Dowry For My Bride

[tracman]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth, my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

[rio666uk]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth,  my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

are we talking about type of dowry that you will get back i.e. looks good to wave about under the noses of family members, friends and jealous neighbors... or the other kind, that you'll not be seeing again?

i would have thought that 200,000 was more than enough, not to mention .5 mil - Im sure other members will have their own opinions on this, so wait n see.

all the best

[Thaipwriter]

my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little.

Tell her that your parents advised you that this is a good amount to offer and you are standing by it.

End of story.

If she does not like this figure then what is she about?

money?

or love for you?

[joyeves]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth,  my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Since she has a masters degree somebody in the family most have financed her studies and this money must be returned somehow to her mother. So the official amount to show in front of everybody could be 200 k and you will get back 100 k after the ceremony. You can also borrow gold for 200 k on top of that and put it on the carpet in front of everybody, than 400 k is on the carpet just for the show and your wife will not loose the face., but check that your 300 k is returned to you.

Remember the show is important and everybody knows about this. No mother in law expects hundreds of thousands to keep, it is the wifes expectations.

PS: You are already intending to support the family with 20 k per month forever. 20 k is sufficient to support 8 people or equivalent to an income of 3 people or sufficient support for 3 families.

[Nepal4me]

Part of the issue is the status of the parents. For example if they are very rich Thai/Chinese, then certainly 500K would be not nearly enough. If they are modest country folk that live in normal country style homes that mostly we in the West would view as unacceptable, then 200K should be more than enough. There is also the issue of the age of the bride. Believe it or not and as callous as it seems, their age is an issue. Your bride to be is 42, that is well past prime age for beauty and childbearing and because of that the sin sod goes down.

I recently went through this myself and my wife suggested 500K. I as Thaipwriter suggested, just stuck to my number and it very quickly became a non issue, I paid 200K. My wife was 26, bach degree and came from a very modest country background. The parents weren't dirt poor but by no means were well off. The 200K in my case was to build an additional house on the parents land for my wife and me. Subsequently, I insisted that the money be used as the parents would like and they have used it to greatly improve their own home.

Perhaps you could provide a bit more info on where the money would be going, will you get it back? Is the wedding going to be big? Will there be "important" (and I use the term loosely) people there? What kind of lifestyle do the parents live in? What sin sod was paid by/to her brothers and sisters and how old were they when they were married? Feel free to go into lots and lots of details. The more info you provide the better the responses will be to your direct circumstances. Additionally, you could spent quite a bit of time reviewing previous TV threads as this is a well discussed issue.

Also please clarify why you would be paying 20K/mo in perpetuity?

Good luck.........

[Rigger]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth,  my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Since she has a masters degree somebody in the family most have financed her studies and this money must be returned somehow to her mother. So the official amount to show in front of everybody could be 200 k and you will get back 100 k after the ceremony. You can also borrow gold for 200 k on top of that and put it on the carpet in front of everybody, than 400 k is on the carpet just for the show and your wife will not loose the face., but check that your 300 k is returned to you.

Remember the show is important and everybody knows about this. No mother in law expects hundreds of thousands to keep, it is the wifes expectations.

PS: You are already intending to support the family with 20 k per month forever. 20 k is sufficient to support 8 people or equivalent to an income of 3 people or sufficient support for 3 families.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think 200K is more than reasonable any more is just plain greed. Brother in law is marring a 17year old virgin(Was) still at school with a good education so far and it was 100k and 1 bht. And from what I have seen with older wemon the dowrys drop down to 25k. But I guess it depends on where she is from if she is from isaan then from what I know of the farangs around my way all paid around 200k

and why did you post here you would have got a lot more replys from people that probably live in your wifes family area if you post this in another area

Dont be scamed man you are already supporting here family well anough to buy a house and a new pick up

Good luck

[tracman]

Her father owned a bus company,but lost it. They are living in a nice home by western standards, but the wife to be is paying the mortgage. Both of the parents are university grads. the gf is the only one that the parents put through school-including stydy in the states.

