Children 'Must Learn Life Skills, Good School Marks Aren't Everything'

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Children 'must learn life skills, good school marks aren't everything'

Wannapa Khaopa

The Nation

BANGKOK: -- Many parents believe that academic knowledge will lead their children to success - particularly those with academically strong, talented or gifted kids - and allow them to study for most of their time, with few other responsibilities.

But doing this "will not help them as much as parents expect - academic knowledge and a high intelligence quotient or IQ can only account for 20 per cent of their success," Chitra Wongboonsin, a paediatrician of Bangpakok 1 Hospital said at a recent conference.

"Instead, work competence and encouragement can contribute to 40 per cent of their success in the real world - as well as an emotional quotient or EQ which can also add 40 per cent in their progress to sweet success," she said.

Chitra cited Renzuli's concept - a system designed to match student interests, learning and expression styles with educational resources and activities.

She said many parents arranged everything for their beloved kids. And that left the children with nothing to do but study. "They treat their children as if they're disabled. They've done almost everything for them and the kids can do nothing else. So, they will not learn to help the people surrounding them and they become selfish."

Chitra said teachers were also culprits when they encouraged students to compete for awards to generate a good reputation for their schools.

"Parents should not let them feel pleased about awards only, without learning life skills," she said.

The paediatrician urged parents to train children to be responsible for helping themselves to do things that relate to their living, like doing housework. They should not admire them only when they win academic awards or achievements, but should praise them for doing things by themselves and when they help others.

This would help them develop life skills that are necessary for living and working in the real world. "It is useless when your excellent kids grow up but can't work happily with their colleagues."

Her lecture was part of the 7th Conference on Science and Technology for Young People held at the Bangkok International Trade and Exhibition Centre last week.

Chitra shared the way she had taken care of her own daughter and son. Her son Janewit Wongboonsin was a gold medallist with the highest scores at the International Biology Olympiad in 2007.

Chitra recommended parents with gifted kids to nurture them the way she told other parents to look after their children with life skills - so they would be happy and enjoy energy filled lives.

She encouraged parents to do this nurturing by themselves as children aged 1-5 tend to imitate people surrounding them. They should behave as role models for them. The most important thing parents should do was to create integrity. "You should keep your word and sense of honour when talking to them. If you cannot do what you have promised them, you must apologise and try again. Then, they will copy you and do the same."

-- The Nation 2012-05-07

[marquess]

I must confess I feel sorry for the wealthy to moderately wealthy kids here, as they seems to spend nearly all their time being crammed with extra learning classes and school holidays are just an extension of school-- yet most of them couldn't find their own way home as they are always dropped off.

[scotbeve]

The young will find that they come to a juncture in their life that they will have to pay a good amount of money just to have someone change a light bulb...

[Scott]

Living across from me in my Moo bahn are two families with young men in their 20's. In one family the two boys do nothing. They are nice kids, but their dad never sent them to University. They supposedly help with some home-based business. They don't even mow the grass.

The other family (no father in the picture), has two well educated young men, both have good jobs, one at a University and the other in the gov't. Neither, however, can drive a motorcycle or car. Neither can ride a bicycle. At home, they do nothing. A water truck delivers the big jugs of water and the mother has the old guard come down to carry them inside. Her sons aren't permitted to do such work. One of the boys will be going overseas to pursue a graduate degree--I wonder how he will fare with no one to do his laundry or cooking.

These are good kids who come from good families. They never go out at night and I have never known them to drink or use drugs. They are just inept at any ordinary, mundane task.

Edited May 7, 2012 by Scott

[Thaddeus]

Living across from me in my Moo bahn are two families with young men in their 20's. In one family the two boys do nothing. They are nice kids, but their dad never sent them to University. They supposedly help with some home-based business. They don't even mow the grass.

