Problem Drinking

[StreetCowboy]

I got the feeling he was afraid to go to a meeting. I have read a lot of negative things on this forum about going to AA meetings. But really! What's the worst thing that can happen to a person going to an AA meeting? It's not like someone is going to run up to you and brand with two scarlet AA letters on your forehead.

The worst thing that could possibly happen is you stop drinking.

This scares the demon of drink. So you get a lot of negative AA stuff.

The worst thing about not going to a meeting? You might die. Or worse.

I don't really think that sort of scare-mongering helps most of the people that read this forum. From what I read, there are few that are on the brink of drinking themselves to an imminent death, and they're more likely to think - "it's not for me; I'm not that bad" when they see comments like the above.

But if people think "I'm fed up losing my phone and waking up in the park - or I don't want to go to the next level and wake up in the park; I'm fed up sleeping through my kids' activities and don't want my wife to leave me...", then maybe they'll see that AA is not just for near-deathers, and hopefully they'll never even come close to that situation.

You're welcome in AA, even if you're still many years away from drinking yourself to death.

SC

No, no I wasn't talking about that kind of death. I was talking about the drunk and drugged in Pattaya pushed of the back of a motorcycle type of death (personal experience there). I was talking about the kicked out by the good wife for drinking and staying out with floozies type emotional death (personal experience there). I was talking about children being negatively affected and hurting themselves (personal experience). I was talking about suicide (yes, I know a bunch of people) type of death. Either way it seems clear. Going to a meeting is not going to harm anyone except the person who wants to keep drinking.

Oh, I'm sure none of us would ever do those things...

[GrahamF]

I can't say that anyone has failed, none of us can get the OP sober or make him drink. He knows he's got a problem, and maybe he's just not ready to do anything about it. I certainly do hope he does decide to get help, whether it's AA or not, and at least he knows that we and others are out there to offer support.

[mooro_uk]

I am curious. What happened to the OP? Did he go to a meeting? Did he go out drinking?

It is like sharing. It is a win situation for some and a lose situation for others or perhaps a win win situation regardless of the result. I guess it depends on your point of view.

My apologies for not replying earlier. In fact I didn't go to the AA meeting, I just feel it's not the way out for me. I have now been 100% dry for 12days and counting. As some other posters have pointed out it's completely a matter of controlling the mind, something which is by no means an easy task but I feel like I am getting slightly better at it. One example, went out for food in a local Irish Pub with a good mate last night. He ordered a beer, I ordered a soda water. Then at the end of the meal, he said "when are going to go on the piss together?" I said "<deleted> it let's do it now", in a moment of complete weakness. Luckily by the time we descended downstairs and to the street I had managed to gain some sort of control over my mind and told my mate that maybe tonight isn't a good idea... I'm extremely happy that I came to my senses in time before I had that first beer.

[mooro_uk]

Hello, your problems in many ways mirror my own. I am 34 now and have been off it for 6 months. It is only now I can look back and see what the life I have lead has cost me.

I come from a rural Island in the far north of Scotland, its the type of place where if you aint a heavy drinker your viewed as being odd. I often think booze might have come out of my mothers teet.

From the age of 13 i was into drugs and by 15 every fri-sun was a drug and booze fest, this continued until my early 20s at which stage for my own sanity I began cutting out the narcotics, it took me until my late twenties to be free of them but the booze remained a constant.

i have had periods of severe destrucive alchohol cycles right up until stopping 6 months ago. My ability to consume booze used to be a great source of pride for me, when I started coming to Thailand in my mid 20s for two months a time, I would drink upwards of 30 beers every day, I seem to have something inside me that makes alchhol have a very different effect than in most people. It affects me almost like amphetamine, on occasions I have drank 48 hrs non stop, yet when people speak to me I can *appear almost sober* The truth however is that a world of shit is going on, often resulting in fights, periods in jail, stolen cars, lost possessions, pissing myself, coming round in hospital, massive unaccounted spending, missed flights, hurt loved ones, dangerous liasons with the worst scrubbers in Thailand, etc etc etc.

