second as she proved

to me she would do for me. Still her family has their nails in her and they have

tried manipulating her to get $$$ out of me. After i saw that she doesnt know

anything. My finances are so locked up i probably cant even get to them.

I told her some mega buffalo stories to do it but life has become much easier.

be careful

nam

[Wash]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have also been told that most of what we are, we got to be by the age of 10 and it is very difficult to change once you are that age. .

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wise words Wash.....

But I still do get to beat up some kids though right?! [latent anger, latent anger, "serenity now" ]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

steveromagnino,

Beyond the programed elements going into the philosophy that we are what we will be by the time we are 10 there is more.

The rest of the program is that once we are 10 we are not necessarily what we will be. After that age it requires "a significant emotional event" to have much effect on changes to the character that is in place at that time. A significant emotional event can be something as simple as a conversation with someone that can be of influence, or it may be a train wreck (or a 2 X 4 beside the head). So maybe you will still be able to beat up some kids but with a great deal of consideration to the character you are trying to change.

This thread is getting too deep and I am not sure I can swim.

[Trevor]

The Priorities, In Order, Of A Poor Thai Girl

1) Her children with a Thai father

2) Mother, Father (if known), brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews

3) Possible Thai boyfriend / meng-dah / scrounger on the side

4) The sick buffalo

5) The farang husband (listen carefully ... if your hear them referring to you as 'mun', the speech particle for animals, then you're being suckered).

Bottom line: don't let low-class people drag you down. Mix with others of your own, or higher, social class.

[tavarich]

Well..i am not in the same situation...so my points of view might not carry much weight......But still here i go....

It is a mather of respect and a mather of trying to understand how people born and growing up in this country/region is influenced by their peers, religion, culture and circumstances......

It is in no way comparable to most of us "falang" expiriences and upbringing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nicely said.

We've been sending my MIL the same amount of money per month for four years. Three of those years she had to care for her sick mother until her mothers death last year.

Shes added to the size of her house, built a fence around her property painted, and taken care of our son (from my wives first marriage) on the 10,000 baht we send. She asks for nothing extra, provides the food for her dead husbands mother (who lives elsewhere in village in her own home (thats to be given to my wife, on our next visit, whenever that'll be))

MIL does all of our land buying, which my wife (excluding the first 7 rai) has paid for outta the money she makes here in the US.

MIL has taken a part time job to stay busy, after realizing she wasn't going to become happy trying to make money in small scale agriculture.

When her family (brothers and sisters and their kids) need help it comes outta MIL money, theres no asking us, as my wonderful wife has strong feeelings about helping people who didn't help her after an auto accident and her long recovery. My wife forgives, but doesn't forget, so only one uncle and one cousin are in her good graces. I couldn't be happier with the arrangement, after the gov't here gets their act together, and our son comes here we'll cut mommas income a little. Momma also knows when we move back to Thailand, they'll be another cut in income as ours will lessen. To this extent she saves a few thousand baht a month to build a nest egg.

All Thai families aren't the same, trying to drain the farang isn't an automatic. I knew going into a relationship with a thailady that she was responsible for her family, ie I was responsible as I entered into her family. Accept her, accept all it entails. But not to the point of stupidity shown in other posts.

Theres not the socialist system in place that europe and the US provide as partial assistance for their citizens as they age, theres not the monthly social security check coming to the aged.

Thailand does have the cheap medical, but other than the odd program, your on your own, and have only family.

The little money we provided has enabled her to make her life a little better, that makes me feel good, as life isn't only about ourselves.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have been reading this thread for a while now and this one has the most

"COMMON SENSE" pouring out of it. I married a Beautiful intelligent Thai lady. But not before I spent four years with her learning about her, the cultural differences and all the problems that would arise from our union. I help her with the family with in the parmeters we both agreed to long before we were married. Best of luck to anyone who just jumps into a multicultural marriage, because if you don't do your homework disaster and heartache are waiting just up the road.

[Misplaced]

The Priorities, In Order, Of A Poor Thai Girl

1)   Her children with a Thai father

2)   Mother, Father (if known), brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews

3)   Possible Thai boyfriend / meng-dah / scrounger on the side

4)   The sick buffalo

5)   The farang husband (listen carefully ... if your hear them referring to you as 'mun', the speech particle for animals, then you're being suckered).

Bottom line: don't let low-class people drag you down.   Mix with others of your own, or higher, social class.         we're classified you as being "close minded and socially retarded". 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The is one of the worse generalization of a "poor" Thaigirl I've read. Surely you must be joking or just had a terrible experienced with a particular Thaigirl?.

I would rather sit down and have dinner with a open minded "poor" thai person than a snobby close minded "hi-so" anyday.

Edited December 31, 2005 by Misplaced

[cdnvic]

The Priorities, In Order, Of A Poor Thai Girl

1)  Her children with a Thai father

2)  Mother, Father (if known), brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews

3)  Possible Thai boyfriend / meng-dah / scrounger on the side

4)  The sick buffalo

5)  The farang husband (listen carefully ... if your hear them referring to you as 'mun', the speech particle for animals, then you're being suckered).

Bottom line: don't let low-class people drag you down.  Mix with others of your own, or higher, social class.

Judging from this post, your social class ranks somewhere just below soi dog.

cv

[Boon Mee]

The Priorities, In Order, Of A Poor Thai Girl

1)  Her children with a Thai father

2)  Mother, Father (if known), brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews

3)  Possible Thai boyfriend / meng-dah / scrounger on the side

4)  The sick buffalo

5)  The farang husband (listen carefully ... if your hear them referring to you as 'mun', the speech particle for animals, then you're being suckered).

Bottom line: don't let low-class people drag you down.  Mix with others of your own, or higher, social class.

Judging from this post, your social class ranks somewhere just below soi dog.

cv

Even soi dogs have class, Vic.

How about the King's dog - Tongdaeng? I'd be proud to have one like her.

Edited December 31, 2005 by Boon Mee

[rishi]

I'm not a mod.

However, I always (if not before) loose interest somewhere after the 40'th post of some thread, having an OP tittle that caught my attention. Why don't the mods stop those lenghty threads, where every and each possibly edge of the subject has already been repeated at least three times?

[Nam Kao]

I tried the rich ones and their snotty attitude turned me off. Country

girls for me.

and just because they have cash doesnt mean they wont fleece you.

Actually in Thai i am extra-weary of wealthy people as i can summise

just how they got it.

nam

[zxray]

They will take advantage of you if they can.

I made it clear with my tgf, that when we were married, that I could not and would not try to support her whole family. I told her that I would help her parents, with gifts of money in amounts that I felt comfortable with, because it is the right thing to do to support parents.

I also instructed her to inform her family of this, as asking me for money would be a waste of thier time, and cause them loss of face, as I will refuse. Any gifts from me will be at my choosing.

My money, my rules. If they cannot survive without a rich farang, I sugested that they find thier own rich farang!

The more you give the more they ask for. Be firm from day one.

Ray

[billd766]

There are a couple of post that I want to reply to but just at this time I might be silly enough to say things that are extremely impolite and insulting, so I will let it go for today and read it tomorrow and hopefully my jai yen will be back with me.

[Nickerelastic]

rishi: I'm not a mod.

No one forces you to read the posts.