Feline Euthanasia

[pastitche]

I'm not quite sure how to start this thread because it's a long history of my relationship with creatures who don't understand what I say- a bit like my Thai stepdaughter.

However let me tell you a long and boring story.

I have never been a cat-lover, I think their function in human society has only ever been important in killing rodents which were eating our corn when we were an agrarian society; since most of us have no direct interest in farming now, what is their purpose?

However my daughter has always loved cats and always had a cat or two after she left home. She has spent most of her adult life working in International schools but left the cats with friends..

The big problem arose for me when, after a spell in Peru, where she had bought two Persians and then brought them back to the UK. I had been to visit her in LIma so knew the cats bit then she went to Malaysia so they were left with me for lengthy periods and to be honest I got to like these two little buggers who couldn't go outside because they'd grown up in an apartment in a city centre.

When I came to Thailand my wife's neighbour (before we moved, her sister and mother still live there) had a beautiful Siamese cat which came to visit daily. In spite of her aristocratic pedigree heritage, she got herself pregnant by the local rough trade but proudly brought the little mongrel kittens to show thm off.

Unfortunately, visiting her sister my wife ran over and killed two of the four kittens and came home in complete distress. To make amends and avoid bad Karma I persuaded her that we should take care of the two survivors.

That worked perfectly until today but the male today was on the dining table, knocked over and broke my bottle of HP Sauce.

Should I kill him (painlessly of course)?

[ivan96822]

Let him live. Don't be a brute.

[brit1984]

Sounds like a bookable offence, but not a red card

Sent from iPhone; please forgive any typos or violations of forum rules

[smokie36]

Buy a gun and go shoot some ducks instead. Cats are pleasant creatures while ducks are completely unfeeling and, if I may say so, a tad thick. One more dead one won't make any difference.

Plus you get a tasty supper as well.

Its the win win solution!

[pastitche]

Yes Clemency is virtuous and might be a generous act but you must take into account the heinousness of the crime and his previous malign history.

It was no ordinary bottle of sauce - it was HP sauce named so because of its display of the Palace of Westminster. Thus he insulted a symbol of the oldest democratic institution in the world (forget about the Athenians, they were more elitist than the Thais). Displaying contempt for the Mother of Parliaments is surely a treasonus act

Apart from that he is a piss-poor singer but persists in coming home wailing tunelessly.......

[brit1984]

If we were talking about Colman's English Mustard I would understand but HP sauce... ugh!!!

Sent from iPhone; please forgive any typos or violations of forum rules

[pastitche]

Buy a gun and go shoot some ducks instead. Cats are pleasant creatures while ducks are completely unfeeling and, if I may say so, a tad thick. One more dead one won't make any difference.

Plus you get a tasty supper as well.

Its the win win solution!

I believe you are right.

[pastitche]

The feline felon has had a reprieve; I approached the local police and explained that he had in effect profaned the highest institution in my country and should be sent there for trial and punishment. Their response was very disappointing.

They claimed that since the crime was committed on Thai soil which I did not own and that he was a Thai citizen by both birth and parentage, extradition would be unlikely to be successful. They also said that the UK still had extant laws in which the death penalty could be imposed for treason. I believe this to be incorrect but could not persuade them to contact the UK Embassy.

When I pointed out that he even dared to sleep under the "Buddha Table" they mocked me and said that as long as he was not higher than the Buddha, it was acceptable. Do these people have so little respect for the tenets of their beliefs?

In a final attempt to break this creature's continual anti-social behaviour I asked that he be placed under an ASBO and electronically tagged; again they pointed out that he was a Thai national and therefore had immunity from prosecution for offences against a farang.

So now he is free to continue with his deviant lifestyle, appear home to be fed then disappear to cataoke bars and associate with promiscuous pussies and return to lie around unsconscious after a 36-hour spree of dissolute depravity.

I can understand why he is a popuar figure with his many female "friends". He is young, slim, very well-muscled with hypnotic eyes, and to be fair to him his presence has stopped other cats shitting in the garden.

[tonytigerbkk]

Under normal circumstances the spillage of a bottle of HP would warrant an immediate death sentence (feline, canine, human or in fact any of God's creatures).

There would be no need to check with the police or ask on an online forum, just instant death.

However as HP Sauce is no longer the real deal (no longer made in Aston) then the offence has now been downgraded to a minor misdemeanor.

In fact since the production was moved to the Netherlands the maximum penalty is now 11 months in jail or a 1,999 Baht fine, which is even less than a British foetus smuggler would get.

[soi41]

The feline felon has had a reprieve; I approached the local police and explained that he had in effect profaned the highest institution in my country and should be sent there for trial and punishment. Their response was very disappointing.