During my life I have know close to a dozen people deceased through drinking and drugs all under the age of 30, several of whom I counted amogst my best friends. It was actually the death of one of my oldest mates that made me determined to bring down the curtain on my drinking. This guy died at 26, a destroyed alchoholic, he fell down in a ditch in the heart of winter and froze to death.

The hardest part of a life of sobriety on is the empytiness. when drinking my life cycle went like this, work 60 hr jobs live like a hermit save around 5k, fly to Thailand, start drinking, normally for two months by which time the finances were destroyed, I would only stop when I had exausted every resource back home that would loan me money. At the end of these binges I would pretty much have to lie in a dark room going through the withdrawls for a week to 10 days, normally consuming disgusting amounts of 10mg valium in the proccess. Only when i felt I looked good enough that the wife back home would not suspect anything would i crawl home.

The most important first step is remove yourself from the enviroments, peer pressure has always played a massive part with me because I was brought up to believe that heavy drinking was the norm and people who passed were, pussies. It is true what several posters here have said about other drinkers thinking you can just slow down, or have a few, get a grip, etc etc. These people are the worst to associated with. It can be hard cutting them out if you consider them mates but it is a vital step to remaining sober.

The long empty hours can be hard to fill for me and bouts of depression are quite frequent. I try to fill my time with bike trips, reaing and, fishing. I have even started boxing training, but I have severe difficulty in socialising without the lubricant of alchohol, and generally spend far to much time alone. This void I believe will take years to fill and might in fact never be filled. One other major problem I had was the caring what other people though, you do feel a pillock sitting in a bar drinking *poof juice* as they call it. I just dont feel there is a point being in bars or out if not drinking because it has been ingrained in me that, there is no other reason for going.

I still dream of the tasted of it, and probably always will however I have now conditioned my mind to think of the most negative things which have happened on it, as soon as the urge hits me.

Another thing i do often is think to myself, in the past i would go out and drink up 10,000 baht today, instead I am going to go buy that new, camera, mp3, computer game, or whatever else. I do this often and in my mind think of all these things as rewards for my continuing sobriety. I will often look at all the nice gear i own when the urges come, and think, *I have all this because i do not drink anymore, I have a nice place to stay, i have cash in the bank, i owe no one anything, then I will visualise the time in Phuket when I got involved in a dispute and was kicked near to death, requiring 40,000 baht on hospital fees, and later plastic surgery..

You should do this all the time, think about the positives of sober life the think about the worst times drinking. One example, now I weigh 86 kg and am only smoking 15-20 a day, im looking better than ever,, when I was drinking I was 110 kg, smoked from 2-5 packs a night, felt disgusted with myself all the time. Thinks things like this all the time, it really can be anything from having a top class meal to staying in a nicer than usual hotel.

Another thing i do is look at the old photos of myself when i was 100kg plus lump of lard, I have some real bad snaps, including ones of me in hospital after my Phuket mauling, i often look at that then switch to a more recent one where a 86kg handsome beast is kicking the shit out of a muay thai pad....... Thats me now, thats how I am and thats how I want to stay I think.

For me there is no doubt its about gaining control of your own mind. In the past i would scoff and some of the things i think now and the idea of reading any self help book i would find absurd. Even now i think the majority of them are full of shit but despite this you can get a few true nuggets of wisdom out of them.

I have a long way to go to be able to say i am happy in my sober life. Often it seems there is little or no joy and i do consider saying <deleted> it quite often and holding it going until the end, yet i know that now at my age my body would never hold out, generally since past 30 a two day binges leaves me destroyed for the best part of a week, my behaviou during the drinking also is worse than when i was younger and the high is no where near the same. Thats the main point for me, I know now i can never re-capture the highs of my earlier years no matter how hard i try.

