Used And Abused Or Just Stupidity? How Would You Have Handled The Situation?

[Beetlejuice]

So my Swiss friend who I have known for 12 years and see on rare occassions and lives in Chiang Mai, sister arrives for a holiday in Chiang Mai.

My wife and I were invited to some posh restaurant by my friend, which is part of a hotel to meet his sister for the first time.

When we arrived at the restaurant there was my friend, his wife, his wife’s son and daughter, his sister, his wife’s sister and her husband with two daughters, two of their friends, then including my wife and me.

The food was delicious. Conversation was great; everyone was ordering food and drinks and knocking it all back like the world was going to end tomorrow. We were all having a wonderful time and I hadn’t had so much fun for a long time.

When we had finished our meals and after a little more conversation the bill was plonked onto the table in a posh gleaming silver dish. At that moment most of the group sprung up from the table and hurried away as if the place was on fire. My friend’s sister picked up the bill, thanked us all for giving her such a welcoming and great time, then offered to pay the bill. Suddenly my friend snatched the bill out of his sister’s hand and said to her; do you really think I’m going to let you pay the bill? Then he took some money out of his pocket and out of the blue nominated me to pay half the amount of the bill. When I asked how much is the total, it came to a staggering 9120 baht that included all the expensive wines, whiskey, brandy’s, beers plus the mountains of food including steak that all these people were ordering. So that time out for the missus and me cost 4560 baht, plus another 50 baht each for the tip. The irony is that my wife doesn’t drink and I only had a couple of beers and a plate of curried chicken. Both the wife and I have never been heavy drinkers.

After that, the remainder of the evening went well and I tried to erase the feeling that I was used as the prime chump of the year. But this has certainly marred my friendship with this guy and as the wise man says; once bitten twice shy.

I think the guy was bang out of order for placing me in that embarrassing situation. So, what do you think? And was I silly for letting it happen?

Anyone else ever been through similar experiences and if so, how would you have handled the situation?

Edited August 21, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[theblether]

You'll need to edit your first sentence it's not very clear......

Setting that to the side......and before the trolls rush in......you are right to be angry and disappointed. As far as I can see you were a guest at a family do, there is no way that you should have been expected to pick up half the bill.

It's a matter of simple courtesy......you were invited to meet the sister which you duly did, as you say the ambience and company was very convivial, and things were going great. When the bill appeared it would have been polite to volunteer to contribute however that offer should have been rebuffed by your friend who should have picked the whole tab in my opinion.

I have no doubt that you would have happily invited the sister, your friend and his partner out at a future date where you would have been the host and borne the cost, and happily have done so.

It's been very poor etiquette and judgement on the part of your friend, and you are right to be angered and disappointed.

Edited August 21, 2012 by theblether

[bkkjames]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

[crazygreg44]

one of the first lessons my close Thai buddy taught me, was, that when in a festive mood, meeting with all the family members and beyond, sharing a good time at the restaurant, as Thais love to eat and talk and eat and drink . . . . . .

the rule ist, the bill should be covered by the most respectable, elder person of the gathering. Or at least by the person who invited everyone else.

So if your buddy was the one inviting you and your wife, he should have parted the bill with the lady (she would have probably insisted on paying everything as obviously she was the most prominent, elder person at the diner) or paid the whole bill by himself- and said that a tip of 100 Baht on top of a 9000+ bill is PISS-POOR - Kee Nieow!! I would have told your buddy with the most plain straightforward face on earth that I've got only two purple bills in my wallet because he invited and you thought he was gonna pay.

I think your partner had an alcoholic-logic blackout, 2 seconds are enough to let him blush and loose face.

Edited August 21, 2012 by crazygreg44

[crazygreg44]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Edited August 21, 2012 by crazygreg44

[Mossfinn]

You mentioned he wasn't a very close friend, perhaps a longer extension to that friendship may well be considered in future.

When you were volunteered, bearing in mind, he was not a close friend and you knew none of the others, you might have quickly ventured a larger contribution than was your share, but no where near half and headed for the bar like the Devil take the hindmost.

[Beetlejuice]

You'll need to edit your first sentence it's not very clear......