They claimed that since the crime was committed on Thai soil which I did not own and that he was a Thai citizen by both birth and parentage, extradition would be unlikely to be successful. They also said that the UK still had extant laws in which the death penalty could be imposed for treason. I believe this to be incorrect but could not persuade them to contact the UK Embassy.

When I pointed out that he even dared to sleep under the "Buddha Table" they mocked me and said that as long as he was not higher than the Buddha, it was acceptable. Do these people have so little respect for the tenets of their beliefs?

In a final attempt to break this creature's continual anti-social behaviour I asked that he be placed under an ASBO and electronically tagged; again they pointed out that he was a Thai national and therefore had immunity from prosecution for offences against a farang.

So now he is free to continue with his deviant lifestyle, appear home to be fed then disappear to cataoke bars and associate with promiscuous pussies and return to lie around unsconscious after a 36-hour spree of dissolute depravity.

I can understand why he is a popuar figure with his many female "friends". He is young, slim, very well-muscled with hypnotic eyes, and to be fair to him his presence has stopped other cats shitting in the garden.

Thank you, made my day !

[Zpete]

Felines are simply selfish unfeeling parasites, naturally feral.

Spilling HP sauce deserves transportation to the Isle of Man.

Off with its tail.......... !!!!!!

[pastitche]

Felines are simply selfish unfeeling parasites, naturally feral.

Spilling HP sauce deserves transportation to the Isle of Man.

Off with its tail.......... !!!!!!

I would agree with you if you were not from NZ, a country where the only native population was avian and lived in an ecosystem unique on this earth until the arrival of the Maori with their mammalian food animals, rats and pigs. Cats came later with the European invasion,along with dogs, deer, horses, sheep etc. What was the greatest depredator of the Kiwi? Boot polish or the dog?

Congratulations on your World Cup Win; being a Scot I am happy that a southern hemisphere country triumphed ( mind you the referee....).

Anyway the little Shit is out on the tiles again. Cataoke bars seem to be rainproof

[billd766]

Terminate the cat with extreme predjudice and when our shop cat has its litter I will send you 2 or 3 more by Thai post. EMS is too expensive.

Edited May 20, 2012 by billd766

[zzaa09]

We've chosen the wrong species to euthanize.

[pastitche]

Terminate the cat with extreme predjudice and when our shop cat has its litter I will send you 2 or 3 more by Thai post. EMS is too expensive.

I can't do that - as I explained before he is living with us (when he comes home) as atonement for my wife's killing of his siblings. Only judicial killing would avoid the bad karma she anticipated for that.

It's very sad that he should be such a degenerate when he is the progeny of such an aristocratic mother even though she had the morals of a whore and no doubt his father was as alluring to females as he is. His sister is a completely different character and obviously had a different father because she has a completely different build and colouring from him and her mother. She is smaller, elegant and displays her breeding in her graceful carriage while disdainfully walking past the lower class of humans with whom she shares a house. She exudes an air of mystery and unattainable sexual promise, decidedly unattainable since I had her neutered. She does, however, have one vice - she loves to kill things just like the UK's royals reflecting her aristocratic heritage.

[pastitche]

That little shit has been reading my posts and knows that I can't kill him without distressing my wife and affecting her next incarnation. His behaviour is now beyond the pale.

I have tolerated his insouciant attitude and aberrant lifestyle but he has gone beyond anti-social now.

On Tuesday he demanded to be let out of the home in the evening and was warned that he should come home at a reasonable hour; I gave him no money in the hope that he would avoid his favourite haunts and the debauchery that exists in such places.

However my admonishments were to no avail; he returned this evening at 8:45pm reeking of Lao khao and catnip, a herb apparently used to induce psychotropic sensations. Is such a substance legal in Thailand? Anyone with a modicum of knowledge is aware that it causes completely chaotic behaviour in cats, particularly young males who remain intact.

He ate his sister's dinner, then another large portion which I gave him because I realised he had eaten very little in his 4 days away.- there were obviously other attractions. Astonishingly he is not sleeping as is his wont when he has returned from indulging in degeneracy and indeed I have heard the calls from outside of what I can only assume was his latest paramour.

It beggars belief but the scoundrel has been trying to ingratiate himself with the whole family since his return; the dog and the daughter are delighted to see him, my wife is happy that he has not been killed by roving dogs, his sister was initially pleased but seems now to think that he has let down the aristocratic side of the family and is paying no attention to him.

I have spurned his advances and believe that he is a ne'er-do-well.

But ... I worried when he did not come home that I might not see him again