The other family (no father in the picture), has two well educated young men, both have good jobs, one at a University and the other in the gov't. Neither, however, can drive a motorcycle or car. Neither can ride a bicycle. At home, they do nothing. A water truck delivers the big jugs of water and the mother has the old guard come down to carry them inside. Her sons aren't permitted to do such work. One of the boys will be going overseas to pursue a graduate degree--I wonder how he will fare with no one to do his laundry or cooking.

These are good kids who come from good families. They never go out at night and I have never known them to drink or use drugs. They are just inept at any ordinary, mundane task.

Serious question.

Do you think the situation would be different if they were girls?

[ivan96822]

Regardless of locale, young people are going to be in charge and they don't have basic skills that most adults these days have.

[culicine]

Living across from me in my Moo bahn are two families with young men in their 20's. In one family the two boys do nothing. They are nice kids, but their dad never sent them to University. They supposedly help with some home-based business. They don't even mow the grass.

The other family (no father in the picture), has two well educated young men, both have good jobs, one at a University and the other in the gov't. Neither, however, can drive a motorcycle or car. Neither can ride a bicycle. At home, they do nothing. A water truck delivers the big jugs of water and the mother has the old guard come down to carry them inside. Her sons aren't permitted to do such work. One of the boys will be going overseas to pursue a graduate degree--I wonder how he will fare with no one to do his laundry or cooking.

These are good kids who come from good families. They never go out at night and I have never known them to drink or use drugs. They are just inept at any ordinary, mundane task.

Yes I've seen it all the time - I'm the crazy farang in the village who actually does house work, cuts the brass and trims the trees. There seems to be a face issue - these menial tasks are done by the lower educated in this society; it's hard for many Thais to grasp we actually enjoy making our house look nice. It's what we value. Thai's will know the price of cutting the grass but not the value of it.

In terms of education this has a significant impact - I think washing dishes isn't such a pleasant task but we still do it. Thai kids from wealthy families rarely would wash dishes - it's unpleasant and their parents wouldn't let them do it. Go play on your play station son! So when they get to school and faced with unpleasant tasks - they whine and complain they they don't want to do it. Obviously there is an argument that we should make teaching more fun - especially for younger students, but we can only take that so far as we still have to cover the curriculum.

Many of my students skipped their summer classes at school (fairly relaxed and not too much pressure), just to go to cram schools. It's a sad state of affairs as the students are only studying to get into university, then to get a piece of paper, rather than to learn and see the value of knowledge itself.

[brit1984]

Doing menial tasks is not particularly important in achieving success/happiness/fulfillment/etc; I have never boiled an egg but I have achieved great success compared to my peers (with regards to both my career and personal life).

While it is important for children to focus on developing emotional/social/political skills, this is not necessarily best achieved by doing silly household chores; there are other more-effective ways to develop these non-academic skills.

For example, I would suggest a greater focus on sports (especially team sports or challenging adventure sports) and travel (especially meaningful overseas trips to see different cultures).

[billd766]

Our son is 7 and is now starting to do chores around the house.

He and his friends know that at the end of play the toys have to be picked up and put away, if not then they miss the next time playing with them.

There are no servants in our house and they are now learning that if they want a drink they have one AND they wash the cup afterwards.

Trash goes in the bin if not then Daddy uses the loud voice and makes them do it.

He is learning to cook and can make an omlette but my wife has not taught him past that yet..

I used to cut the grass and scrub but at 68 this month I find it is getting harder so we get somebody in. My son will learn to do it when he gets older.

Up until I left school in 1959 my Mum always did everything for me and then I joined the military as a boy and what a culture shock and wakeup call that was.

Over the years I have turned my hand to most things and I can and have cooked, cleaned, looked after myself, done some building and electrical stuff etc and now I am self contained as it were.

I want my son to be able to do much the same as me as he grows older.

A friends daughter was staying with them for 4 months with her boyfriend.

She is mid 20s with a degree and only had 2 jobs in her life and chucked both of them. I don't know if her boyfriend has a degree but his parents give him a fairly large allowance, pickup truck, mobile etc NOT to work.