I have had problems with most things i used to enjoy and struggle to do anything in moderation, I often wonder if i might have some undiagnosed mental condition. It was the same with gambling and narcotics either abstain or to digusting exess. Even with eating, internet, fishing and every thing else in life i find it difficult to walk the middle ground.

I realise i have rambled on quite a bit but feel there might be one or two things that will be of some use to you. I would also be very interested to hear about your opinions on the AA or any other programmes you try. I have so far never sought any proffesional help but I know deep down i have to start talking and get out more, and also try to lift my depressive cycles.

Good luck and stay srong.

Dave

Superb post, I can really relate to a lot of terrible situations you have been in. Luckily I have never been hospitalised due to drink but I have come very close to it. I myself also have also been diagnosed with clinical depression last year and I'm sure that this was largely due to drink. I am now slowly trying to wean myself off Citalopram but it's a very slow and tedious process. However stopping drinking is helping a HUGE amount for this.

I can also empathise with the "grey" times when I feel like "is this it?" "Is this all the excitement in my life that I will get?" I have come to terms with the fact that being sober also means that my life will not be as "exciting" as when I was on a bender. Sport has helped fill this hole to some degree, but I doubt it will ever be filled 100%.

Regarding mates, there are some mates who I just can't meet in a pub or bar situation and not drink. Due to peer pressure, not enjoying etc. However there are others who I can meet, have a chat, a soda and feel reasonably comfortable with it.

This weekend is the next "big test" for me, but I feel quietly confident that I won't drink for some reason.

Good luck Dave and everyone else out there trying to stay sober.

Edited June 28, 2012 by mooro_uk

[kerryk]

I'm always the bad guy. Somebody else tell him.

Good luck

[impulse]

I'm always the bad guy. Somebody else tell him.

Seed's been planted. That's all ya can do.

[kerryk]

I'm always the bad guy. Somebody else tell him.

Seed's been planted. That's all ya can do.

It is unusual but common. You have two people who have never been to an AA meeting as experts (decide yea or nay) on going to an AA meeting. I would never tell anyone what to do but for myself I have never asked anyone for advice about drinking unless they had been sober for 5 years at least.

[Johnniey]

I am curious. What happened to the OP? Did he go to a meeting? Did he go out drinking?

It is like sharing. It is a win situation for some and a lose situation for others or perhaps a win win situation regardless of the result. I guess it depends on your point of view.

My apologies for not replying earlier. In fact I didn't go to the AA meeting, I just feel it's not the way out for me. I have now been 100% dry for 12days and counting. As some other posters have pointed out it's completely a matter of controlling the mind, something which is by no means an easy task but I feel like I am getting slightly better at it. One example, went out for food in a local Irish Pub with a good mate last night. He ordered a beer, I ordered a soda water. Then at the end of the meal, he said "when are going to go on the piss together?" I said "<deleted> it let's do it now", in a moment of complete weakness. Luckily by the time we descended downstairs and to the street I had managed to gain some sort of control over my mind and told my mate that maybe tonight isn't a good idea... I'm extremely happy that I came to my senses in time before I had that first beer.

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Thaivisa Connect App12days dry and counting?

some may say good luck. I say it has nothing to do with luck. I really think you wont be counting long. you dont have the confidence to go to an AA meeting but if you take a drink you may end up in jail. Do you think going to a pub with a friend who wants you to drink with him is a good idea

[Mobi]

Then at the end of the meal, he said "when are going to go on the piss together?" I said "<deleted> it let's do it now", in a moment of complete weakness. Luckily by the time we descended downstairs and to the street I had managed to gain some sort of control over my mind and told my mate that maybe tonight isn't a good idea... I'm extremely happy that I came to my senses in time before I had that first beer.

If that sort of thing happened to me once - it happened a hundred times, except for me, I rarely came to my senses in time and I invariably fell off the wagon.

I once stormed out of an AA meeting in Chaing Mai, after several months of sobriety, when a bunch or arsehol_e Yanks were having a go at me and I was drunk for months thereafter.