Setting that to the side......and before the trolls rush in......you are right to be angry and disappointed. As far as I can see you were a guest at a family do, there is no way that you should have been expected to pick up half the bill.

It's a matter of simple courtesy......you were invited to meet the sister which you duly did, as you say the ambience and company was very convivial, and things were going great. When the bill appeared it would have been polite to volunteer to contribute however that offer should have been rebuffed by your friend who should have picked the whole tab in my opinion.

I have no doubt that you would have happily invited the sister, your friend and his partner out at a future date where you would have been the host and borne the cost, and happily have done so.

It's been very poor etiquette and judgement on the part of your friend, and you are right to be angered and disappointed.

Thanks, blethy, I have amended my first line.

My wife and I discussed this tonight and decided that my friend is now an ex-friend and will just let him fade away without anymore contact. If he invites us out again, we will just give an excuse and perhaps the guy will get the hint.

As for the tip, my friend decided to give 50 baht and I throw in another 50 baht. Usually I would have given more than that, but I wasn`t thinking straight from the spur of moment shock of parting with all that cash and wondering; <deleted> is happening here?

Edited August 21, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[cobra]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

The friend is probably posting on another site whet a cheap tipper you are and how he was totally embarrassed by it,

Edited August 21, 2012 by cobra

[crazygreg44]

You'll need to edit your first sentence it's not very clear......

Setting that to the side......and before the trolls rush in......you are right to be angry and disappointed. As far as I can see you were a guest at a family do, there is no way that you should have been expected to pick up half the bill.

It's a matter of simple courtesy......you were invited to meet the sister which you duly did, as you say the ambience and company was very convivial, and things were going great. When the bill appeared it would have been polite to volunteer to contribute however that offer should have been rebuffed by your friend who should have picked the whole tab in my opinion.

I have no doubt that you would have happily invited the sister, your friend and his partner out at a future date where you would have been the host and borne the cost, and happily have done so.

It's been very poor etiquette and judgement on the part of your friend, and you are right to be angered and disappointed.

Thanks, blethy, I have amended my first line.

My wife and I discussed this tonight and decided that my friend is now an ex-friend and will just let him fade away without anymore contact. If he invites us out again, we will just give an excuse and perhaps the guy will get the hint.

As for the tip, my friend decided to give 50 baht and I throw in another 50 baht. Usually I would have given more than that, but I wasn`t thinking straight from the spur of moment shock of parting with all that cash and wondering; <deleted> is happening here?

shockingly shock . . myself i might had been tempted to take his 50 Baht tip from the silver tablet and before his eyes stuff it into my wallet, whistling , "oh what a poor fellow, sorry I need to pay for my tuk tuk back home, can you take care of the tips??"

[pigeonjake]

if he ever askes you out again,

you just say that you and your wife can eat for far less alone,,,

like you say once bitten twicw shy

[theblether]

I'm entertained by the fact that the tip has become the story TV is amazing

SO!!!......how much should the tip have been then?

[Mossfinn]

some might ask, why the tip question is being exacerbated then

[loong]

Your ex friend has lived in Thailand too long and gone half- native.

Many times in the past, I have been invited out by Thais and then been annoyed to get stuck with the bill. If invited out by a farang, though, I would expect him to pick up the tab, especially when his party is 9 and yours only 2.

Like you, I would have probably paid up, not wishing to cause a scene, but I would not be happy about it.

[simple1]

As he is a friend why not call him and say you had a good time. Next time when arranging to catchup mention that you paid half the bill last time and how about he picks up the tab; if he declines you will know the nature of the guy. Maybe he was a little drunk & just wasn't thinking clearly. The bill wasn't expensive for a good restaurant with drinks and the number of people.

Edited August 21, 2012 by simple1

[Bluetongue]

I like to know beforehand if I'm paying, I understand that as a farang if out with much poorer family and friends I am expected to pay, but with other farang it is not so clear. How do you make a call on it, on the spot, without offending. Obviously none of the Thai were going to pay, they after all were invited by his missus. This I would have suspected from the first and therefore would have been ready to only proffer a couple of k at the max (depending on the specifics of the bill I suppose) and made a comment that the offer to pay by the wealthy Swiss sister was most welcome. Further that I had thoroughly enjoyed our dinner with your family and Thai friends. If that caused serious offence, walk.