Where is the self pride and sense of responsibility?

[Scott]

One poster asked if I thought girls would be treated differently. I honestly can't say. One household has a daughter and she certainly doesn't do much either--they usually order food from Chester;s, KFC and Pizza Hut. I think keeping up the house is a traditionally female job, so I would guess girls would do more. (The mother at one house spends her entire day cleaning--she's a bit OTT with it.

My point isn't about whether kids do/don't have chores, it has to do with their life experiences that prepare them for life. A lot of activity and play helps to develop both fine and gross motor coordination. Lifting, carrying, bike riding all help to develop muscles. Seldom do you see a sandbox with toys. Seldom do you see children not being carried, except by the poorer segment of society.

[CaptainSplod]

Well, good on ya, there, billd766!

Sounds very much like you've got the right idea about things (at least to me!). I do agree that kids should be taught about "use", "respect" and "responsibility", rather than just sitting back and letting somebody else do all the work or supply all the gadgets. It can be somewhat frustrating seeing parents allowing their offspring to do/get everything they want to do/get, without them lifting a finger to help, themselves. However, that is of course really up to the parents..... Still, I'm definitely glad that my mother too the time and energy to teach me how to cook, sew, clean and many other things, when I was young.

Can't say I agree with Brit1984 one bit - but forums are for discussing pros and cons, so no offence to him. I'm sure that most kids can learn a whole lot from doing "simple" or "menial" tasks, if only as a basic for a more developed insight as to how things work - and why. Sports are important, yes, but so is knowing how to sweep a floor properly - just as knowing how to add and subtract is important.

Looking around me, I see rather too much lazing, skiving and general lethargy from kids - which means I'm possibly getting old - heh heh!

[Thaddeus]

One poster asked if I thought girls would be treated differently. I honestly can't say. One household has a daughter and she certainly doesn't do much either--they usually order food from Chester;s, KFC and Pizza Hut. I think keeping up the house is a traditionally female job, so I would guess girls would do more. (The mother at one house spends her entire day cleaning--she's a bit OTT with it.

My point isn't about whether kids do/don't have chores, it has to do with their life experiences that prepare them for life. A lot of activity and play helps to develop both fine and gross motor coordination. Lifting, carrying, bike riding all help to develop muscles. Seldom do you see a sandbox with toys. Seldom do you see children not being carried, except by the poorer segment of society.

Sounds like the whole family has done a course in Lazometrics.

I asked that question as in my experience it's the girls that appear to have more drive and ambition, certainly more creativity, I've got four little ones at my place now playing 'salon' they all arrived on bicycles and one is now wearing roller-blades (don't ask how come I have them here, it's complicated) ..... where are the boys? probably sleeping off the hand delivered lunch.

I'm not saying 'all girls are this and all boys are that' but you do notice a trend.

I concur about the kids being carried all the time, it looks like all children under 5 are suffering with two broken legs.

[brit1984]

Can't say I agree with Brit1984 one bit - but forums are for discussing pros and cons, so no offence to him. I'm sure that most kids can learn a whole lot from doing "simple" or "menial" tasks, if only as a basic for a more developed insight as to how things work - and why. Sports are important, yes, but so is knowing how to sweep a floor properly - just as knowing how to add and subtract is important.

Thanks for acknowledging my right to an opinion.. in my opinion, knowing how to add and subtract is essential for survival in our (post-neanderthal) society, where as knowing how to sweep a floor properly is completely useless knowledge (except for a maid or hair salon assistant)... children should, of course, be taught that doing menial tasks (and the people that do them for a living) are not below them, but spending time teaching kids how to do such tasks "properly" is not the best strategy to ensure they get the best out of what this amazing world has to offer...

... I think sports (and expeditions) and international (and inter-culture) travel are better ways for children to develop life skills than household chores

Edited May 7, 2012 by brit1984

[thequietman]

Well, good on ya, there, billd766!