For me, it was nearly always an incident - something that made me angry or maybe made me depressed that was the trigger for me to go back on the booze, but occasionally, it was for no other reason that i just decided... fck it! Why not?

There will be many moments of weakness, which may eventually get the better of you unless you get yourself into the proper frame of mind to quit for good.

The folks at at AA used to tell me that I was just looking for an excuse to start drinking, and that deep down I knew I would go back to it sooner or later. I think they were probably right.

You can't quit and turn your life around until you are absolutely ready to make that lifelong commitment. It is a big step and one that sometimes takes a while to get to, no matter how well intentioned you think you are.

I have strongly recommended that you go to AA meetings as I firmly believe that it is a very good first step for anyone who is serious about quitting. There is no question that hearing and sharing your experiences with others is extremely therapeutic and will provide much help in your endeavours.

Whether or not you stick with AA for the long haul will depend on you as an individual. AA is not for everyone, but IMO it can provide a good starting point for virtually everyone.

At my worst point, I too suffered from severe depression, and became extremely suicidal. I was lucky enough to find a therapist who took me on board, sent me to a psychiatrist to have the right antidepressants prescribed, and also strongly recommended that I go back to AA - which I did.

In the end, after maybe 3-4 years of off again - on again - going to AA, and off again - on again - drinking, I decided to go it alone on 31 December 2010 and haven't touched a drop since that date. 3 months after I stopped drinking I weaned myself off the antidepressants, with little or or no effect and since then I have bee able to change my life in many ways and am happier and more content than I have been in years.

Even though I ultimately 'did it alone', there is not a doubt in my mind that without my earlier experiences at AA, I would never have been able to achieve this.

To many dedicated AA members, my story goes against accepted AA wisdom, and while I do not wish to start a great debate on this matter, let it suffice to say that my research has shown that as many alcoholics have achieved long term abstinence outside of AA as those have under its auspices.

It really is 'horses for courses' and as long as it works, does it really matter? Please lets not argue about it.

Good luck to the OP and please let us know how you progress in your endeavours. Maybe you will prove us all wrong.

[MrRealDeal]

If not going to AA is anyones excuse for drinking , it's a Lame one , if anyone's excuse for not going to AA if they need to, is because they heard on the internet they might not like it ... it's a double Lame excuse.

Even people who go to AA don't spend all day their so even they can't use that excuse. And I would imagine the beginning of AA pretty much sucks wind for most people as that phase of recovery pretty much sucks wind all the way around.

Not going to AA if you actually needed to would be foolish , All I was saying was he might try a less intrusive step first to see if it worked , which imo would have more chance of either solving the problem or making it clear he\anyone actually did need to go to AA or some other treatment. This would be my view on getting anyone started on the right road for them unless they have a history of starting and stopping and problems escalating each time they do , one of the very clear patterens of a medical issue or serious problem moderating would simply not solve , I didn't see that in his story.

My point being I think it's easier to get someone to try and slow down than quit , and easier to get someone to quit that has failed at trying to slow down. A win win and a slower easier to digest pill to swallow for most.

I also would be a bit dissapointed if we never heard from him\you again , good luck in whatever comes your way.

[GrahamF]

I am curious. What happened to the OP? Did he go to a meeting? Did he go out drinking?

It is like sharing. It is a win situation for some and a lose situation for others or perhaps a win win situation regardless of the result. I guess it depends on your point of view.

My apologies for not replying earlier. In fact I didn't go to the AA meeting, I just feel it's not the way out for me. I have now been 100% dry for 12days and counting. As some other posters have pointed out it's completely a matter of controlling the mind, something which is by no means an easy task but I feel like I am getting slightly better at it. One example, went out for food in a local Irish Pub with a good mate last night. He ordered a beer, I ordered a soda water. Then at the end of the meal, he said "when are going to go on the piss together?" I said "<deleted> it let's do it now", in a moment of complete weakness. Luckily by the time we descended downstairs and to the street I had managed to gain some sort of control over my mind and told my mate that maybe tonight isn't a good idea... I'm extremely happy that I came to my senses in time before I had that first beer.