[tracman]

The family lives near ratchaburi, she is in bkk.

[Rigger]

The family lives near ratchaburi, she is in bkk.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you are a rich man and the money doen,t worry you pay it put remember once you set a standerd it is hard to go back

[WilliamCave]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth,  my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As to your your dowery. I am married to a Thai lady and we talked about the dowery and the family gave it back to me the same day we were married. And no monthly payment. I dont care how people justify this monthly thing it is garbage. To me this money they want every month is like a divorce settlement but reverse. My wife does not come from a rich thai family they are farmers. But a very good family and are happy that I love there daughter first and are not concerned about money. After living in Thailand there are alot of good families a person can marry in to. I noticed that some of theses families are looking for the free ride on the farang.

They should be happy for there daughter to marry and someone cares for them, should be the first question. My motherinlaw questioned me about my futher plans with here and was concerned that I would be kind, nice, caring etc. She was also concerned that I could support my wife and our future kids with there education, health etc.. Given these questions from her, then I liked her family...These should be the first questions a good family will ask first. Not about how much muney you can give them and make them happy....

good luck

[BambinA]

Dowry For My Bride, What is appropriate

ask her ... her parents will give u the number

after that bargain ..

[brewsterbudgen]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth,  my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As to your your dowery. I am married to a Thai lady and we talked about the dowery and the family gave it back to me the same day we were married. And no monthly payment. I dont care how people justify this monthly thing it is garbage. To me this money they want every month is like a divorce settlement but reverse. My wife does not come from a rich thai family they are farmers. But a very good family and are happy that I love there daughter first and are not concerned about money. After living in Thailand there are alot of good families a person can marry in to. I noticed that some of theses families are looking for the free ride on the farang.

They should be happy for there daughter to marry and someone cares for them, should be the first question. My motherinlaw questioned me about my futher plans with here and was concerned that I would be kind, nice, caring etc. She was also concerned that I could support my wife and our future kids with there education, health etc.. Given these questions from her, then I liked her family...These should be the first questions a good family will ask first. Not about how much muney you can give them and make them happy....

good luck

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Although I agree with your sentiments, I have accepted that in my situation some dowry is applicable. My wife-to-be is 22 and the only daughter. She is not "educated" although she speaks good English. I am 45. Her parents are farmers from Surin. Although not poor, they are certainly not rich or even well off. Being their only daughter, however, I think marriage to a farang has created a high levelof expectation, possibly more on the side of my girlfriend in her desire to "take care" of her parents.

There is no expectation for future ongoing support (I'm a teacher so they can hardly expect it) but I do have some savings and therefore a dowry is achievable. My girlfriend has suggest 300,000 baht. After reading this Forum I feel maybe this is excessive. Is it?

[phuketsiam]

Yes it is, unless you are getting it back

Edited January 3, 2006 by phuketsiam

[Rigger]

Ladies, or whoever, I will be marrying in August. My wife to be is 42 never married and no children. She has a good jub and a masters degree. She will be quitting her job and living in the USA for a few years before permanantly returning to Thailand. She supports her parents, and I will support them about 20,000 baht a month forever. Her parents say the dowry is up to me. I have no idea how much this is worth,  my gf said that 200,000 baht was to little. I said 500,000 baht and i think she thinks it should be more. That is a lot of money, so I am not sure if it is fair or I am being stuck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As to your your dowery. I am married to a Thai lady and we talked about the dowery and the family gave it back to me the same day we were married. And no monthly payment. I dont care how people justify this monthly thing it is garbage. To me this money they want every month is like a divorce settlement but reverse. My wife does not come from a rich thai family they are farmers. But a very good family and are happy that I love there daughter first and are not concerned about money. After living in Thailand there are alot of good families a person can marry in to. I noticed that some of theses families are looking for the free ride on the farang.