Sounds very much like you've got the right idea about things (at least to me!). I do agree that kids should be taught about "use", "respect" and "responsibility", rather than just sitting back and letting somebody else do all the work or supply all the gadgets. It can be somewhat frustrating seeing parents allowing their offspring to do/get everything they want to do/get, without them lifting a finger to help, themselves. However, that is of course really up to the parents..... Still, I'm definitely glad that my mother too the time and energy to teach me how to cook, sew, clean and many other things, when I was young.

Can't say I agree with Brit1984 one bit - but forums are for discussing pros and cons, so no offence to him. I'm sure that most kids can learn a whole lot from doing "simple" or "menial" tasks, if only as a basic for a more developed insight as to how things work - and why. Sports are important, yes, but so is knowing how to sweep a floor properly - just as knowing how to add and subtract is important.

Looking around me, I see rather too much lazing, skiving and general lethargy from kids - which means I'm possibly getting old - heh heh!

I would have to agree with you also. my wifes oldest was hard work for me and he fought me tooth and nail before I could get him to help out with anything. I have known him since he was 9 and have tried to make him accountable and to take pride in his work. I lost him about 2 years back and since then he has made life really difficult for me. He always has an excuse not to do something or putting it off again and again.

Thankfully the youngest is great. I have known him since he was 1 and a half and as far as he is concerned I am dad. He helps out all the time, even when not asked. I feel it will stand by him and he will grow up to be much more successful than his older brother. He is my favourite and because of this he will get a lot more assistance from me as regards going to University and help with any ideas he may have.

kids need to learn that there are rewards for hard work in life and if you choose just to drift along and do nothing, then you will get nothing in return. Karma and all that. The oldest is now working in the hotel business and has been told to save up for his university. If he suceeds, I have told him I will reimburse him the money for the course fees. The other son who helps out a lot will have a university account opened for him and will not have to go through the former.

You may say this is harsh but I warned the oldest a number of years back, if he didnt buck up his ideas, that I wouldnt pay for his Uni. He chose to ignore me and try to pit his mother against me. unfortunately for him it backfired. He has learned a valuable lesson - there are no rewards without hard work.

[thaicbr]

Can't say I agree with Brit1984 one bit - but forums are for discussing pros and cons, so no offence to him. I'm sure that most kids can learn a whole lot from doing "simple" or "menial" tasks, if only as a basic for a more developed insight as to how things work - and why. Sports are important, yes, but so is knowing how to sweep a floor properly - just as knowing how to add and subtract is important.

Thanks for acknowledging my right to an opinion.. in my opinion, knowing how to add and subtract is essential for survival in our (post-neanderthal) society, where as knowing how to sweep a floor properly is completely useless knowledge (except for a maid or hair salon assistant)... children should, of course, be taught that doing menial tasks (and the people that do them for a living) are not below them, but spending time teaching kids how to do such tasks "properly" is not the best strategy to ensure they get the best out of what this amazing world has to offer...

... I think sports (and expeditions) and international (and inter-culture) travel are better ways for children to develop life skills than household chores

I kinda disagree with you also. I understand what your saying about inter-culture stuff. But I also think a lot of Thai kids just do not understand responsibility. We are talking about Thai kids afterall.

And lets face it being able to look after yourself is important. The doing of chores allows the child to understand that there are problems and struggles in life that you have to do even if you don't like doing it. It also makes you appreciate in later life what people are doing for you.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[SOTIRIOS]

Overlooking the obvious:

-usually spoilt rotten

-no discipline whatsoever

-no individuality

Learning to become decent human beings, with values and real respect (not a phoney wai or smile when necessary) would help

Of course, the average I.Q. of a Thai student being 89 does preclude any meaningful 'development' and to deny that is irresponsible.....

And to suggest 'life skills' as a panacea for the ailing educational system or a sustitute for students' performance or lack of...???