I'm glad that you're still sober and I would strongly suggest that you now go out and get some help, whether it's therapy, a buddhist retreat, whatever. I say this because, and you may not believe this, Alcohol is not your problem, it is the solution to your problems. Dare I say it, I would think that most of the people on this forum are very "good" at drinking, myself included. In the past, when I had a problem, I drank, problem solved....Now, I've found another way to deal with life and it's ups and downs.

I suggest you do the same. If you don't I think you're facing a number of different scenarios: 1) You're going to end up drinking again; 2) You're going to end up pretty much locking yourself away from life and white knuckling it at home, because you're going to want to drink as it's still your only solution to life; 3) You're going to be a miserable SOB to all and sundry ( a dry drunk) because you're going to want to drink as it's still your only solution to life. You may actually experience all three scenarios. I am speaking from personal experience here, when I tried to give up drinking on my own through willpower, I lasted a year and it really sucked and I ended up drinking again. I have also seen these scenarios in others, in particular people in AA who believe that going to meetings everyday and willpower are their solutions. One guy just got another DUI, with his young children in the car and he will soon be in jail, another guy is coming up on his 27th year of sobriety and he is the biggest & unhappiest A-hole you will ever meet! Their commonality is that they both tried to solve their drinking problem with willpower and distraction (in their cases going to an AA meeting everyday w/o working the steps), they found nothing meaningful in their lives.

Again, congratulations on being sober, now go out and find something that makes it worthwhile!

[Jessi]

Nothing on here for a few days, anyone know how the op is going?

[xoxman]

try PSI

http://www.psiadmin.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=11&Itemid=3〈=en

[GrahamF]

Nothing on here for a few days, anyone know how the op is going?

I'd love to hear how the OP is doing as well.

[ABCer]

PROBLEM DRINKER:

" I drink, I get drunk, I fall, I sleep, I wake up, I drink again... NO PROBLEM!"

[ABCer]

PROBLEM DRINKER:

" I drink, I get drunk, I fall, I sleep, I wake up, I drink again... NO PROBLEM!"

When I was young (long time ago) somebody told me that in humanity terms alcoholics are the best of the best. Many times in my life I had a chance to verify this.

Personally I do not drink .

Hope you like the joke

Edited June 17, 2013 by ABCer

[mooro_uk]

Nothing on here for a few days, anyone know how the op is going?

I'd love to hear how the OP is doing as well.

Hi all, it's been a while since I last posted here. Basically I never went to any AA in Bkk ( I bottled it at the last moment..excuse the pun) and my drinking and the associated problems, financial, relationships, health etc just became even worse than before. So I came to the conclusion that a change of scene would be the only solution. I relocated to Manila and all was going well for a while. But then I started to fall into bad habits and realised that the ONLY option would be to go to AA as I couldn't do it on myself. I wasn't keen to be honest, but had NO choice. I have now been to several meetings and found a very supportive and helpful bunch of people who have all been through pretty much the same experiences. I've now been clean and sober for 27days, a small but very significant step for me and wholeheartedly mean to carry on this way. I can already notice the health and financial benefits!

For anyone who is thinking of going to AA, my advice would be GO FOR IT!! Without their advice and support I would be a complete mess, if not dead (no exaggeration here) or seriously ill.

[gerryBScot]

mooro_uk that is great news and I'm glad you can appreciate the benefits of sobriety so quickly. There is no reason why it will not continue to get better so long as you keep sober one day at a time. In AA I have heard members talk about relocation, as a means of trying to solve your problems, as a "geographical". Your experience bears out the general rule that "geographicals" just don't work, people start drinking again at some point because when you travel the first thing that you pack is yourself and of course if you are a drunk you are your biggest problem!

[impulse]

D'ja get your 30 day chip?

Glad to hear it's working out for ya.