They should be happy for there daughter to marry and someone cares for them, should be the first question. My motherinlaw questioned me about my futher plans with here and was concerned that I would be kind, nice, caring etc. She was also concerned that I could support my wife and our future kids with there education, health etc.. Given these questions from her, then I liked her family...These should be the first questions a good family will ask first. Not about how much muney you can give them and make them happy....

good luck

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Although I agree with your sentiments, I have accepted that in my situation some dowry is applicable. My wife-to-be is 22 and the only daughter. She is not "educated" although she speaks good English. I am 45. Her parents are farmers from Surin. Although not poor, they are certainly not rich or even well off. Being their only daughter, however, I think marriage to a farang has created a high levelof expectation, possibly more on the side of my girlfriend in her desire to "take care" of her parents.

There is no expectation for future ongoing support (I'm a teacher so they can hardly expect it) but I do have some savings and therefore a dowry is achievable. My girlfriend has suggest 300,000 baht. After reading this Forum I feel maybe this is excessive. Is it?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think it is

My wife saved her own dowry after being with here for about 2 years she showed me her bank account and told me she wanted to give it to her mother as a dowry. 200k it was fine by me as I had given her the money to do with it as she wished but I do live with her parants and support them as well. I am happy doing it this way as we have two kids and large home and garden so the grandmother helps my wife look after the kids and the grandfather keeps the house and garden in tip top condition and in return they live a Comfortable life with us. I enjoy this set up and the family living close to 5 years now.

I think there is no real figure for this but wear I live 25K has been the lowest I have seen for a thai pay (lady married before with two kids) and 100k which my brother in law is paying but he was caught by the family busting the girls cherry so it was pay and marry or jail

So pay what you are comfortable with if you wife wants you to go bankrupt trying to pay her dowry she probably is not much of a wife

[expatinasia]

"girlfriend in her desire to 'take care' of her parents"

But that's what either you or she means. She means that she expects YOU to take care of her parents, and you're accepting that.

[ben01]

as already stated the value changes where ever you are, i personally gave 60k ( but not a tight ass ) and showed 99,999b, my wife even borrowed gold from family members.

I think you have to be weary of ' village people'.!!!, they seem to always know the answer and will be filling the mother-in-laws head of many ideas and numbers.

On the other hand we did have a very big wedding in the village which was money well spent with thai dancers and a 'superstar' singer in the evening.

why do they need all that money anyway....

Just one piece of advice is to hire a photographer if theres one available, wish we had!

[Gumballl]

At my wedding, I presented 300K for show. A few hours later, I got it all back. No hassle whatsoever, as this was agreed upon before the ceremony.

After the wedding, I spent 3 days at my in-laws house, and then thanked them for their generosity of hosting my wedding, the catering, etc. I also offered them 100K. Did I have to do this??? Nope, but it sure made me feel better. I am sure they were happy too.

The moral of the story, give your new in-laws what you feel is appropriate. In my case, the 100K did not break me.

Today, I know that I will also have a friendly place to stay when I go to Thailand, and that I will be welcomed. Think of the dowry as an investment. You will get it back through other avenues.

Anyhow, my $0.02 worth of advice.

[Kringle]

If you are not getting it back with giving 20k a month for the parents to live on, then I think you the fool. They have a place that the future wife is paying for in Mortgage (dammm, do they live in a mansion, how much can that be?) What kind of food and expenses would they have after the mortgage payment. Seems way outta line to me. Of course you could also be like Pnustedt and give millions.

[gburns57au]

42 and never married.....how much will they pay you ????

Sir you are being taken for a ride.

Put your wallet in the back pocket and leave it there.....with her at 42 I would suggest you are the last chance express as far as her family are concerned.

This has to be a troll right ?????

[sbk]

I don't know if its a troll or not, but frankly, this topic has been done to death in the general forum.

As no ladies have taken part in the discussion (except bambi who can't help herself ) then I don't see any reason to flog this old horse to death in the Ladies forum.