What is the role of the parents in this scenario...???

(Don't dare have the well-to-do parents lose face....that is where the irresponsibility stems from...)

[cooked]

There are some aspects to this that seem very Thai-ish. I am lucky with my wife's family although the complete disinterest in learning or asking 'why' does get up my nose sometimes (with the amazing exception of my wife who had only two years school). There is another Farang in the village, he met a very hard working girl in Bangkok, who he has since married. She was sending money home regularly and when they eventually got back to the village together he found three grown brothers living in a chicken coop. The money had been spent on motorcycles, a big plasma TV and beer. The guys were sitting around doing nothing, the house really needed a few things doing to it, maybe they'll get electrocuted one of these days, no big loss. They still do nothing, and I wouldn't let any of them near any work in or near my house. I know of other cases too.

IQ; no point in taking IQ tests if you aren't interested, IQ can to a certain extent be influenced by the environment in which children are growing up just as it can be lost if there is no intellectual stimulus.

I rant a little bit sometimes and when Thais tell me I don't understand Thailand, I think, well, I don't think you do either my friend, you can't even find it on a map. That's ok, but they don't want to find it on the map, why should they? Isaan is primitive? How do you know, you ever been there? No, why should I?

Ok I finished ranting now.

[brit1984]

I recommend a programme focused on encouraging Thai children to participate in, and appreciate, the wonderful game of cricket.

[dalsobrook]

Our family has only been here since December. When we came all four of our kids were with us. 2 have since returned to the states to attend college, but in the time they were here, the other kids they met their age were suprised that ours still had some chores that they had to do and still had curfews. Our younger two have made friends with Thai kids and have mentioned that the majority of them have never really had to do anything in the home as far as helping out and couldn't feed themselves if they didn't have a way to call for food to be delivered. Education seems to be important across the board for both genders, but whether or not the females are treated equally I can't say. It is has always been important to me as a mom to make sure that if I were gone my kids would have the common sense and formal education necessary to survive. It doesn't matter where you live in the world, situations often arise that weren't planned for and being able to keep a level head during a crisis is paramount to surviving that crisis.

[Markaew]

You are all talking about values that cannot be comprehended in Thailand. Thais either work or don't work. They don't have that in-between state that foreigners live in. Again, like everything else that is discussed in this forum, you can't change something that is perceived as normal. Besides, Thais don't like listening to foreigners because "they think they know everything".

Case closed.

[brit1984]

It doesn't matter where you live in the world, situations often arise that weren't planned for and being able to keep a level head during a crisis is paramount to surviving that crisis.

Indeed, and thank you for providing a clear example of how skills that are developed through cricket can become important life skills

[JSixpack]

if they want a drink they have one AND they wash the cup afterwards.

Well, they just need to tell you to buzz off w/ that Nazi shit. They gotta die of thirst if they don't wash the cup afterwards? So glad I didn't grow up in such an anal-retentive environment. I've done well enough, too.

There's such a thing as goin' TOO FAR. Them dishes can all be washed up later, all at once. Teach 'em efficiency, too, you see--another skill badly lacking.

[belg]

what ? do something yourself ? why ?

you have maids, gardeners, drivers for that...

seriously, just kidding

[anterian]

I enjoy using my hands, at first many Thais thought I was a poor farang, I did woodwork, concreting, gardening, house wiring. In time they realised I enjoyed doing this and often did it better than them, they started to come and watch, nothing is private in Thailand. Now many come to borrow tools to do the same. However, it is the older generation that do this, the kids have no interest at all in constructive activities.

perhaps someone can tell me, do Thai kids ever make go carts, mud pies or build sand castles on the beach?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I think some of the most important skills/traits to teach my children are (in no particular order):

* you're capable of doing just about anything if you want it strongly enough

* your purpose in this life is to figure out what you love to do, what you can do that no one else can, and do that