[poanoi]

When ever i have to sit at a table with unknown thai's,

i explain to the waitress that i want separate bill(jaeg bin)

I think the real blame is on those thai's always looking for free meal

[Rooo]

It's happened to me on many an occasion. I simply ask for separate bills now with certain people.

[2unique]

That's quite disgusting and embarrassing behaviour. It happened to me once where I was at least expecting to pay my share but due to a friend saying, hey this guy is in a bit of a financial bind at the moment you and I will pick it up this time. Only problem with that was I was one person and Mr Bind was wife, brother, sister, mother and 4 staff members from his office and we were on his invite.

Back to you - you did the right thing not embarrassing him in front of his sister now just put it down to overpaying for a great time and cross him off your list. Next time you go to that restaurant, make a joke about what happened last time causing you to be a bit light on gratitude with the staff (so you get god service and untainted food) then over tip

Sent from Android, please excuse errors in type or judgement.

Edited August 21, 2012 by 2unique

[Ulysses G.]

I like to know beforehand if I'm paying,

Me too. If it is not family, everyone should pay for what they ate themselves.

[hedonist44]

I'm entertained by the fact that the tip has become the story TV is amazing

SO!!!......how much should the tip have been then?

Not amazing at all if you think about it. Most people here can not relate to being treated as the OP was by his so-called "friend" as they most likely have better friends than that and it's never come up as an issue. The very low tip on the other hand is something we have all seen here in Thailand at one time or another I would think, thus all the comments. I for one was not all that bothered by the fact he got screwed by his friend, but did take note of the tip that was not exactly in proper proportion to the bill? I found that to be more interesting than the story.

[barefoot1988]

ouch. 4000 can get me a very nice slab of good steak and a bottle of nice white

[JurgenG]

I would have say, sorry mate, I didn't expect to pay that much and I don't have enough cash. I pay you first with what I have (just happen to be your share of the dinner) and I owe you a good meal.

Edited August 22, 2012 by JurgenG

[Johnniey]

Depends on your age and financial situation.and your 'standing' in the local community. Sounds like it was a fair thing to ask.

The problem is yours - if you can't say no to your friend, you are not being true to yourself which will ultimately make you feel used abused or stupid - ask yourself - "why am I scared of this guy"? "am I a poeple pleaser"? Do I want everyone to like me?

[chrisinth]

As you were invited out for the meal, to meet his visiting relations (make up the numbers if you like), by a foreigner, you would expect him to handle the bill. I can understand confusion being asked to pay for half the bill, in my view really bad taste.

I wonder if that is how its done in Switzerland?

[canuckamuck]

Sorry friend, I only have 2000 baht on me.

[Johnniey]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Rubbish - this is half a nights wages - this ain't the USA.

50 baht is a very nice tip.

[VintageTQ]

I'm entertained by the fact that the tip has become the story TV is amazing

SO!!!......how much should the tip have been then?

I for one was not all that bothered by the fact he got screwed by his friend

You sound very nice, just the type of person the OP got screwed over by no doubt

[JaiLai]

Thais normally tip 20 baht irrespective of how much the bill.

Was the service good, is that not what a tip should be based on? no one has mentioned that. Here in Thailand a tip is expected even if the service is poor - how's that work?

[chrisinth]

Depends on your age and financial situation.and your 'standing' in the local community. Sounds like it was a fair thing to ask.

The problem is yours - if you can't say no to your friend, you are not being true to yourself which will ultimately make you feel used abused or stupid - ask yourself - "why am I scared of this guy"? "am I a poeple pleaser"? Do I want everyone to like me?

I think it depends more on your viewpoint. If I invited people out for a meal I would not expect anyone else to pay anything towards the cost, as it was me that gave the invitation.

If, as in the case with BJ, that I had been invited and then asked for half the cost at the end of the meal, I would have paid that as well. But also noted it. Things like that can put people in a very awkward position; not everyone carries around four or five thousand if only going out for a meal.

[whistleblower]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Depends if service charge was included doesnt it??