* money, power, fame and even social status are not decent ends in themselves, but important means to your real ends

* the ability to define a goal, plan the steps and to do what it takes to get there without being pushed

* find something that people will pay you for that you truly enjoy doing, that you'd do for free, and get very good at it

* how to think for yourself to solve problems creatively

* when things go wrong, think about what you could have done to increase the odds of success next time

* it's OK to make mistakes, in fact the more you make the faster you'll learn from them - but make sure you do

* try to learn from others' mistakes as well to save making the same ones yourself - do what I say not what I do 8-)

* you don't have to be good at schoolwork or even get a degree to be successful, but it helps

* do what you know is right, and if you're not sure, talk to someone about it or wait until you are

* be true to yourself - it's not important to fit in with the mainstream, nor to be "popular"

* don't trust "authority" (teachers, police, government) above your own conscience

* save your money and learn how to make it work for you so later on you won't have to work for your money

* building strong relationships with people takes time and work, and is one of the most important skills to learn

More I'm sure but that's a start eh?

[seaeagle]

Two things would help this situation:

1) Do away with those stupid 'graduation ceremonies' when you've just passed the end of term exam,..... aged 5.

2) Thai businesses to take less notice of certificates and more notice of cv experience

Buit, neither will happen, of course.

[Fatherfluffybottom]

Youths need a good kick up the arse these days.

[cooked]

I think some of the most important skills/traits to teach my children are (in no particular order):

* you're capable of doing just about anything if you want it strongly enough

* your purpose in this life is to figure out what you love to do, what you can do that no one else can, and do that

* money, power, fame and even social status are not decent ends in themselves, but important means to your real ends

* the ability to define a goal, plan the steps and to do what it takes to get there without being pushed

* find something that people will pay you for that you truly enjoy doing, that you'd do for free, and get very good at it

* how to think for yourself to solve problems creatively

* when things go wrong, think about what you could have done to increase the odds of success next time

* it's OK to make mistakes, in fact the more you make the faster you'll learn from them - but make sure you do

* try to learn from others' mistakes as well to save making the same ones yourself - do what I say not what I do 8-)

* you don't have to be good at schoolwork or even get a degree to be successful, but it helps

* do what you know is right, and if you're not sure, talk to someone about it or wait until you are

* be true to yourself - it's not important to fit in with the mainstream, nor to be "popular"

* don't trust "authority" (teachers, police, government) above your own conscience

* save your money and learn how to make it work for you so later on you won't have to work for your money

* building strong relationships with people takes time and work, and is one of the most important skills to learn

More I'm sure but that's a start eh?

well that's all stuff that is becoming increasingly out of fashion in the West also. I bought a few cheap quality toys for some kids in the village last year. I heard 'cannot eat' a couple of times from the parents. I had imagined that we could get the kids together to see how to use this advanced technology (catapulting LED lights in to the air DURING NIGHTTIME) but no no, 'I know how to do'. So the stuff disappeared very quickly as they didn't know/didn't want to lose face by admitting they didn't know how to prepare the parachute.

It is not just financial poverty, it is spiritual poverty that these people inflict on themselves despite going to the temple, entering monk-hood and the rest.

I love the Thais. I know how it is when you can't speak or understand the Lingo, people assume that you are stupid, everywhere ( I lived in Switzerland for 40 years).

I imagine that we are going at this problem in the wrong way, confrontation is bound to occur if we come come here with western assumptions

As soon as I get a handle on it I'll let you know, may take a few years or centuries.

[brit1984]

Just to add another perspective, based on the low number of Thai students who go on to study at the best universities abroad, it would seem a greater focus on academic achievement (as well as a greater focus on non-academic achievement) is required; no more time for Facebook on their Iphone!

[Thaddeus]

Youths need a good kick up the arse these days.

"The youth of today love luxury; they have bad manners and contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Youth are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up food at the table, and tyrannize their teachers"

A Greek bloke, a long time ago.